Els Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Thank you; this is exactly what I wanted to hear. I know there are flaws in my personality and they appear quite apparent from your post. How can I work on ironing these out? I want to be a better person, and for her to have that opinion of me when I feel like I’m in the right is upsetting. Thanks! It's great that you have realized this. Things may never work out with this girl (and that might even be for the best - while I agree with Bailey's assessment of your post, I also did think she was being selfish on that particular night by going clothes shopping while you were waiting for her when you'd already said you were tired), but this self-realization will help you HUGELY in the future. All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Is that really childish? I asked to agree a time earlier and she decided to ignore (read the message), so i’ve got to waste an evening waiting for her to contact me, if she even does? I don't think it's childish at all if you have somewhere you need/want to be. Otherwise I'd wait and get it over with, with her. However, if there's something you're planning on doing I'd weigh it against possible drama from her continuing. The more this unfolds the more it seems to me you're fortunate to be getting away from her because of her not cooperating in setting an agreed upon time with you and other aforementioned things. Once again, she seems inconsiderate and controlling. If you do have something to do, can you leave the box where no one will see it, rather than risk someone taking it? That would be my concern but, then again, had she set a time to pick it up she could have avoided that. Were I in your place, the way this is playing out, and I needed to be away the evening she comes to get her things, I believe I'd leave a note on the box telling her that you had somewhere you needed to be so couldn't wait for her. The ball's in her court then. If you've forgotten something you can then just set it out for her again. I'd also save the texts or emails (have you been communicating by text?) the two of you've shared in which you tried to set up a mutually agreed upon time. I have no way of knowing but from the behavior you're posting she exhibits it's possible she may claim someone stole her stuff and now you owe her for it. That most likely won't happen but I would protect myself were I you by documenting in case she tries to take you to small claims court or something. Again, probably isn't going to happen but better safe than sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 I don't think it's childish at all if you have somewhere you need/want to be. Otherwise I'd wait and get it over with, with her. However, if there's something you're planning on doing I'd weigh it against possible drama from her continuing. The more this unfolds the more it seems to me you're fortunate to be getting away from her because of her not cooperating in setting an agreed upon time with you and other aforementioned things. Once again, she seems inconsiderate and controlling. If you do have something to do, can you leave the box where no one will see it, rather than risk someone taking it? That would be my concern but, then again, had she set a time to pick it up she could have avoided that. Were I in your place, the way this is playing out, and I needed to be away the evening she comes to get her things, I believe I'd leave a note on the box telling her that you had somewhere you needed to be so couldn't wait for her. The ball's in her court then. If you've forgotten something you can then just set it out for her again. I'd also save the texts or emails (have you been communicating by text?) the two of you've shared in which you tried to set up a mutually agreed upon time. I have no way of knowing but from the behavior you're posting she exhibits it's possible she may claim someone stole her stuff and now you owe her for it. That most likely won't happen but I would protect myself were I you by documenting in case she tries to take you to small claims court or something. Again, probably isn't going to happen but better safe than sorry. I need to be out bettering my self, I can’t be sat in moping around waiting for some selfish individual to let me know when they are getting their stuff. I offered to drop off at hers last night - declined, I offered to agree a time today - declined. I really can’t do much more and I refuse to wait around until she shouts jump. She can be very coniving, no way I’d leave her stuff unattended. Even thought i am certain it wouldn’t go missing, I wouldn’t want to give her that ammo. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Is that really childish? I asked to agree a time earlier and she decided to ignore (read the message), so i’ve got to waste an evening waiting for her to contact me, if she even does? No, definitely don't wait around. I would gather all her stuff, like others said. Then YOU decide a time (since she wouldn't). Then text and say, "Ill be here at home until X;00. You can come by and pick up your things before then, or I will be glad to put them outside my door before I leave." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 Checking in for some reason She didn’t collect her stuff tonight I’m sat alone watching a movie, normally she’d be snuggled up next to me It’s hard Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 I would just drop her things off to her parents' or a friend's house then. Like right now. You said she doesn't drive so you can tell her you thought you were doing her a favor if she has anything to say about that which is nicer than the "tough sht" answer I'd be giving her if it were me she was jerking around so terribly and complaining about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Checking in for some reason She didn’t collect her stuff tonight I’m sat alone watching a movie, normally she’d be snuggled up next to me It’s hard Hang in there, Human! Glad you didn't wait at home for her. The things you've written that she's done are at the very least inconsiderate. If she was a guy I'd call her a jerk. Guess I will anyway, she's been acting like a jerk! I believe she may be trying to manipulate you with all of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 She’s invited me round to her place tonight, told me not to eat as she’s cooking us dinner. This is COMPLETEY out of the blue. Realised she overreacted or more sinister invitation? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) She’s invited me round to her place tonight, told me not to eat as she’s cooking us dinner. This is COMPLETEY out of the blue. Realised she overreacted or more sinister invitation? I was sort of expecting a post like this because of her not wanting you to drop her stuff off. I figured she wanted to see you to try to get you back into the relationship. Edited October 5, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 I was sort of expecting a post like this because of her not wanting you to drop her stuff off. I figured she wanted to see you to try to get you back into the relationship. I’m here now. Amazing evening.. had a meal cooked for me, ice cream, sex.. but no talk of what’s actually going on.. Could be in for the mother of all let downs! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Could be in for the mother of all let downs! Make her blow you first, just in case Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 7, 2017 Share Posted October 7, 2017 Your going to go around and around. Notice she did talk about getting back together. I'm telling you I'm guessing something blew up in her and here you are with open arms. Ask her what changed call of a sudden from where last weekcshe was DONE with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 I need to get away from my lazy self centred non motivated girlfriend. It is killing me mentally and financially and i’ve had enough. Whenever we have ‘broken up’ in the past one of us would crack and message the other and we’d be in the honey moon stage for a couple of weeks then it’ll end up back to normal. The other night was the final straw, i was tired, she wanted to stay round.. this would involve me driving to hers and picking her up to drive back to mine, as she doesn’t drive. I simply didn’t have the energy for this. After telling her I was tired she started with the water works, making me feel guilty then went on to blackmail me (if you don’t come and get me then i won’t talk to you again). Eventually (stupidly) I picked her up as I simply couldn’t be bothered with the hassle. I want to get away but I get lonely quickly and miss her company. Getting over a far better ex girlfriend was much easier because as the time I was in college, now i’m sat in an office all day and it plays with my head. I am considering monkey branching so I have someone to replace the company part, as nasty as this sounds. Please help 1 Link to post Share on other sites
A_New_Earth Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Not sure we can help you with this one??? You already know the answer... No one can help to 'not miss her' when you start to feel that way. I guess you could 'monkey branch' but don't intentionally lead someone on just so you can get over this gal. You say you've had a better girlfriend before...so you will again. Maybe spend some post-breakup time reflecting on why you would even consider getting back with someone that you call a 'psycho' in the header of an online thread. Maybe you need to some self-work on that... If one of you always caves...next time...make sure it isn't you. Cut off all the avenues. Delete number, change email address, block on Facebook. Unless she bangs on your door...job done bro. Peace I need to get away from my lazy self centred non motivated girlfriend. It is killing me mentally and financially and i’ve had enough. Whenever we have ‘broken up’ in the past one of us would crack and message the other and we’d be in the honey moon stage for a couple of weeks then it’ll end up back to normal. The other night was the final straw, i was tired, she wanted to stay round.. this would involve me driving to hers and picking her up to drive back to mine, as she doesn’t drive. I simply didn’t have the energy for this. After telling her I was tired she started with the water works, making me feel guilty then went on to blackmail me (if you don’t come and get me then i won’t talk to you again). Eventually (stupidly) I picked her up as I simply couldn’t be bothered with the hassle. I want to get away but I get lonely quickly and miss her company. Getting over a far better ex girlfriend was much easier because as the time I was in college, now i’m sat in an office all day and it plays with my head. I am considering monkey branching so I have someone to replace the company part, as nasty as this sounds. Please help 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Grow a backbone. You know what you have to do. There is no excuse for not following through. You know you were wrong for giving in, driving over there & falling for the waterworks. Until you stop letting her manipulate you, this will continue. Monkey branch if you have to but make a decision to extricate her from you life & stick to it. This is a mess of your own making because you continually CHOSE to take her back. You know it's a bad decision so why keep making it? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 Well i’ve done it. She replied with that she is too young for a serious relationship, that all she wants to do is ‘‘work and play’ and that she still cares (loves?) people I made her cut out. Hearing those words hurt but will definitely assist me in the long run. Now I begin the long road to recovery.. i’ve decided to go out as much as possible with friends, read a new book every week, rejoin my local gym which I quit for her and start appreciating what i have and where i am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 One thing i’m really struggling to shake is that gut wrenching feeling of thinking of ex sleeping with someone else I’ve dealt with it before and been fine but this feeling never seems to change.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 //One thing i’m really struggling to shake is that gut wrenching feeling of thinking of ex sleeping with someone else// I am going through the same thing. It's your ego. Not sure if that helps, but our egos suck at times lol. It's the weekend I know my ex who is very sexual has been having sex with her new boyfriend every weekend. She didn't even go a weekend in between me and this dude. Also I am sure since you mentioned monkey branching that you know you also just want to have someone to have sex with. It's your ego, it's just sex, your relationship sucked....no sex is worth toxicity like you are in. I had someone I loved and knew for 2 plus decades monkey branch on me, if you care about your SO in the least this is the wrong thing to do and it is also something that could affect who you branch on to. Not lecturing you, we are all different, but other folks have feelings and needs too. Even if you dislike this woman, do you really want to monkey branch if she is so psycho? My ex was not a psycho but I will never speak to her again and we were friends for 20+ years. There is a right way and wrong way to end things and the consequences can be nasty. I would work on yourself like you said, do the things you want to do, hang out with friends, go to the gym, etc. Let yourself mellow for a bit and decide what you want for you and what you want in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 //One thing i’m really struggling to shake is that gut wrenching feeling of thinking of ex sleeping with someone else// I am going through the same thing. It's your ego. Not sure if that helps, but our egos suck at times lol. It's the weekend I know my ex who is very sexual has been having sex with her new boyfriend every weekend. She didn't even go a weekend in between me and this dude. Also I am sure since you mentioned monkey branching that you know you also just want to have someone to have sex with. It's your ego, it's just sex, your relationship sucked....no sex is worth toxicity like you are in. I had someone I loved and knew for 2 plus decades monkey branch on me, if you care about your SO in the least this is the wrong thing to do and it is also something that could affect who you branch on to. Not lecturing you, we are all different, but other folks have feelings and needs too. Even if you dislike this woman, do you really want to monkey branch if she is so psycho? My ex was not a psycho but I will never speak to her again and we were friends for 20+ years. There is a right way and wrong way to end things and the consequences can be nasty. I would work on yourself like you said, do the things you want to do, hang out with friends, go to the gym, etc. Let yourself mellow for a bit and decide what you want for you and what you want in a relationship. Thanks man.. 2 decades, that’s insane.. we were only together 12 months but it feels 12 years with the amount of crap she put me through. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 One thing i’m really struggling to shake is that gut wrenching feeling of thinking of ex sleeping with someone else. Well if you don't want her, it's not really fair for you to expect her to stop living. Perhaps the next guy will be better suited to her. Meanwhile you will be off to another relationship that is happier & healthier for you. Perhaps change your mindset to "good luck, dude" because the next guy will probably have his hands full just like you did. The more important thing is that you will have a new relationship that is far more fulfilling so who cares what / who she's doing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Well if you don't want her, it's not really fair for you to expect her to stop living. Perhaps the next guy will be better suited to her. Meanwhile you will be off to another relationship that is happier & healthier for you. Perhaps change your mindset to "good luck, dude" because the next guy will probably have his hands full just like you did. The more important thing is that you will have a new relationship that is far more fulfilling so who cares what / who she's doing? That’s what I keep reminding myself.. good luck to the next guy - enjoy the mood swings, violence, arguments, non existent communication skills, having to taxi her around, zero motivation to achieve in life and nothing ever being her fault. Manipulate b.....! Sorry I just had to write it out.. Thanks for post, much appreciated 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Thanks man.. 2 decades, that’s insane.. we were only together 12 months but it feels 12 years with the amount of crap she put me through. We weren't together for over 2 decades, I dated her when we were freshman in college for about a year. Then we went our separate ways for a while. I just knew her for 25 years. We only dated for 6 months this time around, she blindsided me so she could date someone she dated in high school. I assume she thought I would not find out, and when I did she said not to worry we would reconnect. I said no we won't, and burnt that bridge. It's simple to me, people keep people around until they find something better and then they drop you out of the blue. It's monkey branching and some folks are fine with it. I'm not, it shows a complete lack of character IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vanity1 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 One thing i’m really struggling to shake is that gut wrenching feeling of thinking of ex sleeping with someone else I’ve dealt with it before and been fine but this feeling never seems to change.. None of your concern. She is just a psycho after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Vanity1 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 What is with guys not wanting you but not wanting you to stop crying and dwelling over them. Worrying about other guys...when they don't even want u! Ego ego ego. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trust666 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 ^She's right It's what men are wired to be like. We tend to take a bruised ego and translate it to heartache when they move on. It's also a good key to factor when you start to move on and heal, recognize what is ego and what is not. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts