This is hard for her? Really??

[Leojax]

I love my (ex) girlfriend. We’ve both been stupid-but she had some issues that affected our relationship (abandonedment issues from her mom). Long story short over a month ago I got so tired of the arguing (majority started by her) so I broke up with her. About two weeks later I realized I made a mistake. I didn’t think we had really tried to fix things. She’s a really good woman and other than arguing a lot recently there really hasn’t been many issuss. I asked if he we could talk and she said she was confused because I had broken up with her. Eventually she said if I had something to say she’d listen. I get there and say what’s on my mind. She’s visibly irritated and is getting angry and wanted to me essentially get on my hands and knees to apologize. I already apologized a handful of times but I guess that wasn’t enough. She stopped me mid sentence and said she did me a disservice by letting me come over to talk m. She was in a good space and she had moved on. I nod and walk out.

 

Not long after I left she messsged me saying apologizing it’s just hard being broken up with and she was in the mindset of moving on so it’s hard to revert back. I don’t respond. I get another lengthy message 30 min later. This time saying how we have a lot of issues that she doesn’t we’ll get over and breaking up was really hard for her and she wanted to stay but could g. I don’t respond to that either. I get a third message saying how the stress and breaking up really f*cked with her head and made her physically worn down (she gets ulcers when she’s stressed). Again, I don’t respond. So three messages that night.

 

The next day I get another message. I finally respond and I essentially say I love her and counseling is the only solution that I see that can work. So we can get the proper tools to communicate better and to help with her abandonment issues. She replied and said she it’s not just the one issue I mentioned and doesn’t need counseling. I don’t reply. 12 hrs later she sends me another message. I don’t reply to that either. A week passed and she sends me a text saying she isn’t doing well because this hard for her. I said it’s hard for me too. That was almost a 4 days ago and nothing since.

 

I don’t know, I just feel like she’s screwing with me. I thought she was in a good space...

Edited October 23, 2017 by Leojax

[Highndry]

She's using you as an emotional dumping ground. Something along the lines of "I only want to hear from you if you are serious about fixing things and getting back together. Otherwise, please do not ever contact me again" should suffice.

[zawadi16]

Not long after I left she messsged me saying apologizing it’s just hard being broken up with and she was in the mindset of moving on so it’s hard to revert back. I don’t respond. I get another lengthy message 30 min later. This time saying how we have a lot of issues that she doesn’t we’ll get over and breaking up was really hard for her and she wanted to stay but could g. I don’t respond to that either. I get a third message saying how the stress and breaking up really f*cked with her head and made her physically worn down (she gets ulcers when she’s stressed). Again, I don’t respond. So three messages that night.

 

The next day I get another message. I finally respond and I essentially say I love her and counseling is the only solution that I see that can work. So we can get the proper tools to communicate better and to help with her abandonment issues. She replied and said she it’s not just the one issue I mentioned and doesn’t need counseling. I don’t reply. 12 hrs later she sends me another message. I don’t reply to that either. A week passed and she sends me a text saying she isn’t doing well because this hard for her. I said it’s hard for me too. That was almost a 4 days ago and nothing since.

 

 

She mentioned you breaking up with her in all 3 of her messages to you the night she said she moved on. That's her biggest issues. She's pissed and hurt that you broke up with her. OP you need to remember that YOU ended things with her. Now her ego is shot. If she was really done and happy she wouldn't have messaged you 4 times in 24 hrs. She probably realized once you left she went a little too far-hence all of her messages to you.

 

Her "this is hard for me" message was true, but I believe it was her weak attempt at trying to get back in. In her mind she probably thought what can I say to show I still want this but without really putting myself out there. You did ignore most of her messages you know. She was hoping you'd say more than just me too, just like you were hoping she was going to say more too.

 

You both are doing the same thing.

[marky00]

Hmmm WTF,

 

 

U did dump her after all. And now your playing games like not responding to texts etc.

 

 

She has every right to be confusing and play games. She needs to protect her dignity in case you pull the same stunt again.

 

 

Seems like your going back for ego reasons only and since she isn't giving you the ego fix, your getting upset about it.

 

 

I am a strong believer that if you dump someone and you have a change of heart, its up to you to take the risk and lay it all on the line. That also means, potentially losing some of your own dignity as well.

 

 

She's testing you and she is proving the point perfectly that you haven't come back for the right reasons. You can't dump someone and come back like it did not happen.

 

 

If your not prepared to stare reality in the face here and do all the work that is required, why are you even bothering her? A lot of girls would have put you on ice forever when you pulled the stunt of not even responding to her messages. Every message she sends you is her risking losing some more dignity here (and you just confirm that by ignoring the msg totally).

 

 

Don't ever break up with someone to prove a point. You break up with people when you are totally are done with them. Pull yourself together and start showing some stability and consistency. She's probably utterly confused by your actions right now and then you just make it even worse by pouting because she wasn't crying for you to come back.

 

 

She not screwing with you, its u screwing with her. You dumped her, came back and now want her to crawl back to you on your terms. Seriously?

Edited October 23, 2017 by marky00

[basil67]

She was in the process of moving on and then you came back and undid all the work she's done.

 

If you want someone to come back after you've dumped them, you need to do the hard yards. You need to reassure and work to earn back their trust. Unfortunately, all you are doing is playing games with her because she's understandably very wary of you. It will take much time and effort on your part to give the reassurance she needs.

[Trust666]

Getting dumped is hard, moving on and being stymied is hard. Not saying what you are going through is not hard, but try and imagine the shoes she is now wearing.

[Marc878]

You are wasting more time on this than it's worth

[Leojax]

Hmmm WTF,

 

 

U did dump her after all. And now your playing games like not responding to texts etc.

 

 

She has every right to be confusing and play games. She needs to protect her dignity in case you pull the same stunt again.

 

 

Seems like your going back for ego reasons only and since she isn't giving you the ego fix, your getting upset about it.

 

 

I am a strong believer that if you dump someone and you have a change of heart, its up to you to take the risk and lay it all on the line. That also means, potentially losing some of your own dignity as well.

 

 

She's testing you and she is proving the point perfectly that you haven't come back for the right reasons. You can't dump someone and come back like it did not happen.

 

 

If your not prepared to stare reality in the face here and do all the work that is required, why are you even bothering her? A lot of girls would have put you on ice forever when you pulled the stunt of not even responding to her messages. Every message she sends you is her risking losing some more dignity here (and you just confirm that by ignoring the msg totally).

 

 

Don't ever break up with someone to prove a point. You break up with people when you are totally are done with them. Pull yourself together and start showing some stability and consistency. She's probably utterly confused by your actions right now and then you just make it even worse by pouting because she wasn't crying for you to come back.

 

 

She not screwing with you, its u screwing with her. You dumped her, came back and now want her to crawl back to you on your terms. Seriously?

 

She said she was happy and had moved on, what else was I supposed to do? Beg and plead? It seemed like she already had her mind made and I wanted to respect that.

 

As far as her message she wasn’t saying anything about fixing things so I just assumed they were breadcrumbs. The advice on here is if they’re not trying to reconcile to ignored. That’s why I ignored her messages. We already talked for over an hr before she said she moved on-what else was there to talk about after I left?

[Leojax]

She was in the process of moving on and then you came back and undid all the work she's done.

 

If you want someone to come back after you've dumped them, you need to do the hard yards. You need to reassure and work to earn back their trust. Unfortunately, all you are doing is playing games with her because she's understandably very wary of you. It will take much time and effort on your part to give the reassurance she needs.

 

I understand that, but she said she moved on. Am I supposed to harass her? How am I supposed to show her if she clearly wants to be left alone?

[BarbedFenceRider]

So, laying all this other crap to the side....

 

What Do You Want?

Do you see yourself with her getting older, family, etc...?

When you go to sleep, what is the last thing you are thinking of?

 

Answer truthfully, then worry about the other crap. Relationships are like a bologna sandwich. Layers upon layers of mystery meat with condiments and things stuck inside two pieces of bread. You gotta eat slowly and one bite at a time....

[Leojax]

So, laying all this other crap to the side....

 

What Do You Want?

Do you see yourself with her getting older, family, etc...?

When you go to sleep, what is the last thing you are thinking of?

 

Answer truthfully, then worry about the other crap. Relationships are like a bologna sandwich. Layers upon layers of mystery meat with condiments and things stuck inside two pieces of bread. You gotta eat slowly and one bite at a time....

 

Yea I do. We both have said we’ve never loved anyone more, and we talk about marriage and what our kids would be like.

[Emmafive]

She said she was happy and had moved on, what else was I supposed to do? Beg and plead? It seemed like she already had her mind made and I wanted to respect that.

 

As far as her message she wasn’t saying anything about fixing things so I just assumed they were breadcrumbs. The advice on here is if they’re not trying to reconcile to ignored. That’s why I ignored her messages. We already talked for over an hr before she said she moved on-what else was there to talk about after I left?

 

But OP she didn’t mean that. She was just lashing out. You hurt her. She hasn’t moved on. My guess is she probably still wants to be with you but doesn’t feel like you’ve put in the work to get her back. She’s in self protection mode.

[Sammichmaker]

I encourage you to re-read your entire post and think about how you were going back and forth with each other the whole time..

You both sound toxic to each other. It's the both of you that are sending mixed messages to each other. The flip-flopping isn't helping either one here.

[basil67]

I understand that, but she said she moved on. Am I supposed to harass her? How am I supposed to show her if she clearly wants to be left alone?

 

You don't need to harass her. You could have simply answered her texts and keep communication lines open.

 

It's probably all a moot point now anyway. Given your ignoring of her attempts to reach out again, she's probably backing even further away.

Edited November 3, 2017 by basil67

[Leojax]

You don't need to harass her. You could have simply answered her texts and keep communication lines open.

 

It's probably all a moot point now anyway. Given your ignoring of her attempts to reach out again, she's probably backing even further away.

 

Let me ask this because I guess I’m not understanding; why was she sending me all those messages after she said she was done? Wasn’t she just venting/reiterating why she had moved on?

[Been]

She was trying to flip the script so she could be the one to break up with you- have the last word per say.

[Leojax]

She said she’s never loved anyone as much, first person she ever thought about marriage with, kids, etc.

 

I made the mistake of breaking up with her a month ago. Tried to reconcile two weeks later, but she said she was happy and moved on. As soon as I left she sent me 3 messages throughout the night. Another the next day. Then a few more a few days later. I only responded to two. She said the break up was bad for her two weeks ago. Saw on Snapchat she went on a date where we went for our first date; Russian restaurant (so I know it was her idea to go there). Her caption was ‘Russian food’ She was showing off her food then slowly moved the camera up, and pointed the camera up to a guy she was on a date with. She never took out her phone on our dates and definitely didn’t put me on social media (she’s fairly private) until after we were officially together.

 

I sent her a message saying it hurts to see that you’ve moved on but if that’s what you I love you enough to be happy for you. She responded with a question mark. I said I’m referring to your new date. She responded with I’m sorry. I loved you very much. I just thought we could never stop arguing and our love languages are different (first time she ever said that). Then sent another message saying as a precedent it’s not wise for to give information about what she is or isn’t doing in her dating life. I said I never asked and as always wish you the best.

 

I’m crushed that she used the past tense of love. How do you stop loving someone that fast?

Edited November 6, 2017 by Leojax

[d0nnivain]

Well apparently you fell out of love too. You are the one who broke up with her. What'd you expect her to do? Sit around waiting for you? Clearly she has more self worth than that

[Leojax]

Well apparently you fell out of love too. You are the one who broke up with her. What'd you expect her to do? Sit around waiting for you? Clearly she has more self worth than that

 

Of course I haven’t fallen out of love with her.

[PegNosePete]

You don't want her, but you don't want anyone else to have her either?

 

Come on man. You rejected her. You need to let her live her own life now.

[d0nnivain]

Of course I haven’t fallen out of love with her.

 

Then why did you break up with her? If you love somebody you don't dump them.

[JimmyNYC]

Sorry to hear you are struggling with this. I need more info. Your story goes from one minute she tells you she loves you and then the next sentence is you broke up with her. What happened? Why did you break up with her? What was going on? How did she take it? There is a lot missing in the story that we need information on then we can comment in a more informed way.

[Emmafive]

OP, real love doesn’t work that way. You don’t fall out of love that fast. Just a few weeks ago she said she was having a hard time.

 

Also, if I had to put money on it she purposely put that in that guy on snap to hurt you. If she is private why flaunt it now? She’s full of resentment, and rightfully so.

 

Plus I don’t see where you asked for details on the relationship, in fact you wished her well. It’s almost like she got annoyed that you didn’t get upset or angry that she’s going on dates for her to add that last part. I’ve been in her shoes before. She’s hurt and angry. Angry that you broke up with her. Hurt that things haven’t worked out so she’s trying to do everything she’s can to not think of you. If you broke up with me and essentially said that you’re happy to see me move on after I said this is hard for me I’d be pissed.

[Leojax]

Then why did you break up with her? If you love somebody you don't dump them.

 

I loved her more than anything.

 

SHe was super damaged from her past and I kept paying for her exes mistakes. I told her I was exhausted and that she needed counseling. I went over to there to reconcile and we talked for an hour and she was so angry with me and said some petty things. She said if you just admit to being untrustworthy then we could move forward. I said I’m not going to admit to things I haven’t done. That’s when said she was done and had moved on. I nodded then left.

20 min later she sent me a message saying how breaking up with her was hard for her and was hard to revert back from moving on.

 

Then another 30 min later she sends me a long message and said we kept arguing (all started by her btw) and mentioned me breaking up with her. Then an hr later she sent another message saying how breaking up with her messed with her head and made her physically worn down. I didn’t respond to those messages. She sent me another message then next day and I finally responded saying I love her but to make it work she needed counseling. She replied and i didn’t respond. 12 hours later she sent me another message. I don’t respond. She kept going on about how she didn’t think i was untrustworthy but it looked like I was so she perceived it as such, what the heck? The next week is when she said this was hard for her.

[Leojax]

Sorry to hear you are struggling with this. I need more info. Your story goes from one minute she tells you she loves you and then the next sentence is you broke up with her. What happened? Why did you break up with her? What was going on? How did she take it? There is a lot missing in the story that we need information on then we can comment in a more informed way.

 

SHe was super damaged from her past and I kept paying for her exes mistakes. I told her I was exhausted and that she needed counseling. I went over to there to reconcile and we talked for an hour and she was so angry with me and said some petty things. She said if you just admit to being untrustworthy then we could move forward. I said I’m not going to admit to things I haven’t done. That’s when said she was done and had moved on. I nodded then left.

20 min later she sent me a message saying how breaking up with her was hard for her and was hard to revert back from moving on.

 

Then another 30 min later she sends me a long message and said we kept arguing (all started by her btw) and mentioned me breaking up with her. Then an hr later she sent another message saying how breaking up with her messed with her head and made her physically worn down. I didn’t respond to those messages. She sent me another message then next day and I finally responded saying I love her but to make it work she needed counseling. She replied and i didn’t respond. 12 hours later she sent me another message. I don’t respond. She kept going on about how she didn’t think i was untrustworthy but it looked like I was so she perceived it as such, what the heck? The next week is when she said this was hard for her.