monmon238 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hello beautiful people, I need your advice in something, I have been seeing this girl for 3 month, it was going very good at the beginning, and about 3 weeks in, she wanted me to talk about my feelings and I told her it's too early, but then I told her if you insist, tell me how you feel and I will tell you if I am feeling the same way, cause I don't know what does she expect after that short amount of time. She didn't want to tell me how she feels and we had a stupid argument, but we got over it and things seemed to go back to normal, but then I felt she is being wierd, and when I ased her about it, she told me she had to put the breaks on her feelings because of me not wanting to have the conversation, I told her that she shouldn't do that, and that I just need time to be sure of my feelings and we just need to enjoy our time together and see how it develops. She agreed but still was not completely normal. We had a couple of stupid fights since then but nothing major, one of them was on my birthday where she got mad because I asked her why she didn't text me back when she saw my message, so she just snapped and told me that's stalker behaviour form my side to ask that. We made up after that and she gave me concert tickets to my favorit band as a present which was great.and then everything seemed to be fine again. Until her birthday came and I asked her if she wants to spend it with me, and she said she doesn't know, and I asked her a couple of times maybe and always got the same answer, so I gave up and made plans for the day, and then a couple of days later she asked me what am doing on that day I told her am free the whole day but I made plans for the evening, so she got made and said I should have kept it free, eventhough she never gave me an answer. I ended up canceling my plans for her and she was still mad, and on her birthday I got her a present (a Chromecast), and she didn't like it and just told me she would never use it, I told her then I can return it and get her something else, she said it's okay and that she will take it. After that everynow and then she kept mentioning how my gift was not good and that I didn't buy her something she would like but something I found good for her. Eventually I told her to stop bringing this up and that it was a present and that not how people should react to a present and that I told her several times I can get her something else but she said no. She ended up getting mad and told me maybe we are not right for each other, which shocked me, I told her all of that because of a present she doesn't like?? We talked it out and she told me she was not being fair to me and she has a feeling she is always subbotaging what's between us because she feels she is not ready for a relationship and that's not fair for me. I told her let's just keep seeing each other and maybe it would work out and she said that she also likes me and doesn't want to stop seeing me but she doesn't know what she wants, I told her as long as you are honest with me and you don't date someone else while we are seeing each other, we can give it more time and see how it goes. She agreed and that was about 4 weeks ago and since then. Everything has been going great, and she was back to being sweet and telling me how she misses me and and that lovey dovey talk, and we seemed to be on the right track, we went to a concert last week and had a great time together. The day after the concert, I have not heard from her till like 6 pm which is unusual, so I texted her She answered and then she stopped , I asked her what were her plans for the evening, two hours later still no answer, so I called and she didn't pick up, and few minutes later she texted me saying she is having drinks with a friend, I told her how come she didn't say that, and she said I didn't ask. Although I did a few hours before, and then she said it was a spontaneous thing. We Haven't talked for the rest of the day and have not heard from Her the next day either, so I called her in the evening and she did not pick up, and then texted me, that she is hung over from the night before and that she doesn't feel like taking on the phone. So I asked what happened last night, and she said her friend (male friend) kept ordering cocktails although she didn't want to drink that much. I got skeptical and asked if something happened between them, and I didn't get an answer till the next day, which was torture, and it was "yes", she said they kissed. And I felt that i hit rock bottom, I asked why?? And she didn't answer, so I got mad and said, "whatever, it just shows what kind of person you are" and then texted " it's over then" And then she said "alright" And that was it. That was a week ago, but it's torturing me I miss her so much and I want to know why did she do this? Should I contact her or what should I do? Thank you so much if you got this far, I appreciate all the advice I get . Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 She put up no fight to your breakup text. I think that is an indication that she is not invested in the relationship, and I would not reach out to her again. Give it some time and you will get over her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 More to the point... When they say kissing , they actually mean screwing. She found another guy, cheated on you and does not have the guts to tell the truth. Just go NC and start getting over her, you need to be done with this one... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Kissing usually does mean other things. You did the right thing. If you don't go NC you look like a chump. She CHEATED on you. And believe me a some point she is going to contact you to relieve her guilt. Hopefully you stick to NC. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 All the signs are there that she was pulling out of the relationship. Sorry man. Stay NC, she will try to contact you maybe but if she doesn’t then you know you were played for the last few weeks of the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 All the signs are there that she was pulling out of the relationship. Sorry man. Stay NC, she will try to contact you maybe but if she doesn’t then you know you were played for the last few weeks of the relationship. I completely agree. And OP, I agree with you that talking about "feelings" after just 3 weeks is too early. You were right to want to wait to see how things developed. You hardly knew her then. As for the gift - she is quite entitled and immature, huh? It's one thing to not like a gift, but to bring it up over and over as some huge faux-pas and use it against you? Calm down, Princess. I think you have really dodged a bullet. She sounds emotionally high-maintenance and difficult to please. Let the other guy deal with her now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monmon238 Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 All the signs are there that she was pulling out of the relationship. Sorry man. Stay NC, she will try to contact you maybe but if she doesn’t then you know you were played for the last few weeks of the relationship. Kissing usually does mean other things. You did the right thing. If you don't go NC you look like a chump. She CHEATED on you. And believe me a some point she is going to contact you to relieve her guilt. Hopefully you stick to NC. so a small update, after almost a month of what happend and no contact, she sent me this message: "Hey, i wanted to apologize to you for what i did to you, i am very sorry and i hope i did not hurt you very badly" no am sitting here thinking if i should reply to this or just ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 so a small update, after almost a month of what happend and no contact, she sent me this message: "Hey, i wanted to apologize to you for what i did to you, i am very sorry and i hope i did not hurt you very badly" no am sitting here thinking if i should reply to this or just ignore it? No do not reply... She is trying to assuage he guilt by giving you some half a**ed apology. Just ignore her and get on with life... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 No reply....Never happened. Remember the things you liked about that encounter with the girl, then look for those and steer clear from the rotten ones. It gets easier with time. And keep going out and doing things with others. Pretty soon, she will be a faded memory that you will chuckle at. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 so a small update, after almost a month of what happend and no contact, she sent me this message: "Hey, i wanted to apologize to you for what i did to you, i am very sorry and i hope i did not hurt you very badly" no am sitting here thinking if i should reply to this or just ignore it? She slept with this guy. She did way more than just kiss him. Personally... I would message her back something like "Thank you for the apology. I appreciate that you showed me what kind of woman you are before I let myself care about you. Yes it hurt, but I'm over it now. Thanks again." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Ignore her for now... you don't owe her anything. Though she'll probably message you again if you don't answer. Link to post Share on other sites
DeLaSouL Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 (edited) OP do not reply at all she is indeed trying to relieve herself from her guilt. Nothing more, nothing less. She does not care about your feelings, only her own. It's a selfish reason to contact you. also from your opening post. The reason why she was mad about the gift all the time is because she needed a reason or rather an excuse to get rid of you. Yes, she was allready pulling away and starting to become distant. From your perspective this sudden behaviour is very confusing and keeps you allways on the edge. I've been through this time and time again. The reason this is most likely happening is because she lost her feelings for you. And the reason why she lost her feelings for you is because she is involved with another guy. The moment when you said to her "It's over then" is when you did her a favor. OP, don't give her this one. Just move on from this. I know you get lots of dopamine from this one but just let this one go and move on. She does not care about you at all. I know realising this hurts but we live and learn. Some of us the hard way but it is only the hard ways that can make you harder. Edited November 7, 2017 by DeLaSouL Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 I can empathize at the thought of how tempting it probably is to initiate contact now, but if you want any sort of genuine closure and acceptance from your own behalf it's best to just acknowledge that message but give no reaction back. She's apologized, you're now aware of that which fundamentally means you can move forward and progress without thinking an abundance of different things like 'did she really love me?' or 'why did she do this to me? is she even sorry?'. From personal experience, I don't advocate any contact with exes particularly ones that wanted out themselves. Doing so, all you'd be essentially doing is feeding into their demand to keep you as an option, and you're surrendering your self worth. Your future holds more than what this girl could ever provide you, I guarantee it. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Do not reply to that Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 so a small update, after almost a month of what happend and no contact, she sent me this message: "Hey, i wanted to apologize to you for what i did to you, i am very sorry and i hope i did not hurt you very badly" no am sitting here thinking if i should reply to this or just ignore it? What a piece of work she is. It should have been phrased differently to be a real apology. Should send back a thank you for showing you who she really is before you got really involved with her. Be very upbeat and positive and short, because you have better things to do. Sorry but a little dig and a I’m doing just fine with out you seems in order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 DO NOT respond to that. What would be the point? To thank her for half telling the truth to you?? She's just sending that out because most people don't want to think someone hates or dislikes them. They want to know they are OK with that person they wronged. Don't give her that satisfaction. I had an ex once do that NINE MONTHS after cheating on me. I made the mistake of reponding- I think I just wrote something along the lines like I don't hate you and thank you for the apology. Know what happened next? She all the sudden starts contacting me daily about everything. How she misses me. How being without me made her realize how "special" I was. And if I'm honest at first I was eating it up. Felt awesome hearing that. Till I found out that her"perfect man" dumped her. She's not sending you that message for you. Its more so for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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