Author HumanMachine Posted October 22, 2017 Author Share Posted October 22, 2017 What is with guys not wanting you but not wanting you to stop crying and dwelling over them. Worrying about other guys...when they don't even want u! Ego ego ego. I want her, I love her more than anyone I’ve ever loved but her recent attitude/career/finance situation made it simply impossible to be with her. My friends and family have all turned their back on her, and both have said that if I go back they’d turn their back on me. Unfortunate situation as one minute she’s the nicest cuddliest person and the next she’s screaming, shouting & being violent. Can one not simply feel hurt thinking about their love being intimate with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Zul Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 I need to get away from my lazy self centred non motivated girlfriend. It is killing me mentally and financially and i’ve had enough. Whenever we have ‘broken up’ in the past one of us would crack and message the other and we’d be in the honey moon stage for a couple of weeks then it’ll end up back to normal. The other night was the final straw, i was tired, she wanted to stay round.. this would involve me driving to hers and picking her up to drive back to mine, as she doesn’t drive. I simply didn’t have the energy for this. After telling her I was tired she started with the water works, making me feel guilty then went on to blackmail me (if you don’t come and get me then i won’t talk to you again). Eventually (stupidly) I picked her up as I simply couldn’t be bothered with the hassle. I want to get away but I get lonely quickly and miss her company. Getting over a far better ex girlfriend was much easier because as the time I was in college, now i’m sat in an office all day and it plays with my head. I am considering monkey branching so I have someone to replace the company part, as nasty as this sounds. Please help My friend, as others have said, you already know the answer and what you have to do. No one here is going to be able to stop you from messaging her, or tell you to just move on. You and I both know what you have to do, so what are you waiting on, just do it? I've been single for over a year now, with no dating or intimate contact with any female. Honestly, it's been one of the better years of my life. I don't think I've had a year this peaceful in a long while. It took a few months to get into the groove with myself, and be able to not be lonely or miss her. You just need to either do it, or don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 //Can one not simply feel hurt thinking about their love being intimate with someone else?// Sure, I go through it every weekend with an ex I actually fell in love with and knew for over 2 decades. She was having sex a week after she broke up with me and was mocking me with it. In the end all folks are trying to say is this is how our egos work...they hurt at the thought of our exes ****ing someone else. By the same token after I found out I had sex with 2 women I know, and I felt worse. Time will help my friend, and also think of all the bad things with her and forget the good for now. Anything you can do to convince yourself she is not worth the worry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 its just sex, it doesn't mean anything repeat this mantra in your head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 That's what I keep saying and I try not to think how great she was with the sex. The day she broke up with me we had sex which she initiated. Very confusing, but in the end she chose another guy. The mantra and thinking of all her negative qualities helps me but my damn ego, rejection and replacement does that to me. Great advice though. Link to post Share on other sites
Vanity1 Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 That's what I keep saying and I try not to think how great she was with the sex. The day she broke up with me we had sex which she initiated. Very confusing, but in the end she chose another guy. The mantra and thinking of all her negative qualities helps me but my damn ego, rejection and replacement does that to me. Great advice though. ......thats what u miss?. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 A part yes, we knew each other for 25 years so there is a lot I miss. Our relationships were always sexual. She was my first serious girlfriend 25 years ago and my last most recently. I also miss her company, our talks, her sense of humor, her beautiful big eyes, her amazing smile and crooked teeth, I miss our love for one another and who I thought she was...turned out to be an illusion. My ego is most affected by being rejected and replaced and being intimate and close to her. This thread was about sex so I centered on that. I miss everything about her, but that was a lie, in the end I focus on the dishonesty, deception etc. That I will not miss in the least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Now i’ve been away from her and spoken to friends I’ve realised how much I hate her for what she’s done to me. I despise her and I wish her only the worst.. yet just a week ago I hurt and trying to reconcile with her to amend our issues. My good friend said to me a while ago “soon you will hate her”, everyone could see it apart from me.. friends, family, colleagues all asked the same question “what the hell are you doing with this psychopath?” I hate her lies, how she blackmailed me, how she manipulated me, how she was violent towards me, how she tried to put me down to control me, the constant guilt trips, insults.. even typing this I am shaking, how did I put up for this for so long? The thought of her (somehow) contacting me now makes me feel nauseous. In terms of healing, is this a good or bad mindset? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Hate is fine for a time, but it's crucial you don't hold on to that emotion indefinitely. Hate is such a powerful emotion, and while your feelings are probably justified, it will only do you harm after a certain point. By no measure does this mean you need to like her or anything. It's just important to know that hate needs to be a temporary phase on your way to indifference for your own sake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Agree with Blanco. It's part of the healing process. Just make sure you don't get stuck in that place forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Thanks guys. Whilst neither feeling is pleasent; I am preferring the burning sensation of hating her than the gutting feeling of being hurt. I’ll be good in time. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Hurt zaps all your energy. Hate can be harnessed into action Just be careful. Hate is NOT the opposite of Love. It's the negative passion with the same intensity. The opposite of love is apathy. When you don't care at all any more that is when you will be over this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Coffeeguy Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I've been in the hating process for a week but every single day a little bit is chopped off. What's happening is simple: Your "cloud" that prevented you from seeing all the bad things is lifted and now you're seeing it for what it was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Hate is fine for a time, but it's crucial you don't hold on to that emotion indefinitely. Hate is such a powerful emotion, and while your feelings are probably justified, it will only do you harm after a certain point. By no measure does this mean you need to like her or anything. It's just important to know that hate needs to be a temporary phase on your way to indifference for your own sake. ^This. You are not alone, I am a guy who hates no one, but I now hate my ex. Betrayal does that. But at some point, we have to do as Blanco says and let go of it after it no longer serves us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 She messaged my mother twice this evening, asking for me to unblock her as she wants to talk I resisted replying.. difficult thought Link to post Share on other sites
iVisa Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Don't hate. Be happy you realized with who you met. End this acquaintance and try to forget. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Hate gives you great energy that should be used to get better at whatever you do in your free time or start a new hobby.. After the hate phase you will start rationalizing the relationship. And detach yourself from it. We 've all been there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Don't hate. Be happy you realized with who you met. End this acquaintance and try to forget. 9 times out of 10 I agree. But hate/anger can motivate and help some folks especially when you factor in why a breakup happened. I am finding betrayal is best dealt with hate/anger to help me move on and get motivated. I am sure one day I will be indifferent but for now I hate her, I can control that much. I hate liars, and selfish cowards who hurt me. The important part is not to hold onto hate, make it a phase. But many of us deal better with hate/anger than we do with sadness or pining away for a flawed ex. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. If you feel hatred, you still have feelings for her. And that's not healthy for moving on no matter how you dice it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Use that hate to fuel yourself to do great things. And you know what? You don't hate her as much as you hate YOURSELF for putting up with her crap. Now that you have reflected you see how she was to you but at the end of the day YOU allowed it. And make no mistake. I'm sure she lied and manipulated you and at first you were unaware but after awhile things become apparent you still allowed it. Use it as a learning experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 One person's hate is another person's anger. It's normal, just try to stay busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Wobugan Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I hate my ex as well for what she did to me, how she crashed all my dreams and ambitions, how she went to her junkee ex just weeks after our breakup. I think i will never feel that betrayed by someone again who i once shared so much with. block her move on and challenge the rage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 29, 2017 Author Share Posted October 29, 2017 I recently posted a thread about hating my ex and how the thought of her contacting me made me nauseous. Well Friday evening she contacted my mother, asking how I was and if there was a possibility of us (me and her) talking. I resisted Friday evening but woke up Saturday morning with that horrible empty/lonely feeling. I messaged her. She apologised for some things she had previously said, and we agreed to meet up. We had a fantastic day - lunch, a long walk, back to mine for a movie and sex, then to a fairground in the evening followed by drinks in a bar. We spoke and aired our issues and tried to resolve our differences, unfortunately there was just one thing we couldn’t agree on, neither of us were changing our minds and we both agreed that it was never going to work. I left her last night on good terms, stupidly hoping we could get over this extremely small issue. We messaged back and forth this morning with her being extremely cold, she then blocked me. I daren’t tell my friends or family that I met her. I know I’m an idiot and should have stayed away.. I just had to type it out, I deserve harsh replies and I think they’ll help me.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 You knew better and did it anyway. The only one keeping you where you are is you. You are officially a hanger on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 In some ways, you can see this as closure that you might have been seeking. You now know that you are far better off moving on. Please ask your mother to block her. She has a lot of nerve contacting your family and then going cold again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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