Mysterio Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I wonder if you all think that for some of us dating may be hard because we don't have that certain quality in us, that makes the opposite sex swoon for us. It can't be all based on looks. Or even dress style. Why are some people more successful in one area, but lack in others. I am great in English. Math was tough. I have no problems with Friends and make them on a regular basis. Dating is loopy at best. For a well structured date. Just going out with the potential of more. No sex. Maybe a hug and kiss. Feels like every 2 yrs or so. If that. So what do you all think? Also. Its not like when my friends are attached. They have suitors after them. At least the guy friends are. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 My hubby is arguably the most unromantic guy on the face of the earth. He's never made me swoon with romance, but he makes me feel valued and appreciated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GuitarGuy7 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Well let's put it this way. Some people are suited to excel at certain areas in life because of the qualities they possess. Why do some people have the potential to be really good basketball players, even make it to the NBA? Because they're tall, they're fast, they have good hand-eye coordination, and on top of that they have the passion for the game. They have the natural tools to make it far. It's the same with dating. Some people find dating to be easy because of certain qualities they possess. They're physically attractive, they're naturally extroverted, they're funny and have a great personality. That doesn't mean you're screwed because you're not tall dark and handsome, but you just have to realize that you may have some disadvantages. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 This is something you can bash your head into the wall trying to figure out and never be successful. Hardly anyone in relationships are charming or attractive, when you really stop to think about it. And those with the best characters are more likely to be left on the vine. Honestly, do you think the majority of people in relationships are "swoon" worthy? No. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 (edited) You will hate me. I was born with all the things girls look for in a guy. At 6 I had my first date. At 11 I had two girlfriends sharing me. At 14 I had an 18 year old girlfriend who took me to her senior prom. At 15 I had a steady girlfriend who became my cheating fiancé when I was 18. At 19 I was living with a sex addicted former cheerleader and at 20 I met my wife and then got engaged to after 13 days. This month is our 45th anniversary. All the girls I had an relationship are bisexual, including my wife and our girlfriend, but did not know that at first. That is not the best part, the best part is that my wife moved in her girlfriend who shared me with my wife for 30 years. I have had close to or maybe more than 2,000 threesomes over 47 years. Why? I really do not know. Some of the girls said I was hot and was talked about in their schools, which was news to me. My wife said that she heard about me and even saw my picture years before we met, and still does not know why I even asked her out on a date. I wish I knew all this before. I always thought women were attracted to me by my self confidence and good sense of humor. Women like self confident men who display the characteristics of an alpha male, even if they do not know it. It is a genetic thing carried over from the times when the women who picked men who were healthy, good providers and could protect them at a time of no police or laws. Those who picked badly died as did their children. The successful ones are our distant relatives. Nature favors anything that results in the successful transfer of our genes to another generation. Just the way it is. That is the reason why hot girls are attracted to rich, powerful or famous men. A good body also is a turn on but you need something behind it. Being good looking is a sign that you are healthy whether true or not. Back then there were no medical test so looks were all they had to go on healthwise. What I told my nephews was that even guys without legs, arms, hearing or speech find women who love them and get married. There is no excuse other than the ones you make for yourself to prevent having to talk to girls and risk rejection. Many guys fear rejection. I never did since I always thought it was their loss. However I tended to date the girls who smiled at me or gave me a signal that they were interested in me. No rejection unless I mess it up when I talk to her. These days so many guys are used to getting things from Amazon, etc. to fill their needs. They think that posting or chatting with girls online will find them one, but all they get is what the girl wants them to think of them. No one I know, young or old, met his wife or husband by using a keyboard. They simply got off their butts, sucked it up and went to where the girls were. Dances, bars or clubs come to mind. Even my shy nephews met girls at school dances or at work. My niece met a guy who worked in a deli. You may meet someone online but you have much better odds if you go out and meet girls in person. Think that each rejection brings you closer to an acceptance since it really is an odds game. What you should not do is make excuses for yourself to avoid having to met girls face to face, talk to them and risk rejection. It is easy to blame external things to cover our real fears. Even my ugliest friends have longtime wives and children. Then again my friends tend to be alpha males with self confidence like me. Self confidence is sexy. Edited October 20, 2017 by Steve51 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Honestly, do you think the majority of people in relationships are "swoon" worthy? No. With a few exceptions this is very true. While the initial impression of sonebody is often rediscover, it is usually not overwhelming. I think it helps a lot if you like people in general and are extroverted. I don't think any girl swooned for me, but getting to know them wasn't hard, neither was starting a relationship. (Maintaining relationships is another matter, we're talking about actual work here.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 This is m in a nutshell right now. Being single for me is freedom in the sense that I don't have anyone that I need to consult on a regular basis. I would like to settle into a great romantic relationship. I don't feel like dating random women, when it comes up suits me anymore. I would prefer one woman that is into and vice versa, than trying to figure out romantic chemisty with this woman etc. I am 46, 5'9 getting into fit shape. 210 lbs. Goal LBS should be 180/190LBS. Canadian Black. Soft spoken. Don't really swear or am brash. I tend to ask introspective questions. I dress up with dress shirts/Blazer with jeans/dress shoes or Rock T-shirt/Leather Jacket and Jeans/sneakers. I am always well groomed. Shaved head and clean cut. When I interact with women. I am more casual. I don't state my romantic intentions, because I don't want to come off as always on the make. Plus I have to figure out who is single or not. Another thing. Its not about who is the most beautiful/pretty. Its personal repore as well. Dating is like a game of chess. On my side I am tired of the chase. Its just draining figuring everything out. Most of my other friends, basically had their women drop into their lives. There was no major effort on their part. I don't know why its such a big deal to me. Its such a emotinoal rollercoaster for me. I just don't want to be dating for the rest of my life. Its not like the women I feel around me are very gung ho about it. Its hard to romantically connect sometimes. I guess it will happen. I figure for me. The next major lady that clicks with me. I am going to delve into something a bit more permanent. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I wonder if you all think that for some of us dating may be hard because we don't have that certain quality in us, that makes the opposite sex swoon for us. Considering the mutual nature of 'swoon' for a spark of bonding to catch fire, I'm amazed people get together at all. One factor which markedly presented itself over the decades was numbers. More contact equals more opportunity. It can't be all based on looks. Or even dress style. Generally, I would agree. However, when pickings are slim, looks and polish take on new importance as demand chases supply. A better looking or more polished man, irrespective of other factors, gets the interview. That's not an indictment, rather human nature. Women, like men, prefer to breed with the top partner they can attract, in all facets of what 'top' means. If one is knocking on their door, they're not going to slam it in the face. Why are some people more successful in one area, but lack in others. I am great in English. Math was tough. I have no problems with Friends and make them on a regular basis. Dating is loopy at best. For a well structured date. Just going out with the potential of more. No sex. Maybe a hug and kiss. Feels like every 2 yrs or so. If that. Social skills and cognitive skills aren't necessarily the same and this also applies to social skills related to friends and family versus social skills in mating. One can be a great friend and family member but lousy at romance, or simply perceived as uninteresting romantically. Back when I was young that 'something' was called charisma. I learned to tell the difference decades ago between a charismatic guy and not by content. The non-charismatic guy had women all around him talking about themselves and he being the engaged listener. The charismatic guy had women all around him listening to him talk about himself. Mesmerized. So what do you all think? Also. Its not like when my friends are attached. They have suitors after them. At least the guy friends are. If you're looking for advice and I don't know that you are, mine would be to, in the milieu of mating, focus on being your own person and loving yourself and not comparing, beyond academic discussions like this as example, yourself to others as better or worse. If I had to boil it down to a simple sentence, even at my age, since we oldsters don't recognize our age until seeing that reflection in the mirror, it's that, all else being equal, looks get the interview and whatever else happens after that is that persona stuff. It's not an absolute but true more often than not. I've gleaned that from decades of observing what women do versus listening to what they say. When I was young and ignorant, I believed what they said. Dating a couple who turned out to be married fixed that Link to post Share on other sites
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