[sexless marriage; should I stay faithful?]

[elaine567]

YOU seem to have forgotten that the "terrible" woman is suffering from RA.

[Maraud3r]

YOU seem to have forgotten that the "terrible" woman is suffering from RA.

I'm fairly sure I didn't call her terrible, most of the shaming and negative stereotyping came from you aimed at the husband.

 

And here's the thing. Do we know she actually has it? Is she trying to find ANY kind of treatment for it? Because from what we've been told, she seems to be okay with the current situation and sees no reason to change anything about it or seek any kind of treatment.

 

You are angry at him for being away a lot, which we don't know if it's his choice or whether she simply doesn't want to accompany him for one reason or another. Yet at the same time expect him to stay married to this woman, because it is convenient for her and you are squarely aligning and identifying at her anyway.

 

Divorces seems like the best option. Both get what they want. She wont have to be pestered about sex anymore and he is free to pursue it.

[elaine567]

The OP said his wife has RA and she is too sore to have sex, who am I to dispute that?

 

RA is not something anyone just makes up, it is a very painful, debilitating and disabling condition. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that sex is off the table for her whether she would want that or not.

She obviously does not want a divorce as her future is uncertain healthwise and as she has already invested years into this marriage.

 

BUT if sex is that important to him, then I feel divorce is the only real option available, anything else has the potential to become very messy, very fast.

[Clay]

I hate to sound cold but I would just divorce her. Its not fair to either one of you if you stay. You will resent her to the point that you cheat on her. She cant fix her medical issue so she is stuck with it.

[Steve51]

When my wife of 45 years said that she was never horny anymore at the age of 60, I told her that I understood and assume that means I could get sex elsewhere. She said no. I said it is very unfair to ask me to give up my sexlife because you gave up yours.

 

 

My wife knows that I have some magical power that attracts women to have sex with me. She tried a wife swap and shared me with her friends, one friend for 30 years. She likes to kid around by saying that she knows that when she dies I will have already found a date to take to her funeral.

 

We ended up scheduling mandatory sex nights as we read online. You had to attend even if no sex, just cuddling fully clothed. that went on for a few weeks and sure enough that Oxytocin that closeness and sex releases, emotionally bonded us again and now my wife is having some of the best orgasms of her life.

 

My wife now understands how important sex is to a marriage and how just doing her marital duty is not going to release the hormone Oxytocin whose job is to emotionally bond a couple together. Most people are unaware of the science of sex and love. It is not your heart but rather your brain that controls your emotions by which chemicals are released when certain triggers are detected. Sex promotes emotional bonding which in turn promotes intimacy. Once the sex stops you become roommates without benefits.

[dichotomy]

I would need a bit more information.

 

How bad of RA are we talking here? Seven years is a LONG time, but maybe if you were married for 27 and the first 20 were pretty good years (okay sex)...then maybe I would say stay faithful and stay home.

 

 

My wife and I have struggled with sex (her interest) from early in the marriage.. She once said "well what will you do when I get old and maybe my health does not allow sex" I did not skip a beat - I replied "when you are old and sick and can't.... we will simply hold hands in bed and smile and laugh as we recount our younger days of frequent, fun, sex".