Update...

[Sailynn]

I wrote about my ex-GF contacting me to become friends. Surprisingly, I have received some calls from her.

 

The conversations are very superficial, usually about her work problems and such. I'll joke with her a little, such as, she mentioned a museum opening in September that she's involved in and and would tease her about giving me a backstage tour. I get a blank response or smart aleck answer something like, "I would have already seen it."

 

I also told her I was ready to take that hike she suggested last week. She says she hasn't forgotten, but does nothing to make plans.

 

The signals, if any, are very subtle. It leaves me confused. I don't know whether to go forward or to just sit back. However, sitting back is something I can't do. I have to continue to live my life with my new friends and interests.

 

Anyone had a similar situation?

[dr strangelove]

I had a pretty bad break up with my ex. She swore she would never talk to me again..... and that I shouldnt try and contact her.

Then one day after many months she shows up out of the blue on MSN. Then that started communications off and on. Many times she was angry. Sometimes she was nice and sweet. Sometimes it seemed like progress. I figure all I had to do was get her to agree to meet me, she even mentioned one day that she did a good job of avoiding places that I go to. As I sit here and write this, she has once again written me dont contact me anymore. I wonder how long or if ever I will speak to her again.

 

I am doing my best to find someone else, yet everything stands in the way of that. My arttitude, timing, distance, etc..

 

Look at least she is talking to you. And it sounds like she feels she can open up.

Let me ask this does hanging out with her have to be a hike? how bout just coffee or..?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Honestly your best bet would be to say 'thanks, but no thanks' to this offer of tepid friendship, since its apparent that it isn't going to really go anywhere. Every day you spend doing this, is a day that you lose where you could be finding someone who genuinely and unhesitatingly wants to be with you as a friend and a lover - a girlfriend instead of a girl friend.

[Sailynn]

I am doing my best to find someone else, yet everything stands in the way of that. My arttitude, timing, distance, etc..

 

I'm right there with you and it has to be tough to receive messages cutting off contact again. I'm doing everything I can as well, to reinvent myself, look deep inside at my hearts wishes and desires. I'm hoping in order to find the right one, I've become the right one. I'm making plans for the rest of my life and I'm following through. Sometimes I get weary. I have met a ton of people and I have been affirmed by those social aquaintances. So, I believe that I'm doing okay. I have a life. I just can't find that right one that I want to give my heart to.

 

Lucrezia, you are absolute right. In fact, I have said those very words to her. I told her in no uncertain terms for her not to think of me as a tepid friend or an occasional acquaintance. I told her I'm living my life on the surface and that deep, committed and abiding love is what I have to give and what I want to accept. So thanks for your words and your affirmation.

 

When it comes to people that we care about acting in a rejecting manner towards us, there is a quote I found that is quite profound and helps me sometimes when I have to deal with rejection. It goes: "Do not attribute to malice what is usually born of stupidity." If people want to act messed up towards us, it's really their problem. There really are more fish in the sea.

 

For the meantime, I'm going to look at conversing with her as a gift that may do one of two things. Help us become a couple again or provide me some real closure instead of the crazy making I had in the past.

 

Good luck.

[strangelove]

Let me explain the attitude/ approach you need to deal with this matter.

 

A while ago I broke up with someone I had been with for 6 yrs. I got into dating I really wasnt sure reading womens signals and mannerisms.

 

Then I got with someone who I was never sure even was that into me except by watching her actions and not by attention so much to her words. Even after I found her confusing. So I began to research alot about the whole dating game and the psychology of women.

 

The approach you need to take with the ex is, be fun to be around. Dont mention the

past or a relationship. In fact have other women around that your are developing friendships with takes the pressure off this one. One thing about women they like to laugh, they like flirting. If something you are saying isnt working try something else.

You need to be relaed about things. Thats the way im trying to be.. I fully intend to either contact my ex or wait it out a bit more. I can see now I wasnt in the frame of

mind to get anywhere with her.

 

You sound like I am nervous suspicious.. do you even sound glad that she called? women can pick up on this stuff.

Just try to be more casual about things and fun. Be mystrious

flirt with her etc.. Who care about what this is closure etc.. just try and have fun and enjoy the time spent.

 

Heres something you could do.. how about hooking up with her to make dinner or bake cookies.. have her help out... Be more exciting.. etc

I have a website id reccomend with tips for this but I cant leave links here so just ask me for ideas and tips. Im starting to remember them and apply them its tough I know. But youll get further ahead when you arent so serious and just try to have with her.

Why not answer the phone in a strange voice or pretend you a pizza joint...?

 

try it!!