IN LAWS HATE ME! HELP!

[Ronda]

i have been alone all my life, i never really knew love until recently. you see, my parents were these deadbeats who partied all night and didn't care about me at all. i never went to college and i became a secretary at this big corporation and i'v been working there for a while, i never had many friends because i just couldn't let anyone in, but then i met this guy who is an accountant for the place i work for, and he was so nice to me and then one day he asked me out, and i was so shocked, that was the first time anyone asked me out, at first i thought it was some kind of joke but it wasnt and now we're engaged. but here is the problem, his parents HATE me. they don't think i have a proper family and i don't really blame them, here's what happened: his parents met me when we had dinner together and they seemed to like me, but then they wanted to meet my parents and i kept saying that they were busy and couldn't make it, but somehow his parents got a hold of my parents and arranged for all of us to have dinner at this fancy restaurant. my parents got there and my dad looked ok but my mom was wearing one of her slutty dresses, and then she drank too much and got up on the table and started stripping and then she told me to join her and started going on and on about how the two of us used to strip at this local bar (which is something i'm not proud of, but my MOTHER did it so i figured it wasn't so bad, i was stupid) and that it would be fun to strip. i just ran out of the restaurant and my fiance followed me. now his parents think i'm this total lowlife and i can't really blame them, how can i make them see that i'm NOT my mother and get them to accept me, my fiance says he doesn't care what they think, but it really matters to me, please help.

[chick]

well...whether you like it or not, it does matter what they think cos they are going to be around for a long long time.

 

the only thing you can do is talk to them. there's no other solution to your problem. sit them down, along with your fiance, and let them know that yes, you had a past that you are not so proud of, but everyone has a past and as long as you have become a wiser person because of it, then it shouldn't matter. and as long as you make their son happy, then it shouldn't matter what happened when you were young and foolish! you have to understand where they are coming from, but their son is a big boy and i am sure he is responsible enough to make his own decisions. let them know how hard it has been for you with your parents, but you are NOT them, you are your own person. they have to learn to accept you because you are not going anywhere fast. let them know that you are doing your best to make peace and that you are a good person, despite what kind of parents you have.

 

another thing you MUST do is talk to your parents. they have to understand that they are jeapordising your relationship with your in-laws and tell them how much it is upsetting you and that you don't deserve to be embarassed like that.

 

one thing on your side is that you obviously have a very supportive fiance who loves you very much and will help you out with this unfortunate situation. good luck to you.

[Tony T]

What his parents think it totally irrelevant. What is critical is somehow you have to train your mother that it is not appropriate to get on top of the table at a nice restaurant and start stripping. That could be embarassing as hell!!!

 

But I think your mom is cool. She just needs to know there's a time and place for everything.

 

You should not have to pay a price for your mother's shortcomings. Let this go and be a good companion for your guy. The less you see in-laws the better anyway. It might be nice if you don't ever have to go visit them.

 

In time, when they see you're a good lady for their boy, they should be just fine if they're decent people. And if they're not, to hell with them.