Dadubwa Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Alrighty... I went over to a guy friend's house last night and got totally drunk ... the thing is I have a girlfriend (I'm a lesbian)... but I kinda got a very little sexually invovled with my guy friend (like a five second hand job happened)... I would normally feel totally guilty about this and totally unfaithful...but since I was drunk (I know that's not a good reason) I don't really feel that awful for doing that. The other thing is my girlfriend is so against drinking...and I don't want to tell her anything that happened and I don't even wanna tell her that I drank. But I feel so stupid for being so immature and drinking and stuff...Like I don't feel back for doing anything because my guy friend is gay..and I'm a lesbian and we have no attractions twards each other and we really don't care what really happend.. I guess my questions is 1) How should I feel about this? Should I just shrug it off...or really worry about it? 2) Has this happened to anyone before? anyone's reply is wanted...(even if you need to tell me I'm a sluttywhore LOL) Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 How would you feel if your girlfriend did this to you or would you even care? Would it bother you that your girlfriend gave a handjob to another guy since he was gay? I hate to break this to you but cheating is cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Bryanp cheating is cheating. True. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Being drunk isnt an excuse, nobody forced you to drink or to be around other dudes drunk, There arent nanobytes inside the alcohol that take control of your mind either, fess up to what you did, she deserves to know you cheated, if not then you will have a gf who is with you under false pretenses and if youre ok with that then you really dont care for her its also odd that this guy is supposed to be "gay" and youre a "lesbian" but you still managed to end up in a sexual situation, its equivalent to me getting drunk and kissing some dude, which just would NOT happen, i dont care if I drank an ocean of beer, there has to be more to it, maybe youre bi, I dunno, either way your gf deserves to know, the fact that you dont really feel bad and are falling back on the drunk excuse also shows you dont care much for her, you cheated on her and on top of that it really isnt bothering you..tell this girl so she can get on with her life because you seem like you'll end up hurting her Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I think you should tell her you got drunk, and gave your gay friend a short hand-job. if she has a problem with it, then deal with whatever the issues are. If she laughs about the irony of it then great, move past it. i am confused as to how he would be hard, and how that event would occur...but whatever....I really think she'll get over it Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by kat23 I think you should tell her you got drunk, and gave your gay friend a short hand-job. if she has a problem with it, then deal with whatever the issues are. Exactly. Obviously no one can force you to tell her, but you can't control what other people gossip or find out about. I'd say your girlfriend would rather hear about what occured from you and not a third party. Just put yourself in her placed and understand how she would feel about it. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 You might have the initial signs of heterosexualitis--might want to see a doctor! But seriously I think Kat has some good advice. Come clean, and let the chips fall where they may--I don't think it is a big deal, but cheating is cheating and you can be a bigger person by bringing it out. You don't want your GF to hear about it from someone else do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadubwa Posted August 17, 2005 Author Share Posted August 17, 2005 It was only him and I there...he was to drunk to remember. idk how that would get around...but hey anything could happen... We both know we're gay..trust me. But I'm more sexually attracted to guys than girls...but I'm more emotionally attracted to woman and I still am attracted to woman., just more so to guys..such as my friend with boys. You're right..I should tell her because I DO care for her...we've never had any big problems in our relationship...we've been going really strong for 2 years...we live with each other...and we're about to go to the same college and dorm together at the end of next year....we seem to be heading down the right road and everything is on track. ....so I mean...I really should tell her...I just don't wanna put us 'off' track. She's made it very clear to me that any situation that includes drinking (even 'drinking' itself) she would break up with me...so she's very VERY against drinking...I suppose I should just tell her...because I honestly should...but I need to come into it with the understanding that the chance of hher breaking up with me is VERY high. and pretty much able to happen. Thank you for all the help! Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Then you definitely should tell her. People have the right to choose who they are in a relationship with, and where they have asserted what they want, to secretly deny them that is presumptuous. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius Then you definitely should tell her. People have the right to choose who they are in a relationship with, and where they have asserted what they want, to secretly deny them that is presumptuous. I agree with that. People who cheat often do say "it was meaningless" or "I was drunk". That's not necessarily going to make the person who was cheated on feel particularly cared about or respected. I almost get a sense that you see the fact that you're a lesbian combined with the gender of the person you're cheating with as mitigating circumstances in this context. Maybe it is? I'm not sure why that would follow though. Only you know how you'll feel if you don't discuss this with your girlfriend...but if you do decide to raise the subject, I hope you'll do so in a serious manner. Otherwise I think she'd be justified in questioning just how much respect you have for her and the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by Dadubwa We both know we're gay..trust me. But I'm more sexually attracted to guys than girls...but I'm more emotionally attracted to woman and I still am attracted to woman., just more so to guys..such as my friend with boys. Trust you? im sure thats what you tell your gf too, if youre more sexually attracted to guys you arent just a lesbian, youre bisexual You're right..I should tell her because I DO care for her...we've never had any big problems in our relationship...we've been going really strong for 2 years...we live with each other...and we're about to go to the same college and dorm together at the end of next year....we seem to be heading down the right road and everything is on track. ....so I mean...I really should tell her...I just don't wanna put us 'off' track. She's made it very clear to me that any situation that includes drinking (even 'drinking' itself) she would break up with me...so she's very VERY against drinking...I suppose I should just tell her...because I honestly should...but I need to come into it with the understanding that the chance of hher breaking up with me is VERY high. and pretty much able to happen. How can you be with someone for 2 years but not care if you cheated? if u DO care for her then it wouldnt of happened, and furthermore you would of felt guilty and this isnt directed towards only you, but i noticed you said you dont wanna get thrown off "track" I cant count how many times ive seen cheaters try to make up excuses for why they shouldnt tell their partner like "its selfish for me to tell them just to feel better" or "it would hurt them too much and since it wont happen again i just wont tell" BZZZT wrong, you arent on track, if you were then you wouldnt of cheated, if you want any chance of getting back on track then confess, yes there is a high chance of her dumping you, you cheated on her..what did you expect? she still deserves to know Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 If you've been together for 2 years and you don't feel bad about cheating on your gf, you're not "going strong". Based on only that fact, your relationship must actually be lacking something very important. And yeah, you're bi. If you were a lesbian, you wouldn't be sexually attracted to guys at all. Tell your girlfriend. Not to do so would be pretty sleazy and uncaring toward her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadubwa Posted August 17, 2005 Author Share Posted August 17, 2005 Okay I'm bi whatever you'd like to call it. It wasn't this huge cheating thing I wouldn't even call it a handjob...it was like sticking your hands down another dudes pants and then pulling away...I touched his penis that was it. It was like a 1 second thing. You might say that just because you're drunk doesn't mean anything...but it does...it was only the second time I had ever been drunk and all my tact flew out the window. I got totally drunk...almost to the point where even I don't remember much. I know it sounds so whoreish. and it really is. But it was more like what a 6 year old does...like when a 6 year old girl wants to see what I penis looks like. That's kinda how it was. I know I might have posted I didn't feel bad...but now I REALLY REALLY do. Thank you again for the comments Link to post Share on other sites
Michael86 Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I think you owe it to your gf to tell her everything. Don't be surprised if she reacts very strongly. She is very anti-drinking and when she finds out that something she's totally against led to you having a sexual encounter with someone else, she's not going to be too pleased. And I can't blame her. You can downplay this all you want by saying it was only for a second, but it was an inappropriate sexual encounter. You should also think about not drinking anymore since it obviously leads you to make very poor decisions that can hurt alot of people. Let us know how it goes when you tell your gf. Michael Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadubwa Posted August 18, 2005 Author Share Posted August 18, 2005 Okay here's the thing.... I told her she was really mad obviously...and kinda hung up on me..I can't tell her to her face because she's in north caro. right now. which is 12 hours away LOL I wish I told her to her face....she didn't say much she was just kinda like "wtf a** hole. *hangs up*" which is unlike her because she doesn't hang up or swear ever...BUT I wouldn't exspect anything less than that. I totally deserved it. Any new advice to try to fix this stupid thing I did??? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 It's up to her to decide how she feels about it and how it affects her relationship with you. At most send her an email or message saying that you're not going to bother her, but you're ready to talk whenever she wants to. Let her be the one to intiate contact, then you two can talk more. Sorry, leaving her alone for now the best thing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
noname Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by morrigan It's up to her to decide how she feels about it and how it affects her relationship with you. At most send her an email or message saying that you're not going to bother her, but you're ready to talk whenever she wants to. Let her be the one to intiate contact, then you two can talk more. Sorry, leaving her alone for now the best thing you can do. yeah. leave her alone. and this is a good segue into you coming clean about being bi-sexual, so she can understand why exactly you did what you did. 'cause i can guarantee that it just wasn't alchohol that made you wanna grab a weenie... there is a good chance that this may happen again, especially since you really don't feel bad about it... Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by Dadubwa It wasn't this huge cheating thing I wouldn't even call it a handjob...it was like sticking your hands down another dudes pants and then pulling away...I touched his penis that was it. It was like a 1 second thing. Just stop that, it wasnt this huge cheating thing? you touched his dick, it was still wrong, stop trying to justify your cheating You might say that just because you're drunk doesn't mean anything...but it does...it was only the second time I had ever been drunk and all my tact flew out the window. I got totally drunk...almost to the point where even I don't remember much. I know it sounds so whoreish. and it really is. But it was more like what a 6 year old does...like when a 6 year old girl wants to see what I penis looks like. That's kinda how it was. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "it was more like a 6 yr old does" you know, if my gf said that to me, I wouldnt hit her, but id certainly contemplate spitting in her face, thats BS im sorry, first you blame it on being drunk then you try to play it off as if it was as innocent as a 6 yr. old being curious and second of all being drunk does NOT mean anything because its YOUR fault, YOU being bisexual chose to get drunk for your second time around some dude alone, that isnt smart, and nothing forced you to do it but yourself I know I might have posted I didn't feel bad...but now I REALLY REALLY do. Not buying it, you only seem to feel bad cuz many ppl called you on the fact you didnt, you cant take back that u didnt feel bad and there is something WRONG if u didnt Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 it went from a short hand-job between a lesbian and a gay man, to an innocent game of doctor between friends? come on. i have a niece who can come up with better than that. she's 4. oh, and i think this post is fake. Link to post Share on other sites
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