Lesbian relationship and insecurity?

[Tildasantorini]

Hello everyone, I have been very upset and sad the last couple of weeks. The problem is with my relationship. I have been in a lesbian relationship with my girlfriend ( and best friend for years before) for 3 years now. We are both 26. Our relationship is based on true love and affection, caring, and loyalty. We always do everything together because we love to and we never separate from each other even for one night. We have common friends and we see them on weekends. We call each other soulmates and we are very strongly attached to each other. We cannot live without one another. We live together.I should also mention that no one knows about our relationship and we present ourselves as very close friends(long story, but in a nutshell, they are all homophobic more or less).

 

So far, so good. The problem is (suprise!) that I am very insecure. My gf has one friend of hers since childhood. This girl is straight (checked) and very obnoxious (she admits that too for herself). She wants to go out with one or two people only at a time and does not like meeting new people, which is why my gf hangs out with her alone and not with me. She doesn't work and she has two friends: my gf and another elder woman. She always want to go out like everyday. So she constantly suggests my gf to go out with her. So far, my gf wanted to see her only once in a week cause she finds her a bit boring but since she is her chilldhood friend, she does not want to cut her off. But the last couple of weeks, she started seeing her twice a week. When I asked her why twice a week now and not once like always before, she told me that she feels that she las lost many of our common friends ( one of our common friends cut us off, for no apparent reason and two other common friends of ours moved to another country). I should mention that we used to go out every weekend with 5-6 people (and it was so much fun) and now only 2 remained. These 2 however are the ones neither of us likes cause they are very monotonous and talk only about themselves. So my gf told me that she feels a burden every time we have to go out with them and that in the near future we will stop seeing them. I agree with her, I cannot stand them either but these are the only two friends we have (the other two are abroad and we only talk in skype or facebook). She also told me that she feels that she will end up without any friends at all, if she constantly says no to he childhood friend every time she suggests they go out(so far, she said no sometimes cause she only wanted to see her once a week). I really don't have a problem with her going out , I am not jealous of the childhood friend or anything, cause I know she finds her also a bit boring, but I really cannot handle the new situation : her going out twice a week. We used to do everyhing together, we used to meet every day after work and go home to cuddle, now I feel she has other priorities like seeing her friend twice a week...And I believe that the times she sees her will become more if we cut our common friends off...Because she will feel even more alone and she will want to stick to the only friend left for her. She swears she won't want to see her more times, but I don't trust her cause she also used to say she does not want to see this girl more than once [per week and that she doesn't need friends so much and few weeks later, here it is. In the past, when she would go out only once with that friend, I would visit my parents who are old and no fun at all cause they are very judgmental and constantly complaining. Now that she goes out twice per week, I don't have absolutely nothing to do during those hours (for 6 hours they will meet, cause they usually go for coffee and cinema) and when I get back home I feel so terribly alone and abandoned...I cry and cry over and over again and it affects my mood for the rest of the week...I know I should do an activity or take up a hobby, but when I tried to, I wanted to cry cause we always do everything together and I feel alone even when I am with other people...I cannot even watch a movie without her, I feel lost...I used to see a counsellor for my insecurities, but I was not helped at all cause they suggested I should do something on my own, I tried too but felt even more alone...Plus I don't have any friends of mine and I am socially extremely awkard and not popular at all, so when I meet new people I talk to them and show my best self but they still would not seem interested. Anyway, I feel complete with my gf and only need one or two friends but only common friends, I don't have the need for personal space and seeing a separate friend like my gf does...How can I stop feeling so alone and stop ruining my mood for the whole week? I have discussed this with my gf a couple of times and she tells me she feels sad for me and she understands my insecurity, but there is nothing she can do as she really feels that she will end up with no friends and that this is causing her insecurity. I am at a loss, confused and terribly sad...Please help...

Edited October 20, 2017 by Tildasantorini