Is it possible to make friends when you have social anxiety?

[PKrueger24]

I moved to Montreal in early September and do not know anyone here. I have fairly bad social anxiety and have always struggled to connect with others, just for the record. Montreal is a beautiful city and is also known to be very fun, and I've heard it referred to as Canada's version of New York.

 

There's one night club/bar I've been very curious about, as it has an excellent reputation, but is also in the basement of a restaurant. I thought about going tonight and even managed to get in line, but got amazingly nervous and just chickened out. When the bouncer, perhaps assuming I was in line for the restaurant, asked if I had reservations, I became overcome with anxiety and simply said, "Oh, sorry, I'm at the wrong address," and left. I was going to say "I'm supposed to meet someone at Club XYZ, am I at the right location?" But I was too anxious and just left. And I frankly cannot fathom approaching that bouncer again and asking for directions to that club, it just horrified me.

 

So I went wandering around and eventually found myself in line for another club. I someone ended up going in, but then stood around awkwardly like a moron for a few minutes and left; even the bouncer was shocked about how short my stay was, even asking me, "You okay, man? Rough night for you?" And I just mumbled something and left.

 

I got in line for another club and a group of young guys (I'm a guy, by the way) started talking to me and being very friendly...we chatted for a bit and I can't help think that of I were a normal person, I'd have been able to hang with them at the club. But again I'm a buffoon, so I felt very anxious and awkward while talking to them, and simply got out of the line and went home when they stopped chatting to me and focused elsewhere, just so I could make a subtle exit.

 

I'm a little distraught because on the one hand, I'd love to make friends and go to that particular club and just see what Montreal's famous nightlife is really like, but on the other hand, I feel so awkward and anxious that I doubt I'll be able to.

 

Is it possible to make friends when you have social anxiety?

[snowboy91]

I feel your pain, that was me once upon a time. If you feel like it's affecting your life to that extent, then don't hesitate to seek help. I get that you feel like it's something you can contend with, but if you learn to over-ride it you will view social interactions very differently.

 

In the meantime, I will say this: Clubs are hard places for socially anxious people to go to alone, you have to be quite charismatic. If you enjoy nightlife see if there's a meetup group for bar hopping - that will introduce you to new people AND you get to experience the nightlife as you want.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Of course it's possible. Going to a nightclub alone is very intimidating, though. I suggest you focus your efforts on making a friend to go with you. Maybe someone else with social anxiety so you understand each other. There are more of us than you think .

[Journeybehindyoureye]

Oh man I relate so hard. Haven’t ever been to a club or a bar (I’m 20) but I deal with the same awkwardness and social anxiety. I’ve had trouble making friends in college and I’m worried that it’ll be even worse when I graduate and move to the “real world” where there seems less opportunity for connecting with friends unless it involves alcohol...

 

Hope we can both improve and make more friends! Good luck you’re not alone man!