What do you do if you're only attracted to hot people?

[Cookiesandough]

This is an objective question. Asking for a friend. What can you do if you feel your standards might be too high/you too shallow of a dater. This feeling can make you very sad sometimes. You know it's shallow and wrong, but the only other option besides celibacy and waiting for someone that probably won't come is being with someone you aren't sexually attracted to and have no spark with. That's not good. Even if you try to stay positive, it doesn't change reality.

 

 

/whiny post

 

But what are some solutions to this?

Edited October 12, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[grays]

High standards are a good thing... unless your high standards are especially about appearance. It is like, umm, the very definition of superficial. What comes to mind tho is that you should date those hot guys full force. Get to know them and see how they treat you. Either you will find that one in a million who you will be happy with once you get used to his good looks or eventually you will learn that good looks are not what makes you happy.

 

Over the last 3 years since my marriage ended I have dated a ton of seriously hot men because they are the ones that are running around chasing women. Over the last year or so I had been thinking that I really gotta get used to the idea that when I do fall in love its not gonna be with one of these hot player types. Looks really arent that important to me as long as there is chemistry, and I have had great chemistry with guys who a lot of people wouldnt be all that impressed with in terms of looks. So Ive been kind of trying to keep my eye out for guys who arent chasing me and dont have that look. But low and behold I met a great looking guy who doesnt have that player personality or outlook or end game. So you never know what might happen.

 

Its interesting tho bc as hot as he is, that's not the thing I'm excited about. I am so amazed by how we talk and how good it feels to be really open with him. It feels so satisfying just to talk. And its in no way dependent on what he looks like.

[LivingWaterPlease]

High standards are a good thing... unless your high standards are especially about appearance. It is like, umm, the very definition of superficial. What comes to mind tho is that you should date those hot guys full force. Get to know them and see how they treat you. Either you will find that one in a million who you will be happy with once you get used to his good looks or eventually you will learn that good looks are not what makes you happy.

 

Over the last 3 years since my marriage ended I have dated a ton of seriously hot men because they are the ones that are running around chasing women. Over the last year or so I had been thinking that I really gotta get used to the idea that when I do fall in love its not gonna be with one of these hot player types. Looks really arent that important to me as long as there is chemistry, and I have had great chemistry with guys who a lot of people wouldnt be all that impressed with in terms of looks. So Ive been kind of trying to keep my eye out for guys who arent chasing me and dont have that look. But low and behold I met a great looking guy who doesnt have that player personality or outlook or end game. So you never know what might happen.

 

Its interesting tho bc as hot as he is, that's not the thing I'm excited about. I am so amazed by how we talk and how good it feels to be really open with him. It feels so satisfying just to talk. And its in no way dependent on what he looks like.

 

We all officially hate you. Leave. Now.

[Cookiesandough]

High standards are a good thing... unless your high standards are especially about appearance. It is like, umm, the very definition of superficial. What comes to mind tho is that you should date those hot guys full force. Get to know them and see how they treat you. Either you will find that one in a million who you will be happy with once you get used to his good looks or eventually you will learn that good looks are not what makes you happy.

 

Over the last 3 years since my marriage ended I have dated a ton of seriously hot men because they are the ones that are running around chasing women. Over the last year or so I had been thinking that I really gotta get used to the idea that when I do fall in love its not gonna be with one of these hot player types. Looks really arent that important to me as long as there is chemistry, and I have had great chemistry with guys who a lot of people wouldnt be all that impressed with in terms of looks. So Ive been kind of trying to keep my eye out for guys who arent chasing me and dont have that look. But low and behold I met a great looking guy who doesnt have that player personality or outlook or end game. So you never know what might happen.

 

Its interesting tho bc as hot as he is, that's not the thing I'm excited about. I am so amazed by how we talk and how good it feels to be really open with him. It feels so satisfying just to talk. And its in no way dependent on what he looks like.

 

Lol livingwater

 

Grays, thag makes a lot of sense. See, when I talk to women(and some men) who aren't into the hotties, it's usually because they been there done that. They're over it. I never really have. Just one partner my whole life who was a hottie, but if anything he just makes me want another.

 

I keep going back and forth, I always think I can date/fall for a guy who isn't my type and chemistry is there. but then I realize I'm not so sure. I just feel like that raw lust that comes with physical attraction is something I really need in a relationship. As long as he is nice. He could be a player or Ditsy or broke... etc. but if he's physically attractive + sweet that spark is off the hook and makes me so happy !!! Is definitely superficial, but can it be helped? I have no idea. Hopefully, or I am doomed

Edited October 12, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[guy45]

You know I feel the same way sometimes, but I still believe there is someone out there who can make you happy.

[OneLov]

I think you should tell your friend it is normal. Being physically attracted to someone is essential to motivate a person to put in the time and energy to bond with another person. Did your friend mention why he/she feels his/her standards are problematic? Is it a lack of reciprocation by objects of desire or a feeling of guilt for being attracted beautiful people? Also, would you consider your friend objectively attractive?

 

In general, I’m a fan of holding out and not settling. The only thing guaranteed when going against who you are and what you want is heartbreak. Your friend will find what he/she seeks.

[Cookiesandough]

I think you should tell your friend it is normal. Being physically attracted to someone is essential to motivate a person to put in the time and energy to bond with another person. Did your friend mention why he/she feels his/her standards are problematic? Is it a lack of reciprocation by objects of desire or a feeling of guilt for being attracted beautiful people? Also, would you consider your friend objectively attractive?

 

In general, I’m a fan of holding out and not settling. The only thing guaranteed when going against who you are and what you want is heartbreak. Your friend will find what he/she seeks.

 

Guy45, thanks for empathizing but sorry you feel that way.

 

OneLov, thank you much! Yea, it's pickiness and lack of options. She is intimidated by attractive men too. Unfortunately I would say she's average and perhaps more importantly socially awkward .

 

(This is me, btw. Sorry for being misleading. I'm just embarrassed)

 

Any advice appreciated

Edited October 12, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[grays]

How old are you, Cookies? I think this will change for you over time.

[GuitarGuy7]

You said you're looking for a short term casual relationship right? That would make sense because people who are looking for casual sex or flings are more likely to place a higher emphasis on looks. Studies have backed this up as well.

 

But...

 

This is also the case in many people who are looking for serious relationships as well.

 

For guys, the physical attraction has to be there in order for him to approach a girl he likes. A huge part of a woman's overall attractive is how physically attractive she is.

 

What motivates a guy to approach a girl even if it's for a long term relationship is whether or not he is physically attracted to the girl. You see a guy is mentally swiping yes and no to every woman he meets. Luckily for men, they find a good chunk of women within their age-range physically attractive. Maybe around half.

 

And only if he finds the girl physically attractive, that's when he will make a move to get to know the girl. And from there, he's trying to find out whether or not he and the girl are compatible with one another.

 

For a lot of people, they can meet someone who's nice, who's sweet, who has similar interests but if the physical attraction isn't there, it will never workout. Iv'e met girls like that, where I thought I would like them but as soon as we met up, I just didn't feel any physical attraction. And i'm sure many girls have felt the same way about me.

Edited October 12, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[OneLov]

I think physical attraction is an important ingredient to have a fulfilling long-term relationship. IMO dating someone who you are not physically attracted to is more of a problem than waiting. Everyone wants to feel desired physically and emotionally for who they are. I believe love flows from that feeling.

[guy45]

The whole point of being with someone is physical attraction at least while young. For companionships friends are more appropriate. Of course being with someone who is both attractive and supportive is best.

[caveman621]

Cookiesanddough - if this is, as you admit really about you, and the avatars you sometimes have up on your account are actually pictures of you, and you consider yourself "average" then: Holy cow! What do you consider good looking? You are absolutely stunning? Or are those pics not you?

[caveman621]

Oh, and to answer your question: Nobody wants to be with someone they find unattractive. But as time goes by that is, I think, less and less important. If you are young and looking for one night stands, hookups, FWB, then, sure! A lot of people might not agree with my, ahem, morals? But I think, when you're young, then go for it! Have fun! Sex is fun! Enjoy it!

 

But most people EVENTUALLY want a LTR. For that, personality and personal connection are important as well. Yes, being attracted to that person is important, but if you have the most beautiful man in the world, but he has a horrible personality, then it might be fun for a while, but he'll eventually drive you crazy.

[Mysterio]

Attraction is so loopy now a days. I have two women friends that are attractive. One is 66 the other is 36. If I had to choose between the two. I think that the 66 yr old would be more fun.

 

There are different Conduits to relationships and attraction. Its always a question of how you feel about your physical looks vs the person your attracted to.

 

When I look at myself. I see a Cute/Handsome fellow with snippits of sexy-ness. I am clean shaven and I shave my head as well. So I know my appeal. If I was cast in a movie. I would be more the Junior Detective to the main star. I know that I am a great guy and the woman getting me would be very lucky.

 

The only thing with me is that I am not gung ho about having kids. Bottom line we have to start believing in our selves a bit more than breaking down.

 

I know that the real reason I am not with anyone, is because I have not been in a romantic situation that is ideal. Until that happens. I will be single.

 

Looks only can go so far. I am more of a Face guy than anything. I would rather be with a women that is slightly heavy with a great face, than a average woman that has a average face, but a banging bod. So for me. Its about face/warmth/kindness and interest in me that turns my head.

[d0nnivain]

First of all hot is subjective not objective. For example a lot of people think Brad Pitt is hot. Most of the time, I think he's a hot mess. Similarly there are certain people that may look good on the outside but once they open their mouths or you get to know them, you quickly learn how ugly they are as people.

 

Second, you are attracted to who you are attracted too. You can't force chemistry (but see above; staying with a bad "pretty" person is no answer)

 

If you can be flexible within the standard of what you find attractive that will help. For example, if you prefer tall men, refusing to go out with somebody who is only your height flat foot is short sighted.

 

Finally, get off OLD. People who are that hot don't need the service. Also being on it too long warps your sense of who is attractive because the visual aspects of the sites are primary. Put more effort into meeting people in the real world.

[HiCrunchy]

It’s okay gurl, we’re on this struggle bus together.

[Kamille]

I think I saw a picture of you and I'll say this, you're definitely beautiful. Please don't waste your time doubting this. You're above average.

 

The main issue, then, isn't that you're attracted to hot guys. It's that they intimidate you. What do you think it would feel like to not be intimidated by the men you find attractive? How would that change your life? How would you act differently around them?

[central]

A dear friend only wants to date hot/cute men (like underwear models and Navy SEALS). She's moderately attractive, slender, and petite for her age, but she's never been married and never had a long term relationship, and this is one of the factors - she's too picky. At best, she can find one of these guys for a shorter relationship, but they don't stick around.

[GunslingerRoland]

We all have our priorities in dating. We also have whatever qualities we bring to the table. Depending on what someone brings to the table themselves, they may be able to still find someone who is hot that has lots of other things going for them, or they may find themselves having to sacrifice in other areas.

 

There are many many people who keep dating hot people who have nothing else going on for them, and can't figure out why it doesn't work.

 

Hot is also a very variable term in itself. What percentage of the opposite sex do they consider hot? If it's 10% they might have a good shot. If it's 1% then yeah they'll probably be celibate unless they are hot themselves.

[HiCrunchy]

First of all hot is subjective not objective. For example a lot of people think Brad Pitt is hot. Most of the time, I think he's a hot mess. Similarly there are certain people that may look good on the outside but once they open their mouths or you get to know them, you quickly learn how ugly they are as people.

 

Second, you are attracted to who you are attracted too. You can't force chemistry (but see above; staying with a bad "pretty" person is no answer)

 

If you can be flexible within the standard of what you find attractive that will help. For example, if you prefer tall men, refusing to go out with somebody who is only your height flat foot is short sighted.

 

Finally, get off OLD. People who are that hot don't need the service. Also being on it too long warps your sense of who is attractive because the visual aspects of the sites are primary. Put more effort into meeting people in the real world.

 

Not all of us can get off OLD.if I did I would have zero people I am physically attracted to. It may sound extreme but it is true. This may also be the case with op because I feel she and I are having similar issues

[guy45]

Cookie, remember it could always be worse. You seem much better off than most.

[GuitarGuy7]

I'm guessing you're in your mid to late twenties OP?

 

Right now OP, you can afford to be picky about looks because you yourself are physically attractive. If you want to date hot guys, there's nothing stopping you. You're a hot women who's arguably in her golden years of youth. It's why things like sugar baby/sugar daddy things exist.

 

However,

 

Beauty will eventually fade. There's a reason why they say men age like fine wine and women age like milk. I'm not sure if that's true or not but I know for a fact many men are attracted to youth and beauty in a woman.

 

So what's going to happen as you as you get older is that your looks alone won't be enough to attract a man. And if you put on some weight like many women do, all of a sudden being able to get dates laughably easy while in your twenties goes from somewhat difficult. But don't worry, this won't happen until your thirties, fourties, maybe even fifties if you have good genes and a good lifestyle.

 

So if you're smart, you'll invest in other things besides 'looking hot'. What are you doing with your life? What's your career goals? Stuff like that...

Edited October 12, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[Cobra_X]

This is an objective question. Asking for a friend. What can you do if you feel your standards might be too high/you too shallow of a dater. This feeling can make you very sad sometimes. You know it's shallow and wrong, but the only other option besides celibacy and waiting for someone that probably won't come is being with someone you aren't sexually attracted to and have no spark with. That's not good. Even if you try to stay positive, it doesn't change reality.

/whiny post

But what are some solutions to this?

 

I would say that this is only a problem if you are delusional. Most westernized women I know are completely delusional. They overate their own attractiveness by significant amounts and underrate the men around them.

 

My sister is 250lbs. She is constantly chasing men who are in fantastic shape. It's insane. She gets laid sometimes with this strategy or falls into an open relationship with one and that makes her feel like her insanity is working. At 34 she wonders why all men cheat and treat her like crap while rejecting every guy on her level. Recently had a Filipino guy with a great job try to date her... nicest guy I ever met. She said he was too short.

 

My point is to take a hard look into the mirror and set your goals against that backdrop.

[Cobra_X]

There's a reason why they say men age like fine wine and women age like milk. I'm not sure if that's true or not

 

Men and women have different skin. Most men hold up a bit better until around 50-55 and then completely fall apart. Women just keep slowly aging.

 

I was much better looking as a younger man, but I didn't understand dating. As I get older and know what to say and do I find that often times even younger women are attracted to me. I don't value youth though. Women age 32-40 are at their most attractive to my opinion.

[Mysterio]

Some of us may have to be dating for life. So might as well keep up with your looks.

 

That means being well groomed and not letting yourself go. If the women from Charlie's Angel's can keep up their looks and they are basically 70. The rest of us Men and Women can. I want my future SO to look at me and see a Handsome cute guy.