I have a date tonight but we haven't spoken since Thursday night. Should I still go?

[amazonrambo]

Wow guys, I appreciate the responses, was fun to read

 

The date didn't happen, shockingly. Although it didn't go the way I assumed it was.. So I'll just paste the texts as a pic as I'm too tired from work to write it all out:

 

https://imgur.com/a/Zjlw3

 

I probably made a few mistakes in there as I was mentally tired after a long working day so it might have been better not having that date. I backed off and just said if she's free another time then let me know and she suddenly explained why. Guess she's used to talking a lot before meeting a stranger whereas I am direct, I prefer meeting face to face and getting to know a girl that way. She took a couple of minutes to reply to my texts. My third one I sent three hours later and it only took her 10 minutes to reply.

 

Not expecting the date to go ahead on Wednesday but I usually give two chances for flaking. I'm talking to others too and not putting my eggs into one basket, options are obviously open as I'm single and not even met this girl yet. It's appealing because she lives right around the corner from me, but I don't want to get to know words on a screen!

Edited October 23, 2017 by amazonrambo

[Cookiesandough]

Wow guys, I appreciate the responses, was fun to read

 

The date didn't happen, shockingly. Although it didn't go the way I assumed it was.. So I'll just paste the texts as a pic as I'm too tired from work to write it all out:

 

https://imgur.com/a/Zjlw3

 

I probably made a few mistakes in there as I was mentally tired after a long working day so it might have been better not having that date. I backed off and just said if she's free another time then let me know and she suddenly explained why. Guess she's used to talking a lot before meeting a stranger whereas I am direct, I prefer meeting face to face and getting to know a girl that way. She took a couple of minutes to reply to my texts. My third one I sent three hours later and it only took her 10 minutes to reply.

 

Not expecting the date to go ahead on Wednesday but I usually give two chances for flaking. I'm talking to others too and not putting my eggs into one basket, options are obviously open as I'm single and not even met this girl yet. It's appealing because she lives right around the corner from me, but I don't want to get to know words on a screen!

 

Very well done in maintaining your ground and not caving like many men would and saying "oh well then I guess we can talk more til you're comfortable" then talking forever then meeting and finding know chemistry.

 

If a girl really needs a lot of chat and you like it more direct/save it for person you're incompatible. No one needs to bend for anyone. But it looks like she agreed to the date. I'd say there's a 90% she will flake again, but best of luck!

[amazonrambo]

How inefficient would a man need to be not be able to run around with other women AND send a quick "hey. how's your day? looking forward to seeing you thursday" text. I do this all the time when Im multidating. takes like 3 seconds max and let's the other person know you are still interesting in seeing them

 

I see this plenty done by women I've dated, but us guys have been taught to keep talking to a minimum and just use the phone to set dates (in dating). It means we have more to say on the date, create a little mystery and we don't talk ourselves out of you liking us such as saying the wrong thing which could be taken out of context. It's just safer not to text between dates.

 

A nice "check in" style text is cool though, to remind each other you're thinking about them.. But then we wouldn't have set a date if we weren't interested.

 

I've had texting ruin my relationships and dating so I'm trying to keep it to a minimum at the moment. That rule will have to be an exception on dating websites, but once I get the phone number I use it primarily to set the date, give or take 1-2 messages of banter before I ask her out.

[amazonrambo]

Very well done in maintaining your ground and not caving like many men would and saying "oh well then I guess we can talk more til you're comfortable" then talking forever then meeting and finding know chemistry.

 

If a girl really needs a lot of chat and you like it more direct/save it for person you're incompatible. No one needs to bend for anyone. But it looks like she agreed to the date. I'd say there's a 90% she will flake again, but best of luck!

 

Thanks! I've actually been reading "Corey Wayne's" book, learning when to back off and walk away, improving yourself, standing for what you believe in, etc. The old me would have caved in and accepted her demands, but that's not what I wanted.

 

He teaches that walking away is one of the most powerful things you can do, like in business. If the deal is not right, you walk away and get on with your life. Most guys in that situation would accept a girls demands to please her, so I don't think she was expecting me to accept her withdrawal from the date and walk away so easily. Hey, I lead a busy life and if a girl doesn't want to be part of it then it's no skin off my back!

 

If she flakes again, which I do highly believe she will and I am with you on that, then at least I know we were incompatible as I need someone to be more direct to meet in person like I am. It's probably why me and my ex didn't work out as she'd text me EVERY day.

Edited October 23, 2017 by amazonrambo

[olivetree]

Wow guys, I appreciate the responses, was fun to read

 

The date didn't happen, shockingly. Although it didn't go the way I assumed it was.. So I'll just paste the texts as a pic as I'm too tired from work to write it all out:

 

https://imgur.com/a/Zjlw3

 

I probably made a few mistakes in there as I was mentally tired after a long working day so it might have been better not having that date. I backed off and just said if she's free another time then let me know and she suddenly explained why. Guess she's used to talking a lot before meeting a stranger whereas I am direct, I prefer meeting face to face and getting to know a girl that way. She took a couple of minutes to reply to my texts. My third one I sent three hours later and it only took her 10 minutes to reply.

 

Not expecting the date to go ahead on Wednesday but I usually give two chances for flaking. I'm talking to others too and not putting my eggs into one basket, options are obviously open as I'm single and not even met this girl yet. It's appealing because she lives right around the corner from me, but I don't want to get to know words on a screen!

 

She was politely trying to say she didn't appreciate the 8 day MIA communication.

I agree with you that it's better to get to know each other in person and not talking TOO much before you meet.

But it needs to be balanced with keeping in touch here and there to keep the momentum going a little, otherwise the will/desire to meet tends to die out, as you saw.

 

Anyway, it seems it worked out in a way, and I think you both handled yourselves well.

Send her a funny meme or something light tonight or tomorrow just to keep the connection going.

[amazonrambo]

She was politely trying to say she didn't appreciate the 8 day MIA communication.

I agree with you that it's better to get to know each other in person.

But it needs to be balanced with keeping in touch here and there to keep the momentum going a little, otherwise the will/desire to meet tends to die out, as you saw.

 

Anyway, it seems it worked out in a way.

Send her a funny meme or something light tonight or tomorrow just to keep the connection going.

 

I replied this morning but it didn't really need a reply.

 

It'll be Tuesday tomorrow, should I send something light or just hold my ground until Wednesday?

 

I'm a little unsure as I've made it clear that I want to do the "talking" and getting to know each other in person and she seems to accept that, so I think I might take my gut instinct and contact her on the day of the date otherwise it looks like I can't stick with my own decision.

[olivetree]

I replied this morning but it didn't really need a reply.

 

It'll be Tuesday tomorrow, should I send something light or just hold my ground until Wednesday?

 

I'm a little unsure as I've made it clear that I want to do the "talking" and getting to know each other in person and she seems to accept that, so I think I might take my gut instinct and contact her on the day of the date otherwise it looks like I can't stick with my own decision.

 

Send her something light the morning of the date then (Wednesday) so you are reconfirming without actually confirming.

 

About sticking with your decision... It shouldn't be about that.

Relationships are about compromise, so you need to demonstrate that you're willing to work with her, not someone who sticks to his guns at all costs (on something like this anyway).

 

Honestly, I wouldn't have gone out with you either if I hadn't heard from you in 8 days.

Edited October 23, 2017 by olivetree

[amazonrambo]

She was politely trying to say she didn't appreciate the 8 day MIA communication.

 

Also 8 day MIA communcation? It was only 48 hours. I wouldn't go days without talking as we'd be meeting up regularly if it worked out.

[amazonrambo]

Send her something light the morning of the date then (Wednesday) so you are reconfirming without actually confirming.

 

About sticking with your decision... It shouldn't be about that.

Relationships are about compromise, so you need to demonstrate that you're willing to work with her, not someone who sticks to his guns at all costs (on something like this anyway).

 

Honestly, I wouldn't have gone out with you either if I hadn't heard from you in 8 days.

 

Ah okay I get you. So I shouldn't hint at anything involving the date and just go? Or just mention "See you later on" in one of my replies?

 

We didn't talk for 2 days at most, not 8 days. I'm not sure where that came from!

[Gaeta]

A nice "check in" style text is cool though, to remind each other you're thinking about them.. But then we wouldn't have set a date if we weren't interested.

 

Why didn't you do a nice 'check in' text?

 

You took it to the extreme, there is a huge difference between chatting your brains out before meeting and simply being a considerate gentleman and sending a little text saying you are looking forward to the up coming date.

 

I also would not head to a date with a man that didn't bother to say hello to me for days and I am not a texter.

[Cookiesandough]

I would do the same thing she did if a guy didnt confirm...it seems like game playing to at worst...lukewarm interest at best...nahhhh

 

i didnt read all the deets

[Gaeta]

Also 8 day MIA communcation? It was only 48 hours. I wouldn't go days without talking as we'd be meeting up regularly if it worked out.

 

Thursday to Sunday is more than 48 hours. That's 3 days.

[olivetree]

Thursday to Sunday is more than 48 hours. That's 3 days.

 

My reading comprehension is usually a lot better.

Yeah that's not too horrible actually.

 

I need to know enough about someone to want to meet them.

It sounds like she didn't know enough about you, but has compromised and is willing to risk it.

Or she liked how you handled her rejection and that was enough for her to want to meet you.

[jay1983]

Never happened to me. And if it did...I'd wait 15 minutes, leave, and go dark.

 

It's not the end of the world.

 

It'll happen more often then not, if you're a guy. The flake that is. There was a thread by sevencity, I think it give good insight on the dynamics of dating.

[Gaeta]

My reading comprehension is usually a lot better.

Yeah that's not too horrible actually.

 

I need to know enough about someone to want to meet them.

It sounds like she didn't know enough about you, but has compromised and is willing to risk it.

Or she liked how you handled her rejection and that was enough for her to want to meet you.

 

It's not too horrible but not impressive at the same time.

 

OP refered to Corey Wayne's rules. It's funny because in all the silly 'how to catch a good man' I read they always said if a man let more than 48 hours go by with no communication it's because he's not that interested.

[Cookiesandough]

i think the 48 hour rule was more applicable before sms texting...in the era of the dial phone

[amazonrambo]

Why didn't you do a nice 'check in' text?

 

You took it to the extreme, there is a huge difference between chatting your brains out before meeting and simply being a considerate gentleman and sending a little text saying you are looking forward to the up coming date.

 

I also would not head to a date with a man that didn't bother to say hello to me for days and I am not a texter.

 

So you wouldn't bother to go on a date with a guy if he didn't contact you for 48 hours? It just seems a little needy, especially when you'll see him in two days. I could understand if we had a date in 7 days time, then yeah I'd "check in" but not when the date is two days away.

[amazonrambo]

I would do the same thing she did if a guy didnt confirm...it seems like game playing to at worst...lukewarm interest at best...nahhhh

 

i didnt read all the deets

 

Didn't confirm what? I confirmed Sunday at 8 at the location and she agreed, then she replied Friday morning ending the conversation. 48 hours later on Sunday morning I check in saying morning and looking forward to tonight.

 

I wasn't game playing, I was too busy working Why would I need to have a conversation over text when the date was a couple of days away and risk saying something to put her off.

[amazonrambo]

Thursday to Sunday is more than 48 hours. That's 3 days.

 

Not when her last reply was Friday morning and I started a new conversation Sunday morning

[amazonrambo]

My reading comprehension is usually a lot better.

Yeah that's not too horrible actually.

 

I need to know enough about someone to want to meet them.

It sounds like she didn't know enough about you, but has compromised and is willing to risk it.

Or she liked how you handled her rejection and that was enough for her to want to meet you.

 

Yeah, I think most guys would have got annoyed but I just was like fair enough and continued on with my evening. I'm not going to let a rejection bother me as there's other girls out there. At least it allowed her to know that I'd prefer to get to know her face to face, but as a "take it or leave it" approach.

 

I just haven't got the time to be sending texts all day when I could be saying the exact same things in person with physical contact.

[Cookiesandough]

So you wouldn't bother to go on a date with a guy if he didn't contact you for 48 hours? It just seems a little needy, especially when you'll see him in two days. I could understand if we had a date in 7 days time, then yeah I'd "check in" but not when the date is two days away.

 

I know youre not asking me, but I would not. I just went back and thoroughly read the details. I think she canceled with you because you didn't confirm. I would do the exact same thing.It's frustrating when people leave someone hanging for a first meet online because there are lots of flakes. I think that is what she means by 'pre-arrangements'. It's not needy to confirm plans the day before. All you need to say is "are we still on for x tomorrow at x?" It's not only respectful, it's actually telling her that you want to make sure it's coming or you're going to make other plans yourself. If that's seen as too needy, she not only has issues but you wouldnt have a chance with her anyway. There shouldn't be that thin of a wire to walk.

[Gaeta]

Not when her last reply was Friday morning and I started a new conversation Sunday morning

 

You said you spoke to her last on Thursday then again on Sunday, that's not 48 hours, that's 3 days.

 

Yes I would go meet someone for a date with no contacts for 2 days but not much more than that. If he had confirmed with me Sunday morning like you did I would have gone but with a 'meh' feeling that you didn't bother to touch base with me out of interest. Looks like this woman too wasn't too impressed with your lack of interest.

 

Now you say her last reply was Friday, you got to get the facts straight for us.

[jay1983]

Your only mistake is trying her again. I wouldn't have said anything, just deleted the contact.

[Cookiesandough]

Didn't confirm what? I confirmed Sunday at 8 at the location and she agreed, then she replied Friday morning ending the conversation. 48 hours later on Sunday morning I check in saying morning and looking forward to tonight.

 

I wasn't game playing, I was too busy working Why would I need to have a conversation over text when the date was a couple of days away and risk saying something to put her off.

 

Confirm the night before. No talking for 48 hours is peculilar on OLD. If you're walking such a thin wire already doesn't seem like it's going to bode well. You're afraid to talk to her before your date because you are afraid you are going to put her off???

[amazonrambo]

It's not too horrible but not impressive at the same time.

 

OP refered to Corey Wayne's rules. It's funny because in all the silly 'how to catch a good man' I read they always said if a man let more than 48 hours go by with no communication it's because he's not that interested.

 

Communication never stopped for longer than 48 hours though. Her last reply was Friday morning and mine was Sunday morning. I set the date and she agreed, I told her I don't do much of this texting so she'll either have to accept it or I find someone who does. Don't forget she has just as much of an opportunity to reach out to me yet she doesn't, I've been the one initiating all communcation.