Bunnylove Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Heyho, Wondering what folks think bout this. Is it ok to flirt with a guy that already has a girlfriend? I have had a lil crush on someone for about 2 years. I had a boyf for most of that time. Also i thought he didnt even like me as a person as he wouldnt talk to me for more than 2 mins. NOW I am single again but he has a girlfriend. We are now kinda working together. We have been hanging out a bit recently and we get on very well. I have met his girlfriend and she is a very VERY rude person. She has been rude to me and alot of other people and I just don't like her. I'm also a lil jelious I guess cause she is his GF. Anyway I am not trying to split them up or get in the way. If he is happy with her then I'm happy for him. But I have had a real hard couple of months trying to get over my last BF. I guess it's just nice to think about somome else for a change. I have been feeling a lil flirty with him though. My friend says what goes around comes around so I shouldnt flirt cause I might be in his GF shoes one day. I have to say I am not trying to do anything about it cause firstly I am not ready for a relationship, I dont do flings or one night stands and also if he is with somone else (even if she is a bitch) I should respect that. But do you think its harmless to flirt? Is it harmless to think about what it might be like to be with him even though I'm not? Link to post Share on other sites
amberlily Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 What is the point in flirting with someone who's already involved? There is no point, it's just a waste of time and energy - time and energy you could be spending on flirting with someone there might be some potential with. Maybe she's a b*tch because he's told her how you flirt with him? How would you feel if some girl/coworker was flirting with your boyfriend? I'm sure that would bother you a great deal. Nothing can be served by flirting with this guy - respect his relationship, know where to draw the line and not make yourself look tacky (flirting with someone who's 'taken' is kinda tacky, IMO) and focus your attention elsewhere. For all you know, it might be making him rather uncomfortable to have you flirting with him but he doesnt speak up because you're a coworker. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 yeah, really....if he was interested in you, then he'd be dating you wouldnt he?! leave him alone, and respect him......people think its gross and annoying when some little twit wont leave him alone and theyre happy in their relationship....you might think you come across as cute and fun, but it actually looks irritating, manipulative, and tacky.....and guys arent as stupid as you'd like to think and she's probably a b!tch to you b/c girls can immediately pick up on girls like you.....leave her man alone Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 my opinion is that if this guy's not married, and you want him, go get him But don't cheat with him if he's not willing to end his current relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
lvgrly Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 And would you want some other girl flirting with your man if you were in a relationship with someone? Its called a lack of respect. For him and his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Everybody flirts and has crushes, even when they're in relationships, but you don't seek out a particular person on a regular basis if you don't want more to occur. As far as his gf, she can be a demon or a saint, but he's not kept shackled to her. You've had long term feelings for this guy and you see him on daily basis. There's real potential for something to occur, even if you want to deny to yourself that you'd want this to happen. I'd flirt with other guys and leave this dude alone, at least until he's single. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 IMO No it isn't okay to flirt with someone who's in a serious relationship (meaning exclusive) While I can agree that most everyone flirts, again IMO it doesn't seem that you're flirting with this Guy as a harmless thing, more that you have an interest in him and would like more than friendship. The other ladies are right that his GF may be rude as hell to you because she knows you're interested in her BF... I also believe what comes around goes around... and I cannot think of anyone I know who is thrilled when someone else is flirting like mad, crazy with thier SO. My 2 Cent's Link to post Share on other sites
jayme Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 obviously if you have to ask if you are doing something wrong, chances are you ARE! you may feel that this is harmless, but when they start to have problems, it could be because of you. You may not realize it, but flirting or attention from other women tends to make men check out of the reality of their current relationship. I say leave him alone and stop thriving off the attention from him. in the end, it will come back to bite you whether his is with you or not. would you want to put yourself in her shoes???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunnylove Posted August 19, 2005 Author Share Posted August 19, 2005 Actually I havent flirted with him at all. I guess I just wanted to see what people thought of it. I hear sometimes that flirting is harmless. I'm not sure he isnt interested in me anyway but has offered to work with me musically which was cool. I just have had a crush on him for a very long time. Anyway my last relationship went badly because my SO cheated on me (twice) and was a big flirt. Maybe I have been listening to him too much. He always said flirting was harmless unless you were doing something about it. In this this situation I guess thinking about someone else other than my ex has helped me to move on a little in the right direction. I am VERY pickey about guys and liking someone like this happens maybe once a year. I guess I like to make out something might happen in my head. But I would not respect him if he cheated on me with his girl. So I wouldnt want that. I guess I like to fantasize about him being single again so maybe there is a chance for me and him. He is probably to cool for me anyway. But listening to all you lot have to say i realise that I should stick to my values. That I wouldnt like it and HAVE'NT liked it in my last relationship when my boyf was getting attension from other women. But it still happens and I want to be cool with that when it comes to my next relationship. i want to feel secure enough that other women COULD flirt with him and for me to still feel fine and secure about OUR relationship. This new guy is just a fantasy and i have not flirted but I guess I liked the fantasy. His girlfrind is just rude!!!I mean to EVERYONE!!!but i guess there must be SOMETHING good about her for him to stay with her!? Anyway rude or not...i should respect that he is in a relationship as I guess he is happy there or he wouldnt be with her. I'm still just trying to get over my last boyf. It still hurts and I am just trying to find a destraction. I'm not a man poacher honest! Link to post Share on other sites
sadfriend Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I have been in your crushes gf's shoes. A female friend of my bf (now husband) had a crush on him. She would flirt with him when he was single and even after he told her that he met me and we were bf/gf she still continued to flirt a little and everytime she would my bf would tell her that nothing was ever going to happen between them that they would always just be friends. Well, as time went on she kept and kept flirting with him and he kept repeating himself that nothing was going to ever happen. Well, finally one day my bf had it and quit having anything to do with this female friend. It got on his nerves when she knew he had told her nothing was going to happen and then she would still flirt. Well, he of course he ended up marrying me and we have always been very happy together. Please take these peoples advice. Don't start flirting with him. And I agree with these people also on the fact that his girlfriend can spot a person that is interested in her man a mile away. I know I can. That's probably why she is not very nice to you and possible not nice to other people because she sees that other people want him and she is being defense. I don't blame her. I have even had guys try and hook my bf up with a girl when they knew we were bf/gf. I guess what I am getting to is that you my total loss this guy as a friend and he may never have anything to do with you again if you flirt with him and you disrespect his relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
flirtreply Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I think it is o.k. to get the message to him in some way, that you like him, and leave it at that. If he returns interest, then you should definitely say that you would not be comfortable in dating or doing anything else as long as he is still involved with his current GF. At that point the ball is in his court. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Why go there? Nothing good can come of it. Only trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
GUEST Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 Just another voice here saying leave the guy alone. Some people say it's harmless? Not to the guy and definitely not to his girlfriend. It may even hurt you in the end if/when you think maybe something will come of it and are disappointed, and have also ignored or even cut off your chances with other interested and available men because you're pursuing someone who's not available. It will hurt you because people do notice your behavior, and people do talk. There is a girl at my husband's work who has been flirting with him. It is VERY hurtful to me. It has hurt our marriage which of course also hurts him. (If you really like this guy, do you want to hurt him by messing up his relationship with someone he just might be with because he really likes her??) Hurting our marriage also hurts our kids. And yeah, if I came face to face with her, she darn well might think I'm rude as hell, and it's not because I'm normally like that... it's because she's messing with my marriage. The way this girl behaves is hurting her, too, because she has a reputation for sleeping with married men. I have NO idea if this is true (she says it isn't) or if it's all speculation just from her flirting with married men. But I think you can imagine how hurtful it is to HER to know that's what people think of her and the crude things they say behind her back. And you better believe some of it is REALLY crude. I wouldn't want people saying those things about me. If she's telling the truth and hasn't slept with any married men, then just flirting has hurt her tremendously, and she probably doesn't quite grasp that, herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts