He left without saying goodbye?

[Noah22]

Hello.

 

I am in a lot of pain right now. This summer I met a guy at my university. I was on a summer program for 3 months in the UK and he was a full time student there.

 

We met unexpectedly with me encountering him 3 hours ago before we officially saw each other face to face but he had already seen me. I had not noticed him as I was busy taking photos.

However we did encounter each other again and I saw him staring at me constantly. I was immediately attracted to him. It was mutual attraction from the first sight and we had eye contact multiple times on the first time itself.

 

I didnt see for 6 days him after that day but I did think of him. However the next week he started coming to the university (even though the term was over) as he was an active member of a university based political organization.

 

There were holding rallies and protests throughout the next 2 weeks and he was constantly running to get the protests done. He was also a student representative of his department. Very well known and had lot of contacts and had people flocking him all the time.

 

We began seeing each other frequently and we had extremely intense eye contact. Whenever we encountered each other, he would stare at me without blinking and one moment was so intense that I had completely blacked out because of the way he stared at me. It aas as if he was seeing through me.

I really liked him so I always tried to match his stares but his eyes were so intense and penetrating that I could not hold the gaze for long.

 

By the next week, he started seeking a lot of attention around me. He would get loud, crack jokes and even talk on the phone either in front of me or around me. He even laid down next to my seat and talked on the phone and kept coming to the places I was sitting in. I tried to smile but he wouldnt. He would just keep staring and seek attention.

 

Finally, I understood that he was not going to initiate and I decided to talk to him. We were all alone when we talked for the first time. That day he smiled at me when I gave him a big smile and he immediately followed me. I asked him about his protests and congratulated him for his effort which lead to his victory.

 

Then he put his arm on my shoulder and asked me if we had seen each other before. I said no and I think this upset him. He told me his name and we shook hands and he left. He was busy throughout the day and we shared a smile when we saw each other again.

 

I had expected more conversations but he stopped talkjng to me. He did stare at me and seek attention but would ignore me. I was unhappy with his behaviour but I wanted to talk because my course was going to end and I would leave for the summer.

 

But I didnt see him after until a week later he was sitting outside and I saw him look towards the main building (the place we first met and saw each other quite a lot )

 

I never saw him after that and later on was told that he finished his degree and left for his home country.

This really broke my heart. I have cried a lot. No goodbye, norhing. I couldnt even see him properly. Nor could he.

 

I dont understand why he chose to pursue me when he knew he was leaving. And why didnt he tell me that he was going away?

 

The saddest part was him not even comimg for his graduation ceremony. He graduated but he never returned to the university campus. He was the student rep, an active member of the school community, his friends were there but he did not come for his graduation.

 

Throughout these 4 months, I have kept receiving dreams in which I see him. I dont know why.

 

I am in a lot of pain as I really admired and liked him. Why did he act on his feelings and then leave like this and never come back??

[Zahara]

I'm sorry you are hurting. It doesn't seem like he owed you anything and I am not sure why you feel this much hurt over someone you hardly knew except for stares and maybe a few run-ins. I don't see where he pursued you and why this has absolutely torn you apart.

[1966Seahorse]

Hi Noah22,

 

I am sorry you are feeling the way you are, however I am kind of struggling with your post at the moment.

 

I see your thread is posted in "breaks and breaking up" but .... when exactly were you ever a couple? As far as I can tell ... at no time.

 

I am also struggling to see when he pursued you, as you state - as I don't read anything about pursuing, just a lot of eye contact.

 

You say:-

 

"... This really broke my heart. I have cried a lot. No goodbye, nothing. I couldnt even see him properly. Nor could he ..."

 

Why have you cried a lot? He was never a part of your life, and why did he owe you a "goodbye"?

 

"... And why didnt he tell me that he was going away? ..."

 

Er ... why did he have to?

 

"... Throughout these 4 months, I have kept receiving dreams in which I see him. I dont know why ..."

 

Because you are infatuated with him .... unfortunately I don't see that he was with you

 

"... I am in a lot of pain as I really admired and liked him. Why did he act on his feelings and then leave like this and never come back??"

 

Why are you in a lot of pain? Why did he leave what exactly? There wasn't anything there in the first place!

 

I am sorry if this sounds harsh ... I don't mean it to ... but I think you just had a major crush on this man ... admittedly I can't comment on all the eye contact that went on, but it obviously meant a lot more to you than it did to him.

 

If you can expand on anything that I have said - please feel free to!

 

I do wish you well.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I am sorry you're feeling so sad and I don't wish to be unkind, but I think you need to gain some healthy perspective: he didn't pursue you, and he didn't act on his feelings.

 

All he did was stare. And spoke to you...once?

 

He never initiated conversation, so I don't see why he would seek you out to say goodbye to you or even tell you he was leaving. You two were virtually strangers, apart from eye contact.

 

Your whole post has got me confused, to be honest. You barely knew him and it sounds as though he never made any solid effort to get to know you, so I am having a hard time determining what you liked about him, exactly.

[Noah22]

OP, I am sorry you're feeling so sad and I don't wish to be unkind, but I think you need to gain some healthy perspective: he didn't pursue you, and he didn't act on his feelings.

 

All he did was stare. And spoke to you...once?

 

He never initiated conversation, so I don't see why he would seek you out to say goodbye to you or even tell you he was leaving. You two were virtually strangers, apart from eye contact.

 

Your whole post has got me confused, to be honest. You barely knew him and it sounds as though he never made any solid effort to get to know you, so I am having a hard time determining what you liked about him, exactly.

 

The post clearly states he kept coming to me and would do various things for me to notice? Like I clearly wrote he came and laid down beside me and that wasnt unitentional. Its not just me. Even his friend had noticed it.

 

And if someone is standing and staring at me when both of us are alone, it is obvious they want to talk but want the other person to start? Is that hard?

[marky00]

You two could have done all the flirting in the world but you never even talked directly to each other so the flirting amounted to nothing.

 

 

Do you want to be someone who doesn't even have the confidence or desire to talk to you directly?

[Noah22]

You two could have done all the flirting in the world but you never even talked directly to each other so the flirting amounted to nothing.

 

I didnt initiate any flirting simply out of fear that he would think I'm easy. It was him. And I tried to chat but he wasnt happy when I said no in response to his have we met before. Is that my fault? :/

[Zahara]

The post clearly states he kept coming to me and would do various things for me to notice? Like I clearly wrote he came and laid down beside me and that wasnt unitentional. Its not just me. Even his friend had noticed it.

 

And if someone is standing and staring at me when both of us are alone, it is obvious they want to talk but want the other person to start? Is that hard?

 

I still don't get where he pursued you and why he owes you anything. He may have been flirting but there wasn't any sort of connection that warrants the pain you say you are experiencing. Maybe some minor level of disappointment but crying a lot and feeling like you have experienced a great loss is irrational.

 

You may have magnified/romanticized his attention to such an extent that this has now crushed you.

 

Try to reflect on why you attached to someone you hardly knew/didn't even know so quickly and why it's affecting you so much.

[Noah22]

I still don't get where he pursued you and why he owes you anything. He may have been flirting but there wasn't any sort of connection that warrants the pain you say you are experiencing. Maybe some minor level of disappointment but crying a lot and feeling like you have experienced a great loss is irrational.

 

You may have magnified/romanticized his attention to such an extent that this has now crushed you.

 

Try to reflect on why you attached to someone you hardly knew/didn't even know so quickly and why it's affecting you so much.

 

If you cant understand where then you shouldnt answer. And you werent in my place or his place to understand any connection so kindly leave it.

And anyways this thread has been requested for deletion so

[Zahara]

If you cant understand where then you shouldnt answer. And you werent in my place or his place to understand any connection so kindly leave it.

And anyways this thread has been requested for deletion so

 

We understand your post, it's just that we can't understand your reaction.

 

In any case, good luck to you. I hope you get through this.

[marky00]

I didnt initiate any flirting simply out of fear that he would think I'm easy. It was him. And I tried to chat but he wasnt happy when I said no in response to his have we met before. Is that my fault? :/

 

Well to be honest, I don't blame him. He was just giving you that cliché flirt line to be funny I would think. He knows you hadn't met before but you could have played along if u wanted to.

 

 

I didn't say you flirted, it's obvious you didn't do that. But he has only flirted with you, there has been nothing in the way of a conversation.

 

 

I don't know about you but I have never known a couple or a budding relationship that started out with neither person saying more than 3 words

 

 

You got to accept that in life, sometimes you only get one chance at things. Maybe next time when someone comes up to you and asks if you have met before, you can go along with it and see where it leads. But always guard your heart because nothing is guaranteed.

 

 

Your obviously quite young. Most of the people on this site have been through traumatic breakups from very long relationships, marriages and often kids are sometimes kids are involved etc. So, these people are just looking at your situation in relative terms. Sure, this situation is bothering you because you liked this guy but you will face much worse heartache in the future so you might as well work on becoming a bit stronger.

Edited October 25, 2017 by marky00

[ExpatInItaly]

The post clearly states he kept coming to me and would do various things for me to notice? Like I clearly wrote he came and laid down beside me and that wasnt unitentional. Its not just me. Even his friend had noticed it.

 

And if someone is standing and staring at me when both of us are alone, it is obvious they want to talk but want the other person to start? Is that hard?

 

I understood your post, OP.

 

The problem is that he never made any real effort to talk to you or ask you out. The behaviour you're describing isn't tantamount to pursuing you; otherwise, you would have at least had a date. Staring, coming to lay beside you once and talking to once isn't the same thing.

 

I'm sorry, as I can see you're quite distressed, but I very much think you built this up in your head to be much more than it actually was. I know you don't like the responses you're getting in this thread, but I don't think I sugar-coating it and not giving our honest opinions would help you.

[Noah22]

I understood your post, OP.

 

The problem is that he never made any real effort to talk to you or ask you out. The behaviour you're describing isn't tantamount to pursuing you; otherwise, you would have at least had a date. Staring, coming to lay beside you once and talking to once isn't the same thing.

 

I'm sorry, as I can see you're quite distressed, but I very much think you built this up in your head to be much more than it actually was. I know you don't like the responses you're getting in this thread, but I don't think I sugar-coating it and not giving our honest opinions would help you.

 

The thing is I know better what he did alright? Its not about liking the responses. It is what I experienced which you cant fathom without being in my place.

He didnt keep hanging around me for no reason to the point where people picked it up and told me to talk to him because thats what he wanted.

 

His issue was unable to talk himself and kept wanting me to start which I did. Its another thing that he didnt like my response.

 

So of you dont think anything inspite of everyone saying go and talk because he clearly wants something, I cant help you.

[Noah22]

Well to be honest, I don't blame him. He was just giving you that cliché flirt line to be funny I would think. He knows you hadn't met before but you could have played along if u wanted to.

 

 

I didn't say you flirted, it's obvious you didn't do that. But he has only flirted with you, there has been nothing in

 

 

I don't know about you but I have never known a couple or a budding relationship that started out with neither person saying more than 3 words

 

 

You got to accept that in life, sometimes you only get one chance at things. Maybe next time when someone comes up to you and asks if you have met before, you can go along with it and see where it leads. But always guard your heart because nothing is guaranteed.

 

 

Your obviously quite young. Most of the people on this site have been through traumatic breakups from very long relationships, marriages and often kids are sometimes kids are involved etc. So, these people are just looking at your situation in relative terms. Sure, this situation is bothering you because you liked this guy but you will face much worse heartache in the future so you might as well work on becoming a bit stronger.

 

Didnt I mention I asked him about his stuff he was doing and even congratulated him? How is it just 3 words?

 

And he wasnt being funny. He was seriois throughoit our conversation.

 

And I am not very young. I am 26 for your info. He, however is younger. He is 23.

 

I know I ruined it by saying no. He was definitely annoyed by that. You dont have to remind me of that.

[ExpatInItaly]

Given that you've refuted nearly every thought presented here, and are convinced he was into you, I am curious:

 

Why do you think he left without saying goodbye?

Edited October 25, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[Noah22]

Given that you've refuted nearly every thought presented here, and are convinced he was into you, I am curious:

 

Why do you think he left without saying goodbye?

 

God why dont you let it be? You are so hell bent on proving he wasnt into me. Then let it be if it helps you sleep at night.

 

I ll tell you why. Because he was pressed with my response. He didnt like the no he got in response of have we met before. It was after that he started acting cold. It was not mature but it doesnt make him bad or anything.

[marky00]

Didnt I mention I asked him about his stuff he was doing and even congratulated him? How is it just 3 words?

 

 

Hmmm, what matters then is what he said back to you. It's two sided healthy conversations that are required.

 

 

Anyway, seems your shooting all suggestions down in flames so I'm starting to think you must be right. This guy may very well be into you after all

[Noah22]

Given that you've refuted nearly every thought presented here, and are convinced he was into you, I am curious:

 

Why do you think he left without saying goodbye?

 

And I really like how you branded mutual attraction which my post clearly states as something I built it up in my head. Stay away from my thread because I am no longer wanting answers on this and have asked for deletion

[Noah22]

Hmmm, what matters then is what he said back to you. It's two sided healthy conversations that are required.

 

 

Anyway, seems your shooting all suggestions down in flames so I'm starting to think you must be right. This guy may very well be into you after all

 

So you think he didnt talk to me? I didnt know you can speak on someone else's experiences.

What makes you think he didnt say anything? Because if you think that way, too bad for you because he did provide all the details of the things he was doing Sorry but your assumption got shot down.

[marky00]

So you think he didnt talk to me? I didnt know you can speak on someone else's experiences.

What makes you think he didnt say anything? Because if you think that way, too bad for you because he did provide all the details of the things he was doing Sorry but your assumption got shot down.

 

I can only go on the info you have given us. I read your initial post several times. Maybe you should do the same.

[Noah22]

Hmmm, what matters then is what he said back to you. It's two sided healthy conversations that are required.

 

 

Anyway, seems your shooting all suggestions down in flames so I'm starting to think you must be right. This guy may very well be into you after all

 

Oh no. He actually hated me. He hated me so much that he would keep staring and even smiling and keep hanging around me and even talk loudly while looking which made everyone tell me to go and talk to him because they all felt he clearly wanted something from me.

 

Happy?

[Noah22]

I can only go on the info you have given us. I read your initial post several times. Maybe you should do the same.

 

You need to stop assuming. Your assumptions are wrong. You said I am very young when I am not. You said we only shared 3 words when we did not. I am sorry but thats how it is. Assuming without knowing facts is dangerous.

[ExpatInItaly]

God why dont you let it be? You are so hell bent on proving he wasnt into me. Then let it be if it helps you sleep at night.

 

I ll tell you why. Because he was pressed with my response. He didnt like the no he got in response of have we met before. It was after that he started acting cold. It was not mature but it doesnt make him bad or anything.

 

Because you came here asking for advice.

 

Being rude to those of us who took the time to read and respond to you is uncalled-for.

[marky00]

Most of your initial post talks about eye contact, him hanging around, him on the phone etc. People flirt all the time. Night clubs are a classic example. But in my book, unless you get down to talking in a healthy two-sided conversation (and its consistent), then it's just flirting, nothing more.

[Noah22]

Because you came here asking for advice.

 

Being rude to those of us who took the time to read and respond to you is uncalled-for.

 

Yes so when it comes to advice you dont go around making hurtful comments. All you people did was make it seem like I was infatuated with him and he was someone who wasnt when its written clearly that from the 1st day, it was him NOT me. He showed more interest then I reciprocated after being sure.

 

Also I mentioned he was political and there were rallies, him being student rep, protests etc. Mentioned he was always doing protests. Thats how we started seeing each other.

 

I can differentiate between a regular stare or someone who has no interest in making moves and someone who wants. There is a guy at college and he stares too but he has done nothing. I dont like him and I know its nothing deep. Hes just seeing.

 

If he didnt show any signs, I am not stupid to run after someone just because he stares.