Boyfriend has nudes of his ex....

[Versacehottie]

I've been dating a guy for about 2 months. Everything was going well, we gat along, he tells me he loves me and we got pretty serious. But sometimes when he is very busy he doesn't show any care so we talked about it and he said he will try to call me more, text me more etc I felt like his work and other things were more important so it was ok till yesterday. He gave me the keys to his house so i can wait till he comes hime so i did. i was bored so i decided to play around on his ipad and just out of curiosity i checked the gallery... the only pics in it were of his ex gfs private parts, pics and videos of them having sex etc. The moment i saw that i just wanted to puke... he has his old phone always around and always charged even tho he doesn't use it so obviously, after seeing that i checked that phone too... and saw what I expected. more of the ex gf porn. he came hime and noticed im in a horrible state but i couldnt tell him i went trough his pics even tho I had no idea what i'll find. I blamed on a fight we had earlier. We had the ex bf/gf talk and I know about this one particular ex. He told me that when they dated he thought he will marry her. He told me that she's very sweet and asked me how I feel if he said something like that about an ex... didn't care much then. They broke up and got back many times because her parents hated him and eventually he moved and then she moved too. but earlier this year (few months after their breakup) she came home to visit and for that period of time the were together. then he told her its not gonna work with the distance and the parents and stopped talking. before he met me he ried contacting her but she ignored him... and unfollowed him on social media. he still followes her and likes her stuff tho...

I asked if he still cares for her and he said no but rn i cant belive him. He tells me he loves me and it seems like he's trying but so many times i feel that he doesn't.... i can't help to think about his feelings for her and those pictures haunt me. Im not sure i can ever get over them but I'm afraid that breaking up with him might hurt me even more. I want to tell him but don't know how. maybe "find them by mistake" next time i'm at his place.

 

*So it's ONLY been two months. Let's face it you don't know the guy, you are still getting to know him, which doesn't mean he is bad or good--it most likely means you need more information in general.

 

*Pretty soon to say I love you. I would wonder if you are a rebound or a substitute for a relationship he cannot have. I would worry that the ILY's are not grounded or based on anything in this time frame and due to his mindset at time you started dating being very recent past.

 

*You have already had to talk to him about not prioritizing you. That either indicates you are more needy than him which will cause problems OR he is outright not prioritizing you, i.e. his words and actions don't match. Or your insecurity and neediness has already crept into the relationship---in the first two months!!! Typically a honeymoon and very easy period for almost all relationships. BTW it could be some of both. But by already complaining about it, you let cat out of the bag, showed your hand and he may resent it etc and feel burdened. Basically you need to get on the same page with each other. I would predict you wanting but not being able to get more and consistency with his time will be a bigger problem than the photos ever will be. But combined with you having seen them, it puts the relationship in weird unbalanced, uncomfortable place.

 

*You indict you had a fight earlier. Huh? It's been two months, what are you fighting about already. I feel heaviness that is uncomfortable and not happy with such a statement. you both will feel it too. Also instead of communicating "something" honest at that time, you were unable to communicate with him and blamed it on a previous fight, thus magnifying the effects of that fight--and lying/not being honest with him. I get that it was hard to gather your thoughts and address the issue than but better to be honest in the ways you can or comfortable enough to have the words to deal with it then. If you "love each other" this shouldn't be that much of an issue (to communicate). ie. living on false promises/sense of security through the words ILY but not in day-to-day action, moment-to-moment & communication.

 

*He has broken up with her less than 6 months ago and thought he was going to marry her? Um, use caution. Lots of whoever is after in this time period is a rebound.

 

*Breaking up and getting back together several times & also being forced out due to family involvement will create almost a stronger bond in ways. It's psychological and I can explain more if you want. But think romeo and juliet regarding the family part. And ego, self in wanting to "win" for the back and forth. Heightened by the fact that SHE pulled the plug not him.

 

*She ignores him but he still tries to get in touch or view her activities through social media (far worse than the photos!!!) red flag. He is still connected emotionally and wants contact. Only thing stopping contact is her. If she changes her mind, he will want contact most likely, unless he has emotionally moved on.

 

*"many times (IN TWO MONTHS!!!) he has tried to show you he loves you but you don't believe it???? Huh??? Honestly that reeks of insecurity IMO from your end. Why a bottomless pit of neediness? Why overly dramatic? Why not let it unfolded? Why is it not enough? That will wear on him soon enough--only reason it hasn't is because it has been only two months! Otherwise, which is a more remote possibility is that you are picking up on vibes that indicate his true feelings for you are not there or do not match what he SAYS to you. I think your expectations are out of whack if you expect fully developed love feelings at two months in. If you do, i would be suspect that you are only hearing what you want, or being told what you want to hear and that may be why it rings false.

 

All of this is more indicative of pulse of the relationship vs the pix. I think the snooping was just looking for more jealousy-driven, insecurity-driven behavior. I'm not saying that you are not valid for feeling like that. Either what he is doing/not doing fuels that or who you are fuels that, or some combo of both.

 

Will look at your other posts, but basically you need personal clarification in those areas that it would be smart to move forward with this guy. Some of that clarification can come from communicating with him, observing his actions toward you and measuring up what happens between you two and how it makes you feel against your personal standards. That's the "more" info you need to get.

[Versacehottie]

I've missed a few of the details and i made him seem like a total ass but hes not. He dated one other girl after the ext thing ended... the rebound... and left her after a month. I might be that too not sure...

But its not like he is constantly ignoring me. we meet really often, he met my mom and he wants me to meet his. not of his 4 exes met her. I met all his friends and coworkers and was introduced as the gf. he's not using me for sex, waited till i was ready and never forces me, doesnt even try if im not well. he doesn't have any normal pictures of his ex just the sex ones...

it might be true that he still loves her and is trying to forget her and fool himself... so after discovering i told him that sometimes i feel like I'm some random girl he found cuz he was lonely. and he said he's hurt by that because he really cares for me

 

Needy, insecure statement. You are looking for him to reassure you quite a lot. It will destroy the relationship. Need personal strength and confidence.

[Versacehottie]

I don't delete them either. even have a 3 nudes of my ex. but they are all stored on my laptop somewhere where i don't look at them and not on my ipad or phone that i keep near my bed every day..

 

Irrational belief. So essentially you do the same thing with nude photos of ex but because you store them differently than he does, he still has feelings for her? This is nuts thinking.

[Versacehottie]

he's not ignoring me. he's not much of a texter but texts me daily and quite often since we talked about it. just stops when he's at work... he is not in contact with the ex at all... i checked on that too, but it is possible he might want to be... it bothers me like crazy..... but the ex stuff and his behaviour don't match. i don't belive in words like i love u and he knows that. he's also the one who saved me out of a very very bad relationship and helped me when i was at my lowest.. but now i feel like he's taking me back there

 

*More snooping regarding the ex (not just stumbling upon the photos). You are jealous and need to admit that to yourself in order to address it.

 

*Baggage. No one needs to "save" you. If you are that damaged, you need to heal yourself before you start another relationship so it can be healthy and normal or the problems will follow you--as evidenced by you saying you feel like he's 'taking you back there".

[Versacehottie]

Wow i did not expect to get so many replies! Thank you for all the advice. Now i want to add a few things...if anyone will read I'd appreciate further opinions.

 

I know snooping is bad but since o had his house keys and the lock code to his ipad i didn't think id find anything like that. They were pretty much in plain side. Both phone and ipad had just those in the gallery. I was expecting old pics of him, his art etc.

I was so shocked that i couldn't tell himthen cuz i didn't know what.... it hurt to bad. I cant do it till the weekend cuz i cant have such a conversation in a restaurant.... plus me snooping will make him angry and we will both loose the trust.... so i want to be careful about it but i want to say it this week

 

 

I have missed a few details and made him seem like a really bad guy mostly because finding this messed me up.

 

About him not giving enough attention, i guess i asked for too much some times. Because ive had very bad experiences with guys for the past years i have trust issues and I'm paranoid sometimes. for the past month he prepared for a contest and he'd* sleep 3-4h a night. I complained to him but only realised at the contest that it really was a big deal. It ended about a week ago and he went back to texting and calling often and meeting me 5days a week even if it was really short before his work. He lives 1h away but still comes all the way to see me.* I have an important exam next week do he said we should spend the whole weekend* studying cuz he wants to help me.

He really wanted to meet my mom and is telling me to meet his for weeks. He introduced me to everyone around him and met my friends too. Hes being careful around me and even when it came to sex he'd do it 10 times if he could but would never lay a finger on me if i seem a bit off.

He recently told me during a fight that he'd feel empty if he lost me... and yesterday, knowing im sad because of him he said that he thinks hes not enough and he cant give me what i want.... wich is not the case...

 

About saying I love you so soon i think for some its normal. Ive had a bf that told me that after 2 weeks and we dated for a very long time. And he dated this ex in the pics for 8months but thought he might end up with her. Hes just fast like that i guess.

 

One of my exes told me once that he keeps sone nudes of me (but they are not as explicit) and i found that somewhat normal. But having a whole phone to use just for that is weird to me.... him having them is not a problem for me... but keeping them on 2 devices he uses all the time probably jerking off to them all the time.... i haven't seen any other pics of her anywhere wich is odd too. and once he was showing me something on his phone and had her name saved with a heart on an app and even tho i didn't say a word he kept saying sorry and deleted her name right away. I have no problem with having memories of exes because i do too but not where u always look at them when u are with someone else.

Im not sure if he still has feelings for her... wich hurts like hell...or he keeps them as porn but then again... i feel that hes comparing me to that and im not good enough...wich hurts too... since he told me they used to do it a lot.

She Unfallowed him... ignores him and is pretty obvious that she wants him out of her life.... so i find it disturbing that he is holding on to stuff like that.

When we had the ex talk he didn't want to do it because he thought it will hurt us to know but i wanted to tell him why i have trust issues. Thats when he said she is sweet and asked how that made me feel because he expected it to hurt and seemed like he did it on propose. but he only talked like that about her and not so nice about the others.

They dated till about a year ago when he moved back. But pics ended in January (those were sent by her). They were really taken on that phone and transferred to the tablet this summer. I think they tried to work it out for a while after he moved. Then when she came to visit for 2 weeks in may and they prolly me to **** and then she moved to England and that was it. Few days after that he dated some girl for a month and left her. Then a few months later he met me and thats the story.

 

*paranoid. Well do you think your thought patterns could be influencing how you feel about this or view this situation? Valid question!

 

*He's just fast like that. Well that could be part of the problem. Fast doesn't always equally sincere or long-lasting, which your emotions can be picking up on, which is why you are desperating seeking reassurance.

 

*Why are you assuming his phone is "for that". I have two old phones and they are for everything that's in them, not any one specific thing. And it's probably dumb that I still have because I won't access them at all, but i do. It can mean everything or nothing and all the variety in between. Weird to you, doesn't mean weird to other people. This is one place where you don't really know him, if you did, you might understand that it's not weird for him and means nothing--or means something. But you don't know him so you are defaulting to paranoid thoughts.

 

*What gave you impression he is comparing you to her? Insecure, needy thoughts.

 

*She ignores him. How do you know this? Did he tell you? To me, this indicates he is hung up, not moved on. Or if you snooped for this info. Either way, it's not good. This is troublesome and you need to gather more information from him to see what his intentions toward you are. I would check actions rather than words.

 

*"Trust issues". That's really the crux of this problem. You have them and this is basis for the snooping and discovering and now you have issues with what you found. If you have trust issues, you are likely to be on the lookout for things you worry will violate trust, often irrationally and jealously so.

[Versacehottie]

Ok, well, there you go. Your own posts tell the story going on between lines and behind the scenes. it's more than the pics, which are just a symptom.

[Teo]

*So it's ONLY been two months. Let's face it you don't know the guy, you are still getting to know him, which doesn't mean he is bad or good--it most likely means you need more information in general.

.

 

Thank you for your response. O think most of the things you said are right.

It is true that i am very insecure when it comes to relationships i will not lie about it and when he was busy i really felt like something was wrong (that was what that fight was about earlier that day since i didnt tell him before and also because he kept changing the weekend plans and got me annoyed byt wasnt really a big deal)

Other than that, the relationship went smooth and quiet normal for a new one id say.

 

The pictures were the first thing that i ever saw related to the ex gf and thats why i assumed he might have feelings for her ater seeing them. Thats when i looked her up on social media etc. Tbh i am friends with most of my exes on fb and some irl too, like their pics and they like mine etc. Idk what the case would be here. He does not actively look her up and like her stuff as he liked maybe 2 pics of hers in the first 3 weeks after we met.

They officially broke up a year ago and met again im may but didn't officially get back together. He was the one who told her it wont work out and thats when she ignored him and unfollowed him. But if he tired to contact her i get it. Now... after he told her that he started daiting his trainee for a month, left her and thats when he contacted the ex again.

 

I also have a little update since i met him today. He's acting weird abd he obviously knows that i was off because of something else and not that dumb fight we had. There is also a chance he might know i saw them because we have this notebook we wrote stuff to eachother in and he brought it with him today and had a bunch of sweet things written in it. Anyway i left one page empty and asked what to do with it. He said maybe we sould write our confessions... confess wrong things we did to eachother.... and i asked of there is something like that and he got all awkward and just saif no no... nevermind. He might have noticed since he knows i know his lock code and maybe i even left some random app openand forgot, who knows. Hes pretty smart and not easy to fool but if he really knows he didnt have the courage to say it either... i guess i really have to do it next time i see him

[Teo]

I forgot one other thing. I get messages from random guys very ofter and i always told him. Weather its on social media or they somethow get my nr etc i get one every week on avarage. Today when i met him some dude texted me saying i gave him my nr and i knew i didnt so i asked who he got it from. He said its from a fraind and didnt say who and got me annoyed. Anyway my bf saw that and got all worked up and asked who that is. And then got angry and mad jealous because i always replay even if its just "sorry dude i have a bf" pretty much every time. This one got my attention for getting my nr from someone. Anywho my bf wanted to take my phone and call the guy and tell him to **** off or whatever. I said theres no need and he got even more jealous till i calmed him down. He does that pretty often... point is acts like that even tho im 100% honest to him about all the guys i talk to or whatever plus he always acts weird if i go out with the girls. But he still keeps pics of his ex and does what he does..... i guess we both have some trust issues

[Teo]

Another thing i wanted to add is that i didn't really plan on breaking up over this but rather talk and see what its about but risk having to do it if the outcome is not good.

The rrason why it bothers me so much is that i will have to go back to my country for a couple of months and come back. Im afraid that if he does have feelings for her and they get back in contact and she visits he might be tempted to see her and rather than having that happen id just prefer to end it. I know for a fact that she lives on the other side of the world and wont move here anytime soon so they probably wont try dating like that but u never know

[Teo]

@Versacehottie

 

He's the one who told me the details like when he tried contacting her and that she ignored him.

About marrying her yeah... that hit me pretty hard but he also told me that maybe we can move in together afer i finish my studies (since i live in a dorm) wich i didn't think much of. I find that odd and find wanting to marry a girl after half a year also pretty odd but as you said i dont know him yet and i have no idea how he thinks.

 

You said a lot of things about my paranoia destroying our bond and i know you are 100% correct. Until now ive waited pretty long between relationships and only met someone when i was ready. The last guy i met just played me in a very ugly way for quite long but was not really a relationship. Meeting my current bf was just random... we met as friends abd ge tried really hard to impress me and told me he liked me so i gave it a shot because i tnever thought about the guy before when i was with him.

The problem is that ive had some bad bfs before and been cheated on, had guys run back to an ex etc and it all added upto this. Im trying hard to work on my confidence and leave the baggage behind. He'salso been cheated on before and his best friend once told me hes quite the jealous type so i guess its not just me being insecure

[umirano]

Your view of him is tainted from previous relationships, he has been hurt too and he's jealous and both of you keep nudes of exes. I think you both have each a couple of things to work out individually and together. Just blaming him or yourself isn't going to achieve anything. I strongly suggest you have a meaningful conversation about what it is exactly that both of you want from your relationship, and how you are willing to work towards it. Sometimes it's just about talking. Actually talking. It doesn't mean you have to solve all issues in one go. The conversation should be a continuous one, rather than a one off thing.

[Teo]

Your view of him is tainted from previous relationships, he has been hurt too and he's jealous and both of you keep nudes of exes. I think you both have each a couple of things to work out individually and together. Just blaming him or yourself isn't going to achieve anything. I strongly suggest you have a meaningful conversation about what it is exactly that both of you want from your relationship, and how you are willing to work towards it. Sometimes it's just about talking. Actually talking. It doesn't mean you have to solve all issues in one go. The conversation should be a continuous one, rather than a one off thing.

 

I checked actually to see if i had nudes of my ex. There was one once but i deleted it. I had it on my laptop and it.was from 4 years ago. I never had it on a phone to at it tho nor any other memories of my exes but i do keep normal pics and things they gave me (back in my country) since i have zero attachment to them and usually forget about their existence

[elaine567]

Irrational belief. So essentially you do the same thing with nude photos of ex but because you store them differently than he does, he still has feelings for her? This is nuts thinking.

 

There is no equivalence here. Apples and oranges.

She has pics on a lap top "somewhere", he has them in a phone he keeps by his bed and on a tablet he uses everyday.

 

A bit like an old pic of a bf you keep in the attic being compared to the pic of a gf he has displayed on the wall of his bedroom...

 

It is highly unfair to shift the "blame" here onto the OP.

 

He already told her he is a pervert, maybe he deliberately left them there for her to find and be "turned on" by maybe...

[stillafool]

This is why you don't go snooping around in other people's belongings. He gave you a key to his home, an act of trust, and you decide to spend that time snooping.

 

I agree and that is why you are in pain. There were other things you could do at his house (watch tv, cook, exercise, etc.) rather than snoop. This is why you can't trust people in your house alone.

[Space Ritual]

Again we have a whole bunch of guys trying to convince the "silly" and "insecure" woman that keeping a bunch of nude pics and porn videos of your ex in your current Gallery on two different devices is completely "normal" and nothing to worry about.

 

I guess if this was a man who had found his gf had a Gallery full of her ex's nude pics and videos of them ****ing and NO other pics or videos, no cute puppies, no family pics, no holiday pics, just wall to wall dick pics of her ex, and porn videos of her and her ex having sex, there would be no end to the insults levelled against her and he would be told to ditch the **** right away...

 

SMH.

 

I never said it was Normal. I pointed out to the OP that anyone who engages in this runs the risk of them being used for nefarious purposes. The same would go for men who take dick pics. They run a huge risk by doing so, as some of the recipients of said dick pic may laugh that the guy talked a real good game turned out to be a wee little pindick...lol

[elaine567]

I never said it was Normal. I pointed out to the OP that anyone who engages in this runs the risk of them being used for nefarious purposes. The same would go for men who take dick pics. They run a huge risk by doing so, as some of the recipients of said dick pic may laugh that the guy talked a real good game turned out to be a wee little pindick...lol

 

I agree.

What has also sent me wondering is the admission he made to the OP about him being a "pervert" what did he actually mean there?

Was that a throwaway comment like "I'm crazy" or were all those pics and videos of his ex taken without her permission maybe...

Hmmm...

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

Don't get too worked up about the fact that you found something you didn't like.

 

 

He took that risk by giving you his code, along with his keys after 2 months dating.

 

It is arguments like the one that has gone back and forth on your thread that steer me away from entering into anything that resembles a committed relationship instead of a casual one.

[Gaeta]

How old are you 2 ?

 

Reading your last updates the whole thing feels like high school drama. Only 2 months dating and already snooping, checking the ex on FB, pouting, asking each other what you did wrong!! Is this a 20 year relationship or a 2 month dating??

 

At 2 months dating you should not be dealing with this, your biggest issue at 2 months dating should be to decide what to wear on your next date!!

[d0nnivain]

You need better boundaries.

 

You snooped. Poor boundary # 1.

 

You have nude photos of your EX but are upset that he has photos of his. Boundary problem # 2. It doesn't matter that his are more accessible. They still exist. You can't berate him for something you do too.

 

You say you are scared that because he has these photos he is comparing you to his EX. Are you comparing him to your nude EXs?

 

You claim you are "friends" with several of your EXs on FB & IRL. Boundary problem # 3. Once you beak up with somebody you need to get them out of your life. Keeping them around muddies the waters of new relationships.

 

You fear talking to him. Even though you suspect he knows because he wants you to write a confession in this notebook you two exchange, you won't talk to him because you fear the outcome. Lack of believe in your relationship is boundary problem # 4. If you had a better sense of self you could speak confidently to work through this problem / insecurity about the proximity of his photos.

 

Finally you don't have trust, boundary problem # 5. You fear that while you are away traveling to your home country he will go back to his EX. If you had trust you would both know where the boundaries of your healthy relationship were & you wouldn't have concerns about this temporary separation.

[umirano]

There were other things you could do at his house (watch tv, cook, exercise, etc.) rather than snoop.

Cleaning. That is always very well received.

[Teo]

I agree.

What has also sent me wondering is the admission he made to the OP about him being a "pervert" what did he actually mean there?

Was that a throwaway comment like "I'm crazy" or were all those pics and videos of his ex taken without her permission maybe...

Hmmm...

 

The pics were 100% not taken without permision. Half of them were sent by here to him think. We talked about things he likes and thats when he said hes a perv. For having weird fetishes... not sure. But he told me this 2 days ago and as i said in a different post that i have a feeling he might know by now that i have seen the pics and might have said that as some sort of exclamation

[Teo]

I meant to write "explanation"

 

How old are you 2 ?

 

Reading your last updates the whole thing feels like high school drama. Only 2 months dating and already snooping, checking the ex on FB, pouting, asking each other what you did wrong!! Is this a 20 year relationship or a 2 month dating??

 

At 2 months dating you should not be dealing with this, your biggest issue at 2 months dating should be to decide what to wear on your next date!!

 

I am 23 and he's3 years older than me. You are probably a lot older than i am and have a different lifeexperience. However i dont think all relationships can be the same. I also cannot control the things he does and if he's taking

Things in a certain direction. (Like talking about confessions)

My best friends parents got married after 2 months of dating. Not that ill compare that to any other relationships but i want to point out that a relationship can just develope in a different way. Were also from different cultures and sometimes find it difficult to understand some things the other does...

So far i had no real worried about the relationship but knowing what i know now changed the way i think

[Gaeta]

However i dont think all relationships can be the same. I also cannot control the things he does and if he's taking

Not all relationships starts the same but when they start with issues very soon it's rare it last. You will learn with time to trust human behvior. If it whistles like a snake and crawls like a snake it's usually a snake.

 

 

My best friends parents got married after 2 months of dating. Not that ill compare that to any other relationships but i want to point out that a relationship can just develope in a different way.

Another time, another place, a different generations. My parents married after 6 months. It was normal for their generation. My mom married at 17 years old, it was also normal in her generation.

[Teo]

I have some updates. And now its really gonna sound like a stupid high school drama....

*I got really sick and couldn't see him much to talk about it. And I have very important exams every day this week that i couldn't bring myself to say it. But i told him I have something very important to tell him.*

On the other hand i think the situation got worse. My behaviour next to him became very self destructive....

We were sitting together and he was showing me pics in his ipad gallery and editing some. Those pics were not there anymore. So now i am sure that he knows... and him showing me was on purpose but i also noticed a secret folder app so i guess they were just moved and secured. I decided to* just leaveit at that.

 

But there are 2 other things that i saw.... when he was using his phone (btw he is extremely careless with these things)i saw* he texted the ex happy birthday a few days ago....

But another weird thing happened. I said before that he dated some girl after the ex left. He told me she was very clingy and* he didn't like her and that they were never really in a relationship... now... this girl, ill call her the mexican girl cuz thats what he called her, has been stalking my ig and i didn't think much of it till i saw a chat with her right above the happy bday... I took the liberty to look trough it and yes, i did snoop this time because* the message i saw was about me. There is no trace of me on his ig but she found me trough one comment and stalked me ever since and was telling him and asking about me and a bunch of i miss u texts...and lets meet when im over u etc... she kept commenting about me and* her texts were honestly pathetic and extremely clingy... saying how shes ****ty and no one loves her and whatever.... his responses were mostly "we talked about this before, sorry". Anyway i looked further because at this point i didn't belive what he said about not dating her and i was right. Just 2 mins of scrolling was enough to see they dated for less than 2 months... and she moved back to Mexico but he wanted to try long distance but i guess he changed his mind very fast. Her texts were like "i felt u were not sure about me from the start...you should be careful about what you say, talking about marriage and moving in...", (wtf he'd marry anyone??) "i knew you didn't love me when i saw you texting your ex", "love cant magically dissaper in less then 2 months!"* And so on...

His responses were short and mostly "I'm sorry, love changes, i felt like my love was getting weaker but i think i loved you bla bla...."

 

i think that girl felt just like i do now... and he probably acted the same way. I guess he never really cared much but liked her till her clinginess got too much... and i think he doesn't understand his own heart... i might be in the same position

The only meaningful conversation that i had with him this weekend was about what he wants from this relationship and what love means to him... and i dug my own grave because after i told him what it means to me he told me i dont love him because i don't respect the things that are important for him* and even if he decides to do something for me he later blames me even tho i never asked (ex: he wanted to start classes again next month... i acted kinda sad because that means we can never meet except Sundays but said ok... so a few weeks later he told me hell start in 2 months to spend more time with me before i leave.... then yesterday he told me that i asked him to do it....) he also said that he cant make any difference between liking and loving (and hell yeah he cant) and from my description of love, he can't say he loves me because he is somewhere in the middle but from what he thinks love is he does love me....

Well... i get it.. 2 months is a short time and you can't be sure about someone and it takes time to know a person but he's a mess and started a relationship with me before properly ending his last 2.

I don't want to end up like the mexican girl, some rebound he has fun with for now...

[heavenonearth]

I have some updates. And now its really gonna sound like a stupid high school drama....

*I got really sick and couldn't see him much to talk about it. And I have very important exams every day this week that i couldn't bring myself to say it. But i told him I have something very important to tell him.*

On the other hand i think the situation got worse. My behaviour next to him became very self destructive....

We were sitting together and he was showing me pics in his ipad gallery and editing some. Those pics were not there anymore. So now i am sure that he knows... and him showing me was on purpose but i also noticed a secret folder app so i guess they were just moved and secured. I decided to* just leaveit at that.

 

But there are 2 other things that i saw.... when he was using his phone (btw he is extremely careless with these things)i saw* he texted the ex happy birthday a few days ago....

But another weird thing happened. I said before that he dated some girl after the ex left. He told me she was very clingy and* he didn't like her and that they were never really in a relationship... now... this girl, ill call her the mexican girl cuz thats what he called her, has been stalking my ig and i didn't think much of it till i saw a chat with her right above the happy bday... I took the liberty to look trough it and yes, i did snoop this time because* the message i saw was about me. There is no trace of me on his ig but she found me trough one comment and stalked me ever since and was telling him and asking about me and a bunch of i miss u texts...and lets meet when im over u etc... she kept commenting about me and* her texts were honestly pathetic and extremely clingy... saying how shes ****ty and no one loves her and whatever.... his responses were mostly "we talked about this before, sorry". Anyway i looked further because at this point i didn't belive what he said about not dating her and i was right. Just 2 mins of scrolling was enough to see they dated for less than 2 months... and she moved back to Mexico but he wanted to try long distance but i guess he changed his mind very fast. Her texts were like "i felt u were not sure about me from the start...you should be careful about what you say, talking about marriage and moving in...", (wtf he'd marry anyone??) "i knew you didn't love me when i saw you texting your ex", "love cant magically dissaper in less then 2 months!"* And so on...

His responses were short and mostly "I'm sorry, love changes, i felt like my love was getting weaker but i think i loved you bla bla...."

 

i think that girl felt just like i do now... and he probably acted the same way. I guess he never really cared much but liked her till her clinginess got too much... and i think he doesn't understand his own heart... i might be in the same position

The only meaningful conversation that i had with him this weekend was about what he wants from this relationship and what love means to him... and i dug my own grave because after i told him what it means to me he told me i dont love him because i don't respect the things that are important for him* and even if he decides to do something for me he later blames me even tho i never asked (ex: he wanted to start classes again next month... i acted kinda sad because that means we can never meet except Sundays but said ok... so a few weeks later he told me hell start in 2 months to spend more time with me before i leave.... then yesterday he told me that i asked him to do it....) he also said that he cant make any difference between liking and loving (and hell yeah he cant) and from my description of love, he can't say he loves me because he is somewhere in the middle but from what he thinks love is he does love me....

Well... i get it.. 2 months is a short time and you can't be sure about someone and it takes time to know a person but he's a mess and started a relationship with me before properly ending his last 2.

I don't want to end up like the mexican girl, some rebound he has fun with for now...

 

For a 26 year old, this guy surely has some issues to figure out. He acts like a high school jock. OP, and I have to admit, i think you need to work on your trust issues before entering any sort of relationship in the future. Please just let this one go and move on. Take care of yourself. Don’t waste your time with a guy who says ‘I love you’ to every girl he meets. You are not special to him. He just needs validation. He chases until women get clingy. Then he gets bored but still likes the attention. He must have some deep unresolved childhood issues too. It’s obvious.

 

Tell him it’s over. Go “No Contact”. Move on.