Attracting men by taking and being resistant. thoughts?

[d0nnivain]

Cookiesanddough

 

 

At ground The Rules are about self esteem. They are a trite set of parameters to help people not acquiesce to everything a partner asks for just to avoid being alone. In reality if you want to go on a last minute date with somebody because it sounds fun & interesting, go. The Rules about not accepting last minute dates, ducking phone calls, only going out with a man who asks you on Wednesday for a weekend date are trying to force you to have some self respect which includes respect for your own value & time. Some sniveling person who just agrees to everything because they fear being alone is not attractive. People also value things that cost them something -- money, time, effort etc.

 

 

When I was dating, I was so busy I couldn't accept last minute dates because my schedule was already full. If somebody wanted to see me, he needed to make an advanced plan because odds are my calendar was already full. I didn't purposefully look at my phone & not answer because I was playing games. I didn't answer because I was busy. I called back when I had time to pay strict attention to the person who called me. Do you see the difference?

[GunslingerRoland]

A lot of people write a lot of dating articles, not because there is that much to be said about dating, but because they sell. Take them with a grain of salt.

 

That said, no one likes a doormat. That doesn't mean you need to play games and pull away, especially if you are having issues with giving a consistent message to guys you date, I wouldn't use this article to encourage that.

 

But that said, a little attitude in a woman is a good thing IMO.

[Cobra_X]

I read this article about how to attract a man.

Thoughts?

I notice when I start pulling back unintentionally, lose interest, or get nervous the guy steps up his interest 100x. But yet when I talk to guys, they don't like it. They say they lose interest if the girl acts this way. It's another one of those gaps between theory and reality. What people think or say they want and what really attracts them?

 

My thoughts revolve around how emotionally detached you often seem to be. How you frequently come across as both rational and curious. I wonder if you were born this way or it is something you have developed.

 

There are some unique differences between how the brains of men and women work. However, they are still much more similar than dissimilar. Therefore common dating strategies often employed by men, may often times work just as well if employed by women.

 

Push/Pull is a psychological strategy that is proven to build attraction. It is one of several dating strategies I would heartily recommend women use.

[Cookiesandough]

My thoughts revolve around how emotionally detached you often seem to be. How you frequently come across as both rational and curious. I wonder if you were born this way or it is something you have developed.

 

There are some unique differences between how the brains of men and women work. However, they are still much more similar than dissimilar. Therefore common dating strategies often employed by men, may often times work just as well if employed by women.

 

Push/Pull is a psychological strategy that is proven to build attraction. It is one of several dating strategies I would heartily recommend women use.

 

Oh I am quite an emotional person! ) But yes very curious. Thanks for the information

[whatnot]

wow. whoever wrote that piece needs to find new men. but wait....they can't...'cause...they don't wanna play that **** which explains why they use the term "men" so universally.

[whatnot]

as a matter of fact...the good men don't even know your playin' it.

 

All they know is....what they see...then they're gone....(giving you what they see you as wanting)

 

funny thing about deception.....it never gets us what we really want

Edited October 24, 2017 by whatnot

[GemmaUK]

Thanks. Very interesting perspectives. Seems like many would agree it's a good idea to say you don't want to go on a specific date if you don't feel like it even if you like the person.

 

I find it interesting that you have gleaned the above from the replies you'd received.

This is what you do a lot of the time, turn down dates because you didn't feel like it. There have been various contexts when this has happened but to be honest each one came across as just uninterested and apathetic about the up-coming date.

 

Back to the article:

There is a MASSIVE difference between behaving naturally as in the article and behaving like that deliberately to attempt to attract.

 

If a person's life is busy and full then they are going to reply late to a text (for example) and aren't always going to be free. This will be apparent

 

Anxiety and insecurity ate pretty sniff out-able and easy to sense - especially so when that person has been free or even overly free and then switches to responding slowly (again, I'm talking texting here as it's a simple example) with no reason given (eg - I'm in meetings all day today, I'm out with friends/family today/tonight so won't be in touch).

 

If you are insecure/anxious and 'decide' to try this switch in behaviour it's going to be obvious it's game playing.

 

If a person is hanging onto their phone waiting for a text to come through and then choosing not to reply for 3 hours to 'appear' aloof in order to attract it will do the opposite.

 

I notice something that many people seem to ignore because it requires effort (and it's there in a ALL of these dating self help type books) is to make sure your life has stuff going on in it, have hobbies, have passions, the type of things that change how you life your life so a not to be tied to/addicted to your phone.

If that isn't how a person is naturally then it takes time to build and effort as it's a change of lifestyle.

[SmartDude]

I hate when women do this crap. It is actually the #1 reason I will abandon the situation.. because of this type of female behavior. Pretending you like some other guy because you feel intimidated by the guy you actually want? Pretending to be not interested to get attention? I am so out of there. Its all emotional manipulation and just gets in the way of getting to know the woman. An emotionaly intelligent man can sense this orientation within a woman's aura within seconds. She probabbly does not even have to say anything.

 

Good looking, intelligent guys who have their lives together will not tolerate this for a moment. There are nethandrathal type of men who much enjoy chasing women aimlessly though.

 

The top percentage of desireable men DO NOT CHASE. The only observe who is entering their lives and react. They don't have to chase, and they are used to a life like that. Its just the way it is.

[Cobra_X]

as a matter of fact...the good men don't even know your playin' it.

All they know is....what they see...then they're gone....(giving you what they see you as wanting)

funny thing about deception.....it never gets us what we really want

 

This is female privileged talking. Post a picture of yourself on the internet and wait for thousands of compliments and emails to roll in... then just sort through them.

 

Yes, acting a certain way does work. It does make most men more interested in you.

 

Why do most women never put out the effort to learn these things, because they don't have to. The women that DO learn game will be more successful, because they are learning psychology.

 

I notice something that many people seem to ignore because it requires effort (and it's there in a ALL of these dating self help type books) is to make sure your life has stuff going on in it, have hobbies, have passions, the type of things that change how you life your life so a not to be tied to/addicted to your phone.

If that isn't how a person is naturally then it takes time to build and effort as it's a change of lifestyle.

 

I work in sales. I know how to use psychology to get people to buy my products. The same is true for people who work in Marketing.

 

Using Psychology to get a man to buy YOU isn't silly. It's smart. You have all the information in the world available, so don't be lazy. Stop living as an instinctual animal and start using your rational mind.

 

Win at dating by learning. Stop losing.

[MeadowFlower]

Just be yourself and be real.

[Sweetfish]

This is female privileged talking. Post a picture of yourself on the internet and wait for thousands of compliments and emails to roll in... then just sort through them.

 

Yes, acting a certain way does work. It does make most men more interested in you.

 

Why do most women never put out the effort to learn these things, because they don't have to. The women that DO learn game will be more successful, because they are learning psychology.

 

 

 

I work in sales. I know how to use psychology to get people to buy my products. The same is true for people who work in Marketing.

 

Using Psychology to get a man to buy YOU isn't silly. It's smart. You have all the information in the world available, so don't be lazy. Stop living as an instinctual animal and start using your rational mind.

 

Win at dating by learning. Stop losing.

 

 

 

So funny, I use to work in sales (commission) The first thing I learn was women were emotional buyers and men were logical buyers. When men sell them selves in the dating market they try to sell them selves with logic and women try to sell them selves with emotion. Women should try to tap in a mans logic and a man should try to tap into a woman emotions.

[GemmaUK]

So funny, I use to work in sales (commission) The first thing I learn was women were emotional buyers and men were logical buyers. When men sell them selves in the dating market they try to sell them selves with logic and women try to sell them selves with emotion. Women should try to tap in a mans logic and a man should try to tap into a woman emotions.

 

Agreed, but it's another thing, same as filling out your life with hobbies etc that requires effort and thought.

 

Some folk do the above naturally, those who don't tend not to think about things like this nor wish to learn and it's not just sales people who know this stuff, many people do. For me it's always been obvious.

 

We live in an instant gratification society these days which goes alongside some folk not taking responsibility for actions (in life and in dating).

[TheWoman]

In dating and relationships I am sweet, kind, thoughtful, proactive, giving and forgiving (to an extent). I am like that because that is who I am (really ) and who I want to be. I am also busy and independent. But being b1tchy, negative and selfish I would consider a personal failing. People will either return this behaviour in kind, or they will try to take advantage of it - which is exactly what you want, as it reveals who they are. Be clear on what your boundaries are and live by your own values and standards.

 

Because logically, surely the best way to find a long term compatible mate, is to know who you are first and authentically be that person.

 

Reducing this to sales and purchasing terminology, what you really do not want is post purchase dissonance - because in dating you are both a buyer and a seller.

[amaysngrace]

I think you should focus on what you want in a man rather than what they want in a woman.

 

And be yourself