Moose Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Pre-nups are for people who aren't 100% committed to the relationship. Otherwise, there would be no need. My brother and his new wife drew one up, and I told them that. Needless to say, nothing was signed. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Moose Pre-nups are for people who aren't 100% committed to the relationship. Otherwise, there would be no need. My brother and his new wife drew one up, and I told them that. Needless to say, nothing was signed. Sometimes you're committed to the relationship and you think your spouse is committed only to later find out that they are not. Even if I was 100% committed, how do I know that he is? I don't know, I've just been taught to always protect your assets. (please no comments from the peanut gallery) Maybe I'm jaded because the closest I've come to marrying someone..and I was 100% committed to the relationship..he left me for someone else. I was fooled into thinking that he was as committed as I was...did not turn out to be the case. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 Sometimes you're committed to the relationship and you think your spouse is committed only to later find out that they are not. Even if I was 100% committed, how do I know that he is? I don't know, I've just been taught to always protect your assets. (please no comments from the peanut gallery) Maybe I'm jaded because the closest I've come to marrying someone..and I was 100% committed to the relationship..he left me for someone else. I was fooled into thinking that he was as committed as I was...did not turn out to be the case. I respect your fore sight to cover your arse but I think you are some what jaded based on your past experience. The only way to truly experience love is to risk it all for it and give in to it completely. Yes you wait to get married till you know they are on the same page but if you go in to it with reservations and outs lined up then you will never truly experience what it has to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR I respect your fore sight to cover your arse but I think you are some what jaded based on your past experience. The only way to truly experience love is to risk it all for it and give in to it completely. Yes you wait to get married till you know they are on the same page but if you go in to it with reservations and outs lined up then you will never truly experience what it has to offer. maybe when i find it i'll be singing a different tune Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted August 17, 2005 Author Share Posted August 17, 2005 I'm going to have to agree with JS17. A prenup doesn't mean you're planning to fail. That's like saying buying car insurance means you're planning to wreck your car. It doesn't mean it will happen or that you want it to happen, it just means you're covered should the worst case scenario occur. I mean, hey, if total reward requires total risk then why not do away with condoms too? I mean, clearly you should only wear a condom if you're planning to contract HIV. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by Moose Pre-nups are for people who aren't 100% committed to the relationship. Otherwise, there would be no need. My brother and his new wife drew one up, and I told them that. Needless to say, nothing was signed. I can understand the logic of that, but realistically I think a pre-nup is a good idea - if its not approached as a way of saying "I love you, but..." If its done equally and fairly I think its a good idea. I can't realistically 'imagine' a case where if hubby and I split he (or I) would be vindictive enough to lay claim to something that would hurt the other by losing it. I don't think he would ever leave me and take my dogs as a way to hurt me and I'm 100% sure of that. But its happened with other couples. When dealing with financial assets I think its very important. Suppose one partner just snaps somehow and does something like that. It would be good to be protected. I don't have a prenup but if I had money, or hubby had money I think it would be a good idea even though we'd probably never think about it. When we were split up and talking about divorce it was amicable, but we did get into some heated discussions over what to do with some things. The 'right' thing to do would be to sell the things and split the profit, but emotionally there were things neither of us wanted to let go of. A prenup would cover that and take the guilt or anger or stress over making the decision. Just my two cents! Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodhubbie Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 But for men, what is there specifically that is advantageous about marriage that can't be achieved through a committed but not legally bound relationship? Not a God damned thing, my friend. I have to say I totally agree with Alphamale on this thread completely. For any man, marriage is a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Ok.....thanks there, "thegoodhubbie"??? On the pre-nup thing, I think they are a clear sign on what you're actually placing your sense of value on. I am 110% sure Mrs. Moose and I would never part unless in death. But if God forbid that does happen, her and my children's well being would be my number 1 concern. When I say 100% committed, that meant possesions as well, what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours, from this day forward, all gain belongs to the, "Smiths", not Hubby or Wifey. If something where to happen, even after following that guidline, and one wants to stoop low enough to hurt the other, they're only hurting themselves and I think they are the ones who will eventually pay the consequences. Us men may not gain anything or a whole lot of tangibles when we marry most of the time, but what are we as men suppose to be doing in the marriage in the first place? Last I remember, my main job is to be the provider. It doesn't matter if you wind up being the only one 100% committed your marriage either, as long as you are, you placed your value on your family, and that should be your main concern. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by Moose I am 110% sure Mrs. Moose and I would never part unless in death. I know some dudes who felt the exact same way until one day their wives split and totally blind-sided their hubbies who never saw it coming. Remember that 3 out of 4 divorces are filed by the woman. good day alpha Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by Moose But if God forbid that does happen, her and my children's well being would be my number 1 concern. You say that now as a happily married man.. You wouldn't be saying this if she had an affair and is divorcing you. You would be saying that your children's well being is number 1.. Up to a certain financial point and her well being would be far down the list. Yours would be the highest as Survival is what we are geared for. See... the reality is that she would be trying to take everything you own at this point.. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodhubbie Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by Moose Ok.....thanks there, "thegoodhubbie"??? I chose that nic because that is what I always try to be, yet, for some bizzare reason, no matter what I do it never seems to be enough. I am a "goodhubbie" I do everything my wife asks of me and more, and yet it seems like in return I only get what she has to do. I think you are probably deluding yourself into thinking that your wife wouldn't screw you in a heartbeat if you got divorced. I KNOW mine would try everything she could to get as much as she could. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 You say that now as a happily married man.. You wouldn't be saying this if she had an affair and is divorcing you.You're right. I would have a different attitude if this happened. First, I would fight for custody of the kids, and with my resources, I would win. That doesn't mean I wouldn't have any concerns for the ex Mrs. Moose though. I would still want my children's mother to be safe. The rest of your post is mute, because the situation you described would put me in a totally different position. I would then have the upper hand, she wouldn't be able to touch me. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I am a "goodhubbie" I do everything my wife asks of me and more, and yet it seems like in return I only get what she has to do.I don't do everything my wife asks of me. I'm still my own person. I still have a little control over what I do. Sounds to me you need to put a foot down.I think you are probably deluding yourself into thinking that your wife wouldn't screw you in a heartbeat if you got divorced. That's always a possibility. But since I don't place my value on my possessions, I think I'd do just fine.I KNOW mine would try everything she could to get as much as she could.That's really a bummer......sad situation...... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by Moose That's always a possibility. But since I don't place my value on my possessions, I think I'd do just fine. well if you don't put value on you posessions, the lawyers and the court will I remember just before I filed for divorce back in 1996 my wife said "oh, honey, I don't want anything from you...." A month later after I filed I got a letter from her lawyer stating she wanted $25,000.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale well if you don't put value on you posessions, the lawyers and the court will There isn't a truer statement than that .. Other than it will be Her lawyers that will put value in your possesions. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Moose - I think every woman would be lucky to find a guy that feels the way that you do about marriage. (and you always write great posts on this site) Many men and women these days will just leave when the going gets tough instead of sticking by their SO. Personally, I'm not like that. I hope you never have to find out but if you and your wife decide to split you may both just say that you don't want anything from the other, this may work for you. Unfortunately I think a lot of people's emotions take over their logic when a divorce comes into play because their dreams have been broken. I'm sure that you also know that people on this board lean toward the cynical side. Many of us have come here as a result of a negative romantic relationship experience so take what everyone has to say with a grain of salt Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Oh I try too to take things with a grain of salt. Look, if worse did come to worse, and it was a mutual decision, and for some reason she did get custody, she wouldn't have an arguement from me on child support. It would be my duty. Anything above and beyond that makes no difference to me. I'll let the lawyers battle that out. When the smoke clears, as long as MY kids have the means to live a normal life, I'd be fine with that. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodhubbie Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I think we have gotten a little off topic here. The initial question was, What does a man gain from marriage? It seems to me the concensus, even from some of the women, is nothing. THAT is the point. A man gains nothing from a marriage, and a woman gains a lot (given the right circumstances). Despite the fact that I do genuinely love my wife and I try to be a good husband, I would sincerely urge single men to think twice, even three times about getting married. To be intellectually, brutally honest in this "discussion; for a man, there really is no point to getting married, especially if he is getting laid regularly before marriage. That's just how it is Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 damn have you thought about marriage counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by thegoodhubbie To be intellectually, brutally honest in this "discussion; for a man, there really is no point to getting married, especially if he is getting laid regularly before marriage. That's just how it is Thats about right T.G.H. Most women realized that they come out smelling like roses in a marriage situation, that is why they are so damn persistent about getting a man to the altar. I mean, from the day they are born, women are scheming and planning and dreaming about their wedding day and the unlucky dude. Women instinctively know that the guy is most likely going to get the shaft in any marriage, especially after any children are born. The conventional wisdom says that the man has the upper hand before marriage and the woman the upper hand after marriage. And this is basically true. So if you're a man and you always want to keep the upper hand then you just never marry. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Off topic a bit, but in a second marriage, can't the former spouse go after more $$$ if the ex's new spouse is well-to-do? Wouldn't the prenup protect the new spouse from the old spouse? IE If I get married again to some rich dude, can my ex H go after his money? If my ex gets married to some rich dudette, and I go after him for HER money? lol Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodhubbie Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I mean, from the day they are born, women are scheming and planning and dreaming about their wedding day and the unlucky dude. Women instinctively know that the guy is most likely going to get the shaft in any marriage, especially after any children are born. That's a bit over the top. I certainly don't believe women are that calculating, though some can be. I think the majority of women want to get married for the right reasons, love, happiness, etc. But single men need to be made aware that marriage is not what it is cracked up to be. The conventional wisdom says that the man has the upper hand before marriage and the woman the upper hand after marriage. And this is basically true. So if you're a man and you always want to keep the upper hand then you just never marry. This I couldn't agree with more Link to post Share on other sites
MySugaree Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 The conventional wisdom says that the man has the upper hand before marriage and the woman the upper hand after marriage. And this is basically true. So if you're a man and you always want to keep the upper hand then you just never marry. Alphamale, you, my friend, are LoveShack's Machiavelli of the Human Heart. And like Machiavelli, what you say often is uncomfortably true. Carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by MySugaree And like Machiavelli, what you say often is uncomfortably true. hey man, I call it like I see it Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Off topic a bit, but in a second marriage, can't the former spouse go after more $$$ if the ex's new spouse is well-to-do? Wouldn't the prenup protect the new spouse from the old spouse? IE If I get married again to some rich dude, can my ex H go after his money? If my ex gets married to some rich dudette, and I go after him for HER money? lol No !! The courts only consider INCOME from the parents of the child. Link to post Share on other sites
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