Indicators of Interest EVERYWHERE

[lakerman34]

So, I'm a graduate student.

 

I had an assignment due today (Friday), but don't have class. So, I had to walk my assignment an entire mile (the professor likes hard copies, not digital copies), when I realized that I didn't staple all the papers.

 

So, I went into this sort of upscale workroom in my building. I walk in, and as I approach the desk, I see out of the corner of my eye that the girl behind the desk (an ethnic looking girl -- maybe Indian?) who is SO cute tosses her hair. I use the fancy stapler they got, talking to myself the entire time, "CMON CMON CMON! OH PHEW! IT WORKED!" I looked up, and I saw the girl's BEAUTIFUL smile. I looked her in the eyes and smiled back.

 

Putting this in my portfolio of potentials. I'm REALLY bad at the whole "lets exchange numbers" thing when the social context is a crowded room with people studying, and she's sitting next to a guy who'll hear the entire thing.

[Cookiesandough]

IOIs are very unreliable. First, when we're interested in someone we tend to read too much into things.

 

Secondly, signs a person is interested are the 1)often the same as the ones they nervous in general(we're nervous when we're interested in someone) and 2) 'peacocking' they do in public in general and not necessarily directed at the person who thinks it is (example: my friend will flip her hair at a bar when speaking with me. I know she's not hitting on me, but maybe all potential suitors around us.)

 

Lastly, people will 'flirt' or be friendly with people they have 0 interest in taking it any further with

 

 

The rule is to assume everyone might be interested until further notified.

[lakerman34]

IOIs are very unreliable. First, when we're interested in someone we tend to read too much into things.

 

Secondly, signs a person is interested are the 1)often the same as the ones they nervous in general(we're nervous when we're interested in someone) and 2) 'peacocking' they do in public in general and not necessarily directed at the person who thinks it is (example: my friend will flip her hair at a bar when speaking with me. I know she's not hitting on me, but maybe all potential suitors around us.)

 

Lastly, people will 'flirt' or be friendly with people they have 0 interest in taking it any further with

 

 

The rule is to assume everyone might be interested until further notified.

 

True, but let me paint the picture a little better.

 

I've never seen this girl before. Maybe she has seen me, but I never noticed her.

 

I walked in thru the doors, and she looked at me right away, started preening herself (fixing her hair) while looking right at me (I'm heading her direction, but not looking directly at her). I approach the desk, use the stapler, and she's looking at me the entire time.

 

Sometimes, when I try to impress a girl, I'll act "sexy" (deepen my voice, ooze confidence), but other times, I'll act more "cute" (ex: having a conversation with the stapler, getting excited when it worked).

 

I opted for the latter. She smiled/laughed, I looked up, our eyes met, I gave her a corner-mouth smile.

 

I mean, I'd say it's, at the very least, flirting. Now I know what hours that girl works. This is something I can build on, I think.

[GemmaUK]

Maybe she was attracted to the post work out glow you were giving off from walking an entire mile!

[lakerman34]

Maybe she was attracted to the post work out glow you were giving off from walking an entire mile!

 

I mean, I got a glow always.

Eat right, meditate, workout all the time, and it follows you haha

[d0nnivain]

So now what are you going to do? If you never talk to her this was simply a missed opportunity.

[elaine567]

Is this girl behind the desk a receptionist?

[RecentChange]

I make eye contact and smile at people all the time. I probably even touch my hair...

 

And if they say it do something amusing, I will share a big smile - maybe even laugh or start a conversation.

 

But I am not looking for any numbers.

[lakerman34]

Is this girl behind the desk a receptionist?

 

Nah, work study.

[d0nnivain]

So if you know she's work study are you going back next Friday to talk to her?

[elaine567]

...she's sitting next to a guy who'll hear the entire thing.

 

Ok we've established she is not a member of staff but who is this guy?

I used to spend hours studying next to my bf, maybe she is doing the same...

[lakerman34]

Ok we've established she is not a member of staff but who is this guy?

I used to spend hours studying next to my bf, maybe she is doing the same...

 

The OTHER work study.

[lakerman34]

So if you know she's work study are you going back next Friday to talk to her?

 

Yah probably. I don't know though. I'm pursuing a few women atm.

[preraph]

To me, here's what happened. You were loud in her office so she had to notice you. The hair thing means nothing. All women touch their hair. They do it alone. Forget about the hair myth. Out of politeness, she smiled at you since you were being loud enough to demand attention.

[Cookiesandough]

To me, here's what happened. You were loud in her office so she had to notice you. The hair thing means nothing. All women touch their hair. They do it alone. Forget about the hair myth. Out of politeness, she smiled at you since you were being loud enough to demand attention.

 

No truer words spoken. Why won't the hair myth die

[GemmaUK]

No truer words spoken. Why won't the hair myth die

 

The hair myth must mean I have the hots for the elderly couple I helped direct to where they needed to go yesterday evening as I spent about half an hour helping them and yup, I was playing with my hair whilst discussing their options (she is disabled plus there are some road closures near me and they didn't know the area).

 

Crikey!!!!

They must have thought I wanted a threesome!

They were in their 80's!! Joyce and Norman were a lovely couple but not 'that' lovely!

[ZA Dater]

I think take the smile as positive, take the whole event as positive. Someone (Gemma I think) on this forum told me that smiling at people is important because if they smile back its an acknowledgement of sorts.

 

 

You have to be positive but you also need to have step 2 ready, that's quite a hard thing to do unless you think ahead in situations all the time.

 

 

Again take the positive and build on that, the power of a positive experience can never be overstated.

[alphamale]

The rule is to assume everyone might be interested until further notified.

 

one has to look at clusters of signals. one or two won't do but if a chick is flipping her hair and making eye contact AND has her body turned towards you chances are pretty good she's interested.

 

actually for me the BIG giveaway is a woman giving me extended and repeated eye contact (That's like a 99% sure thing that i'll be getting laid)

[lakerman34]

To me, here's what happened. You were loud in her office so she had to notice you. The hair thing means nothing. All women touch their hair. They do it alone. Forget about the hair myth. Out of politeness, she smiled at you since you were being loud enough to demand attention.

 

That would make sense if I made ANY noise....I literally said nothing except "cmon, cmon, work! OH PHEW! IT WORKED!"

 

I may have been the most quiet person in the room, honestly.....why do you assume I was "loud?"

[lakerman34]

one has to look at clusters of signals. one or two won't do but if a chick is flipping her hair and making eye contact AND has her body turned towards you chances are pretty good she's interested.

 

actually for me the BIG giveaway is a woman giving me extended and repeated eye contact (That's like a 99% sure thing that i'll be getting laid)

 

All those things happened.

[GemmaUK]

That would make sense if I made ANY noise....I literally said nothing except "cmon, cmon, work! OH PHEW! IT WORKED!"

 

I may have been the most quiet person in the room, honestly.....why do you assume I was "loud?"

 

Because this is being 'vocal/loud/?

Or talking to yourself is the first sign of madness..so the saying goes...

 

In this situation if I was attracted and not with a guy I was in a relationship with I would have commented.

Otherwise, I would have likely smiled at you as she did as my guy would not be so insecure that a smile to a guy who came in like a whirlwind and talked to himself which I found funny wouldn't be an issue. It's just funny is all.

 

So anyway, you say you now know her routine(?).

Let us know how it goes when you ask her out.

I hope you don't have to walk for a whole entire mile next time - that must have taken some stamina!

[CptInsano]

As sonebody who has little trouble talking to people I can tell you that the signals, or the absence thereof, mean very little. Reading into this is a classic case of an attribution error. Things happen, but you jump to conclusions as to why they happen. People groom themselves when they feel they are being watched, but it says nothing about attraction. A smile may be out of politeness or not. The reaction could be because you remind her of somebody else, but not you in particular. Maybe she just had a pleasant thought, and it has very little to do with a guy's presence.

 

By all means, talk to her and things will become very clear very quickly, but until then body language means very little because you don't know what triggers it or what it is related to.

[Cookiesandough]

That would make sense if I made ANY noise....I literally said nothing except "cmon, cmon, work! OH PHEW! IT WORKED!"

 

I may have been the most quiet person in the room, honestly.....why do you assume I was "loud?"

 

Capslock and exclamation mark usually implies youre yelling xD But that aside, I may have looked at the person talking to the stapler and smiled politely. I'm normally very friendly and open, but that ALL changes for me when I crush appears.

 

I once worked with a guy I was very attracted to, and whenever we met eyes(once I thought I could stare because his head was down, but we actually made eye contact), I would avert my gaze VERY quickly. Once, he approached slowly. I started gathering my things up in a panic. He made a casual comment and I said "yeah" curtly and walked out of the room as quick as I could. Those are my IOIs.

Edited October 14, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[lakerman34]

Capslock and exclamation mark usually implies youre yelling xD But that aside, I may have looked at the person talking to the stapler and smiled politely. I'm normally very friendly and open, but that ALL changes for me when I crush appears.

 

I once worked with a guy I was very attracted to, and whenever we met eyes(once I thought I could stare because his head was down, but we actually made eye contact), I would avert my gaze VERY quickly. Once, he approached slowly. I started gathering my things up in a panic. He made a casual comment and I said "yeah" curtly and walked out of the room as quick as I could. Those are my IOIs.

 

That's fair.

 

I was on a date last night that was very successful. I was oozing confidence, flow of conversation was great.

 

My ACTUAL 'crush' though, I freeze up and never know what to say. I get very stiff. I wish I didn't, but oh well.