IwasHere5YrsAgo Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 I have been married with my husband for 2 years... we have been together for almost 5 years. I love him, I would catch a bullet for him but here I am having a drink and missing my ex... I sent a drunken message to my ex and he replied, he’s nice like he’s alway been, I miss him, I miss feeling beautiful, feeling special, I miss all the fun I had with him, I would fly out to be with him right now if I could... I even reactivated my old Facebook account to see all our old pictures together, is there something wrong with me?! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 There is nothing wrong with you but your premise is skewed. You don't want to cheat on your beloved husband. You do want your husband to make you feel beautiful & special. The remedy for this is not to cheat. The remedy is to tell your husband what you are missing. Tell him exactly how to fix the situation . . . hug you more, compliment you more, throw you down on the bed & ravage you. . . . whatever it is that you think your EX did that he's not doing. (Do not mention the EX by way of example when you explain these things to your husband). If your husband was doing these things for you, you would be happy. SO teach him how. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Donnivain is right, your problem isn't what you are missing about your ex, it is what you want but don't have with your husband. The remedy isn't to cheat with your ex, it is totally to your husband and work on your marriage. IF you do cheat on your husband with your ex, you should tell him. You should tell him so that he can leave you and find someone who really loves him because he deserves so much more than a wife who would do this... To say it bluntly, yes... If you are considering cheating on your husband with your ex, there is definitely something really wrong with you. Talk to your husband. Get some counselling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Hi Iwas, your moniker indicates that you were a member of LS five years ago. Was it due to some problem that you were facing then? Also, if your ex was everything you say he was then why is he your ex? Why did you not marry him? You say you love your husband and would take a bullet for him but at the same time you are prepared to stab him in the back by cheating on him. Do you discern your completely faulty way of thinking? Donnivain has given you sterling advice seconded by Bailey. Follow that advice if you do not want to nuke your marriage. Best wishes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 I have been married with my husband for 2 years... we have been together for almost 5 years. I love him, I would catch a bullet for him but here I am having a drink and missing my ex... I sent a drunken message to my ex and he replied, he’s nice like he’s alway been, I miss him, I miss feeling beautiful, feeling special, I miss all the fun I had with him, I would fly out to be with him right now if I could... I even reactivated my old Facebook account to see all our old pictures together, is there something wrong with me?! What's wrong is that you're depressed, and you're craving things that boost dopamine and endorphin levels. You probably shouldn't be drinking if you're dealing with self-esteem issues, and are craving attention. It'll amplify those feelings and lower your inhibitions, putting you at risk for make mistakes you'll regret. You should take up a new hobby or something that you find rewarding. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amstcole Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 You need to focus on your current marriage and not the past...seek counseling with both of you to see what is going on. Talk to him. Let him know what is going on and your feelings. Though it would be interesting to hear his side and what is actually happening? Are you giving him the attention he needs too? Above all, cut ties with your ex...remove that old facebook page and get things figured out...i too miss my ex at times but would never want to go back to him...there's a reason he's an ex....anyway, praying for you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IwasHere5YrsAgo Posted October 16, 2017 Author Share Posted October 16, 2017 So I talked to him... I asked him why he doesn’t make feel the way he used to... I asked him what has happened to us, that I missed the old him, the way we were... He said it’s because he considers us a long term now and that he’s comfortable and couldn’t be bothered anymore, he said it’s the way he is, I told him that’s hes not, that he has made me feel great before and it was awesome, that he did it very well. He said we got past that stage already, that he’s no longer courting me, that I am his wife already... I told him, I am not happy this way, we used to make love, he treated me like a goddess in bed, now it’s just sex where he just needs to release it because he needs to and feels like he has to. Anyway, in the end he said we’ll compromise that he’ll romanticise me once a week, he made me promise when he asked me to not cheat on him for sex because it will end him. As for my ex, we didn’t end up together because I was only 19 then and he was busy travelling for work, we didn’t have a proper break up and he stayed single and he has told me before when he found out I was getting married that he’d still be there for me if my marriage falls apart... Anyway I promised my husband I won’t cheat on him, and last night he did romanticise me and it calms me, it makes me feel brand new in the morning... I do love him, I do, I make him feel special, I do things for him, I think I’m just more romantic than him... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 It's a step in the right direction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Anyway I promised my husband I won’t cheat on him, and last night he did romanticise me and it calms me, it makes me feel brand new in the morning... I do love him, I do, I make him feel special, I do things for him, I think I’m just more romantic than him... Honesty and communication? Bravo to you!!! Very few people have this in a relationship! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 So I talked to him... I asked him why he doesn’t make feel the way he used to... I asked him what has happened to us, that I missed the old him, the way we were... He said it’s because he considers us a long term now and that he’s comfortable and couldn’t be bothered anymore, he said it’s the way he is, I told him that’s hes not, that he has made me feel great before and it was awesome, that he did it very well. He said we got past that stage already, that he’s no longer courting me, that I am his wife already... I told him, I am not happy this way, we used to make love, he treated me like a goddess in bed, now it’s just sex where he just needs to release it because he needs to and feels like he has to. Anyway, in the end he said we’ll compromise that he’ll romanticise me once a week, he made me promise when he asked me to not cheat on him for sex because it will end him. As for my ex, we didn’t end up together because I was only 19 then and he was busy travelling for work, we didn’t have a proper break up and he stayed single and he has told me before when he found out I was getting married that he’d still be there for me if my marriage falls apart... Anyway I promised my husband I won’t cheat on him, and last night he did romanticise me and it calms me, it makes me feel brand new in the morning... I do love him, I do, I make him feel special, I do things for him, I think I’m just more romantic than him... It's very important that you guys understand how you give and would like to receive love. You say you do things to make him feel special, as I'm sure he does as well. However, if you don't know or understand then it's not received. Early in our relationship, my wife would leave me little notes everywhere, to me it was annoying, to her it was her way of giving me love. Making sure I knew I was on her mind. It took me years to realize the way she showed love was how she wanted to receive love. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Your ex is your ex for a reason. Go back through your memory and remind yourself why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amstcole Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 The fact that you are here and posting about this tells me that you don't want to cheat...again, both of you need to be in counseling and/or talking to each other and others...write down the positives about each other. Set some time aside for each other and do the romantic thing...just because you're married, does not mean you stop the romance...maybe go through the Dare to Love book and/or find a marriage retreat in your area...but above all, cut contact with your ex...break up with him if you have too if you truly want to save your marriage...if you have the urge to keep contacting him and if it's okay, contact me instead... Link to post Share on other sites
hammyy2k Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 (edited) ............................ Edited October 16, 2017 by hammyy2k Link to post Share on other sites
hammyy2k Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 (edited) i dont agree with it one would not cheat just to feel special and beautiful if a person thinks about cheating just after 2 years of marriage that too with an ex then the person is clearly unfit and or mature enough for marriage/commitment the person is either unfit to be married or chose to marry for all the wrong reasons, money, security etc Edited October 16, 2017 by hammyy2k 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Hi Iwashere, it is good you have spoken to your husband and cleared the air. When you posted that you wanted to cheat on him while still being in love I knew straight off that there was more to your rant than a simple cheater's urge to sow his/her wild oats. Since you have clarified in your post the reasons why you were feeling unloved, the logic of your rant makes eminent sense now. I must say that your husband is a complete chump. The answer he gave you reeks of complacency and a terrible inertia. It is also a very selfish statement. In your place I would have given him an ultimatum that if he was not prepared to up his game and make you feel loved that you were willing to divorce and move on to someone else. I think you made a mistake in letting your ex slip through your hands. He seems to be more invested in you than your husband. You could have waited a few years till you could have been with him. He has waited even though he knew you were getting married. I think sometimes destiny plays Chinese chequers with us. At any rate I think your husband has got the message loud and clear. It is good if he feels a little insecure about what you will do as then he will be on his toes a bit to see that he nourishes the relationship from his end. One thing you must do and that is please do not lead your ex on thinking that he may yet get lucky with you. If your husband is doing his bit then by rights you've got to do your bit to ensure that your marriage is a happy place to be. Warm wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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