My girlfriend is still in contact with her ex after they sexted each other

[fidelcashflow]

This time last year I [24f] found out that my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years was sexting her ex. It was a one time event and nothing physical ever happened. I confronted her about it and she agreed to block him.

 

Things were good for another 6 months when I noticed a message pop up from him on her phone. Apparently she ran into him on campus and his grandparents died and she wanted to comfort him. She showed me the messages and they were strictly platonic. We almost broke up then but I gave her another chance. She, again, blocked him as well as taking the extra step in deleting his number. She also started going to counseling to figure out what the problem was and it seemed to really help. She has stopped going, though.

 

Before she deleted his number, I wrote it down. A couple of months ago, curiosity got the best of me and i checked to see if he was still deleted. His number was saved under the name, "G". He was, however, still blocked so I didnt bring it up.

 

A couple of nights ago I noticed "G" under her recent texts. I didnt say anything then and when i looked later, the messages were deleted. I have a feeling what they were about. That day, Facebook showed her a "memory" of my gf and her exes new gf (who he cheated on her with, causing their breakup). So im guessing she sent him that.

 

I dont know what to do. I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!

 

The thought of losing her breaks my heart but I need to have some self respect. I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.

 

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!

Edited October 17, 2017 by fidelcashflow
Added stuff

[fidelcashflow]

This time last year I [24f] found out that my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years was sexting her ex. It was a one time event and nothing physical ever happened. I confronted her about it and she agreed to block him.

 

Things were good for another 6 months when I noticed a message pop up from him on her phone. Apparently she ran into him on campus and his grandparents died and she wanted to comfort him. She showed me the messages and they were strictly platonic. We almost broke up then but I gave her another chance. She, again, blocked him as well as taking the extra step in deleting his number. She also started going to counseling to figure out what the problem was and it seemed to really help. She has stopped going, though.

 

Before she deleted his number, I wrote it down. A couple of months ago, curiosity got the best of me and i checked to see if he was still deleted. His number was saved under the name, "G". He was, however, still blocked so I didnt bring it up.

 

A couple of nights ago I noticed "G" under her recent texts. I didnt say anything then and when i looked later, the messages were deleted. I have a feeling what they were about. That day, Facebook showed her a "memory" of my gf and her exes new gf (who he cheated on her with, causing their breakup). So im guessing she sent him that.

 

I dont know what to do. I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!

 

The thought of losing her breaks my heart but I need to have some self respect. I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.

 

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!

[Poutrew]

Your girl was dishonest. She said she deleted the number but really didn't. Now she called him - for what, it doesn't matter. Bottom line is she never really got over him, which also means she has never been fully committed to you. You know what you have to do... If not, be prepared for this guy to pop up again and again in your relationship, like a bad weed. My bet is within 2 weeks of you dumping her, she will be back in his arms and it'll be like you never existed. You, friend, were a rebound...

[usa1ah]

This time last year I [24f] found out that my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years was sexting her ex. It was a one time event and nothing physical ever happened. I confronted her about it and she agreed to block him.

 

Things were good for another 6 months when I noticed a message pop up from him on her phone. Apparently she ran into him on campus and his grandparents died and she wanted to comfort him. She showed me the messages and they were strictly platonic. We almost broke up then but I gave her another chance. She, again, blocked him as well as taking the extra step in deleting his number. She also started going to counseling to figure out what the problem was and it seemed to really help. She has stopped going, though.

 

Before she deleted his number, I wrote it down. A couple of months ago, curiosity got the best of me and i checked to see if he was still deleted. His number was saved under the name, "G". He was, however, still blocked so I didnt bring it up.

 

A couple of nights ago I noticed "G" under her recent texts. I didnt say anything then and when i looked later, the messages were deleted. I have a feeling what they were about. That day, Facebook showed her a "memory" of my gf and her exes new gf (who he cheated on her with, causing their breakup). So im guessing she sent him that.

 

I dont know what to do. I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!

 

The thought of losing her breaks my heart but I need to have some self respect. I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.

 

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!

 

Are you really in love with her or who you think she is?

 

She has lied to you.

 

She is STILL in contact with the ex she sexted with (which is a form of cheating).

 

Now she is deleting the text between them.

 

Ask her for her phone so you can retrieve the deleted texts. Let her know that you know she is still in contact with ex. If she refuses end the relationship. Let her know that your will never marry someone that can’t be honest and faithful in a relationship. Let her know that lying about not being in contact with her ex and then deleting the text makes her someone you could never marry.

 

Be a man about it. You have to be willing to lose the relationship to save it. Be a man about it and have some self respect.

 

If she says that she will cut contact. Tell her she has lied about that already, why should you believe her now?

[coolheadal]

You said it yourself:

 

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!

 

That's why it's happening.. First love is not easy to let go and he's still after her. Your just the guy she has for backup. She can block him all he wants too Under G you say, so she's still talking to him. What do you do nothing. I would pack-up and leave if she's in your place send her back to her family. She's really into him not you. She can deny it all she wants too with you. But when she can she'll want to be with him. If he's texting still she's talking to him still. Running into each yeah right they have that planned. Your being lied too. Don't stand for this but you don't have a leg to stand on she knows him longer than you and trust him over you. You can leave she can go and still be with him no matter what you say or do!

[Cookiesandough]

You should break up with her!!! Omgosh, you should have the first time she cheated.

[coolheadal]

You should break up with her!!! Omgosh, you should have the first time she cheated.

 

I have to agree with cookie! Good one cookie! She cheated on him! I myself don't like those who cheat just feel cheated. It happen too me 2x times ( ex-wife and the ex-after gf (thrown her out of my house here (welll drove to the bus depot yes paid for the one-way ticket) after the ex-wife (drove off back to my house 1500 miles but it worth it) ouch.

[smackie9]

Just read the first line....dump her.

[dumbass2]

So he was her first and you are the second one she has been with. Unfortunately at that young age the only way she may learn how wrong it is, is for you to break up with her and move on. Sometimes the only way someone learns is the hard way, that way it sticks because they get to feel the consequences. You won't be able to trust her again as you've already given her enough chances. Tell her what you know, that you just won't be able to trust her again because of it and end it.

[lolablue17]

Yes, sometimes it's ok to remain in platonic contact with an ex, but only when your current bf is ok with it, and only if you have no feelings or unresolved issues with this ex. The sexting proves that it's not platonic, and her behavior proves that there are unresolved issues.

 

On the other hand - No, it's never ok to cheat, it's never ok to lie especially after committing to block him and stay NC. No, it's not ok to delete messages from the one you committed to block. No, it's never ok!!!

 

She faild the most important tests - loyalty, honesty, keeping her word. I will just say this - If you choose to stay, next time is on you, young man... You will have the right tp blame yourself only.

[kendahke]

I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.

 

How much worse does it need to be to know that you're dealing with a willful, deceitful liar?

 

And you have to ask yourself: do you like the person you have to become in order to be with her?

 

She's not the only woman on the planet, you know.

[kendahke]

I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!

 

No more conversations about the future.

 

Stop investing in this chick like this. You can't build anything without trust and you can't trust liars.

 

And let her know you know that she's been lying to you all along.

 

Asking about the phone is a waste of time--she could have another phone you don't even know about or is carrying on email conversations with him on her work computer that you will never have access to.

[Gaeta]

She is 22.

 

She has been with you 2 years which makes her 20 back then

 

She dated him for 5 years right before you so she was with him from 15 to 20 years old. You cannot compete against that. She is ready to lie to you to keep him in her life. I think you should step aside and let them be together. She can say she wants to spend the rest of her life with you all she wants, her actions aren't a testimony of that.

 

* Like a previous poster said she needs to learn consequences of her actions

 

* You need to find a better suited and more serious partner.

 

* Do not date people just out of relationships.

[smackie9]

Before you assume the worst, have a discussion or discussions about it with her. If you fear this will make her run away, then it would answer your question now wouldn't it.

[umirano]

You know that she doesn't really love you. You're a stopover until she can get back with her ex. Talk is easy, so I wouldn't put much importance on marriage talk and all that BS. I think you should leave her but I also know it's easy for me to say. But really, leave her. She is playing you.

[road]

Just read the first line....dump her.

 

I read up to the fourth post.

 

Do you want my opinion?

 

Dump her. She has never stopped cheating

and never will stop cheating. She does not

respect you.

[fidelcashflow]

We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

 

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

 

Did I do something wrong?

[fidelcashflow]

My [24m] girlfriend [22f] of 2 years consistently likes this one guys photos on Instagram. Every. Single. One. No exaggeration.

 

Many of them are of him shirtless showing off his muscles. I never really get jealous at anything but for some reason this one has gotten to me. My jealousy has been amplified when we were looking through her computers photos and a screenshot of a chat between them popped up and it was something about how she was bored in her dorm room and how he could "save her." She replied, "You totally could have" the next day (she fell asleep before she could respond). They dont seem to talk now, though.

 

Should I talk to her about this? It seems like she is totally virtually flirting with him through all the likes. Am I being totally unreasonable about this?

[jennyanydot]

We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

 

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

 

Did I do something wrong?

 

I think you did the right thing and handled it pretty well.

[Sparta]

OP if she’s had to having dialogue like that she’s Already hooked up with him. I wouldn’t be surprised. When it comes to cheating always prepare for the worst because it’s usually worse than what you think. Or don’t Say anything and gather more evidence. Then confront her because if you do without evidence she’ll talk your way out of it, monitor everything she doing on all of her social media. Protect yourself and prepare yourself mentally for your relationship to end.

[JEG88]

She DM'ed a random IG guy with thoughts laden with sexual innuendos.

 

At the very least seems like she's emotionally cheating.

 

That said, she's in college. Not surprising that she's curious and sounds like she might be getting bored in your relationship.

[hunk]

End the relationship now. Not tomorrow, not in 1 hour, now. No break - end it. Just dump her. It doesn't matter how you do it. Text her. It doesn't matter. If I were you I would literally block her number and ghost her with no explanation.

 

She's not attracted to you and is invested in her old relationship. You can't compete with the bond/attachment she has to this guy. This girl will be hung up on this guy for many many years. You're being strung along and much of your relationship has been a lie, she has no respect for you and is not emotionally invested in you, she has been thinking about her ex and thinking about having sex with him and being with him.

 

You were an experimental rebound phase that many young girls sadly put themselves through after a traumatic breakup. I'm seeing this happen at a ridiculous frequency recently. First love cheats on girl, girl loses her mind and has experimental phase for attention and rebellion, realizes she's still in love with ex and men and dumps the experimental rebound. She's not lesbian, she's not into girls, she lost her mind after her breakup with this guy and got with you in an act of rebellion. There is ZERO future with her.

 

If you don't take this advice you are in for an absolute world of pain when this "break" ends and she either tells you she's not "ready for a relationship right now", or she gets back with you purely because her ex is with a new girl and she wants to be on equal playing field to him, where she will continue to contact him, think about him, dream about being with him while you sleep next to her. It's not about you. She is invested in him and there's nothing you can do.

 

Her formative years were spent with this guy, she lost her virginity to him, fell in love with him, and he cheated on her which sadly has mentally damaged her to a degree you can't understand, and rendered her relationship-off-limits for the forseeable future because she is most definitely still in love with him and probably more so than ever now that it's a "taboo" or "forbidden" thing.

 

Please end it after you read this message and understand why you have to do so.

Edited October 20, 2017 by hunk

[sandylee1]

I'm not sure if your GF was the OW (other womab) or her Ex's new girl is... but it doesn't really matter.

 

You seem to be way more into her than she's into you.

[Gaeta]

We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

 

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

 

Did I do something wrong?

 

You did nothing wrong.

 

Now from now on remember to not date women just out of relationships.

 

Her break request is a break-up is disguise. Return her stuff and make it a real break up. It's unfair to you to wait around while she'll be running to her ex with no care in the world.

[act00]

Based on the timeline pointed out, you are the rebound after a first love...those first ones are doozies when the breakup happens. She met someone new, and of course wants serious, marriage, etc., but you're not him, and she still seems too attached to him and what they had. I think breakup is inevitable, and she's not prepared yet to move on from this guy. She will have to suffer consequences, and not from just you but other guys, and learn on her own to move on from this guy. She'll have to learn on her own whether he's permanent or a jerk. She could get back together with him, only to be cheated on again.

 

She has to move on, on her own. She'll probably go through a lot of dates and relationships before she meets the one, and who knows how many relationships will be sabotaged by this past relationship and these actions of hers. You were just, presumably, the first, or the first that stuck long-term.

 

You need to find someone who's ready to truly move forward with you. We all have our past loves. We don't cling to them and maintain contact, let alone sext. He seems to be playing with her as well, not drawing boundaries either...it's just not a good situation. He doesn't really want her, but he's still hanging on to a degree. It's a push-pull, and it's messing with her - it's really her that has to put up that boundary and let him go as someone who isn't good for her, but until she's ready, this will be a continuous problem.

 

Don't wait for the break to be over. Make it permanent now.