smile95 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Has anyone ever given someone a 2nd chance and it worked? How do you get over all of the hurt from the break up or does all that crap come back again.....Do things ever go back the way you want? I find that I dream of my ex and idealize him and wonder what it would be like if we got back, but I have a feeling that my fantasy would not be reality and my dream would not come true. Does anyone have a story where it did work out? All of these people on here (including me at one point) want their exes back, but it seems it never works out, so we are all sad for nothing! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Beth in your case wouldn't that be the 4th or 5th chance? I do know of people who have recovered their relationships having given a second chance but they are few and far between. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 lol-more like 6 or 7! Just curiuos......Everyone seems to really want to get back with their exes and what I am discovering myself is....you broke up for a reason and that reason does not just go away. Link to post Share on other sites
theclash Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 me and my ex gave it a second AND a third chance. It didnt work out. He was the problem because he dosnt know what he wants, he also admitted to me he sucks at relationships, which i also noticed. Relationships arent easy. In the second chance, we were ALOT more closer to each other, so second chances does have it's advantages. I gave him a third chance and we were alot more closer than the first and second. But unfortunately, he was not the guy i thought he was. I'm better off without that f****** t***** (for the full story, read my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68935/ ) Talking about everyone on here wanting to get back with exes...I did with him....twice. I looked everywhere for tips, on the internet, i even bought a book with tips on how to get exes back. as i said we got reunited twice, but this time round i cant stand the man. I hate him Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 funny how we dream about reuniting and then if you do, they are nothing like we thought? I guess your mind plays tricks on you. For me, I always wanted him, back, got him, back, and then he was nothing like I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
theclash Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 yeah. i have known my ex for a couple of years, and he was a great guy, or so i thought. I just cant believe the guy i once really, i mean really liked, could treat me the way he did Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly29 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Beth, For the record, I have never yet heard of a second chance relationships that got together after a break up and worked. Perhaps only in the movies and shows (Sex and the City) But that doesn't count since we're talking about life. I know one lady who married and devorced her husband 3 times. The last time I heard, she married him again and moved to Texas. Don't know what's going on with her now but I have a feeling things won't be stable. Some people just get into those breakup-get back together cycles that they turn into a lifestyle. But never heard of anyone breaking up once, getting back together and never breaking up again. What I'm thinking is. Making mistakes is part of being human. It's not your mistakes that cause breakups, it's realizing you're with the wrong human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 What I'm thinking is. Making mistakes is part of being human. It's not your mistakes that cause breakups, it's realizing you're with the wrong human being. how true! I think I am comparing it all to the movies where it is always a happy ending! I really cannot think of anyone that has worked either? In real life. I guess once it is broken, you cannot put it back to how it once was. That is what hurt me the most how my ex was great and then after he knew he had me, all the sweet stuff was gone. People tell me that is normal, but I do not like it! I know some guys who are always nice and sweet to their girls. I guess the hardest part for me is letting go of who he was when we met, but that is not him now. I have to gt that in my head! Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly29 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 yeah... I understand, I guess you were fising out for hope by this post. We all wonder those things. That was my very first question, is there a hope for us (me and my ex) to be together again. But when you think of it. It does take guts to break up with someone, even someone you don't love anymore. It's not easy, and nearly impossible to do without hurting them. No one likes to hurt people's feelings. So indeed there must be some kind of a strong reason for the break up in the first place. It's when you realize you're better off without them, you chose to break up, even though it hurts you too. But then what is it that makes you want to get them back? Fear of the unknown, realizing that it really sucks without them. But that's only a stage, a first and the most difficult part of the jouney that gets better as you move along. Getting back together will only remind you of the reason why you broke up. Link to post Share on other sites
strangelove Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 6 or 7? then that sounds more like mini breakups to me. Honestly its really only in fates hands. And sometimes fate gives you little nudges. A relationship tends to work better the next time if both parties have made improvements on themselves and towards the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 I guess they were mini break ups. Nothing really to do with us not getting along....just to do with him preoccupied with things in his life going on and no time for me. I take that personally. But glad to hear that the stage of wanting them back is pretty normal. Just gotta gt over the hump. It is harder when yu break up and still love one another I guess. No one did anything wrong and that is what is hard about it. Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Hope........ I have two friend couples who are both married and back together after breaking up. One couple was apart for 3 months and now married with two children and the other couple was married for two years, divorced for a year and a half, while apart he lived in Tennesse and she lived in Wyoming and now they are back together also with two kids....... Also a friend of mine was apart from her boyfriend for a year and he came back and they were married for 7 years now recently divorced. I was apart from my boyfriend for three months and we got back together for 6 months, until I decided I wanted more (a Future) and he couldn't tell me we were heading in that direction so I had to end our 3 year relationship. I too hope that there is hope for the future for us, but I really think if that happens it will be in the far future, in order for both of us to heal. I think if you get back with an ex to soon, the wounds are still to new and the problems that caused you to break up in the first place will still be there. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Second chances definately do work....It depends on why you broke up in the first place... You can't make a blanket statement on something of this nature, there are just to many different things that could have gone on... Second chances work if both people are serious about trying to make it work... Alot of them go back just because of how they feel but never look to see if the reasons they broke up with that person are different now....People sometimes need to realize what they have done and if they are really sincere in changing and show that to their gf/bf then... Sometime people get lost and fall down and have issues like an illness... So yes I do believe second chances do and can work...I have seen it first hand myself with friends.. Also know peopld who have been together for years and are married and almost all of them have been broken up at one point or another for a short or long period of time.... Maybe I am just an optimist... Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly29 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Juha Second chances definately do work.... Not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 I am not sure they would for me either, unless it is yrs for now.....like it was said, it depends on the situation. I am confused since I am unhappy with and without him. When we were together, I wanted so much more and when we were not speaking, all I wanted was to have him in my life no matter how little. But I guess once I get over missing him, it will get better. Maybe 10 yrs from now(if it's meant to be) he will come back a changed man! Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 I am not sure they would for me either, unless it is yrs for now.....like it was said, it depends on the situation. I am confused since I am unhappy with and without him. When we were together, I wanted so much more and when we were not speaking, all I wanted was to have him in my life no matter how little. But I guess once I get over missing him, it will get better. Maybe 10 yrs from now(if it's meant to be) he will come back a changed man! I know you feeling well..... I want more when I am with my ex, which he is not willing to give and feel horrible with out him. But right now. If there is a chance for a future toether, I know I have to give my ex some space and me some space, if the time is ever right then we will be together. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 What about second chances with a commitment phobic person... If your SO broke up with you because they are a commitment phobe?? Anyone ever heard of them coming back? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Posts like these crack me up .. Grasping.. instead of moving on Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 What about second chances with a commitment phobic person... If your SO broke up with you because they are a commitment phobe?? Anyone ever heard of them coming back? That's an good question that I would like to know myself. I guess if they deal with their commitment issues maybe, but until hen you will always be dealing with his commitment issues. After three years in my relationship, not knowing we had a future, I decided I could deal with his commitment issue, so it depends on how long you are willing to wait for him to get over his issue, IF he ever does. For me I wasn't willing to wait any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 My boyfriend and I broke up three times, the third time for a month. We've been together a total of 15 months now, and it's coming up quickly on the one-year "anniversary" of the last time we broke up. So we've basically been together for a year after breaking up a few times. We're doing better than ever. Marriage occasionally comes up now, even from his mouth, but we're taking it slow and just enjoying things. If you want to read my background, search for my first few posts. I was SadAndLonely then. Link to post Share on other sites
Jyl_Unit Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. A few months ago he called me up crying telling me that he had kissed another girl and that he was so sorry and that he loved me and he hated himself. I cried for a long time. We broke up and everyday for a week he would call and ask me how I was doing and whatnot. About a week later he called asking me to go back out with him. Since then we have been doing pretty good. It is hard to forgive and forget and I am still having a hard time putting all my trust in him. We are going through a rocky patch right now but I am hoping everything will be okay. It has worked for us so far, but that doesn't mean that it will work for everyone - or that you should even try. Make sure that you really want to be with him and that he really wants to be with you. It won't work unless you try, it isn't going to be a smooth ride all the time. Be prepared for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.positive Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 Remember if you guys were happy at one point you can get to that point again. Link to post Share on other sites
jc Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 C and I had our 2nd chance, and our 3rd, and 4th...for some reason we keep coming back to each other, even though it never seems to work out. I'm sure 2nd chances work out for some people, but I think the things that broke you up in the first place have to be truly resolved for another chance to work. And I found this out the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeannie Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 They do not work. You end up breaking up for pretty good reasons and after you spend time apart your brain tends to forget all the crap that caused havoc and only remembers the good times. More people would stay broken up in the brain worked in reverse. Loneliness and lack of sex usually make you go back for second attempts at a relationship - but once all that settles down you're back to square one - and the resentments and problems that were there the first time resurface! Link to post Share on other sites
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