What do men get by being married these days?

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by Merin

With that said... I have zero doubt you will find an amazing person Tan, and I also have zero doubt you will put everything into your marraige when you get there... however there are no gaurantee's in any relationship all anyone of us can do is put our all into things, go into things with a positive outlook and hope it's enough.

 

The Girl who makes your heart flip in that way, will be a lucky one Tan and I hope she will put all she's got into you as well

 

Well thank you for that,.

 

Rest assured I will put all I have into her.

[JadeStar]

Yes alpha cuz p*ssy is what makes the world go around now isn't it?

 

 

NOT!

 

 

 

Jade

[alphamale]

Originally posted by tanbark813

Rest assured I will put all I have into her.

yes, all 3.5 inches, i'm sure

[Merin]

Originally posted by tanbark813

Well thank you for that,.

 

Rest assured I will put all I have into her.

 

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by alphamale

 

yes, all 3.5 inches, i'm sure

 

[tanbark813]

ALPHA is just mad because I won't submit to his sexual requests via PM.

 

[Art_Critic]

Originally posted by alphamale

yes, all 3.5 inches, i'm sure

 

Is there something your not telling us Alpha ?? How do you know the length of TB ?

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by tanbark813

ALPHA is just mad because I won't submit to his sexual requests via PM.

 

 

 

Originally posted by Art_Critic

 

 

Is there something your not telling us Alpha ?? How do you know the length of TB ?

 

 

HEHEHE, can I watch?

[thegoodhubbie]

3.5"? Are you calling him a "floppy"?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by tanbark813

ALPHA is just mad because I won't submit to his sexual requests via PM.

[clandestinidad]

"What do men get by being married"????

 

another mother, quite frankly......

 

the only difference is that this one ****$ you legally

[JPMorgan]

Your question is FAR too ambiguous so naturally you are not going to get the answer you want -- you are going to get the only truthful answers people can give and that is their experience and belief of what the benefits of marriage are.

 

Originally posted by tanbark813

This is a spin-off from a thread about a woman not wanting to change her name and it left me wondering: What do men get by being married these days?

*Love

*Stability

*Companionship

*Sex

*An official bond

*legal perks or woes (taxes, loans, etc.)

*Someone to be proud of

*Someone to be proud of him

*for those who are religious - God's blessing

*Support when needed

*ability to give support when needed (giving is as important as receiving)

*The opportunity to mature and grow with the experience of being married. Everyone is single at some point and has experience at being single, but not everyone gets married and unless you have actual experience (ie been married) you can't imagine or pretend to have that experience---no matter how closely you listen to other married men gripe!

 

There are a lot more that have been listed.

 

In the past, the man bought the woman an engagement ring, they got married, the woman took the man's name, bore and raised his children and cleaned his home. The man worked and provided for the family.

 

I'm not sure -- are you not viewing this as equal?

 

Now, to make this clear, I'm NOT saying that women shouldn't be allowed to work or should be stuck at home barefoot and pregnant or anything like that. This isn't an attempt to bash women or bash marriage or anything like that. But it seems like these days, men have less and less reasons to get married.

They have the exact same benefits that men have always had. Even before the sexual revolution there were whores that men could go to for sex; They could take care of themselves too.

 

The number of women who won't take the man's last name is on the rise. More women are working. Far fewer women cook and clean. It can even be seen on TV when standup comedians or people on talk shows joke about how women don't cook or clean and you can hear all the women in the audience go nuts with applause and laughter.

So? As the Bard said; "What's in a name...?" You know, it reminds me of a political discussion about Italian-Americans, Mexican-Americans, African-Americans, etc. People assert their independence by not being totally absorbed into another life. Back when women were chattel and their whole existence was dependent on their husband they wore the husband's brand -- his name. She gave up her property to him. Some women want to make sure that they keep what they have earned (respect, education, etc. -- not financial assets) with their name. Most women take their husband's name still today though, and if that's a sticking point then talk about it in the beginning of the relationship and you'll know if you want to continue the relationship.

 

The man still buys the engagement ring. And should anything happen to break up the marriage, the women is most likely going to profit the most regardless of the reason for the break up.

!!! Profit? Losing a home to gain a house? Having ones heart broken? Sharing custody of the children and not having another parent around to help? No one profits from divorce!

 

A man cheats and he's a pig. A woman cheats and it's because the man wasn't meeting her needs.

Not sure where you heard that -- but I don't think the majority of people see it that way. In fact, if a man cheats he gets a wink and a nudge from his buddies (good job mac!) and if a woman cheats she's a low-life whore. That's the kind of sentiment I've heard before in real life and on the TV shows that people keep bringing up as thought they could be used as a measuring stick.

 

There are obvious benefits for women to get married. But in all seriousness, what benefit is there for men??

You've been told about many many benefits but what it sounds like you are asking is for someone to tell YOU what benefit is there for YOU if YOU get married; and no one can answer that but YOU. Just because you don't think that what one person considers a benefit is a benefit for you, don't make a blanket statement and say its not a benefit at all.

 

There is nothing wrong with being single -- a lot of people prefer it and I'm not bashing singles. I just don't want to be one again. I like being married and so does my husband.

[Shana]

Alpha - your just a mess. Sorry but you are such a negative person... always will be.. why don't you get on with your life, just as your wife has. I understand you were and still are hurt but if you don't let it go you will forever be alone and maybe your ok with that now, but you won't be. You will end up a misarable old man and I don't know you but I don't want that for you, or anyone for that matter.

 

Marriage is equal - that's if YOU BOTH keep it that way. That's where the problem usually is. Man expects women to keep house, work, kids etc. when he comes home from work and sits on the couch with the tv clicker.. while you are vacumming under his feet... Lots of relationships are like this, lots are lacking intamacy.. that's where the other ends up straying.. who's fault is any of this?? BOTH OF YOU if you don't work out home, work, kids, intamacy etc. together.

 

I don't want to hear or believe that bad marriage is one or the other, it is a two way street, not just a one way.

 

The benefits for a man and women are the ABSOLUTE SAME.

 

There are happy marriages out there, not everyone is destin for doom.. but when doomed, remember it was both of your faults!

[StarWatcher]

This is an interesting question. In fact, I considered the same one 3 years ago when I finally got married for the second time. I was married before, and consequently have to dismiss all arguments that contain the word "forever". Marriage is not an assurance of eternal anything.

 

My wife and I had lived together and raised my son (I had custody from the earlier marriage to someone who became a deadbeat mom) for nearly 10 years. He was full grown and we didn't want any more. She (the wife) wanted to get married for a host of emotional reasons. I had the better education and job (by far), I owned two houses, excellent credit, and cash and investements, including retirement. She had virtually nothing (she's not a saver). Her job paid her car insurance and gave her spending money. I paid all the bills.

 

Apart from the emotional benefits, by getting married, she got a ring (nice, but in the grand scheme of things its not that much), the benefit of all my assets (she didn't contribute to them, she spends her own money), life insurance benefits, retirement, and access to benefits from my job. She gets to claim ownership of all my stuff, including our house (note, it used to me 'my' house). Apart from putting all my life savings and work at risk, I got nothing. Nothing that is, except her happiness (and an increase in my taxes).

 

As I said, I considered this before the wedding, and decided that her happiness is what I wanted. I didn't need to get married, but I'm not sorry either. It (so far) cost me little and gave her a lot. So far it's a good investment.

 

So, to answer the question, "What do men get from marriage?" Economically and legally, in my case, I didn't get anything, I lost. Emotionally, I didn't get anything I didn't already have. I did make her happy though, but that's what love is, it isn't something that you get, it's something you give.

[Woggle]

Not a damn thing. Men are nuts these days if they get married to an american woman.

 

Women file 75% of divorces

They cheat just as much as men

They can hit you and get away with it

They are favored in divorce court.

 

For men getting married these days is like playing russian roulette.

[Pyro]

I can't wait to meet that special someone and get married. I understand that getting married can be a huge risk. There are many "what if's" to consider, but that is a risk that myself and many others are willing to take.

[amerikajin]

Me: Hey, honey, come here and give me a kiss.

 

Her: <gives me the corpse kiss - you know, the one where she lets you kiss her but her lips don't move?>

 

Me: Honey, you okay? You haven't said anything all afternoon.

 

Her: Mmm, I'm okay.

 

Me: Are you sure? You don't sound okay, you seem, I don't know...a little upset by something.

 

Her: <sighs> It's nothing, really.

 

Me: No, really, is it something I did? Did I say or do something to make you upset? I want to know, let's talk, honey.

 

Her: Look, it's nothing okay?!

 

Me: <shrug> Ooookaaay....

 

Her: I can't believe you took her side.

 

Me: <thinking WTF?!> What?! W, what are you talking about?

 

Her: You know what I'm talking about.

 

Me: What, you mean about Lara? About you calling someone you don't know an idiot? All I said was she's my friend and you shouldn't be saying that in front of her boyfriend.

 

Her: Well, I'm only telling the truth - he knows it too.

 

Me: Oh, Jesus. What is it with you?! I'm only saying that's a bit rude and insensitive.

 

Her: You embarrassed me, you took her side.

 

Me: Look, all I said was -

 

Her: I know what you said. Good night.

 

Me: Oh yeah, well f*ck you you neurotic b!tch.

 

Her: Do you want to have sex now?

[wizdom]

I Feel sorry for you alpha. you have really had a ruff time with women. Maybe you should take a look at yourself and see if your to blame for the relationships not working out.

 

I think it is important to be married because that is the way it was intended to be. Not getting religious but it says that God created adam and he made eve for him.

Also that adam had sex with his wife eve. So basically if your not married you not supposed to be having sex anyways. But in this day in age people don't care and will hook up with anyone the can. I guess you have to have respect and a desire for marriage to see it's purpose. I think it's ashame that these are the views of people now a days.

 

i will say that not all women are honest and you have to choose your women wizly.

There are a lot of women that just want things done for them. Marriage is about give and take and also compromising. She needs to be willing to satisfy you needs as well as you satisfiying her.

[shalae204]

Originally posted by Woggle

 

They can hit you and get away with it

 

[Pyro]

Originally posted by Woggle

They are favored in divorce court.

 

Not always true. When my parents went through their divorce, my dad obtained custody of my sister and me. Alot of it has to do with what the kids want.

[SoftDrink]

Originally posted by Merin

 

 

 

 

2) My Little People and that wasn't because a Judge ordered it that way, it was because he didn't want them...

 

 

isn't that the truth...you seem to do such a lovely job, though, merin, that i sincerely doubt your children are lacking in anything.

 

 

 

 

"oh no, honey, you can have the kids. i don't want to take them away from their mother" when it's more like "um, well, if i have them by myself, it means i actually have to take care of them...how do i do that? what do they eat? does this one still wear diapers?"

 

 

when it comes to freedom, the wife loses far more often. i have yet to see as many men as women fighting for full custody of the kids. wonder why that it is.

 

in the case of women getting child support, women are not seen as helpless "mothers-only" kind of people anymore. if they are lucky enough to get anything at all, in the cases i've seen, it's hardly enough. these men complain and complain that they have to pay for them, but forget that these kids are their kids too...if you already get to start your life over child-free--how hard is it to pay for their things? if it seems like too much, well, then, you should never have had kids in the first place.

 

 

 

 

it's sad, but it happens. (yes, there are fathers who have full custody of children and do it fabulously. i don't know any, but i know they're out there somewhere.)

 

 

maybe it doesn't seem like men (or women) get much out of being married, but men certainly have a cleaner slate at the time of divorce.

 

it just seems that maybe it's less about what you gain by marriage, and more about what you have to lose if it doesn't work.

 

my boyfriend and i don't want children. when we get married, it's to be together--for companionship, for teamwork, to come home to someone you love who loves you, to help you have a purpose--for all those cheesy things that people should want and have, but that get lost in all this "what i am getting out of it" stuff. sure, we could do all that without getting married. but why shouldn't we if we want to?

 

i don't know what else to say.

[SixthSt.Girl]

You can do it so people won't think you're gay, or to use as a cover if you are gay and in a high profile position like governor. Honestly, I don't see how it's a benefit to either side. Women bicker that their husbands don't do enough for them, and men argue the same. I guess people do it for companionship - they don't want to be alone. I really enjoy my time alone and am not much of a people person, so I can't understand wanting someone around 24/7. I would expect my husband to pull his weight around the house, which few men seem ready and willing to do. If he wants to be the sole breadwinner though, sure, I'd do all the housework. That is a rarity, though, anymore. I figure if I have to do a full-time job, support myself, do all the household stuff, then what good is a husband?? Chances are I'll be doing all those things, anyway, single or married!

 

People take on so much nowadays, it's no wonder marriages fail. I think it takes a special person to be able to balance work, continuing education, kids, etc., and most people can't pass the test, as evidenced by the divorce rate. I sure wouldn't be able to. Why get married when I can have semi-casual relationships, no stress of commitment - works for me, for now. When I'm 30, maybe I'll change my mind. I just wish it was more acceptable for 20-somethings especially not to be married - you're either gay if you're a guy, or an old maid if you're a woman. Do some people not understand that it's possible to WANT to be single?

[passingby]

Maybe it isn't that women are somehow missing the mark and expect too much and give too little. Maybe the scales have become unbalanced and lopsided. Men seem to expect much more than they should from their wives these days. They need to get real.

 

Why SHOULD a woman be required to cook, clean, raise the children 75%of the time, AND hold down a full-time job in order to earn the "good wife" badge? 'Scuse me, good wives don't demand equal treatment I guess. They settle for what is given to them and don't complain, don't expect or want more. Seems men complain because they can't get both sides of the coin. They want a woman who is beautiful, cooks like Betty Crocker, cleans like the Tidy Bowl man, smiles when she picks their draws up off the floor, gives them a psychological pat on the head when they screw up, speaks to them little, never bothers them with her needs, is patient, long suffering and adoring. In short - Men want their mommys!

 

Yet they also want a contemporary wife who helps pay the bills by holding down a job, can think for herself, looks decent, helps him plan for the future, invests her time and money so that they can both acquire wealth, is self-suffiicient for the most part, does not require too much of his time, keeps the kids out of his hair, and is strong and not afraid to speak her mind and stand her own.

 

After dealing with the demands of a full time job, we stop by the market on the way home, get something on the table, help with the homework, listen to their everyone's woes, make sure the kids are bathed and get to bed on time, and do the dishes or sort laundry while our H's fall asleep in their easy chairs. Many of us save time by planning every single spare minute we have. I often do my shopping or run errands on my lunch hour and eat my lunch at my desk while I'm working so I can don't have to shop on my way home. We spend our weekends doing everything we didn't have time to do during the week. People like Alpha Male should realize - by and large, American women do not lead a glamourous self-indulgent life. We work hard! We have to! The economy dictates it. If we didn't work hard, our husbands would be kililng themselves working three and four jobs to make the ends meet.

 

Consequently... the house is not always clean and dinner is not always home-made. I can't wait to get out of my office clothes and into my ugly baggy comfortable pajama pants that my husband complains about all the time. Sue me, I don't give a darn. I get a bad attitude sometimes and can truly look like hel* sometimes. Don't always have time to exercise so I have some "pudge issues", but neither do I complain that I'm not married to a George Clooney look alike. I do not wear much make-up and my hair is uncomplicated and easy to care for. On the plus side, I try to keep beer in the fridge and milk and bread in the house, tolerate the fact that he must be stone deaf because he can't watch the television set unless the volume is so high I can't think and it is hardly ever turned off. I don't get upset because I have to remind him the car needs a tune-up, my birthday's coming up, it's back to school night or we need to pay the mortgage or we'll accrue a late charge even though these are things he should remember all by hisself (I believe this is commonly referred to as the dreaded "nagging"). I leave him alone when he's had a bad day, keep the kids outta his hair, make sure everyone has SOMETHING to eat, clean sheets to sleep on, and say yes more than no even when the last thing I want to do is have sex sometimes because I can hardly keep my eyes open.

 

Gee whiz. What's wrong with us women that we can't be cleaning machines, Pamela Anderson sex goddesses, cookie bakers, perfect mommies, charming, attentive, money makers AND money managers, decision makers, problem solvers, tiara wearing beauty queens, thin, smart, classy, tolerant, non-demanding, demure, ladylike and strong, tough and businesslike all at the same time?

 

News Flash: If you want more home cooking, pick up a skillet and help us out. If you want attention, give me a hand so I can have time to give you some. ARe you feeling lonely, underloved and appreciated? Guess what.. so am I. So why don't we work together??

 

I am sort of confused over the negative connotations men are giving to "American women". This thread isn't the first time I read something insinuating American women are somehow more selfish, more spoiled, more demanding than other women. I venture to say this is absolutely not true. We are no less loving, caring or eager to please than other women. I don't know where this negative viewpoint about American women is coming from, except maybe from the American men who have not evolved with changing American economical and social mores. Maybe they're stuck in a 50's time warp and don't realize that Joan Jetson was a cartoon figure and women like her do not really exist. Come to think of it, I don't think they ever existed. NOt even in the 50's.

 

So how about some appreciation for us hard working American women? I applaud hard working women like myself. I think American women are terrific.

 

In answer to the original question - What do men get out of marriage these days? About as much as they put in. So why is that so hard for some men to live with??? Another question might be why are so many men still expecting to get 75% when they only give 25%?

 

Okay. So.. now come 'n get me.... cuz I'm ready... :-)

[SoftDrink]

i would also like to add that not everyone here has feministic tendencies.

 

i would be very happy to marry someone who is the sole breadwinner. i would be thrilled not to be pressured to have a job, and to stay home and take care of my house. i would love to have the time to make fabulous meals for my husband to be ready when he comes home.

 

even now (we live together) i love taking care of him. i like knowing his clothes are always clean, our bed is always made, he doesn't come home to a mess, and i am always happy to see him. sure, he can do all these things himself, and does, if i let him, but i enjoy doing it.

 

it makes me feel good to make him feel good--because i love him. sometimes that's what a relationship is all about, so long as it's reciprocated. i wouldn't want to do things for a neanderthal who made me spitshine his bone-club at the risk of being dragged by my hair out of the cave.

 

i think the difference now, though, is that it's not expected. no one says "you are a woman, and this is what you have to do--serve your man!"

 

the point is that now women have options--if you want to work, work...if you have to work, then, yeah, by all means work. but if not, and you have the option of being, for lack of a better word, a housewife and you want to, then you should be able to without having someone scream in your face that you're owned by a man and you're too weak to take care of yourself.

 

my mother was stay-at-home mom, and she's one of the smartest, strongest women i've ever known. as long as it works for both people, i don't see what the problem is.

 

women have options now, sure. but an "option" is just that--a choice.

[bab]

but if not, and you have the option of being, for lack of a better word, a housewife and you want to, then you should be able to without having someone scream in your face that you're owned by a man and you're too weak to take care of yourself.

 

Absolutely. I agree 100%.

 

women have options now, sure. but an "option" is just that--a choice.

 

Not always. Like you said, some HAVE to work to keep the family afloat. My fiance expects me to work and help bring in the dough. So, with that in mind, I agree with Passerby, he can't have his cake and eat it too. Luckily, he doesn't expect it, and is a great cook and we've already split up who cleans what.