Bradintx Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I’m married myself and have been for over 20 years. I met another woman through our kids activities. We knew each other for over a year and then began to text which led to the EA and PA. It’s been over 3 years now. I used to be a happy person. I no longer am. As an example this past weekend she told me that her kids were spending the night with her parents and that they were going out. This upset me a little. I know I have no rights and no reason to be upset but knowing this did make me unhappy. I know I need to stop seeing her for a lot of reasons. The most important of those is my own family. Has anyone else gotten to the point where thinking about them with their spouse and other things has caused you to not have fun anymore? It’s not the same as it used to be. I used to not worry about it or even care one little bit. Now I find myself getting jealous and just want it to stop. I know it’s dumb and actually what I’m doing is dumber but I find it hard to let go and stop seeing her. I have tried several times and failed. This not who I want to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 (edited) hi Bradintx, You say:- "... I’m married myself and have been for over 20 years. I met another woman through our kids activities . We knew each other for over a year and then began to text which led to the EA and PA. It’s been over 3 years now. I used to be a happy person. I no longer am ..." You knew when you started to text each other that this was wrong, but you still made a decision to go ahead and escalate it in to a full blown affair - you took this decision over remaining faithful to your wife and children. Did your wife know that you two were texting each other right at the beginning? I guess not. "... this past weekend she told me that her kids were spending the night with her parents and that they were going out. This upset me a little. I know I have no rights and no reason to be upset but knowing this did make me unhappy ..." Correct - you do have no right to be upset over this. Your OW is partaking in family activities with the MAN SHE MARRIED. "... I need to stop seeing her for a lot of reasons ..." Yep - least of all due to the vows you made with your wife. "... It’s not the same as it used to be ... Now I find myself getting jealous and just want it to stop ... but I find it hard to let go and stop seeing her ... I have tried several times and failed. This not who I want to be." If this isn't who you want to be then take control of the situation - man up - stop it immediately ... go 100% no contact ... delete her number and block it .... and then work with your wife as to what is going wrong within your family unit. Have you really sat down and thought about the devastation that would be created if your wife found out about your affair? If she did find out, the chances are your MW's husband would and two families would be ripped apart - think of the impact on your and her children - could you live with this? Personally, I couldn't. I don't mean to sound harsh ... just saying it how I see it. Good luck. Edited October 23, 2017 by 1966Seahorse spelling mistake 5 Link to post Share on other sites
NotCamelot Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Bradintx ---- It sounds like you have fallen in love with that woman. You have an extremely bad problem. Everyone needs to come clean and see where the chips fall. At the least, your W and her H need to know the truth. What you two have done/are doing to them is so wrong and unfair. And, most importantly, you need professional counseling. Your W is going to need it as well. I really feel sorry for you and your situation. But, you knew what you were getting into. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 One generic mention of family, but not one specific mention of your wife. You obviously don't love her AT ALL. Do her a favor....come clean, tell her she deserves better, and divorce her. Because she does deserve better. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 You should both inform your spouses and and let them have a say in deciding whether they want to be in the open relationship they are unaware they are a part of. It is their lives, too, not just yours and your OW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Hi Brad, Jenkins is your guy. He has been through everything you are going through and he came out the other side. He should be able to tell you exactly how the chips will fall. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted October 23, 2017 Author Share Posted October 23, 2017 I appreciate the honesty. No I did not mention my wife. I do love her very much and do not want to divorce her. In fact there is less than a zero percent chance I could live with the OW. She is neurotic and has lots of weird personality traits that I don’t find attractive at all. I must admit I do love her on some level but could never marry her. No way. It’s probably more of a physical thing than anything because I find myself not wanting to talk less and less to the OW. I have issues that I’m not proud of. I don’t mind the honest feedback. It’s actually helping me to see who I really am. Not a very good person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 If you found out that your wife was in a long term affair, where she had had hundreds of unprotected sexual encounters, done things with the OM that she never did with you, bad mouthed you to the OM, snuck out to be with the OM (or texted non stop when being together physically was impossible) on all of your special days (bdays, anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's Day, kids bdays, etc), I challenge you to be honest when answering this question, be honest bc none of us know you... How would you feel? What would you do? And would you want to know? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 If you really, truly, want to end it then you tell your wife and her husband. I can guarantee you, you and the OW will be so busy trying to save your marriages you won't have time to even think about contacting each other. If, by some miracle, you do have a moment to think about it you'll also have two pairs of eyes on you to make sure you don't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I appreciate the honesty. No I did not mention my wife. I do love her very much and do not want to divorce her. In fact there is less than a zero percent chance I could live with the OW. She is neurotic and has lots of weird personality traits that I don’t find attractive at all. I must admit I do love her on some level but could never marry her. No way. It’s probably more of a physical thing than anything because I find myself not wanting to talk less and less to the OW. I have issues that I’m not proud of. I don’t mind the honest feedback. It’s actually helping me to see who I really am. Not a very good person. Wow ... reading this - just WOW. You say you love your wife very very much and do not want to divorce her ... what the Hell do you think you have been doing these last 3 years then? - I would hate to see what hurt you would inflict on your wife if you didn't love her!! So ... what are you going to do in terms of going forward? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted October 23, 2017 Author Share Posted October 23, 2017 I think you know the answers to those questions. It would not be good. Link to post Share on other sites
oldlion Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I have four principles I try to live my life by. Do you know the meaning of these words? Honor, Integrity, Loyalty, Commitment No, I don't think you do. But I do wish you well. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted October 23, 2017 Author Share Posted October 23, 2017 I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. I’m waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I do love her very much and do not want to divorce her. In fact there is less than a zero percent chance I could live with the OW. She is neurotic and has lots of weird personality traits that I don’t find attractive at all. I must admit I do love her on some level but could never marry her. No way. It’s probably more of a physical thing than anything because I find myself not wanting to talk less and less to the OW. I have issues that I’m not proud of. I don’t mind the honest feedback. It’s actually helping me to see who I really am. Not a very good person. No. Sadly, not a very good person. Have you considered that when your wife learns what you have been doing for the past three years, she may make the decision for you... Look, it's all fun and good times in the early days with a new partner. Especially, in an affair where you have the thrill of the illicit, secretive sex. But, nothing is fun and games all the time... Eventually, reality sets in. Your reality, you are enjoying sex with a woman with whom you would prefer not to have a conversation. That's really sad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. I’m waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore. I 100% don't get this! You are looking for reasons to stop it .... um .... shouldn't your wife and your children be reason enough?? Correct me if I am wrong. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
rickwman Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Very sorry you are experiencing these emotions. Everyone in marriage, husband and wife, meet others outside their marriage. The problem is when one of them entertains thoughts of lust or infidelity. Entertain thoughts too long and they can turn into actions. When this happens, you need to walk away, not giving your mind or heart a place for it. I'll assume you've had 20 years of a wonderful marriage; love your wife dearly and your kids as well. Please do not risk your marriage for something that may not turn out a great as you imagine. In the end, you and your family will loose out. Do you have others; counselor, close, reliable friends, pastor that you can be honest with? I'll stand with you thru this; that you will pursue the right thing and turn away, resist thoughts or actions that would render your marriage weak and problematic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. I’m waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore. Well, that's the easy way out... Not to be judgmental, but if you had some personal integrity you would simply say to yourself and is woman, "This behavior is hurtful to my wife and my family, and it must stop today. This, is not the kind of man, husband, father, and leader that I want to be for my family." A really good first stop would be counselling. Good luck to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted October 23, 2017 Author Share Posted October 23, 2017 I have no one I can talk to about it. Link to post Share on other sites
afoolto no end Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 You need to stop the affair. You are going to hurt so many people if this ever gets out. What then, how bad will you feel then and apparently for someone you wouldn't marry or leave your family for anyway. Think about that, how dumb you are being. Your other woman is doing and saying those things to get a rise out of you on purpose, your not seeing things rationally or honestly at all. If you want to stop then stop no one is holding a gun to your head. Maybe it's time to respect the wife and family you have had all this time. Put them first, prove your a good man for them. good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I have no one I can talk to about it. You can talk to us here on LS ... it may be harsh what we say ... but we are frustrated for you ... for your wife ... for your children. You know that what you have been doing for the last 3 years is despicable ... but you have a chance to put things right ... by making the right decisions. Admittedly, even if you do make the right decisions now it will NEVER excuse what you have been doing behind your wife's and childrens backs - you can never make up for that. The way you describe your OW doesn't paint her in a very good light to be honest .... I wonder if she is just a distraction for you from whatever the void is in your marriage. You really need to stop all contact NOW with your o/w and work on yourself. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. I’m waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore. You say you love your family Is your wife not reason enough then Are ýour children mental health not reason enough You don't find her that attractive and would not marry her ? yet are willing to have an affair that when your wife finds out destroys her. Destroys her trust in you , and your children's trust in you . All for a woman that you don't even want to marry or don't find attractive . Your family must mean very little to you then. And I don't say this easily but if you are willing to sell them out for this ? For sex ...are you being starved off sex at home . These things don't stay hidden for long I accidentally caught my h affair he was 18 months under the radar . What are you thinking is going to happen when you get caught ? You will apologise and everyone will move on just like that Dday is just the beginning of hell you are going to put your family through ...your wife will never be able to look at you same again .You don't get the trust back a 100 percent .And the emotional suffering of the betrayal alone is single handedly the worst exp of my life . I am in 6 years reconciliation ...and I still have bad days where I cannot stand to look at him .because I could never understand why he would have an affair on me .or that he was capable of this kind of betrayal .For a woman who he claimed he did not even like or would marry. That's the future you may be looking at .so take your cheating self to a therapist to find out what your issues are .And why you are risking your family sanity for this woman . Wake up and nd cut it off ....you really dont want your children to find out that they have a cheater for a dad. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hecan Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 PLEASE!! The other woman SHOULD NOT have to do something to make you mad enough to end it!!! YOU. Should love your wife enough to do that !!!! YOU!! You chose this so choose to end it!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hecan Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 People on here KNOW the pain of infidelity!! This group will be relentless in getting you to man up! See, The wife that you say you deeply love... She has no choice in this. You took it away from her but she will be the one, along with your children, to experience the pain of YOUR choices!! I promise, what you are feeling at this moment is NOTHING. Compared to what you are doing to her !!! END IT! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. I’m waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore. Why aren't your wife and kids a good enough reason to end it? Do you want this to be your legacy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I have no one I can talk to about it. How hard have you tried to find someone to talk to about it? Link to post Share on other sites
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