Her kids & a young guy, prospects!!

[caring guy]

Hi

I'm 32 & have been seeing my gf for 18 months, she is 30 & has 2 kids age 10 & 6. Currently i've been ill & on support & have a fiew problems due to alcohol that i am addressing.

Now before you say she's better off away from me, i'm just the type of guy that likes a fiew glasses of wine before dinner whilst cooking & when we go out on a social night where i'll have a fiew pints of lager, but she is a non drinker & even a fiew drinks, she can see in me!, So i'm not a morning drinker, irresponsible violent stereotype!

Her kids love me!, i play trains with the lad, fix his bike, play ball, bath him & put him to bed & read him storys! The girl, she's 10, so she has her own way of doing things, but she looks up to me as a dad & huggs me & i fix things for her, help her with allsorts etc!

 

Recent problems have lead my gf to reconsider me, as there's been a low in our relationship, she met someone else on a rare night out with her sister.

She sees him & we are (hopefully) temporarily seperated, but what will this do to the kids & is she aware of the emotional affect of me not being there & the prospective prescence of another!.

Does this not mess with there head & would she consider this befor embarking on another relationship!

When i'm not there, they ask when i'm coming, when are we taking bikes to the park with me etc!!

This other guy is only 22, on his msn profile it says he likes Drinking & Women amongst others!

Is he the type of guy at his age that will offer comitment & get tyed down to someone eklses children at his age!

 

She has the kids everyday except every other weekend & she starts Uni soon & all her nights will be taken up with homework & they'l only see each other every weekend & one of them will be with the kids! Is this something a young handsome guy will want! When he met her, he didn't know she had kids, he says he wants to meet them, but as my gf is good looking, & because his age, when the kids start screaming, playing up, will the newness wear off!

 

I have wanted this sort of relationship, to settle down & be there for her, i've offered her my 100% comitment to her & her family, can she guarantee this from him? At his age, i didn't want to be tyed down to this, it's like throwing your youth away!, why can't she see this! Just now, he has a better financial future than me, & she feels he offeres her security, but only financially. I offer it in all ways & later financially, but most of all my unconditional love & respect, she just believes my baggage is something i won't be rid of, but i'm gonna show her! He obviously has no baggage at all!, this may change when he's sat in & wanting to be out on the town!

CG

[Merin]

First of all...

 

While this other Guy may be better off financially than you are, I don't see why YOU or SHE (Your EXGF) Would even have the thought that this new Guy could do better for HER financially, for real they just started dating right? That shouldn't even be a consideration IMO.

 

Secondly... why would you think your EXGF would subject her Kid's to meeting someone new RIGHT NOW? Just because she's dating this Guy doesn't mean she plans on moving him in OR allowing him to get attached to her Kids.

 

There isn't any way of knowing what kind of a committment this other Guy may be willing to make at some point with her, but for right now, I think you're getting to far ahead of things in your mind... shes dating him not engaged to him or living with him.

 

Hang in there

[caring guy]

Hi Merin, i hear you

Tell me about it, i do look ahead & over analize situations. She's told me many things lately that have hurt me (not that i haven't her in the past), as if she's trying to push me away from wanting a reconciliation.

I think she is definately looking at the prospects of what he could offer 'them' long term. He's a shirt & tye guy, works extra hours for bonuses, a high flyer etc!, as opposed to my current ill health probs & slowly getting myself back into the work place!

 

She reckons he wants to meet the kids & he seems comited to them (he's 22), so she says!!

I do think she's said a lot of things to put me off the scent that aren't neccessarily 100% true! e.g. my seperated one likes lots of things she likes!, he's going to to earn points!

 

She's definately trying to 'big up' him againsed me, bit truthfull or not!

 

As in other posts, i say i saw her 17 months. I stayed there 3-4 nights a week, we did stuff with the kids, park, in house games etc!. Now the kids are on school holidays & they are at their dads!, he has spent nights at hers whilst they haven't been there, so one can only assume, they all will be introduced at sometime (next week), as, according to her, they are serious! But this 22 thing & him saying he's serious, i just can't get & me thinking how gullable she is, when i don't think she is!!

But again, he is 22 & i know when i was that age, i didn't want to tye myself down

[Art_Critic]

You need to move on Caring Guy

 

Let her go and let her live her own life free from you and you free from her

[caring guy]

6 weeks ago we planned engagement

3 weeks ago i'd started to sort my issues out & she loved me & we held hands, were intimate & looked to the future!

Yes, she cheated on me, that don't stop me from still loving her!

I've been brought up alongside long marriages, grandparents, parents, seen relationships triumph through adversity.

I know there's a me she realy loves, because she won't admit there isn't.

Just cos some kid comes along, flashes his wallet & makes her feel all gooey!

No, i'm not going to totally devote myself to her, & not allow for anything else, but i'm going to attempt to rescue this, as i believe that me, her & her kids, can have a fruitful future, sometime!

No pain, no gain!