ren01 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. More information: - Age gap is big: 11 years - Different working hours, he works retail hours, I work office hours - He puts his work first so I never asked him anything if he says he needs to work So the story goes like this. I found out that he has been seeing another person as the seek me out. She told me they they have been together for 7 months and they did everything. Boyfriend will go over to spend nights at her place and she at his place. Boyfriend will take leave from work to accompany her out for shopping. After finding out about this, he told me that he wants me to stay but at the same time, he's not willing to let go or cut contact with the person. It's been a month and they are still in constant contact, messaging everyday/ minute, calling each other at night and talk on the phone. He told me that I'm being oversensitive, that there is nothing with him and the other person. But seeing his action this month, I feel that I am like the third wheel in this relationship. Whatever the other person says has more power over what I say. An example is that i have to wait 3 weeks for him to change out the apps picture that he put up just for her, after 2 days, he changed it back to the same picture because she asked to. One more example, he's willing to wake up 6am to meet this person while i ask to meet at 8am and he says no, he wants to sleep. I do not understand his thinking. What is he trying to do? Who does he want in this situation? He wouldn't talk to me. Everytime i call, he wouldn't answer. Or when he call back, it will only be for a minute. Can someone help me? I don't know what I should be doing now. He's not willing to tell me to go and he's not willing to tell the other person to go. Also, he told the other person that he has no feelings for me and the reason he's here is because he owe me gratitude and his parents like me more that the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Can someone help me? I don't know what I should be doing now. He's not willing to tell me to go and he's not willing to tell the other person to go. Also, he told the other person that he has no feelings for me and the reason he's here is because he owe me gratitude and his parents like me more that the other person. And why cant you just leave? If someone did what he is doing to me, you could not make me stay for anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art Vandelay Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 So, you're in a polygamous relationship with this guy. Is that what you want? Because if it isn't it's clear what you have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 That's ridiculous. You're letting him have his cake and eat it too. A healthy polyamorous relationship isn't even like this. Just totally cut him out! Btw, nice user name, OP! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 I don't know what I should be doing now. You should be telling him that he's a giant douche and that you never want to see his cheating face ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 You are waiting for him to come to his senses? Yeah? I know this because I was where you are at now. Let me tell you something. A relationship is for both people to enjoy, not just him. I'm not going to ask you if you think you deserve this and yada, yada yada. I'm going to say right now don't be his Frankenstein. He is not your master. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 I do not understand his thinking. What is he trying to do? Who does he want in this situation? He wouldn't talk to me. Everytime i call, he wouldn't answer. Or when he call back, it will only be for a minute. He's not invested in you anymore. I hate to sound harsh but you've become a benefit he can use when he gets home. That's about it. His interest is now with someone else -- and why wouldn't he behave the way he does when you allow it. You teach him you're a doormat and he'll treat you like one. Can someone help me? I don't know what I should be doing now. He's not willing to tell me to go and he's not willing to tell the other person to go. You have no ability to make that decision for yourself? I mean he is actively cheating and you're waiting for him to decide your fate? Also, he told the other person that he has no feelings for me and the reason he's here is because he owe me gratitude and his parents like me more that the other person. There you have it. Even with that you're still sitting there. How much more clearer does it have to get for you to wake up? Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. More information: - Age gap is big: 11 years - Different working hours, he works retail hours, I work office hours - He puts his work first so I never asked him anything if he says he needs to work So the story goes like this. I found out that he has been seeing another person as the seek me out. She told me they they have been together for 7 months and they did everything. Boyfriend will go over to spend nights at her place and she at his place. Boyfriend will take leave from work to accompany her out for shopping. After finding out about this, he told me that he wants me to stay but at the same time, he's not willing to let go or cut contact with the person. It's been a month and they are still in constant contact, messaging everyday/ minute, calling each other at night and talk on the phone. He told me that I'm being oversensitive, that there is nothing with him and the other person. But seeing his action this month, I feel that I am like the third wheel in this relationship. Whatever the other person says has more power over what I say. An example is that i have to wait 3 weeks for him to change out the apps picture that he put up just for her, after 2 days, he changed it back to the same picture because she asked to. One more example, he's willing to wake up 6am to meet this person while i ask to meet at 8am and he says no, he wants to sleep. I do not understand his thinking. What is he trying to do? Who does he want in this situation? He wouldn't talk to me. Everytime i call, he wouldn't answer. Or when he call back, it will only be for a minute. Can someone help me? I don't know what I should be doing now. He's not willing to tell me to go and he's not willing to tell the other person to go. Also, he told the other person that he has no feelings for me and the reason he's here is because he owe me gratitude and his parents like me more that the other person. Hi ren01, First of all, I am so sorry you are going through all of this - it must be such a strain on you. You say:- "... I found out that he has been seeing another person as the seek me out. She told me they they have been together for 7 months and they did everything ..." Nothing else really needed to be said .... personally I think you should have kicked him out and thrown all his possessions out the door after him "... Boyfriend will go over to spend nights at her place and she at his place ..." Well let them get on with it - get him out of your life pronto! "... Boyfriend will take leave from work to accompany her out for shopping ..." Really? ..... Again, let them get on with it! "... After finding out about this, he told me that he wants me to stay but at the same time, he's not willing to let go or cut contact with the person ..." So, he wants to have his cake and eat it - NO NO NO NO - it doesn't work like this!! You are being so disrespected! "... It's been a month and they are still in constant contact, messaging everyday/ minute, calling each other at night and talk on the phone ..." So, a month later and you are still putting up with this? Why? You are worth a whole lot more than this - GET RID OF HIM! "... He told me that I'm being oversensitive, that there is nothing with him and the other person ..." Please don't tell me that you believe this? And NO - you are not being oversensitive - he is being a total selfish ***hole. "... But seeing his action this month, I feel that I am like the third wheel in this relationship ..." Yep - there are three people in this relationship "... Whatever the other person says has more power over what I say. An example is that i have to wait 3 weeks for him to change out the apps picture that he put up just for her, after 2 days, he changed it back to the same picture because she asked to. One more example, he's willing to wake up 6am to meet this person while i ask to meet at 8am and he says no, he wants to sleep ..." It sounds like you are now his back up plan if they don't work out "... I do not understand his thinking. What is he trying to do? ..." His thinking is that he is clever enough to string you along .... he is trying to have his cake and eat it - until you say enough is enough! "... Who does he want in this situation? He wouldn't talk to me. Everytime i call, he wouldn't answer. Or when he call back, it will only be for a minute ..." He wants both of you whilst he makes his mind up. You seem to be hanging around in the background for him, as and when he wants to contact you "... I don't know what I should be doing now ..." You should be saying goodbye to him ... and don't look back "... He's not willing to tell me to go and he's not willing to tell the other person to go." Don't wait a minute longer for him to make his mind up .... he is treating you terribly - he is totally disrespecting you .... END THIS NOW! You can do far better than being with this selfish, horrible pig! Being on your own would be heaps better than staying in a relationship such as this - and I use the word "relationship" very loosely. Get rid of him .... move on ... and don't take any more of his b/s**t. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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