How to Make Tinder Work For You

[Cobra_X]

I've seen so many guys complaining about Tinder. It seems the average guy takes a huge self esteem hit after using this. The gender ratio on the app is 2 men for ever 1 woman. A huge chunk of those men are already in a relationship or dating 4 to 5 women at a time. Another big chunk of those men are unattractive males that women skip over quickly.

 

For any guys struggling on Tinder one of the most important pieces of advice to give you is to pay for professional photos. If you don't do this you will never maximize your results. I noticed that even handsome guys with pictures that project boring do poorly on Tinder. Uglier guys with professional fun pictures do better.

 

Once you get a match texting can be a challenge. You want to project fun and interesting. Beware that if you start by saying something regarding her profile... probably the last 5 guys also noticed that and also started conversations based on this. My suggestion is to choose a topic that makes you look good and can lead to fun conversations. Laughing and joking should be the goal. You have the whole Internet at your disposal to help, so no excuses.

 

Last thing. The Tinder algorithm is a b*tch. I don't want to talk about it publicly, but if anyone needs help understanding how to maximize this... feel free to PM me.

[Cookiesandough]

How can a woman make Tinder work for her? Would professional pics also be good for women as well? How should she respond to the guys who message if she's not good at flirting through the internet ? What should she put in her profile?

Edited November 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cobra_X]

How can a woman make Tinder work for her? Would professional pics also be good for women as well? How should she respond to the guys who message if she's not good at flirting through the internet ? What should she put in her profile?

 

Professional photos will be even more helpful for women.

 

You should get better at flirting through txt. You should have a least a couple days of flirting before you meet up, unless you just want quick sex. It is an opportunity to show off your personality and get the guy to emotionally invest in you. Men will make a pretty rapid determination as to whether you are LTR material or ONS material. They may change their minds later, but first impressions are important. Key point is to tailor your approach to what you want. If you want a ONS this should be pretty simple. Just message the guy "meet me at the starbucks on 5th and Pike... I want you to f*ck me in the bathroom." I had someone use that line on me, so I know it works.

 

Most guys after matching with you... will go back and read your profile to look for something to talk to you about. So the things you put in your profile should be things you want to discuss.

 

I guess the key questions are what are you looking for? and why do you struggle with flirting by txt?

[TheTraveler]

Most men complain because they get hung up on one person on tinder or can't get anyone to swipe right.

 

You have to wipe the slate clean and treat each new match as an opportunity. There can be dry spells...so what. It doesn't mean you give up. The next match that can be right for you could be 2 weeks away

[Cobra_X]

Most men complain because they get hung up on one person on tinder or can't get anyone to swipe right.

You have to wipe the slate clean and treat each new match as an opportunity. There can be dry spells...so what. It doesn't mean you give up. The next match that can be right for you could be 2 weeks away

 

Most guys complain because they get 1 match a month... and that one match ghosts them quickly.

[Cookiesandough]

Professional photos will be even more helpful for women.

 

You should get better at flirting through txt. You should have a least a couple days of flirting before you meet up, unless you just want quick sex. It is an opportunity to show off your personality and get the guy to emotionally invest in you. Men will make a pretty rapid determination as to whether you are LTR material or ONS material. They may change their minds later, but first impressions are important. Key point is to tailor your approach to what you want. If you want a ONS this should be pretty simple. Just message the guy "meet me at the starbucks on 5th and Pike... I want you to f*ck me in the bathroom." I had someone use that line on me, so I know it works.

 

Most guys after matching with you... will go back and read your profile to look for something to talk to you about. So the things you put in your profile should be things you want to discuss.

 

I guess the key questions are what are you looking for? and why do you struggle with flirting by txt?

Thank you COBRA!!!! I go back to Tinder in a little less than a month. I am super excited about turning over a new leaf.

 

I will get my friend to take professional shots. The thing is I think many ppl think you are a catfish when your pics are too professional if you are a woman. At least I have been told that by my dates.

 

I thought if I told a guy to meet me somewhere and sex me in the bathroom he will almost certainly think I am a messing with him. I wouldn't do that any way since that is gross.

 

The thing with Tinder is there are only so many characters you can use in your profile so you have to make it short and sweet. I don't know if I should talk about my interests directly or add humor/sarcasm. Seems like women like sarcasm more than men do.

 

Not sure what I'm looking for atm

Edited November 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cobra_X]

Thank you COBRA!!!! I go back to Tinder in a little less than a month. I am super excited about turning over a new leaf.

I will get my friend to take professional shots. The thing is I think many ppl think you are a catfish when your pics are too professional if you are a woman. At least I have been told that by my dates.

I thought if I told a guy to meet me somewhere and sex me in the bathroom he will almost certainly think I am a messing with him. I wouldn't do that any way since that is gross.

The thing with Tinder is there are only so many characters you can use in your profile so you have to make it short and sweet. I don't know if I should talk about my interests directly or add humor/sarcasm. Seems like women like sarcasm more than men do.

I seek a LTR. I think. I don't know

 

No, I've tested this with some female friends. Even if the guys think you might be a Bot, they will still match with you in hopes that you are a model or something. If you message them first, just try not so say something generic.

 

Maybe something like... "I normally only swipe right for shirtless bathroom selfies, but for you I'm making an exception!"

 

This is the primary difference here. As a guy... I'm not worried about getting abducted and killed even though it's more likely to happen to me than you. We just don't think about negative outcomes as often which makes us risk takers. So, if some lady asks me to meet her in the bathroom for sex... I'm likely going to get robbed and then stabbed by her pimp. Even still... I'm going to show up just to see, because you might think it's gross... but it can also be really hot.

 

Don't worry about showing off your personality. These guys don't care yet. That's why you chat with them and flirt.

 

Something like...

 

I'm a Student majoring in Psychology. I play Tomb Raider, and dress like Sailor Moon sometimes. 420 friendly. I enjoy sailing, watching football, hunting deer. My favorite foods are sushi, beer, and martinis.

 

See, what you are doing here is giving the guy a topic to approach you with, and helping him to get an idea of what kind of date you might enjoy.

 

"Hey Cookies, lets go Sailing while dressed as Anime characters, later we can smoke pot, eat sushi and play Tomb Raider while drinking martinis!"

 

Does that make sense?

[Highndry]

I have absolutely no problem attracting women. My problem is my poor judgment when it comes to character, and I fear that something like Tinder is a cesspool of dysfunctional people. Maybe that's a bit irrational, but I am seriously gun shy after my last relationship. Am I wrong thinking that not a lot of quality women would be on Tinder? I always thought it was more for f**k buddies.

[Imajerk17]

Well, I do agree that in Tinder, Pictures Are King and that your photos should be good quality. I don't agree with the advice of paying for professional photos though, especially for men. It just looks too try-hard, and I think women would be wondering why you just couldn't get friends to have your picture taken with instead.

 

I mean, think about it. Are the guys who are cleaning up on Tinder getting professional pictures of them taken? I seriously doubt it. Are they just so naturally good-looking anyway? See I'm not sure about that either.

 

You want a photo that clearly shows your face and "what you look like" , which includes a full-body shot. You don't need a professional to do that for you though. What women really want to see, after they ascertain what you look like, is that you are a cool guy with a life. One of those group shots of you out having fun with your friends at a bar, would be terrific. Another great photo would be of you doing something you are passionate about--playing the guitar, competing in a CrossFit competition, ect.

Edited November 3, 2017 by Imajerk17

[normal person]

I mean, think about it. Are the guys who are cleaning up on Tinder getting professional pictures of them taken? I seriously doubt it. Are they just so naturally good-looking anyway? See I'm not sure about that either.

 

Yeah, I've got to agree. I do perfectly fine on Tinder with normal pictures and one sentence description. I didn't see the need to "hack the algorithm" or anything, it works fine as it is. I'm just honest and I treat the experience as frivolously as it deserves to be treated. So, basically the opposite approach to the OP and I wouldn't change anything. When I see the professional pictures I assume the girl (and I can imagine, guy) is a struggling actor using their headshots, or has been so unsuccessful thus far due to some yet to be seen character flaw that they had to double down on the pictures. No thanks.

 

Instead, one of those group shots of you out having fun with your friends at a bar, would be terrific.

 

One or two is fine, but not the first picture. When all a girl's pictures are group shots and I can't determine which one she is, I swipe left.

[Erik30]

I think those professional pictures are actually a turn off, especially if it's an average looking girl... makes it kind of seem like she probably looks "worse" in her normal pictures and in RL. (Same goes for guys I guess)

[Cobra_X]

Well, I do agree that in Tinder, Pictures Are King and that your photos should be good quality. I don't agree with the advice of paying for professional photos though, especially for men. It just looks too try-hard, and I think women would be wondering why you just couldn't get friends to have your picture taken with instead.

I mean, think about it. Are the guys who are cleaning up on Tinder getting professional pictures of them taken? I seriously doubt it. Are they just so naturally good-looking anyway? See I'm not sure about that either.

 

How much do you know about photography? Lighting, composition, framing these are super important and your idiot frat buddy isn't going to know how to make a picture look great.

 

Even a guy with male model looks will not do as well on Tinder if he doesn't have interesting photos. Pros know how to pose you, how to use background and lighting to make your pictures pop. If you downsize the pic the vast majority of women cannot tell that it's a professional photo.

 

https://prezi.com/bfipwphzecew/good-vs-bad-photography/

 

Yeah, I've got to agree. I do perfectly fine on Tinder with normal pictures and one sentence description. I didn't see the need to "hack the algorithm" or anything, it works fine as it is. I'm just honest and I treat the experience as frivolously as it deserves to be treated. So, basically the opposite approach to the OP and I wouldn't change anything. When I see the professional pictures I assume the girl (and I can imagine, guy) is a struggling actor using their headshots, or has been so unsuccessful thus far due to some yet to be seen character flaw that they had to double down on the pictures. No thanks.

One or two is fine, but not the first picture. When all a girl's pictures are group shots and I can't determine which one she is, I swipe left.

 

What kind of professional photographer would give you some crappy modeling shots? You would have to be an idiot to use something like that.

 

I've got photos of me in downtown, at a charity event, sailing, and jogging in the park. 3 of those photos were taken in the same shoot within about 1 hour of each other.

 

If you think you are doing fine, then this thread isn't for you. If you read the experiment below you will see many guys are not doing great.

 

https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a?source=placement_card_footer_grid---------0-44

 

I think those professional pictures are actually a turn off, especially if it's an average looking girl... makes it kind of seem like she probably looks "worse" in her normal pictures and in RL. (Same goes for guys I guess)

 

All I can say is that I have tested this theory and you are completely wrong. The vast majority of women cannot tell if a photo is professional or not. It either looks good or it doesn't.

 

The majority of men see a woman in a pro photo and assume she is a model of some kind.

[Cobra_X]

I have absolutely no problem attracting women. My problem is my poor judgment when it comes to character, and I fear that something like Tinder is a cesspool of dysfunctional people. Maybe that's a bit irrational, but I am seriously gun shy after my last relationship. Am I wrong thinking that not a lot of quality women would be on Tinder? I always thought it was more for f**k buddies.

 

Every major city in America is a cesspool of dysfunctional people. There are not a lot of quality women anywhere. I mean if the women of America had a mascot it would be Kim Kardashian... whos talent is sleeping with celebrities and having a big @ss.

 

I think most Tinerellas are looking for short to mid term sexual relationships. There are a handful who are looking for true love.

 

Bumble is a bit better for the quality of woman to my opinion.

 

But seriously... if you are looking for good women don't do it in the US. I do a lot of international travel for work. There are some great places to find a wife when you are ready. It ranges from places everybody knows like Ho Chi Minh City, to shocking places like Tehran. I think probably 30% or more of the female population in Iran isn't religious at all.

[Erik30]

 

https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a?source=placement_card_footer_grid---------0-44

 

 

 

All I can say is that I have tested this theory and you are completely wrong. The vast majority of women cannot tell if a photo is professional or not. It either looks good or it doesn't.

 

The majority of men see a woman in a pro photo and assume she is a model of some kind.

 

I was talking about me personally, not the view of men in general, so you might be right about that. I probably should've phrased it a bit better.

 

I also meant the kind of pictures that were obviously shot in a studio, the ones with a clear background, I see those all the time on Tinder. I know girls often give shoots like that as a gift to their girlfriends, so I wouldn't assume she's a model. (Unless the girl is very attractive) If you have professional "natural looking" pictures, then yeah I guess that would work

[CptInsano]

While I'm not an expert on Tinder, I remember a study from a sight that allowed its users to rate the attractiveness of a person in a photo. This was then correlated to the photo's EXIF data (a photo's meta information).

 

It showed that photos shot with DSLRs without a flash generally ranked the highest. These tend to be portraits shot by somebody who probably has at least a basic grasp of photography, and the shots were likely taken outside of a studio.

 

This should not be surprising to anybody who has ever shot casual portraits with a city or nature as a backdrop.

[Imajerk17]

How much do you know about photography? Lighting, composition, framing these are super important and your idiot frat buddy isn't going to know how to make a picture look great.

 

I don't think looking much better in your photos than you do in real life e.g., under less-than-ideal lighting, is the objective though. Otherwise the girl may be disappointed when you meet up.

 

Women are more interested in a guy's overall essense than they are in his jawline. Imperfect but decent photos of you living your life are much better than photos of you taken in a studio or in some clearly contrived environment, even if the latter set of photos highlight your facial features perfectly.

 

(I agree w @normal_person though, group shots of you can't be your only photos, you do need to have a photo just of yourself.

Edited November 3, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Cookiesandough]

I think those professional pictures are actually a turn off, especially if it's an average looking girl... makes it kind of seem like she probably looks "worse" in her normal pictures and in RL. (Same goes for guys I guess)

 

professional shots are usually very clear

Edited November 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Erik30]

professional shots are usually very clear

 

Yeah but they can play around with makeup and lighting (also possibly only using shots from certain angles) to make you look better than you actually are...

[Cookiesandough]

I suppose so.

Edited November 4, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cobra_X]

I don't think looking much better in your photos than you do in real life e.g., under less-than-ideal lighting, is the objective though. Otherwise the girl may be disappointed when you meet up.

Women are more interested in a guy's overall essense than they are in his jawline. Imperfect but decent photos of you living your life are much better than photos of you taken in a studio or in some clearly contrived environment, even if the latter set of photos highlight your facial features perfectly.

(I agree w @normal_person though, group shots of you can't be your only photos, you do need to have a photo just of yourself.

 

This is a truth that most men need to understand and embrace. A good chunk of female attraction is to as you say a man's "essence". I would characterize this more as a projection. What you project in your photos is very important.

 

This belief that a shirtless selfie in the bathroom is better than a pro shirtless photo of you carrying your surfboard on the beach... is stupid.

 

A Tinder photo should represent the best and most interesting you have ever looked in your recent history. If you are an 8 in the photos but a 6 in real life... most women won't be too disappointed or care provided your "essence" fits what she is attracted to.

 

It has been often cited that a guys #1 fear with online dating is that the girl won't match her pictures. That doesn't even make the top 10 fears for women. In fact, studies have shown that even if catfished women respond better than men to dates that are 100lbs heavier than their photos.

 

Bottom line... fear of appearing Try Hard is stupid... because it stops you from actually Trying Hard. Fear of not matching your pics is also stupid, because as long as the picture is recent and of you it will match.

[SoleMate]

This belief that a shirtless selfie in the bathroom is better than a pro shirtless photo of you carrying your surfboard on the beach... is stupid.

+1000

 

I find the bathroom selfies in particular to have a revolting quality to them. Even if the bathroom were a really clean, well-designed, well-lit one, there's just too much suggestion of the hygienic activities that take place there. That's gross. And if you add in the typical dim cluttered airless dinginess of 99.9% of selfie bathrooms shown, then it's just disgusting. Nobody wants the lifestyle of hanging out in a grubby mildewy bathroom with you.....or if they do, would you want them?

 

Whereas the surfboard photo implies a fun-filled, sunlit active outdoor life. Much preferable for most, right?

[warp123]

The problem with online dating sites is the following.

 

You go to a fruit store and pick the most shiny and perfect fruits. If there arent perfect, you pick the best looking. Maybe being perfect dont translate to better taste when you eat them, but you prefer those.

 

So as a woman, if you are presented all these men, wouldnt you choose the most good looking guys first?

 

Thats what happens on those sites, either you are a 10/10 or you will have a hard time.

 

 

In person is always better, they can see more than an image, they can see how you move, how you talk, if you are actually nice or not... internet is more for physically gifted men. I get a lot of looks in person, but on the internet im just one more and my self esteem gets hurt. I try to avoid online dating.

Edited November 5, 2017 by warp123

[Imajerk17]

This is a truth that most men need to understand and embrace. A good chunk of female attraction is to as you say a man's "essence". I would characterize this more as a projection. What you project in your photos is very important.

 

This belief that a shirtless selfie in the bathroom is better than a pro shirtless photo of you carrying your surfboard on the beach... is stupid.

 

A Tinder photo should represent the best and most interesting you have ever looked in your recent history. If you are an 8 in the photos but a 6 in real life... most women won't be too disappointed or care provided your "essence" fits what she is attracted to.

 

It has been often cited that a guys #1 fear with online dating is that the girl won't match her pictures. That doesn't even make the top 10 fears for women. In fact, studies have shown that even if catfished women respond better than men to dates that are 100lbs heavier than their photos.

 

Bottom line... fear of appearing Try Hard is stupid... because it stops you from actually Trying Hard. Fear of not matching your pics is also stupid, because as long as the picture is recent and of you it will match.

 

Who ever recommended bathroom selfies tho

 

You should NOT be posting bathroom selfies, if that wasn't clear already. We were discussing having your picture taken by/with your friends.

 

If you can get a photographer to take a shot of you *actually shredding a wave* that is awesome. The big problem w hiring a photographer to take your pictures is that it looks too contrived. Anyone can tell that this is what you did, and women will be wondering why you even needed to be doing so.

 

I will say it again: Most of the guys who are cleaning up on Tinder did not hire professional photographers, either to follow them around and take shots of these guys in action, or to do these contrived photoshoots.

Edited November 5, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Cookiesandough]

The problem with online dating sites is the following.

 

You go to a fruit store and pick the most shiny and perfect fruits. If there arent perfect, you pick the best looking. Maybe being perfect dont translate to better taste when you eat them, but you prefer those.

 

So as a woman, if you are presented all these men, wouldnt you choose the most good looking guys first?

 

Thats what happens on those sites, either you are a 10/10 or you will have a hard time.

 

 

In person is always better, they can see more than an image, they can see how you move, how you talk, if you are actually nice or not... internet is more for physically gifted men. I get a lot of looks in person, but on the internet im just one more and my self esteem gets hurt. I try to avoid online dating.

Yes thats true and it works for men to BUT luckily for us people have different taste. Yes there are those who have those kind of practically universal looks of peace/of a Greek god, but those guys are not responding to every girl either. I cant even believe those guys really exist on OLD. I haven't seen one. I'd have to wonder why those guys would need online dating. They'd have to have crippling social anxiety/agoraphobia or something

 

 

My point is, those guys account for a small portion of OLD. Most people OLD fall in the range of average good looking. You know how you can see a girl you think is hot and point it out to your buddy and he's like "nah man"? He doesn't see it. Or you and you buddy can see two women and you want the one of the right and he wants the one of the left? It's like that.

 

You need to work on being the best you can be physically. OLD is 99% physical, I don't what the rest of these suckers say. You're essentially strangers so what else is there to tie you together stronger? Not like you met through friends, or a night out dancing together, or serendipitous bumped into each other and laughed. Yes, somepeople do read the profiles, but mostly because you pictures caught their eye and you looked good.

 

 

So what are you going to do? You need quality pictures. If you can manage this with your iphone. Awesome. Just make sure they are clear and capture your vibe. If you're smiling all cheesy like in from of your water stained bathroom mirror, that's what a woman will conclude you are like.

 

You can also go the artistic, professional photography route(no glamour or business headshots) Just something clear, with good lighting, nice backdrop. I'd say over half the guys I've been on dates with from Tinder(more towards the end than the beginning now that I've become more discerning, realizing I can be) have had professional photographs.They're pretty average dudes, but they know how to make the best of their looks.

 

Sure, If you're an extremely aesthetic guy, you can take a pic with anything short of a potato and put a witty one liner in your profile probably do just fine, but most guys aren't and need to to set themselves apart to maximize success.

Edited November 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

Who ever recommended bathroom selfies tho

 

You should NOT be posting bathroom selfies, if that wasn't clear already. We were discussing having your picture taken by/with your friends.

 

If you can get a photographer to take a shot of you *actually shredding a wave* that is awesome. The big problem w hiring a photographer to take your pictures is that it looks too contrived. Anyone can tell that this is what you did, and women will be wondering why you even needed to be doing so.

 

I will say it again: Most of the guys who are cleaning up on Tinder did not hire professional photographers, either to follow them around and take shots of these guys in action, or to do these contrived photoshoots.

 

I'm not fond of pics with friends. It's better than a pic with another woman, but not by much. I guess I am just too generous in assuming that the guy has friends/a social life even if he doesn't post a picture of it. The friend pic distracts. Oftentimes, his friend is hotter. Sometimes it's obvious he chose a less attractive friend to seem more attractive. It also takes up time to look at a pic of two or more people and pick out the one that is advertising themselves and it is at least subconsciously frustrating.

 

Taken by your friends on phone is just fine. As long as it's clear and you look good. You also may note many people have friends who are 'professional' photographers (basically anyone with a good dslr cam these days)