Author No_Go Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 See even extroverts get paralyzed! Cold approaches are not for everyone, they defeat any logic:) I did that as well. I even have a thread about it. Some guy approached me, said hello, and I opened my mouth, nothing came out and I ran away lol. I did well with online because it's all planed ahead of time, no surprises and no spontaneity needed. Cold approaches paralyzed me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 You have created a literal void to be filled :lmao: I thought this will motivate me to meet the right person but yeah, I realize it is a bit pathetic... I'm thinking whether this weirded out the guy from the thread when he was over at my home - he asked me why and I just told him I'm planning 5 years ahead; he may have freaked out hearing this. Omg, this would have creeped me out big time!! I do remember that your crush started to flake on you right after he went to your place. If a guy I'm trying to date just assumes that his future girlfriend/wife would move into HIS house and fit her belongings into HIS space and furniture, that would send me running for the hills!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Omg, this would have creeped me out big time!! I do remember that your crush started to flake on you right after he went to your place. If a guy I'm trying to date just assumes that his future girlfriend/wife would move into HIS house and fit her belongings into HIS space and furniture, that would send me running for the hills!! I assume many super rich and powerful men do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 I mean I didn't say anything explicit about these plans but he may have got the idea... I also have a ton of cookware but I don't cook (I got it for the same reason - let's call it future planning...) and he was asking questions about that as well. Yikes if this killed it (yep, he got flaky right after the night at home... that's why i thought it is sexual hangup) Omg, this would have creeped me out big time!! I do remember that your crush started to flake on you right after he went to your place. If a guy I'm trying to date just assumes that his future girlfriend/wife would move into HIS house and fit her belongings into HIS space and furniture, that would send me running for the hills!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 I assume many super rich and powerful men do that? They have completely different motivation. I'm neither rich nor powerful, just wanted to ensure everything is in place and ready, and make it very easy for whoever joins me in my path He may or may not misunderstood this but now it is too late... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I mean I didn't say anything explicit about these plans but he may have got the idea... I also have a ton of cookware but I don't cook (I got it for the same reason - let's call it future planning...) and he was asking questions about that as well. Yikes if this killed it (yep, he got flaky right after the night at home... that's why i thought it is sexual hangup) Again, you may come across as very rigid and pragmatic here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Omg, this would have creeped me out big time!! I do remember that your crush started to flake on you right after he went to your place. If a guy I'm trying to date just assumes that his future girlfriend/wife would move into HIS house and fit her belongings into HIS space and furniture, that would send me running for the hills!! Oh my gosh, I so agree!!!! No_Go. He .... saw all that and....you told him .... Uhhhh I think we cracked the case right here 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 They have completely different motivation. I'm neither rich nor powerful, just wanted to ensure everything is in place and ready, and make it very easy for whoever joins me in my path He may or may not misunderstood this but now it is too late... I understand, but the outcomes are observable equivalent. My friend told me a story from her college days. She and another female classmate had to stay late in the computer lab one night, and they asked some guy (with a nice new car) for a ride home. The guy only let them sit at the back, and guess why? He said the front seat next to his driver's seat was reserved for his future girlfriend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Omg, this would have creeped me out big time!! I do remember that your crush started to flake on you right after he went to your place. If a guy I'm trying to date just assumes that his future girlfriend/wife would move into HIS house and fit her belongings into HIS space and furniture, that would send me running for the hills!! Big red flashing lights!! No_go: What happened 'exactly' when he visited you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 he saw a baby room or ...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I went back to her previous thread and No_go started worrying about him possibly ghosting before their home date. Then he went away for a week and he was silent that week. Then he came back, had the home date and it went down hill from there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 yea he "lukewarm" early on...but no go likes that 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 No_go: What happened 'exactly' when he visited you? I'm freaking out here... Ok, let me try to remember the sequence of events. He was a little remote the week before coming home. Actually he wanted to cook at home but didn't clarify his or mine, so I assumed mine and invited him over. Then we stayed outside and he was trying to get information of what is visible from my garden (including billboards etc). He got in - saw all the rooms. I explained I'm just planning 5 years ahead, no babies mentioned. We went to the kitchen - he made a comment it's big (enough for dancing), then he started to cook and I helped him. He commented on the cookware because I don't really know how to use it yet. He rest was trying to tame my cat, eating, and chatting on the couch for few hours. He sat on the couch and stupid me sat on the armchair instead of next to him so it was a little awkward. Then we hugged, hugged again, and he walked away in the rain... Gosh I remember details but not sure I noticed freaking out during the meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 It all sounds normal. It's also normal to plan 5 years ahead when we buy a home, it is the biggest and most important purchase a person will make. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Yeah I think I sensed lukewarming right after the 3rd meet... So prior to the home one... I also acted dumb though... Although I may appear like I 'chased' him here, it is quite possible he didn't get I'm attracted at all. I've never gave a 'flirty' sign... Except texting about insects and cats. yea he "lukewarm" early on...but no go likes that Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Friendship is a type of relationship. Friendship can't be one sided. It takes effort and interest from all parties involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 yea he "lukewarm" early on...but no go likes that Im not so sure about that.....My guess is if he acted like the rest of the heterosexual male population that was supposedly interested.. then we might have had another ******I think it's going to happen soon!**** TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 it is quite possible he didn't get that I'm attracted at all. I've never gave a 'flirty' sign... Except texting about insects and cats. Hm. Consider the following, from the first few pages of your epic thread. If he apologized for lack of action, I guess he knew that you were attracted. You also have evidently had a conversation where he let you know he's not attracted and he doesn't think you are compatible for a relationship, which was discussed on other thread. I haven't pointed this out to make you feel bad. It's a concise example of your "spinning" whatever happens to fit your narrative of whatever moment. What is the reality? Regarding flirting - 'my way' I.e. subtle - yes, a lot I think at least I made it abundantly clear I'm interested. we were curled up like cats on my couch, eye contact yes, some hugs yes, But yes, he's worried and apologetic for lack of action He was at first apologizing for lack of action . Then about how we enjoyed yesterday. And then something very specific we were talking he'll do and he did in great detail 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Sorry missed the next page Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Im not so sure about that.....My guess is if he acted like the rest of the heterosexual male population that was supposedly interested.. then we might have had another ******I think it's going to happen soon!**** TFY :lmao: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I lived in a poly triad with my wife and our girlfriend for 30 years. We went out as a threesome and vacationed as such. We just felt that we did not need anyone's approval of our lifestyle so only those with a need to know, knew. It is surprising how a wedding ring leads people to assume things. Nothing wrong with a married couple and the wife's best friend go out or at home hosting guests. If anyone knew they did not tell us. Not until I started to post online did I realize how inflexible many people are. They are handed monogamy with no alternatives but divorce. I think monogamy is great. We have been monogamous for the last 7 years of our 45 year marriage. If is works for you, great. However it does not work for 50% of marriages and the only out is to first destroy the life you built with your spouse before you can love another. Also funny how people rather cheat within the context of monogamy than find an alternative that works for them. We are taught at a very young age that we can only have sex with one person. We can only love one person in marriage. That just is not so. Our marriage has been great. Better than I could ever imagine. No one person can fulfill the needs of another or expect their spouse to fulfill them all. I think everyone is entitled to have whatever relationship that works for them. Why leave your spouse because she cannot or will not fulfill a few of your needs? The writers of the Bible pushed monogamy but they had concubines. Society created monogamy. It is not a natural state for mammals. Hence all the cheating going on. I seldom suggest polyamory because it is much harder than monogamy. It requires what most relationships lack, good communication and an openness to alternative lifestyles. There are many monogamous police out there ready to pounce on those who do not think as they do. They feel that they hold the moral high ground despite half of them divorced or heading that way. They rather go down with the monogamy ship than seek the safety of another ship. We do not have true monogamy. We have serial monogamy where you first have to destroy what you have to get what you want. That supposedly is better. What I do not get is why do people stigmatize alternative relationships even when they work better than theirs. So many people rather drown in a pool of their own morality rather than find a new morality that works for them. Rethinking monogamy today - CNN Polyamory: When three isn't a crowd - CNN 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Omg, this would have creeped me out big time!! I do remember that your crush started to flake on you right after he went to your place. If a guy I'm trying to date just assumes that his future girlfriend/wife would move into HIS house and fit her belongings into HIS space and furniture, that would send me running for the hills!! This would have scared me to death, it seriously sounds like something out of a horror film. You might as well have worn a sign that said "I am seeking a man whose exact dimensions fit into the man-shaped space I have reserved on my bed". At least now we know what happened. No_Go, you do not live a life with empty drawers and spaces. Use up every damn drawer, even the ones in your head; fill them with dreams, ambitions, and goals for yourself. Use all your cookware---you are too old to not know how to cook well. And when the next man comes over you can take pride in showing off your home and your life, for yourself. If the next man wants to fit in he won't be filling a void, but adding to an already complete picture. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 This would have scared me to death, it seriously sounds like something out of a horror film. You might as well have worn a sign that said "I am seeking a man whose exact dimensions fit into the man-shaped space I have reserved on my bed". At least now we know what happened. I respectfully disagree. I thought this is material for a sit-com As creepy as they are, I still can sort of "understand" the baby room and the empty drawers, but the cookware?! Imagine you are a man and you don't cook and you amass a collection of cookware, doesn't it scream controlling? Basically you're saying loud and clear that one pre-requisite for being your partner is to cook for you. Not that the baby room and empty drawers don't scream control freak!! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
EthanSPK Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Also funny how people rather cheat within the context of monogamy than find an alternative that works for them. We are taught at a very young age that we can only have sex with one person. We can only love one person in marriage. That just is not so. Our marriage has been great. Better than I could ever imagine. No one person can fulfill the needs of another or expect their spouse to fulfill them all. I think everyone is entitled to have whatever relationship that works for them. Why leave your spouse because she cannot or will not fulfill a few of your needs? The writers of the Bible pushed monogamy but they had concubines. Society created monogamy. It is not a natural state for mammals. Hence all the cheating going on. I seldom suggest polyamory because it is much harder than monogamy. It requires what most relationships lack, good communication and an openness to alternative lifestyles. There are many monogamous police out there ready to pounce on those who do not think as they do. They feel that they hold the moral high ground despite half of them divorced or heading that way. They rather go down with the monogamy ship than seek the safety of another ship. We do not have true monogamy. We have serial monogamy where you first have to destroy what you have to get what you want. That supposedly is better. What I do not get is why do people stigmatize alternative relationships even when they work better than theirs. So many people rather drown in a pool of their own morality rather than find a new morality that works for them. Oh, please... I might be a virgin but am smart enough to know that sex in humans is not just a natural issue, it also has a cultural side. Are you suggesting that people cheat because they are somehow biologically programmed to do so? How can you prove that? Cheaters are selfish liars, no matter how you put it - that's what they are. Btw I've never been told that I must have sex with only one person, not even my sisters. My parents never talked to me or them about sex, at least not that much. And even so, we're all monogamous. It's not like someone came to us and said "you musn't do the dirty thing with more than one person at the same time, otherwise you are a bad person and will burn in hell!!!". About that 'communication and openness' thing, I call it being manipulative. A few days ago I came across a polyamory facebook group full of millenials who cried and whined about their unsuccessful polyamorous relationships. Virtually everyone from that circle was coopted by radicalised feminists and cultural marxists... "You're a cis white monogamous male? So you must be a bloody bigot who hates women! But there's a way out! Join us, let your GF do the bangarang with a bunch of lads while you masturbate alone on the corner, and maybe, just maybe, we will stop hating on you" Oh and don't get me started about how they treat women. If you're not part of the freak show, you don't exist for them. And I thought men had it hard enough... They're manipulative, they use all kinds of tricks to convince others to join them. Sophistry is strong in them. If polyamory is so good, why is it only practised by a small amount of people who almost always fail doing so? Love is practically incompatible with letting your significant other have sex with others. No matter how some people are supposedly able to do so, most do not - it's a fact. Most people choose monogamy because we do not want to share the person we love, and because it feels nice. But of course we can always choose other types of relationships, like in muslim countries with Sharia law. See how well they work, especially for women. I'm sure they flee to the West to tell us how much they love living under those conditions! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I respectfully disagree. I thought this is material for a sit-com As creepy as they are, I still can sort of "understand" the baby room and the empty drawers, but the cookware?! Imagine you are a man and you don't cook and you amass a collection of cookware, doesn't it scream controlling? Basically you're saying loud and clear that one pre-requisite for being your partner is to cook for you. Not that the baby room and empty drawers don't scream control freak!! Incredibly controlling and creepy. For me, the drawers are the worst. "I've already selected the dresser we'll use in our life together!" I'm a new homeowner and I plan ahead more than anybody, so empty rooms don't strike me as a big deal, but the dresser and cookware and all of it together just creates an absurdly unrealistic expectation for what a potential partner would do. No_Go, you talk so much about wanting a full and developed individual. No strong individual wants to be slotted into someone else's completed life. You would be mortified if a man did that to you; I am sure this guy had a similar reaction. I think if it's a woman does this, it's more of a sitcom, but if it's a man, it's definitely horror material! Link to post Share on other sites
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