bebe2000 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Okay, I need everyone to be honest with me. I'm getting married in 4 months, I have always been faithful to my fiance, we have been together over 5 years. We live in an apartment complex with other people our age. We are really good friends with one group of guys that live here. I spend and have spent a lot of time with one guy in particular. We spend a lot of time alone. I have gotten to know him over the past year or so we've lived here. I always had a small crush on him-but never acted on it up until recently and shamfully I initiated it. I did not know what would happen, but he responded by kissing me. we made out for a bit but thats as far as it went. He told me that he would like to do this and maybe more. I have to admit I enjoyed it, and it happened again- the same, making out. I'm going to talk to him today and stop it- I'm just so confused- I want to marry my man, I have no doubts about that, but I'm afraid of hurting my neighbors/friends feelings. I don't know I guess I just need to know I'm not the only one who has done this or something like it before their wedding. I mean is this common- or am I a serious a** hole? Please be gentle on me I'm just trying to get some anawers from a safe and annonomous place -Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I wouldn't be worried so much about upsetting your neighbor/friend, I would be more worried about your fiance. You made out with someone in his circle of friends. Don't you think he might find out? I think you should really think about why you want to marry him. Do you really love him, and if so why did you initiate a make out session with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I'm with Gtab! Your getting married, making out with the neighbor, who is a friend of your fiance`.... You have a crush on the neighbor.... your worried you will hurt THEIR feelings? What is love? Your not showing it towards your man who you say you want to marry... You did not think of HIS feelings what so ever and I don't think you should bother getting married. It is NOT normal to feel and act the way you did when your due to marry. Your world should be full of love and butterflies with thoughts of your up coming wedding. He WILL FIND OUT. It's too close to home.. I would tell him NOW, then sit back see how he takes it, good or bad .. you made your bed. Because if you don't a year from now when your not around and they are having a beer it will come out.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bebe2000 Posted August 17, 2005 Author Share Posted August 17, 2005 My fiance truly, truly belives that this guy is gay. I'm not worried about him finding out- I don't want him to know b/c it would kill him, what I've done is selfish- there really is no excuse for it. The idea of one person for the rest of ones life is overwhelming, but I know I would not want it with anyone else. I can't be the only one ever in the history of pre-marriage to get nervous and unconfident and mess up. That is what I really want to know is if it's normal to have these feelings- I need to know that the feelings are appropiate- I know the behavior is not, but I do wonder if it's common? The behavior will stop. I decided and I know this nervous energy needs to be put into my relationship with my husband to be- I love him so much, this is not about weather I love my fiance- that is a give in. This is about me, am I making sense here? You see temtation can be an SOB- I do care for this other person a lot, like I said we've spent lots of time together but I made my choice and I have to stick to it, my gilfriend asked me if I planned to be a commited and loving wife, and if I was I needed to start now- I know if I kept it up with this other guy it will only complicate things more and more. Curioscity is an SOB too, and that's the main reason why I initiated it in the first place. As for the second time, well lets just say excitement and the feeling of being wanted by someone different is an SOB also. Am I not human? I don't know what to say/write anymore- thanks for the honest questions and comments I hope I can get others. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 all the feeling are normal. the curiosity, the wanting to be desired by someone else, temptation. And you will face that throughout your whole marriage but you have to have the tools and the will to not act on any of those feeling. your friend is right you need to figure out if you are ready to be a committed and loving wife or are you getting married because you have been together so long. Sometime when your with someone for a long time it feels like you have to get married or it would be a waste of 5 yrs. Yes you made a choice to be engaged but it would be better to wait on getting married until you work this out. If you are truly serious about your fiance you need to cut contact with the friend. You will keep making out and worse if you keep in touch and go to pre marital counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Yes, I think it is normal to have these feelings of uncertainty. I'm sure many people have had one last fling before they take the plunge and get married. You're not alone. You now have experienced what it's like to be wanted by someone else, and hopefully you won't be curious about that anymore. For the sake of your future marriage don't let it happen again. Try and rekindle the romance and passion with your fiance so you wont have those feelings anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bebe2000 Posted August 20, 2005 Author Share Posted August 20, 2005 Hey everyone, Thanks again for the input. I wanted to let you know that I ended it. I'm not going to tell my fiance about it-b/c there is nothing to tell. Someone posted that "you made your bed..." My responce to that is, why should I make us both feel like crap-my fiance and I? If I tell him it will only make him feel awful- Just so I can get it off my chest? This would just make it worse and drag it out-I just want it to be done and deal with it myself. I feel bad enough, and only the minimal happened. Minimal, just kissing. The second time I was with the other guy it was disappointing while the first time was exciting, maybe because the idea was built up so much in my head. But after the second time- I realized I only want my man, I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him- I would feel the need to tell him if I was having second thoughts, which is'nt the case. There's nothing to tell, it meant nothing, there is nothing- I'm not jeprodizing his trust for me due to some selfish kissing-that will never happen again. Like I said I was selfish, it had nothing to do with my fiance. I am excited about my wedding- but all of you out there who are planning your wedding know how stressful it can be. One's mind can get scambled-mine did and I messed up. People mess up, they get lost along the way, but that does'nt mean that they stopped loving their spouse or significant other- I never ever thought this would happen, I've been faithful for over five years, but I realized it can happen to anyone. So to whoever left that post, don't be so quick to judge others about weaher or not if they love or are committed to their spouse/fiance, sometimes you step away and get a look at the larger picture and only then you can realize what you really want- I want my fiance-I am going to be his faithful wife, I love him so much. What I need to do now is work on forgiving myself- I need to deal with this, not my fiance-it had nothing to do with him. Everyone knows that internal guilt is worse kind and I refuse to let him suffer for something I did. Link to post Share on other sites
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