Having an affair w/ a MW

[treehugger12]

So she contacted my wife one night telling her how beautiful she looked. I heard about it and texted ow why she was texting her. We started texting again and now she wants to continue our deal and still wants to see me. Haven’t yet. Still in limbo.

 

For the love of God, don’t do it! I’ve followed your thread. She knows the right vein to reach your heart. You know this! Move forward with healing, don’t look back. I myself need to do the same with my situation. I get it and know how how difficult it can be, it’s a viscous cycle.

Stay strong...

[Cullenbohannon]

She contacted your wife? (Bunny boiler) Do you really think it is a coincidence that your wife brings this "trivial" information up to you?. (Of course you do) She knows (or suspects) I will bet that if you stop all communication, she will contact your wife again. Your "stable" AP has forced herself into your family life. Huge red flag.

 

You are going to get caught, and soon.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Your "stable" AP has forced herself into your family life. Huge red flag.

 

You are going to get caught, and soon.

 

Yeah....this turn of events does not surprise me. OP has way too much faith that the OW isn't going to blow this all up.... I don't understand why he trusts her so much.

[Marc878]

So she contacted my wife one night telling her how beautiful she looked. I heard about it and texted ow why she was texting her. We started texting again and now she wants to continue our deal and still wants to see me. Haven’t yet. Still in limbo.

 

Look man, in case you haven't figured it out affairs are addictions. You are an addict. You get around the source in any way you get relapse.

 

You're only way out is complete and total no contact. OW is in the same boat.

 

Keep it up and two families get blown up. Actually they already have they just don't know it yet. It's coming!!!! Probably when you least expect it. Nosy neighbor sees you there. Spouse looks at a phone bill, etc.

 

You obviously have no control over yourself and can't stop. I think in your future you'll wish you had but.......

[Summer08]

Look man, in case you haven't figured it out affairs are addictions. You are an addict. You get around the source in any way you get relapse.

 

 

I agree with you Marc. Affairs are addictions. They are nothing but fantasy outlets that people play with because at first it seems harmless. It starts with friendly flirting. Perhaps married men and women should never friendly flirt.

[Bradintx]

It’s not unusual for them to text each other. We are all friends as bad as that sounds. Taking it one day at a time and I truly get the consequences. I’ve read all sorts of stories and tales to know that it will end badly. I know what I need to do.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It’s not unusual for them to text each other. We are all friends as bad as that sounds. Taking it one day at a time and I truly get the consequences. I’ve read all sorts of stories and tales to know that it will end badly. I know what I need to do.

 

The effects of such a thing cut deep and are long lasting. My mom was telling me yesterday about a bad dream she had about my dad and his affair partner, who was her very good friend. My dad's been dead for 11 years.

[wmacbride]

Both you and our ow are in for a nasty surprise.

 

If, and when, your bs finds out, she will have been betrayed by both her spouse and friend. That is just plain cruel. She may well become extremely angry at both of you ( not to mention heartbroken) and you will both face a lot of fallout.

 

That is, of course if your ow is mentally stable. If she isn't, this turn really bad really fast, and could well go beyond feelings being hurt. Quite frankly, I don't understand how you can possibly expose your wife/fmaily to this sort of risk.

[wmacbride]

The effects of such a thing cut deep and are long lasting. My mom was telling me yesterday about a bad dream she had about my dad and his affair partner, who was her very good friend. My dad's been dead for 11 years.

 

He could end up like us...an ow who still pops her head up a decade after the affair was over. This is after a really crappy aftermath where she even tried to draw our children, who were every young at the time, into the whole mess.

[Summer08]

Both you and our ow are in for a nasty surprise.

 

If, and when, your bs finds out, she will have been betrayed by both her spouse and friend. That is just plain cruel. She may well become extremely angry at both of you ( not to mention heartbroken) and you will both face a lot of fallout.

 

 

I agree. The wife will find out and she'll be both angry and hurt which is a bad mix. If she finds out during PMS...IDK. This situation is so very bad.

[Yosemite]

It’s not unusual for them to text each other. We are all friends as bad as that sounds. Taking it one day at a time and I truly get the consequences. I’ve read all sorts of stories and tales to know that it will end badly. I know what I need to do.

 

If it’s not unusual for them to text, how did you find out about that particular text?

 

If your wife brought it up to you, that’s a sign that she’s getting suspicious.

 

If you asked your wife who she was texting and she told you it was the OW, you better hope your acting skills are amazing because I’m willing to bet you had a panicked look on your face for a second or two.

 

If they’re friends and text all the time, that text should’ve been just another text and not a reason for you to contact the OW. Sounds like you were looking for any excuse to talk to her so that you could fall back into the affair.

 

Did the OW end up attending your party?

 

Are you texting the OW when you're at work? Are you using a burner phone?

[Bradintx]

W showed me he message because she was mad at ow for something entirely non related. No suspicion. No burner phone. We text all the time from morning till bed time when we can.

[Bradintx]

The party is this Sunday and they will be there along with several others.

[wmacbride]

W showed me he message because she was mad at ow for something entirely non related. No suspicion. No burner phone. We text all the time from morning till bed time when we can.

 

I just don't get how the two of you can look your wife in the face and pretend to care about her, love her ( in your case) or be her friend ( in your ow case).

 

Doesn't that make you pause for thought, at least a little bit? How can you both be this deceitful and still feel good about it?:sick::sick:

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

W showed me he message because she was mad at ow for something entirely non related. No suspicion. No burner phone. We text all the time from morning till bed time when we can.

 

Wait, I thought you ended this?

 

I guess you've back off wanting her to think of an excuse not to attend the party, then?

 

Are you Facebook friends again?

[Bradintx]

I did end it and then it started again. We are texting a lot once again and have plans to meet like in the morning. Dumb I know but can’t seem to find the will power to not to. OW will be at the party Sunday and her family. We are all still friends at the moment.

[Bradintx]

Not Facebook friends either. Normally I would friend her again but I have not this time. I don’t feel the need to and don’t want to right now. I’m at a better place now in terms of ending it believe it or not. I find I don’t think about her all the time and want to do fun things again with my family and myself. Things I haven’t wanted to do for the last couple of years. I view that as a good sign. I don’t view what I’m doing as good though.

[Bradintx]

I just don't get how the two of you can look your wife in the face and pretend to care about her, love her ( in your case) or be her friend ( in your ow case).

 

Doesn't that make you pause for thought, at least a little bit? How can you both be this deceitful and still feel good about it?:sick::sick:

 

I’m friends with her husband. Of course we have justified what we are doing with each other by saying ours is different and blah blah blah. It did bother me for the first few months. I ended it several times telling her I couldn’t do this to her husband. That it was wrong and I felt horrible about doing what we were doing to him and my W. She understood and felt the same about my W. But then we would text each other and start flirting again and then here we are going in 4 years later. I wasn’t as into in the beginning and now she isn’t as into it as before but yet she still keeps wanting to see me even when I’ve stopped it and have been incredibly mean to her trying to make her not like me and never want to talk to me again. It hasn’t worked. She keeps coming back and still wanting to talk and then eventually agreeing that she still wants to see me. She said I was her best friend and didn’t want to give that up what ever that means. She isn’t a stalker or over bearing or anything like that. Deep down I’m sure she wants to stop as well but for some reason she doesn’t want to stop even though she was the one who ended it last time.

[Summer08]

I’m friends with her husband. Of course we have justified what we are doing with each other by saying ours is different and blah blah blah. It did bother me for the first few months. I ended it several times telling her I couldn’t do this to her husband. That it was wrong and I felt horrible about doing what we were doing to him and my W. She understood and felt the same about my W. But then we would text each other and start flirting again and then here we are going in 4 years later. I wasn’t as into in the beginning and now she isn’t as into it as before but yet she still keeps wanting to see me even when I’ve stopped it and have been incredibly mean to her trying to make her not like me and never want to talk to me again. It hasn’t worked. She keeps coming back and still wanting to talk and then eventually agreeing that she still wants to see me. She said I was her best friend and didn’t want to give that up what ever that means. She isn’t a stalker or over bearing or anything like that. Deep down I’m sure she wants to stop as well but for some reason she doesn’t want to stop even though she was the one who ended it last time.

 

This will end badly. Maybe it's time to ask your wife for a divorce? At least give her a chance to find a good husband.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This will end badly. Maybe it's time to ask your wife for a divorce? At least give her a chance to find a good husband.

 

Yeah, I agree. I really thought you were sincere when you said you were stopping it, committed to your marriage. I think it's time to just divorce and let your wife find someone who cherishes her the way she deserves.

[wmacbride]

Yeah, I agree. I really thought you were sincere when you said you were stopping it, committed to your marriage. I think it's time to just divorce and let your wife find someone who cherishes her the way she deserves.

 

exactly. this has been going on for years and robbing his wife ( and the op's husband ) of the opportunity to have a full and loving relationship with someone who really cares.

 

I'm sure the op thinks he does care about his wife, but you don't treat someone you car about with this level of disrespect. You don't continue, day after day, to make plans to disrespect someone, and them blame them when your marriage isn't what you want it to be.

 

In the end, a person has to live with themselves, and in the op's shoes, I would really wonder how and why I could be okay with this sort of extended deception. What would that say about me, as a person?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

exactly. this has been going on for years and robbing his wife ( and the op's husband ) of the opportunity to have a full and loving relationship with someone who really cares.

 

I'm sure the op thinks he does care about his wife, but you don't treat someone you car about with this level of disrespect. You don't continue, day after day, to make plans to disrespect someone, and them blame them when your marriage isn't what you want it to be.

 

In the end, a person has to live with themselves, and in the op's shoes, I would really wonder how and why I could be okay with this sort of extended deception. What would that say about me, as a person?

 

That you had a super-human ability to handle stress, I would imagine! :lmao: (Seriously, I can't imagine how stressful it would be to constantly be on guard to keep stories straight).

[Yosemite]

W showed me he message because she was mad at ow for something entirely non related. No suspicion. No burner phone. We text all the time from morning till bed time when we can.

 

You text the OW all day on your regular phone? And you’ve been doing this texting off and on for four years? Sorry, but I think your wife knows. She knows and does nothing because she’s also having an affair or she’s staying until the kids are grown because she needs the money you contribute to the household.

 

How do your kids not see you on the phone all day and ask what you’re doing and who you’re texting? Are you taking your phone with you everywhere you go in the house? You admit that you’re distracted and distant from your wife and kids. Add all that together and it’s enough for most people to get suspicious. And you probably won’t let your wife or kids borrow/use your phone either which is another red flag. If your wife isn’t in denial, she knows something is going on. She may not know who you’re having an affair with, but she probably knows that you’re cheating. And after four years she may not even care anymore.

 

So she contacted my wife one night telling her how beautiful she looked. I heard about it and texted ow why she was texting her.

 

W showed me he message because she was mad at ow for something entirely non related.

 

Mad that the OW called her beautiful? Something’s not adding up. I think your wife is trying to gauge your feelings about the OW to see if that’s who you’re cheating with.

 

How do you act around the OW when her husband and your wife are around?