Hitting on another woman in front of my eyes

[Totally OP]

The story goes like this:

 

I've been seeing this guy for 1 1/2 years now. We are co-workers and we keep our relationship secret. We never had an argument or even a fight, but about eight months ago, I started realising that he seems to be less interested in me. I called him out to that twice and twice he apologised, that he is anxious about his career development and worries his current job might be a dead end. His job situation was the same last year, so I'm not sure if I'm buying this explanation.

 

So a couple of days ago, we're on a business trip (meeting in our companies' HQ). After the meeting, we go with a group of our colleagues for a drink. Then he starts hitting on another woman, making remarks about her sexual preferences and wrapping his arm around her. I leave earlier this night and I don't know what happened afterwards.

The next day, he tells her to give me the sweater, he forgot at her room the night before and jokes to her that "she can keep his shorts and socks".

 

I'm actually not that much jealous, I'm more angry about my "loss of face". And there are other factors, why I think I should break up with this guy.

 

On the other hand, recently our relationship bettered a bit, if it weren't for this incident

[basil67]

Do people outside of your work know about your relationship? Given his actions, I can't help but wonder if this is actually a committed relationship you're in.

[Totally OP]

I met his family and spent a couple of days at their house. I met some of his friends, he met some of my friends and my brother.

 

Yeah, but we both live in a country different from them, so in this country basically no one knows of this relationship.

[Been]

Hell no. Bye. Thats so disrespectful in so many ways it isn't funny.

Not to mention he more then likely is testing the waters for future endeavors.

[d0nnivain]

I would have a serious talk with him. Explain that his career is not at a dead end but from your perspective this last incident made it seem like this relationship is at a dead end. If you don't get an immediate heart felt apology, be done with him. That was over the top; he had no business being in her hotel room on this trip. Yuck.

[Totally OP]

Yeah, so I contacted him via text message (I know, and we're not even millennials) and he replied, that he doesn't understand why I'm so upset, I knew about his habit of bantering with this woman. Thereupon I told him, that there is not a single woman on this planet, who would accept 'her man' to put his arm around another woman and talk about sex right in front of her. And that I'm very well aware, that his relationship with this woman is a bit more complicated than mere banter*.

He merely replied, that he is sorry for hurting my feelings. I asked him, if he also understood why I was hurt and that we should talk face to face next time he's free (next weekend, I guess). No reply to that yet.

 

I'm aware that this 'relationship' is a dead end. We will talk, since I want to tell him about more issues before I walk out, but I will go.

 

Thanks to those who replied to my post! It surprised me, how important it is, to get the confirmation of other people that one's decision is the right one to make

 

 

 

 

 

*This woman is interested in another -married- colleague, she herself is in a long distance relationship. Whenever the three of them (my guy, her and the other colleague) are together, my guy desperately tries to grab her attention. She clearly enjoys this. I knew of this, but I didn't mind as long as I was not present. She lives on a different continent, you know.