JarrodsLady Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 My husband and I have only been together a year and 2 months and we have a 3 month old daughter. He says he is madly in love with me but I am going crazy with jealously. Heres the story... Eight months before we got together my husband slept with this girl in my home town and found out a few months later that she was pregnant. She not only slept with him (and only one night) but with her boyfriend , ex-husband and 3 other guys from town. Now she passed this baby off as her boyfriends but from what I hear this baby does not look anything like him. A few people told me that this child looks like my husband and one of his friends told him it looks like our daughter. A few other people told me that it looks like her oldest daughter and her ex-husband. Now I figured out the conception date from the due date and have told my husband. He says he doesn't remember what month he slept with her it was either that month, the month before or the month after. Okay so lets skip to my pregnancy. My husband told me through my whole pregnancy that he was only 80% sure the baby was his. I have never cheated but he does not trust women most of the time. He said that he based that statement on how many women passed other mens children off as their husbands and he was just being cautious. Of course when our daughter was born a spitting image of him, he changed his mind and she is his. So when discussing this other child with him he says that he does not think that it is his and that even if it was he has his child and that is all he wants. He says the other child has a white trash whore for a mom and that is not what he wants. He wants me and our child. Then comes the many times that we have discussed this other child. It is either me or him that is crazy! I was talking to him about this child and told him that everyone said it didn't look like him and he made the statement "You know it doesn't have to look like me to be mine". WTF?? He treated me like a cheater and was unsure of our baby but says that. When I flipped out he said I took it the wrong way. Then after a friend of mine told me that the child looked like him, I was telling him and his friend and his friend says that my friend is just a trouble maker and to ignore it, he proceeds to tell his friend that his other friend says it looks like him too. Why would he reinforce that if he didnt want to hold on to hope. Then comes to me testing him and telling him I was sure the baby was conceived in Dec. and he says "yea, I was with her after the Christmas tree was up so it was in Dec." Then I tell him I was wrong it was Nov and he says "I think it was in November as a matter of fact. I went back to the house the next month and the tree was up, I must have been confused". (She was living with a female friend of his and had moved out when he went back). He says he does not want to know and that he cannot wait to move out of this town but I think no matter how far I move, I am always going to wonder if he really wants to be the father of this child. I need help!! Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 If you are going to stay with your husband, I think you are going to have to accept that he doesn't have an interest in knowing if he actually is the father of this child. It sounds like he just wants to get away from the situation. Even if you were to demand that he take a paternity test, it's not something I see him doing willingly. There is nothing you can do about this situation, as it's not in your hands. If this woman ever did legally demand a paternity test from your husband, there's not much he could do about it either. He may or may not change his mind in the future about wanting to know if this baby is his. Regardless of whether your husband is the father or not, I can understand how you feel. If he deems this child as nothing of concern because he dislikes the mother, how would he treat your daughter should you two ever divorce? Would he be a good father to any child of his, even if he is no longer with the mother? Imo, I wouldn't be jealous of this woman, unless you believe your husband is still seeing her (you didn't say anything like that in your post.) I'd be more concerned about my husband's general lack of trust in women and while you were pregnant with his daughter. If he was the father of this child, would you support him taking responsiblity for this child, not only financially but as a parent? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Wait a minute?? He's madly in love with you but yet acts like your child you have together might not be his?? Am I reading that right? I'd be much more concerned about that at this point than her and what's going on with that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JarrodsLady Posted August 17, 2005 Author Share Posted August 17, 2005 He definitely has issues. He is a wonderful father to our daughter, crazy over her. I believe he was one of those men who are jealous of the wife when she is pregnant, like he was an outsider. He would only say that to me in an argument, like he was just trying to hurt me. As for this other child, he says that the other guy signed the birth certificate and as far as he is concerned, its the other guys child whether it really is or not. He said if it really was his child that she made her choice and she is going to have to live with it. The last thing he wants is to have a connection with her (and I pray that is true). He is in his 30's and our daughter is his first. We dated 10 years ago and I had a miscarriage with his child. He has always wanted a child...always. His ex-wife already had a child and refused to have anymore because he states she said she was never getting fat again. (She is shallow like that, I know who she is). So when we got back together, we decided we wanted a child together. He really is a great guy. I would hate myself if I drove him away. I have just decided to never bring the situation up again. I know this is shallow of me but I told him even if it was his, I couldn't bring myself to accept it. I know its wrong, but I just cant. He says I have nothing to worry about because he doesn't want anything to do with it. It has a family and its taken care of. He doesn't ever want our daughter to ever know that there is even a possibility because he says she is his little girl and he is giving this family all of him. I guess I'm just obsessive over it but it does feel much better to get it off of my chest. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 If this is truly his child would you really be so jealous that you would hope he wouldn't want a relationship with his child? I cannot imagine. I wouldn't be with a man who wouldn't want a relationship with his child, whether he wanted it to begin with or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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