IrishGem28 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I started a job at a really tiny family owned business, NOT corporate so there's no company rules against what my boss and I did. Anyways my boss and I fooled around. At first it was because we both seemed to like each other and thought may be we'd be a good fit but after some serious thinking he realized he's too messed up from a previous relationship to go into another one. So we had kept things just physical which was fun but he realized I was starting to get attached so he starting acting "standoffish". We talked yesterday and cleared the air a bit more. I'd told him I wasnt exactly hurt by it and figured he was messing around with me for fun and because he knew and I knew he didn't have to commit to me, since he was still jaded over his ex, so sort of a friends with benefits. But our fling has run it's course. My feelings for him were a little more intense than his feelings for me so I'm having trouble moving on. The problem is I have to see him everyday at work, like I mentioned this is a very small business. I don't have the option of quitting, I've job bounced too often and I do actually enjoy the job. But I want him and I to return to "normal". How do we do that? And how do we keep from going back to fooling around? Sad truth is we've tried a couple of times. We've drawn the line in the sand but we kept crossing it but I think we both realize it has to be for real this time. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 No, things will never be normal again. You've crossed a line and you can never go back. You should start looking around because you will probably have to quit your job. Next time, don't get involved with anyone at work. Especially, the boss... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I started a job at a really tiny family owned business, NOT corporate so there's no company rules against what my boss and I did. Anyways my boss and I fooled around. At first it was because we both seemed to like each other and thought may be we'd be a good fit but after some serious thinking he realized he's too messed up from a previous relationship to go into another one. So we had kept things just physical which was fun but he realized I was starting to get attached so he starting acting "standoffish". We talked yesterday and cleared the air a bit more. I'd told him I wasnt exactly hurt by it and figured he was messing around with me for fun and because he knew and I knew he didn't have to commit to me, since he was still jaded over his ex, so sort of a friends with benefits. But our fling has run it's course. My feelings for him were a little more intense than his feelings for me so I'm having trouble moving on. The problem is I have to see him everyday at work, like I mentioned this is a very small business. I don't have the option of quitting, I've job bounced too often and I do actually enjoy the job. But I want him and I to return to "normal". How do we do that? And how do we keep from going back to fooling around? Sad truth is we've tried a couple of times. We've drawn the line in the sand but we kept crossing it but I think we both realize it has to be for real this time. Unfortunately, based on what you've shared, you need to leave and find another job. This is why it is very unwise to date someone from your same place of work and especially if it's your superior. You've already admitted that you've tried and it is has failed. Frankly, your boss is using you now. You want more and he is unwilling to give it b/c you 'seem' satisfied with this lopsided FWB relationship. He doesn't want to stop using you for the sex, but you clearly want more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Stop fooling around and keep it professional. Yes you can go back to normal with a bit of discipline. Someone needs to have a lot of character and will power to go from personal to professional, I know I have been working for my ex for 14 years, we had a 4 year relationship prior to working together. We have been able to keep it strictly professional for all of this time without fail. If you cannot switch this strictly professional than forget about it and find another job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 This is what happens when you mix business with pleasure. I hope you realize you can put yourself in a compromising position doing this sort of thing. You NEED your job so why risk losing it? Me personally wouldn't stick it out much longer. Give it til after December, then see where you are at...maybe start looking for a new job. I have a feeling, in the future he will be having a fling with a new hire. Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I have a feeling, in the future he will be having a fling with a new hire. Or firing the OP so that he can have a new hire to have a fling with. Dating someone that you have to work with is risky business. Imagine if it ended up being an abusive relationship with an ugly breakup and now you have to give up what could be your dream job or hang around that person all day long, five times a week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 It can't go back to being normal again, not once you cross that line. You should be actively searching for a new job. There is always the chance now that you could lose this job if your boss decides that it is too awkward to have you around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 OP, look for another job. Until you find something new, be hands-off and cross every t and dot every i. Once you call it off, your 'boss' may find reasons to distance you from the business. Don't give him any more than already exists. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Like I said when I was younger my supervisor invited me back to her place. But you see there are limits I rather had lunch with her which I did and she made a good lunch at her condo apartment. Today taking out co-worker out on a date is fine. I did that. No problems. Best thing is we get along. Now she tells me, she wants to transfer to another location. She doesn't want to go back there. I think I might transfer with her too. Save a lot in gas and 50 extra miles less in driving and more hours to work too. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 If you want things to be "normal" you have to act normal. Treat him the same non flirty way you would treat any co-worker. Hopefully he can do the same. You would be better served polishing your resume though because this is tough to reset Link to post Share on other sites
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