Jknow Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Married male colleague used to flirt with me..... in the past, calling me queen, reaching for my hand while bowing on one knee, staring, and then bought me a Christmas gift. When I realized what the gift was, I tried to give it back he minimized it and he said his wife picked out for me. At that point, I just started keeping my distance and did so for several months. Now after months of keeping my distance, he's started giving me high fives, slightly bowing and reaching for my hand again. As long as he doesn't say anything inappropriate, is this ok? I have to work directly with him and don't want to report something without concrete evidence and then have to deal with hostility on top of it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Have you tried speaking to him privately & telling him that he behavior makes you uncomfortable? He may simply think he's being cute & not realize how awful his behavior comes across. After you have this chat, if the behavior doesn't stop, then it may be time to involve HR. Document everything & keep your notes at home, not in the office. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jknow Posted October 13, 2017 Author Share Posted October 13, 2017 I will try to talk to him again, but I feel like he's going to blow it off just like he did when I confronted him about the gift and acted like it was no big deal because his wife supposedly picked it out (and I have never met her). Hopefully it's just me, and I'm just reading too much into his behaviors and I don't want to make things even more uncomfortable. Thank you for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 I would probably give him an uncomfortable laugh and say "oh stop, you're embarrassing me" If he tries to deflect that, I would tell him I feel it's inappropriate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JEG88 Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Direct but tactful is the best course. His behavior, as a married man, is not okay. Next time he does something like in the OP, I would use that as an opportunity to take him aside and explain that what he does makes you uncomfortable and you are asking him to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Triggs1126 Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 I will try to talk to him again, but I feel like he's going to blow it off just like he did when I confronted him about the gift and acted like it was no big deal because his wife supposedly picked it out (and I have never met her). Hopefully it's just me, and I'm just reading too much into his behaviors and I don't want to make things even more uncomfortable. Thank you for the advice. Don't try, do. Talk to him, or more to the point, tell him that his advances are making you uncomfortable. Don't say they are making you FEEL uncomfortable, be direct and let him know you ARE uncomfortable. You dont have to be mean or nasty about it, but you do have to be direct. It may be tough for you to do and it may make him uncomfortable, but he will get it and move on. For whatever reason, he thinks he has a chance of something more than a professional relationship with you and he is testing your boundaries. Since you don't like it, don't let it continue. If he still persists, document and HR. Link to post Share on other sites
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