I [20F] have no relationship with my sister [22F]. She has bullied me for 10 years an

[Didyouknow96]

My older sister is a complete stranger to me. I know nothing about her. Here's some backstory

I think my sister and I got along well enough until she turned 12 or so. We used to play dolls together and house and all that little girl stuff. However, she would always bully me a little bit for being chubby. I wasn't fat, just a little chubby. I really liked candy and had a big appetite. When I was 8, she and my older cousin would make me run laps around the house to lose weight. This was very hurtful but I remember seeing it as "helpful" because they really "cared about me." My sister and my cousin both pretty much deny this ever happened, but it still hurts to think about. So yeah she always picked on me about my weight, even when we "got along."

When she got to middle school, around age 12 I guess, she started hanging out with "cool kids." She became really angsty and would snap at me all the time. She moved out of the room we shared and thats the first time I can recall feeling depressed. She didn't care. When I got to middle school I started getting much better grades than she did and she bullied me for this, calling me a nerd etc.

I also excelled in soccer and softball and most sports, while she wasn't very athletic. My relationship with my father was much stronger than her's was because of this. My dad's life kinda revolves around sports.

We never really talked in middle school or high school. I never knew who her friends were and she never knew who mine were. I really can't think of one thing I know what "happened" to my sister during high school. She went to college and I don't even know if she liked it or what she did while she was there; she's graduated now.

I got into a fairly selective school and received a bunch of awards at the end of high school. She never congratulated me or anything, just called me a snob for going to the school I go to. We recently went on a vacation and she made a bunch of comments about how she and I did equally well in high school, calling me a snob whenever I pointed out stuff I achieved.

Basially, she attacks me for everything I say and makes fun of me at every chance she gets. She has never been proud of me, she has never been a supportive older sibling. She knows exactly how to set me off and quite honestly it works. I cry a lot when I'm around her and get easily upset, then I start calling her names too.

I have a younger brother and I am constantly looking out for him and advising him in every way I can. I'm so proud of him all the time.

She really is a stranger to me and I feel awkward being alone in the same room with her. I don't know what to do anymore. I know people I met a week ago better than I know my own sister.

I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience and can give me some advice.

tl;dr: My sister and I are strangers to each other. Please help?

[EthanSPK]

Your sister is a twat.

 

Anyway, you only have one family. In my country, family is very important (no matter how broken it is) and we always rely on each other when things hit the fan. Me and my sister didn't get along until I left home, then she started to whine and cry about missing me. Now we're fine, I guess.

 

But... your situation involves a much bigger issue. The way I see it, your sister is full of envy. Be extremely cautious, it's a BIG deal. She envies your success, your relationship with your father, your intelligence, your sense of humour...

 

I know some people will disagree with me, but if you can't have a serious talk with her RIGHT NOW and fix things, you have to let go of her. She's an adult now, and her envy will probably turn into a much bigger problem as you both grow older. Right now, you have no reason to put up with her attitude. Go talk to her and see if you can save the relationship. If not, just bid farewell to her.

[EthanSPK]

... Implying that you HAVE a relationship with her right now.

[Didyouknow96]

But I don't really know if she does envy me? I was by no means a popular kid, pretty weird in fact. And I wasn't really played a lot on the teams I did make. However, last year, my grandma was calling me the family scholar etc. and I heard her mumble "i'm the family nothing." This made me very sad for her. I don't really know what to do. Also, she always says that I've only excelled in school because I work hard, and that I'm actually really dumb and that she's smarter than I am. To a certain extent I've believed this.

[Patrice]

I've come to believe she is miserable with herself and looking for an outlet to lash out at. I was prom queen in high school, my boyfriend was the guy she wanted. I got divorced, she shut me out - and kept in touch with my ex. After 8 years, I am happy and free. Went to a wedding and she was just nasty and over the top .. so, we are again in no contact. I think it's probably jealousy and insecurity on her part. In the end, we all need people to support and love us, when this doesn't come from a place we expect - our own family? Time to recognize it isn't you it's her.

[Didyouknow96]

I've come to believe she is miserable with herself and looking for an outlet to lash out at. I was prom queen in high school, my boyfriend was the guy she wanted. I got divorced, she shut me out - and kept in touch with my ex. After 8 years, I am happy and free. Went to a wedding and she was just nasty and over the top .. so, we are again in no contact. I think it's probably jealousy and insecurity on her part. In the end, we all need people to support and love us, when this doesn't come from a place we expect - our own family? Time to recognize it isn't you it's her.

 

I suppose that must be it. I was actually kind of excited to spend time with her on vacation because since we both began college we haven't had much family time at all. I felt like I hadn't spoken to her in two years. But she was nasty starting from the car ride to the airport to the moment she left. And this woman is going to be at my college graduation..sigh

[Whoknew30]

Honestly, you sound like you're extremely overly sensitive. What you're explaining I saw from every sibling group I know. What siblings don't make fun & or sarcastic remarks as a kid's to each other.

 

I've heard some awful stories about siblings...yours isn't even in the top 99.99%. Your sister treated you like the majority of people treat their younger siblings as kids, you're too sensitive & now there's a permanent problem. Talk about petty.

 

You both need to grow up, you just as much as her. Sit down & have an actual conversation, without holding on to stupid child hood fights. Be an adult, you're not a kid anymore...but you kind of sound like one. Being called a snob, as an adult by your older sibling isn't abuse.

[Didyouknow96]

Honestly, you sound like you're extremely overly sensitive. What you're explaining I saw from every sibling group I know. What siblings don't make fun & or sarcastic remarks as a kid's to each other.

 

I've heard some awful stories about siblings...yours isn't even in the top 99.99%. Your sister treated you like the majority of people treat their younger siblings as kids, you're too sensitive & now there's a permanent problem. Talk about petty.

 

You both need to grow up, you just as much as her. Sit down & have an actual conversation, without holding on to stupid child hood fights. Be an adult, you're not a kid anymore...but you kind of sound like one. Being called a snob, as an adult by your older sibling isn't abuse.

 

Excuse me? Not once did I say she was abusing me. I'm saying she's constantly hostile. She was my older sister growing up and constantly downplayed my accomplishments and was never happy for me. When we were around our cousins, if I started talking about something I was passionate about she'd groan and tell me to shut up. When I am with her all she wants to do is make fun of me. Am I claiming she abuses me? nope. But does she make any effort at all to have a healthy relationship with me? no. So I don't really understand what your argument is. What should I just be buddy buddy with this girl what clearly despises me?

[Didyouknow96]

Honestly, you sound like you're extremely overly sensitive. What you're explaining I saw from every sibling group I know. What siblings don't make fun & or sarcastic remarks as a kid's to each other.

 

I've heard some awful stories about siblings...yours isn't even in the top 99.99%. Your sister treated you like the majority of people treat their younger siblings as kids, you're too sensitive & now there's a permanent problem. Talk about petty.

 

You both need to grow up, you just as much as her. Sit down & have an actual conversation, without holding on to stupid child hood fights. Be an adult, you're not a kid anymore...but you kind of sound like one. Being called a snob, as an adult by your older sibling isn't abuse.

 

You're also not addressing the point of my post at all. Obviously we have serious issues since we haven't really talked one on one in eight years. I'm asking what I can do to fix this situation and you decided to just take a jab at me.

[Didyouknow96]

Honestly, you sound like you're extremely overly sensitive. What you're explaining I saw from every sibling group I know. What siblings don't make fun & or sarcastic remarks as a kid's to each other.

 

I've heard some awful stories about siblings...yours isn't even in the top 99.99%. Your sister treated you like the majority of people treat their younger siblings as kids, you're too sensitive & now there's a permanent problem. Talk about petty.

 

You both need to grow up, you just as much as her. Sit down & have an actual conversation, without holding on to stupid child hood fights. Be an adult, you're not a kid anymore...but you kind of sound like one. Being called a snob, as an adult by your older sibling isn't abuse.

 

And how did I cause this permanent problem exactly? I constantly tried and still try to this day to reach out to her and be friends with her. She has no interest. Did you not even read my post?

[EthanSPK]

Honestly, you sound like you're extremely overly sensitive. What you're explaining I saw from every sibling group I know. What siblings don't make fun & or sarcastic remarks as a kid's to each other.

 

I've heard some awful stories about siblings...yours isn't even in the top 99.99%. Your sister treated you like the majority of people treat their younger siblings as kids, you're too sensitive & now there's a permanent problem. Talk about petty.

 

You both need to grow up, you just as much as her. Sit down & have an actual conversation, without holding on to stupid child hood fights. Be an adult, you're not a kid anymore...but you kind of sound like one. Being called a snob, as an adult by your older sibling isn't abuse.

 

 

... What? This is a terrible advice, man.

[Didyouknow96]

... What? This is a terrible advice, man.

 

Thank you for siding with me

[j2415p44]

My older sister is a complete stranger to me. I know nothing about her. Here's some backstory

I think my sister and I got along well enough until she turned 12 or so. We used to play dolls together and house and all that little girl stuff. However, she would always bully me a little bit for being chubby. I wasn't fat, just a little chubby. I really liked candy and had a big appetite. When I was 8, she and my older cousin would make me run laps around the house to lose weight. This was very hurtful but I remember seeing it as "helpful" because they really "cared about me." My sister and my cousin both pretty much deny this ever happened, but it still hurts to think about. So yeah she always picked on me about my weight, even when we "got along."

When she got to middle school, around age 12 I guess, she started hanging out with "cool kids." She became really angsty and would snap at me all the time. She moved out of the room we shared and thats the first time I can recall feeling depressed. She didn't care. When I got to middle school I started getting much better grades than she did and she bullied me for this, calling me a nerd etc.

I also excelled in soccer and softball and most sports, while she wasn't very athletic. My relationship with my father was much stronger than her's was because of this. My dad's life kinda revolves around sports.

We never really talked in middle school or high school. I never knew who her friends were and she never knew who mine were. I really can't think of one thing I know what "happened" to my sister during high school. She went to college and I don't even know if she liked it or what she did while she was there; she's graduated now.

I got into a fairly selective school and received a bunch of awards at the end of high school. She never congratulated me or anything, just called me a snob for going to the school I go to. We recently went on a vacation and she made a bunch of comments about how she and I did equally well in high school, calling me a snob whenever I pointed out stuff I achieved.

Basially, she attacks me for everything I say and makes fun of me at every chance she gets. She has never been proud of me, she has never been a supportive older sibling. She knows exactly how to set me off and quite honestly it works. I cry a lot when I'm around her and get easily upset, then I start calling her names too.

I have a younger brother and I am constantly looking out for him and advising him in every way I can. I'm so proud of him all the time.

She really is a stranger to me and I feel awkward being alone in the same room with her. I don't know what to do anymore. I know people I met a week ago better than I know my own sister.

I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience and can give me some advice.

tl;dr: My sister and I are strangers to each other. Please help?

 

Hi- while reading your post, I remember my siblings. I am the eldest of 6 sisters. All of us have unique personalities, when we were young, we fight, and we compete for everything from toys to attention. But now that we are not young anymore, I am thankful for them. It’s a great feeling that at the end of the day, I can be able to call them and I can have support when needed.

I hope you can have a talk with your sister and the relationship will be restored. I will be praying for you.

[Kamille]

My sister bullied me. She admitted it and apologized for it when we were in our early twenties. There's a difference between "kids being kids" and being the object of bullying. Still, when I tell people about the bullying I faced, people still say : "Oh but I fought with my sister too" or "kids always tease each other". By tease do you mean she orchestrated a campaign that had me convinced for years that none of my friends liked me? A campaign that was designed to destroy my self-esteem? No, kids being kids is not the same and those of us who were bullied know it.

 

I'm very thankful that my sister admitted to bullying me and apologized for it. It allowed us to talk about why she did it. In short: she was envious, she felt I got things too easy. I would have never guessed it because I felt like she was the lucky one.

 

It doesn't sound like your sister is anywhere near as reflexive as mine. I really have no advice. I just wanted to say I believe you.

 

The best I can offer is this: I think bullying happens in families that have tricky dynamics. It took me years to realize how my parents contributed to the situation (even as they had not idea what was going on). My sister had a lot on her shoulders at a very young age. She was put in charge of me and had way too much power over me. Your family sounds different, but it's helped me a lot to find ways to have empathy for my sister.

[JS84]

Do what I do with my sister. Don't talk to her. We text each other Happy Birthday on our B-days but besides that we have no contact. Works just fine for me and I'm sure her too.

 

What are you looking for exactly? Why do you want a meaningful relationship with someone who treats you like That??

[Whoknew30]

And how did I cause this permanent problem exactly? I constantly tried and still try to this day to reach out to her and be friends with her. She has no interest. Did you not even read my post?

 

... What? This is a terrible advice, man.

 

What's terrible advice "talk about it as adults & don't be petty"?

 

It's evidently a permanent problem if you're a adult talking about issues starting when you were 12. Yes, I read it & im not being rude but your issue sounds no different than half of my elementary aged Girl Scouts issues with their siblings & I give them the same advice.

 

Have you ever asked your sister why exactly she thinks that? That's how a issue is fixed, by getting to the bottom of why someone thinks the way they do. If you want to know why you're not close, try asking the actual question "why aren't we close & why do you think this way about me".

 

Nothing is fixed in life if you keep approaching with the same tactic & getting no results. If she doesn't answer those questions straight well then she's choosing to be petty & then you'll have to ignore it & be the bigger person.