I feel like my husband is incompetent

[DKT3]

It's ironic you have two different usernames Because they seem like different people. The first comes across as very sure, almost arrogant and the second seems meek and insecure.

 

However, it all seem very deceptive and disingenuous. Your motives are very clear, you are convincing yourself that your upcoming physical encounter is justified by your husband's actions or lack of.

 

I met a man in a group thing who told a story about poker night. He and his wife were married 15 years together 20. During that time he played poker every Tuesday for 19 years. This was his wife's chance to have alone time as all the guys would take the kids and they would have their own events. For 19 years his wife enjoyed this time, but for some reason that 20th year it (in her mind) became the catylast for her affair. He spent too much time playing poker...huh? Point being, once another man becomes involved minor things, even those that were once enjoyed can become justification for poor behavior.

[Undercoverirish]

This disconnect is because of your on going EA to soon

be PA with your CW-OM.

 

If it's an EA, it's currently a very much one sided one.

 

I really wish I didn't feel the way I do, I wish I'd never met the guy. If I hadn't met him when I did, maybe my head would have been a bit clearer.

[Undercoverirish]

For 19 years his wife enjoyed this time, but for some reason that 20th year it (in her mind) became the catylast for her affair. He spent too much time playing poker...huh? Point being, once another man becomes involved minor things, even those that were once enjoyed can become justification for poor behavior.

 

And that's really not what I want. Noone deserves to be cheated on by their partner that they trust. My husband has given me his everything and all I'm currently doing is stamping all over it - yet I can't seem to want to focus on my marriage.

 

Today is not a good day...

[GunslingerRoland]

It doesn't sound like incompetence, it actually sounds like ADHD. Which is a treatable condition... maybe you and him should look into it together.

[elaine567]

Marry in haste repent at leisure.

This was never the man you should have married, and he kind of fooled you with his supposed ambition, to pull a bait and switch.

 

Now you are stuck with a man who you basically have no respect for, but who is prostrating himself in front of you as he doesn't want his marriage to end.

You do not want to be seen as the heartless witch who kicks the "lovely man" to the curb, so you are dilly and dallying.

Along comes Mr MM and you see ambition in him and so you want to throw all your eggs into his basket, but it is risky.

Trouble is your ego may be your worst enemy here.

Do not think this MM will leave his wife for you and it will be a seamless transition from the no hoper personal trainer to the ambitious "executive".

MM rarely leave their wives and if they do, they rarely leave them for a woman who is prepared to cheat on her husband.

Your currency as a "catch", will go down as soon as you become an OW.

Don't do it.

[standtall]

OP, your just looking for excuses for a divorce. You are convincing yourself to loose respect for him which will kill what is left of your marriage. Women do not love men they do not respect. IMHO, the problem is with you.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Admittedly I haven't read the threads under the other username, but I don't understand why some posters are so hell-bent on guilt-tripping you for being honest about your feelings for your husband. Perhaps it hits too close to home?

 

I think many issues in a marriage can be fixed, but a lack of respect is not one of them. And you seem to have made an honest assessment of your husband's personality and identified which traits you are just not able to accept. ideally you would have figured this out before you married him and had a child, but guilting you about that mistake now isn't going to fix this. Everyone has a right to have standards and preferences- whether or not others like them generally doesn't change what those are. It would be easier for everyone if you could just accept his disorganization and lack of ambition but these are fundamental characteristics and a big ask. (For what it's worth, I don't care about income, but I'd have a problem if I felt like my partner didn't pull his weight in the relationship overall, too.)

 

I think it's great that you're honest and don't intend to have an affair even if it is tempting. Sort yourself and your marriage out before you get involved with anyone else but don't let the holier than thou crowd judge you for being honest about your feelings.

[Els]

Caveat: I haven't read the other threads, although I did read the parts in this one that mentioned you having an affair.

 

Based on this thread, I think you're being a somewhat terrible partner. You have a young child and your husband does most of the childcare, but you are annoyed at him for "not living up to your standards" in terms of income and organization.

 

It always boggles me to read the "my partner is a great mother/father to our young child(ren) but really lazy...." statements. It is completely impossible for both parts of the statement to be true at the same time. Taking care of a young child takes so much time and effort that a truly lazy person would, by definition, NOT be a good parent. If they are doing a great job with the child and are responsible for most of the childcare, news flash: chances are the other things in their life are not slipping because they are lazy, they're slipping because they're making the child the priority.

 

The complaints in your opening post just sound somewhat inconsequential IMO. So you had to eat out while on holiday... is that really such a big deal? It sounds like you are fixating on the little specks in his eye to justify ignoring the plank in yours.

[Els]

so you are stuck with trying to make enough money for the family AND be the main carer for your children too

 

Um, the OP explicitly mentioned that her husband is the main childcarer:

 

He does pick up a lot more on childcare than I do

[elaine567]

Um, the OP explicitly mentioned that her husband is the main childcarer:

Ok but that is only because of her job being less flexible than his, but the problem is I guess she cannot rely on him without having to check up on him so she has always to take ultimate responsibility.

[Southern Sun]

This all makes so much more sense now.

 

The whole time I was reading the first few pages of the thread, I kept thinking: the entire reason, OP, you are unhappy with your husband is BECAUSE of your "EA." Yes. Even though it is supposedly over, I was thinking it was the remnants of the EA still in your head.

 

When we get attached to another person like that, we automatically see all the good things about him/her (even if they are only fantasies, bc let's face it...we often don't know them at all). And then, we compare that person to our spouse. We look at our spouse and think - he isn't as ambitious as MM. He doesn't look at me like MM. I wish he could walk into a room like MM does. Why doesn't he want to move up the ladder like MM? Look how MM hustles and wants to head up a board of a charity and starts his own business and OMG, he wears a suit and it's soooo hottt...

 

It can be the most shallow things in the world, but it will start to make you detach from your poor husband. It will make you unattracted to him. Over time, all you can imagine in a "preferred" husband are the qualities you *think* the OM has. You really have no idea what he's like at home. You've created an impression based on the work facade. He might get home and drop his dirty socks in the middle of the floor and not TOUCH the lawnmower and plop down with a beer and demand dinner. Or worse, perhaps he tells his wife not to bother with dinner because her food is disgusting. But no. He is the MAN for you.

 

But this is what you build in your mind. You put one on a pedestal and the other under your feet.

 

Now that we know you are still in the affair, your flat tone and utter "done-ness" with the M makes far more sense. I swear, that really only seems to happen to people in affairs. I suppose people can just be "over" a marriage without falling for someone else. But it really does seem rare.

 

If you are only ever going to look at your H with total disdain, just go ahead and divorce him. But I can promise, he does not deserve that opinion. It is skewed, based upon your fogged up thinking. He probably senses your contempt and it may even be affecting his behavior. He may be depressed and is bumbling around because of it. I bet if you let him go, he will come into his own and be the kind of man you wish you had in the M.

[DKT3]

Haha, I love the way some always... ALWAYS seem to twist threads to reflect the strong anti-male sentiment.

 

OP say husband is the primary caregiver for the child, that become nope because she has to check up on him...

 

Just as a side, family courts have shifted in recent years, in situations like this it's highly likely her husband would be granted primary custody, and of course she would be on the hook for both alimony and child support. Welcome to a man's world....slight shot taken.

[BluesPower]

I really don't want it to get physical. It's so awkward as it is at work and I can't make that any worse. I get so nervous when I'm due to see him... I wish it would all just go away to be honest. I don't want to be that woman - my husband definitely doesn't deserve that. I haven't cheated on anyone since I was 20 years old.

 

Me and the other guy don't have any contact at all outside of work but as soon as we're face to face (we don't work in the same office), he starts making eyes at me.

 

Sweetheart... No, everything that you are saying and doing in your personal life is complete Bulls*** in everyway.

 

Let me explain what is going on her and for the love of everything holy please listen.

 

And just be glad that I am not the other man because I would have banged you and dumped you by now, in my bad old days.

 

You are unhappy in your marriage because YOU ARE UNHAPPY in general. And all the negative thoughts that you are having about your husband and your marriage are what people like you do to mitigate either having an affair our just tearing your family apart because YOU ARE UNHAPPY.

 

You find fault with your husband because now, you want something to happen with your fantasy affair.

 

Don't you see what you are doing. You are the one that does not want to communicate with your husband, you just want to bitch at him and feel resentful for small or made up problems.

 

You are the one that does not want to really do the work necessary to get your marriage going in the right direction.

 

If you are such a hot shot at work, why can't you spend some of that intelligence and drive working on yourself and your marriage. Why, because you are lazy, self-entitled and you think you are superior.

 

Darling, you are not superior. You have a husband that loves you, a husband that works, a family that is healthy, and decent sex with your husband... Baby girl, you have no problems.

 

What you need to do is grow up and sort yourself out. Your feelings are not because of your husband, they are because of you...

[Robert]

No I haven't changed my username.

 

Ok so here goes.. I started a new account to post about something else as I didn't want it to cloud this particular topic. But I guess I messed that up pretty bad. I'm sorry for trying to deceive everyone.

 

 

We’ll leave the posts up. The other account has been banned. ~6

[Cobra_X]

I actually discussed it with my husband first in February so it won't be long until it's a year. This might be a bit tmi but to me, our sex life is ok. I'm struggling with the lack of emotional connection we have, I think if I had that then our sex life would be much improved. My husband on the other hands has said how the sex for him is amazing and keeps on getting better. We had another chat about it yesterday and it's as if we're both in 2 different relationships. I don't want to hurt him by leaving but on the other hand, I felt yesterday like just talking about it was ripping his heart out and I was stamping all over it.

 

I don't know quite what to say. Your honesty and general feeling of guilt makes this whole thing seem like you are victimizing your husband. I don't really think that is the case. I mean I lived through a marriage like this as a husband so I know.

 

Here is the thing... your husband seems like a beta boy. That permanent doormat kind of guy.

 

I spent a number of years married to a woman that felt I was incompetent. I'm disorganized and forgetful. She made a lot more money than I did.

 

The first few years I really responded to this situation the same way your husband seems to. Western society teaches men to be submissive weenies at the best of times. I very slowly broke out of that thinking and began to take control of myself. I learned that the best way to handle her treating me like I'm incompetent was to begin treating her as incompetent. I manufactured fault in everything she did... we fought like cats and dogs. I eventually took financial control of our household because I managed it better. I got a new job that paid more than her.

 

In the end we divorced. It was the happiest day of my life. She is currently miserable with her new husband... because she is a miserable person. Make sure this isn't your fate.

 

I owe her a great debt. Yes, the whole relationship was painful, but the personal growth I achieved was worth it. Maybe divorcing your husband is what he really needs to become a better man.

Edited October 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Undercoverirish]

Marry in haste repent at leisure.

This was never the man you should have married, and he kind of fooled you with his supposed ambition, to pull a bait and switch.

 

Now you are stuck with a man who you basically have no respect for, but who is prostrating himself in front of you as he doesn't want his marriage to end.

You do not want to be seen as the heartless witch who kicks the "lovely man" to the curb, so you are dilly and dallying.

Along comes Mr MM and you see ambition in him and so you want to throw all your eggs into his basket, but it is risky.

Trouble is your ego may be your worst enemy here.

Do not think this MM will leave his wife for you and it will be a seamless transition from the no hoper personal trainer to the ambitious "executive".

MM rarely leave their wives and if they do, they rarely leave them for a woman who is prepared to cheat on her husband.

Your currency as a "catch", will go down as soon as you become an OW.

Don't do it.

 

I'm trying to not be too hasty with my decision. I realise that any decision I take to leave will affect my husband and my daughter, it isn't just me.

 

Also I need to mention about this OM - it really is fantasy situation!!! We love 4 hours apart so there isn't even an opportunity for a relationship there even if it was what I wanted.

 

I'm definitely not going to cheat for the cheap thrill of one night with a man that ticks some of my boxes.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I don't get it. The OP came here for advice and views about the current disarray in her marriage and her own views of her husband. While she has said some harsh things about him and it appears that she is insensitive to his feelings in reality I do not think that is true. She has, at many places said that her husband is a good man and recognizes that the way she is interacting with him is hurting him and she is feeling very guilty about it. Apparently she recognizes that he doesn't deserve the negative attitude that she displays toward him. I find her to be honest about everything maybe even excruciatingly so. It seems to me that she is a woman who is a bit ruthless and objective in the way she sees things and is probably impatient with people who do not pull their weight and do things right the first time. At the same time she recognizes that her husband has some very good qualities and she probably hates herself for hurting his feelings in the way she has. This is one of the reasons that she is not pulling the plug as yet on her marriage. For the folks on here who want to guilt her into conforming to what they feel is right may not be the correct way of helping her work out a solution. I think a more objective approach in suggesting ways and means to help her arrive at a solution would be more productive.

 

Southern sun, I think the OP has mentioned in one of her posts that she was already contemplating ending her marriage before she even met the OM. His presence may have acted as a catalyst in her desire to end things with her husband but the core decision was already forming in her mind. I think I endorse Lucy in Disguise's post as she has expressed the right sentiments there. I also think the OP does not need to be guilted into doing what others think is right and I am sure she wouldn't in any case as she seems very much her own person.

 

Undercoverirish, if I had to offer any perspective on your situation then I would say that , firstly, whatever feelings you seem to have for the OM are spurious and not to be trusted. Secondly, just for a moment imagine yourself to be married to a guy who, like you, is driven and ambitious and cannot bear fools or nincompoops. Both of you with your strong personalities would be clashing frequently over the smallest of things. There would also be a competition on to see who does better career wise and each of you would be stepping on the other's toes for every little preference that one has over the other's preference. Also as the lady in the relationship your husband would want you to play second fiddle to him because men of that kind of drive would not like to be equated or superseded by a woman especially his wife. I am not making a sexist statement but just stating a fact as it would transpire in actual fact. Now sit back and assess for yourself if that is the kind of husband or marriage that you would like to have? With your current husband you have it good. Sure you have to put up with some glitches in his performance of his duties both domestic and professional. But he has ceded his position as the so called head of the household to you and does not challenge you on it. He is completely devoted to you and more or less worships you. You get to call the shots in the home mostly and that dovetail;s with your personality. You just wouldn't get that with your high drive husband and would forever be gnashing your teeth in resentment at being made subservient to him. I have read of so many husbands who have taken on the role of house husband and who perform all those duties and functions that a traditional wife would perform in days gone by. In addition they do not bring any moolah home. The entire financial burden is on the wife. Such marriages seem quite successful if the two participants in it have reconciled to their roles amicably and by consensus.

 

All I can say is that being happy is a function of oneself. You search for happiness within and not externally. If you keep wanting the moon when all you can have is moonlight then you will never be happy and if by some wonderful chance the moon lands in your lap you'll find that you want something else and the moon does not satisfy you any longer. Life is short as they say and I guess we should learn to treasure what we have lest it be taken away from us and we are then left full of regrets for not having cherished the lost object while we still had it. Warm wishes.

[Undercoverirish]

Caveat: I haven't read the other threads, although I did read the parts in this one that mentioned you having an affair.

 

Based on this thread, I think you're being a somewhat terrible partner. You have a young child and your husband does most of the childcare, but you are annoyed at him for "not living up to your standards" in terms of income and organization.

 

It always boggles me to read the "my partner is a great mother/father to our young child(ren) but really lazy...." statements. It is completely impossible for both parts of the statement to be true at the same time. Taking care of a young child takes so much time and effort that a truly lazy person would, by definition, NOT be a good parent. If they are doing a great job with the child and are responsible for most of the childcare, news flash: chances are the other things in their life are not slipping because they are lazy, they're slipping because they're making the child the priority.

 

The complaints in your opening post just sound somewhat inconsequential IMO. So you had to eat out while on holiday... is that really such a big deal? It sounds like you are fixating on the little specks in his eye to justify ignoring the plank in yours.

 

I'm not being a great partner right now, I know that. But I'm not having an affair, although I have someone else in my mind.

 

My husband works for local government so he has flexible working. He still works and our daughter is in full time childcare, but where my job doesnt permit or I'm having to work late or I'm travelling, he will pick up the school pickup, the bedtime routine and then the morning routine again.

[Undercoverirish]

Admittedly I haven't read the threads under the other username, but I don't understand why some posters are so hell-bent on guilt-tripping you for being honest about your feelings for your husband. Perhaps it hits too close to home?

 

I think many issues in a marriage can be fixed, but a lack of respect is not one of them. And you seem to have made an honest assessment of your husband's personality and identified which traits you are just not able to accept. ideally you would have figured this out before you married him and had a child, but guilting you about that mistake now isn't going to fix this. Everyone has a right to have standards and preferences- whether or not others like them generally doesn't change what those are. It would be easier for everyone if you could just accept his disorganization and lack of ambition but these are fundamental characteristics and a big ask. (For what it's worth, I don't care about income, but I'd have a problem if I felt like my partner didn't pull his weight in the relationship overall, too.)

 

I think it's great that you're honest and don't intend to have an affair even if it is tempting. Sort yourself and your marriage out before you get involved with anyone else but don't let the holier than thou crowd judge you for being honest about your feelings.

 

Thank you, that's really nice to read. I'm really not an awful person but I do wish I felt differently about my Husband. We've been married such a short space of time for me to feel like this. And maybe it is my issue and not his, maybe the problem is me. If that's the case, I'm open to that.

 

He's not a bad person, and it's because of that that I'm so hesitant to draw a line under my marriage and move on... although I know that's what I've wanted to do for the last year.

[elaine567]

Darling, you are not superior. You have a husband that loves you, a husband that works, a family that is healthy, and decent sex with your husband... Baby girl, you have no problems.

 

What you need to do is grow up and sort yourself out. Your feelings are not because of your husband, they are because of you...

 

This makes no sense to me.

 

It is clear she has no respect for him, he can do no right in her eyes. He has no ambition, cannot handle and does not want promotion and he is happy bumbling along.

 

She does not want a man like that, so saying she has "no problems" is a tad patronising, you are minimising her feelings. As far as she is concerned and society's view in general, she IS superior so trying to take her down a peg is not fair either.

 

Bottom line, he does not cut the muster and whilst we all feel heart sorry for the poor guy, no-one should stick around unhappy in their life and marriage, just to save someone else getting hurt, surely?

 

(btw the OP is an adult woman and does not need to be condescendingly referred to as Darling, Baby girl and Sweetheart...)

[Undercoverirish]

This all makes so much more sense now.

 

The whole time I was reading the first few pages of the thread, I kept thinking: the entire reason, OP, you are unhappy with your husband is BECAUSE of your "EA." Yes. Even though it is supposedly over, I was thinking it was the remnants of the EA still in your head.

 

When we get attached to another person like that, we automatically see all the good things about him/her (even if they are only fantasies, bc let's face it...we often don't know them at all). And then, we compare that person to our spouse. We look at our spouse and think - he isn't as ambitious as MM. He doesn't look at me like MM. I wish he could walk into a room like MM does. Why doesn't he want to move up the ladder like MM? Look how MM hustles and wants to head up a board of a charity and starts his own business and OMG, he wears a suit and it's soooo hottt...

 

It can be the most shallow things in the world, but it will start to make you detach from your poor husband. It will make you unattracted to him. Over time, all you can imagine in a "preferred" husband are the qualities you *think* the OM has. You really have no idea what he's like at home. You've created an impression based on the work facade. He might get home and drop his dirty socks in the middle of the floor and not TOUCH the lawnmower and plop down with a beer and demand dinner. Or worse, perhaps he tells his wife not to bother with dinner because her food is disgusting. But no. He is the MAN for you.

 

But this is what you build in your mind. You put one on a pedestal and the other under your feet.

 

Now that we know you are still in the affair, your flat tone and utter "done-ness" with the M makes far more sense. I swear, that really only seems to happen to people in affairs. I suppose people can just be "over" a marriage without falling for someone else. But it really does seem rare.

 

If you are only ever going to look at your H with total disdain, just go ahead and divorce him. But I can promise, he does not deserve that opinion. It is skewed, based upon your fogged up thinking. He probably senses your contempt and it may even be affecting his behavior. He may be depressed and is bumbling around because of it. I bet if you let him go, he will come into his own and be the kind of man you wish you had in the M.

 

 

I really don't know how to get the other man out of my head. I've tried creating distance, were not connected on social media, we don't have any contact outside of work and even work contact is minimal. I just don't know what else to do.

 

I don't think he'd be an ideal partner for me (yes I know this all sounds ridiculous), when I first met him... he actually reminded me of my ex in a way!!! And that's not a good thing. And funny you mention sitting down to a beer every night.... he does that!! Every night he has a drink. And I'm not a drinker so that would really annoy me.

 

I wasn't happy in my marriage before the OM even came on the scene. Before I even knew he existed, I'd told my husband that I thought the marriage was over. I cried about it to him for days but he thought I was just having a funny moment and didn't take it seriously (his words, not mine). Then I started a new role and met the OM and I probably did see excitement and some of the traits I felts I was missing at home. It was a few months after that again when I had another chat to my husband. My husband by this stage was shocked and couldn't understand why I hadn't spoken to him sooner (I'd told him I wanted to separate), but I DID tell him, he just hadn't taken it seriously.

 

But OM definitely does have the fantasy factor. And I already recognise a pattern in my feelings... when it is coming up time to see OM again, my "not really real" feelings I have for him intensify and continue to intensify when I see him... and my dissastifactiin with my husband and marriage also increases.

 

I wish I didn't ever have to see OM again. Maybe then I'd be able to get him out of my head. Not sure if you read the other thread, but me and the OM shared a couple of emails at the end of May where I said I wasnted interested, and he said too "let's keep it professional". I have HubSpot Marketing software at work so all email I send are tracked and any time they're opened, I get an alert. Every time we're due to see each other, OM goes back and reads, and re-reads the email chain. I don't know if he knows I have it tracked or not and does it on purpose but it's every time we're due to see each other. I've just recently disabled the alert on his email thread and we're seeing each other again in 2 weeks (from today actually), and he'll be in reading it again before we go.

 

I know I don't make very smart decisions at times but I am trying to make informed decisions here. If I was feeling this way with anyone else, I'd have been long gone by now.

[Undercoverirish]

Haha, I love the way some always... ALWAYS seem to twist threads to reflect the strong anti-male sentiment.

 

OP say husband is the primary caregiver for the child, that become nope because she has to check up on him...

 

Just as a side, family courts have shifted in recent years, in situations like this it's highly likely her husband would be granted primary custody, and of course she would be on the hook for both alimony and child support. Welcome to a man's world....slight shot taken.

 

If that was the case, I wouldn't begrudge any payment I'd have to make to my husband. But we have discussed if things didn't work, how we would manage and we have a plan. But I also know if he's hurting, that plan might go out the window.

[Undercoverirish]

Sweetheart... No, everything that you are saying and doing in your personal life is complete Bulls*** in everyway.

 

Let me explain what is going on her and for the love of everything holy please listen.

 

And just be glad that I am not the other man because I would have banged you and dumped you by now, in my bad old days.

 

You are unhappy in your marriage because YOU ARE UNHAPPY in general. And all the negative thoughts that you are having about your husband and your marriage are what people like you do to mitigate either having an affair our just tearing your family apart because YOU ARE UNHAPPY.

 

You find fault with your husband because now, you want something to happen with your fantasy affair.

 

Don't you see what you are doing. You are the one that does not want to communicate with your husband, you just want to bitch at him and feel resentful for small or made up problems.

 

You are the one that does not want to really do the work necessary to get your marriage going in the right direction.

 

If you are such a hot shot at work, why can't you spend some of that intelligence and drive working on yourself and your marriage. Why, because you are lazy, self-entitled and you think you are superior.

 

Darling, you are not superior. You have a husband that loves you, a husband that works, a family that is healthy, and decent sex with your husband... Baby girl, you have no problems.

 

What you need to do is grow up and sort yourself out. Your feelings are not because of your husband, they are because of you...

 

This has really brought a tear to my eye. He really does love me, more than anyone I've ever known.

[DKT3]

This makes no sense to me.

 

It is clear she has no respect for him, he can do no right in her eyes. He has no ambition, cannot handle and does not want promotion and he is happy bumbling along.

 

She does not want a man like that, so saying she has "no problems" is a tad patronising, you are minimising her feelings. As far as she is concerned and society's view in general, she IS superior so trying to take her down a peg is not fair either.

 

Bottom line, he does not cut the muster and whilst we all feel heart sorry for the poor guy, no-one should stick around unhappy in their life and marriage, just to save someone else getting hurt, surely?

 

(btw the OP is an adult woman and does not need to be condescendingly referred to as Darling, Baby girl and Sweetheart...)

 

And her husband is a man fully capable of caring for his child without posters filling in the blanks and saying he can't do so without being watched over.

[BluesPower]

This makes no sense to me.

 

It is clear she has no respect for him, he can do no right in her eyes. He has no ambition, cannot handle and does not want promotion and he is happy bumbling along.

 

She does not want a man like that, so saying she has "no problems" is a tad patronising, you are minimising her feelings. As far as she is concerned and society's view in general, she IS superior so trying to take her down a peg is not fair either.

 

Bottom line, he does not cut the muster and whilst we all feel heart sorry for the poor guy, no-one should stick around unhappy in their life and marriage, just to save someone else getting hurt, surely?

 

(btw the OP is an adult woman and does not need to be condescendingly referred to as Darling, Baby girl and Sweetheart...)

 

Elaine, girl take a break already...

 

Over the last few months it really seems like you are hostile to just about everyone that is male. What gives?

 

So, what you are saying is that it is OK for Her to through away her family and marriage when it is obvious that she is the one with the issue and the ongoing affair?

 

How do you figure that, just because she is a woman? Then she should be able to do that? OK, so if a man just does not think his wife is hot enough, or is bad at oral sex, he should be able to dump his wife and kids and move on as well. Even though she takes good care of the house and kids and everything, she should be kicked to the curb.

 

Is that what you are saying? And don't say some BS about apples and oranges, because is I had time I could build the exact same case for a male...

 

SHE feels these things because her mind is not right about life. Like a lot of women she does not know what she has and she does not want to work to fix it. Men do this as well, and they should not get a pass either.