Cant accept it ***Updated***

[alterest]

Going through same thing here..... VERY hard facing the holidays without him. Had a huge holiday party that I thought would help, but it just made me miss him more and wish he was there with me. I just can't comprehend how someone I shared everything with for 11.5 years could just walk away and never contact me again - it's just left a huge hole in my soul that I'm starting to wonder if will ever heal. It has sloooooooooowly gotten better over the last 10 months, but the holidays are coming down on me like an avalanche. I was hoping I was better by now than I am..... It's just so hard to realize the relationship you thought was everything for so long obviously meant very little to the other person.

 

Hey, don't be harsh about it. Sometimes the dumper suffer too and they ignoring you could be any reason. Don't think about it and don't think that what you both have was little to the other person or so on, cause you can't know that. You only know what you feel and how you feel and think about them only put yourself reviving the past. Try to not focus on that and everytime you start to think about him go do anything else. Don't put yourself in overthinking and suffering so constantly cause it changes nothing about your situation.

[Jxmpy]

I know it's pretty hard. I'm face it right now too. But we have no option, right? And we need to look after us and heal and move on. Stuck in the past lead us to saddnes, and it's a terrible place to be with.

It will take a huge time to be over, but someday you will wake up and everything is going to be fine. Allow you to feel pain, to cry, to explore emotions. Don't hide it, cause it only increase your pain. But let your heart know that you will be over her sometime and you will find a new and excellent relationship if you want another one.

 

Yeah we have no option. I really hope one day I wake up and everything is fine and I’m happy again. It will take a lot of time no doubt.

[Jxmpy]

Going through same thing here..... VERY hard facing the holidays without him. Had a huge holiday party that I thought would help, but it just made me miss him more and wish he was there with me. I just can't comprehend how someone I shared everything with for 11.5 years could just walk away and never contact me again - it's just left a huge hole in my soul that I'm starting to wonder if will ever heal. It has sloooooooooowly gotten better over the last 10 months, but the holidays are coming down on me like an avalanche. I was hoping I was better by now than I am..... It's just so hard to realize the relationship you thought was everything for so long obviously meant very little to the other person.

 

I understand how you feel. Being ghosted is a terrible feeling. You will heal, it’s just the holidays were a trigger for us, and we have to get past this storm of emotions.

[Jxmpy]

I want to wish my ex girlfriend a merry Christmas. I feel as if I don’t, I would look hateful toward her. If you read my previous posts from months ago, Ive always wanted to reconcile with her. She’s the one who left me and hasn’t spoken a word to me since then. It’s been 3 months going on 4. On thanksgiving, I wished her a good one and she never responded. I know I probably look pitiful trying to reach out to her and wish her good holidays, but I truly love her and it’s hard for me not to give in. We’ve spent the last 3 years of Christmas together and I find it extremely difficult to just toss it out the window. I find it very sad that she rather spend the holidays and New Years alone, rather than be with a guy who loved her unconditionally.

[trustyourself]

I know this time of year is hard, but you are just setting yourself up for more hurt. I would really not recommend reaching out.

 

I understand you lover her, as I love my ex, but they chose to walk away. You need to let go. I spent a year pining, its really not worth it.

 

You will do what you want, and it seems you have made up your mind, but it will just hurt you if she does not respond. Time to let go.

[Jxmpy]

I know this time of year is hard, but you are just setting yourself up for more hurt. I would really not recommend reaching out.

 

I understand you lover her, as I love my ex, but they chose to walk away. You need to let go. I spent a year pining, its really not worth it.

 

You will do what you want, and it seems you have made up your mind, but it will just hurt you if she does not respond. Time to let go.

 

The ironic part is I know I am setting myself up for more hurt. It’s just a part of me cares so much about her that overrules that irony. Yeah they choose to walk away, which I cannot understand how people push away people who’s love is unconditional, especially with trust and respect. She most likely wouldn’t respond. Letting go seems to be inevitable for me lol. I just feel as it would be the last time I contact her. Though I have said that before, it’s the holidays that made that difficult for me.

[HumanMachine]

The ironic part is I know I am setting myself up for more hurt. It’s just a part of me cares so much about her that overrules that irony. Yeah they choose to walk away, which I cannot understand how people push away people who’s love is unconditional, especially with trust and respect. She most likely wouldn’t respond. Letting go seems to be inevitable for me lol. I just feel as it would be the last time I contact her. Though I have said that before, it’s the holidays that made that difficult for me.

 

It will be the last time until the next time. In a few days this stupid holiday period will be over and we will be back to our normal lives. Stay strong and do not contact! She didn’t even bother to respond to your previous contact, don’t make yourself look silly..

[d0nnivain]

You need to understand your own behavior. Every time you reach out you are secretly hoping that she will see your message & think oh, gee he still cares, I should go back with him. Not gonna happen. If you aren't blocked she's gonna see your name / number & think OMG when will this fool ever get the hint? She doesn't respond in the hope that you will stop sending her messages. She doesn't want to hear from you.

 

 

Send it if you must but understand it's futile. While you send it with good intentions, it's received with annoyance.

[Jxmpy]

You need to understand your own behavior. Every time you reach out you are secretly hoping that she will see your message & think oh, gee he still cares, I should go back with him. Not gonna happen. If you aren't blocked she's gonna see your name / number & think OMG when will this fool ever get the hint? She doesn't respond in the hope that you will stop sending her messages. She doesn't want to hear from you.

 

 

Send it if you must but understand it's futile. While you send it with good intentions, it's received with annoyance.

 

Of course I hope she would come to realize that. It’s hard for me not too reach out, because I want to reconcile. Yes I understand that she doesn’t, but I have a really hard time accepting that, because we had plans around this time of year. My sense of direction feels lost. I only continue to reach out, because I truly do love her and she did as well, until I was blindsided. That is why I find it extremely difficult to just let go. It hurts to know that my good wishes to her are only annoying.

[Jxmpy]

My ex girlfriend of three years broke up with me about 5 months ago. Ever since, I’ve found it hard to be truly happy in life. Even though it’s been 5 months, there is still pain lingering around. Yes I do delay some of the healing process by emailing her to work things out, but I really can’t help it. I’ve been 3 weeks no contact, and usually every 3 weeks I send an email. It’s really hard to let go of the woman I loved so much. I cannot find the inner strength to let go of her completely. Till this day, she hasn’t spoke to me once, and she never wished me a merry Christmas or happy new year. Yes I did wish her, because I still care for her. My birthday is coming up in February and i know I shouldn’t expect her to wish me a happy birthday, but of course I hope she will. She most likely won’t and it will hurt. I wished her a happy birthday 11 days after she broke up with me. I just want to be truly happy again.

[Happy Lemming]

She told you to go away, why don't you respect that.

 

Do you think bugging her & e-mailing her is going to get her back??

 

She didn't contact you at Christmas or New Years because she didn't want to give you false hope.

 

She is being LOUD & CLEAR, its over and she wants you to go away.

 

That being said, each day you "NO CONTACT" is a victory for you. You can get through this stay with no contact. You can do it.

 

How about I wish you a Happy "early" Birthday!!

[Jxmpy]

She told you to go away, why don't you respect that.

 

Do you think bugging her & e-mailing her is going to get her back??

 

She didn't contact you at Christmas or New Years because she didn't want to give you false hope.

 

She is being LOUD & CLEAR, its over and she wants you to go away.

 

That being said, each day you "NO CONTACT" is a victory for you. You can get through this stay with no contact. You can do it.

 

How about I wish you a Happy "early" Birthday!!

 

It seems that you have a very negative view towards break ups. I message her maybe once or twice a month. Do you really expect someone who was dumped to drop someone they love so much out of their life without a fight, esepcially after three years?

[Happy Lemming]

It seems that you have a very negative view towards break ups. I message her maybe once or twice a month. Do you really expect someone who was dumped to drop someone they love so much out of their life without a fight, esepcially after three years?

 

I don't have a negative view towards breakups, but when a woman breaks up with me and tells me to go away, as men we should listen. Its called being respectful and having dignity.

 

You may love her, but she doesn't love you... Is this fight supposed to convince her that she really does love you and she should come back to you?? Has this fight done any good, other than possibly scare her because you won't go away. Next thing you'll be stalking her.

 

The longer you prolong this, the longer it will take you to heal and move on with your life. Because like it or not, you will have to move on.

[Jxmpy]

I don't have a negative view towards breakups, but when a woman breaks up with me and tells me to go away, as men we should listen. Its called being respectful and having dignity.

 

You may love her, but she doesn't love you... Is this fight supposed to convince her that she really does love you and she should come back to you?? Has this fight done any good, other than possibly scare her because you won't go away. Next thing you'll be stalking her.

 

The longer you prolong this, the longer it will take you to heal and move on with your life. Because like it or not, you will have to move on.

 

I understand that we should respect their decision. I already acknowledged In the post that I am delaying my own healing. I know I am, but I’m human, and I let my emotions get to me sometimes. I know what we had was special, and for her to blindside me out of nowhere was horrible, so of course I fight for her. Of course it hasn’t done any good, but I have a heart and I cannot just let someone disappear without trying to solve things. I am mature enough to not stalk her or do some stupid things. I simply just try to work this out. Is there a point I should stop, yes of course, but it is very hard as for I am a man who loves deeply.

[Happy Lemming]

I understand that we should respect their decision. I already acknowledged In the post that I am delaying my own healing. I know I am, but I’m human, and I let my emotions get to me sometimes. I know what we had was special, and for her to blindside me out of nowhere was horrible, so of course I fight for her. Of course it hasn’t done any good, but I have a heart and I cannot just let someone disappear without trying to solve things. I am mature enough to not stalk her or do some stupid things. I simply just try to work this out. Is there a point I should stop, yes of course, but it is very hard as for I am a man who loves deeply.

 

I'll share a story with you that happened to me about 10 years ago.

 

I was dating this great woman and I started to fall in love with her. I think her friends convinced her to dump me and told her she could do better, blah, blah, blah. So she dumped me and I went away, never contacted her, again. Fast forward 18 months or so, out of the blue she calls me late at night and invites me over to her place. The next morning we were laying in bed and she told me that she respected me because I went away and left her alone like she asked and that her friends were completely wrong about me. I'm not saying that is going to happen to you, but women do respect a man and knows he has honor when he leaves them alone after a breakup.

 

Love is not fair and we get blindsided...

 

There is nothing to work out, its over.

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

[Jxmpy]

I'll share a story with you that happened to me about 10 years ago.

 

I was dating this great woman and I started to fall in love with her. I think her friends convinced her to dump me and told her she could do better, blah, blah, blah. So she dumped me and I went away, never contacted her, again. Fast forward 18 months or so, out of the blue she calls me late at night and invites me over to her place. The next morning we were laying in bed and she told me that she respected me because I went away and left her alone like she asked and that her friends were completely wrong about me. I'm not saying that is going to happen to you, but women do respect a man and knows he has honor when he leaves them alone after a breakup.

 

Love is not fair and we get blindsided...

 

There is nothing to work out, its over.

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

 

That’s great that you ended up with a good ending. After reading your story, it seems that I messed up and made her lose all respect for me. Now I kinda feel a little worse, because I know my worth and I am a good guy. Of course I wanted to be respected by her.

[Happy Lemming]

That’s great that you ended up with a good ending. After reading your story, it seems that I messed up and made her lose all respect for me. Now I kinda feel a little worse, because I know my worth and I am a good guy. Of course I wanted to be respected by her.

 

Actually, it didn't end all that great. A couple of months after we got back together, she had a major family emergency and had to move half-way across the country to assist with the situation. I understood, and we had to say Good-bye to each other. But we did with respect and love.

 

You are a good guy.

 

This lemming has to crawl into his hole for the night and get some sleep, but I'll be back tomorrow. Feel free to post and I'll respond.

 

You are not alone, there are a lot of people on this forum who will try to help.

 

Blue skies...

[Jxmpy]

Actually, it didn't end all that great. A couple of months after we got back together, she had a major family emergency and had to move half-way across the country to assist with the situation. I understood, and we had to say Good-bye to each other. But we did with respect and love.

 

You are a good guy.

 

This lemming has to crawl into his hole for the night and get some sleep, but I'll be back tomorrow. Feel free to post and I'll respond.

 

You are not alone, there are a lot of people on this forum who will try to help.

 

Blue skies...

Oh, I’m sorry about that. At least she didn’t dump you in the end. For sure, have a great nights rest.

[CaliBabe]

Happy Lemming is right and only trying to open your eyes as to what it may look like on the outside. By completely disappearing your ex would have no idea where you are in the healing process... Are you happy? Sad? Pinning for her? By completely disappearing it allows her to wonder. Also it salvages any self respect that you may have left. Women like alpha males.

 

Had you completely disappeared I bet she would have contacted you by now out of curiosity or just because she missed you. She knows where you are in your recovery and she knows you are still pining for her because you keep emailing her. Yes you are hurting and yes it was a 3 year relationship but that has nothing to do with your self control. You can't control her but you can control you!

 

There is a guy who messages me very frequently, even when I don't respond he still messages me, it is very unattractive and shows me how desperate he is. It is so annoying and every time I see his name pop up I think "gosh, will he just leave me alone? I haven't responded. Good grief!"

 

You say you just want to be happy again. Cut all contact and one day you will wake up and be happy again, your grieving process and healing will truly begin in a healthy way. Please, I know you are hurting as I am on the same boat as you but one thing I know is my self respect is first and foremost. If I never hear from my ex again but I get to keep my dignity so be it. You can do this. You have to believe in yourself and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you there is, once you make the choice to stick with NC and focus solely on yourself.

[Jxmpy]

Happy Lemming is right and only trying to open your eyes as to what it may look like on the outside. By completely disappearing your ex would have no idea where you are in the healing process... Are you happy? Sad? Pinning for her? By completely disappearing it allows her to wonder. Also it salvages any self respect that you may have left. Women like alpha males.

 

Had you completely disappeared I bet she would have contacted you by now out of curiosity or just because she missed you. She knows where you are in your recovery and she knows you are still pining for her because you keep emailing her. Yes you are hurting and yes it was a 3 year relationship but that has nothing to do with your self control. You can't control her but you can control you!

 

There is a guy who messages me very frequently, even when I don't respond he still messages me, it is very unattractive and shows me how desperate he is. It is so annoying and every time I see his name pop up I think "gosh, will he just leave me alone? I haven't responded. Good grief!"

 

You say you just want to be happy again. Cut all contact and one day you will wake up and be happy again, your grieving process and healing will truly begin in a healthy way. Please, I know you are hurting as I am on the same boat as you but one thing I know is my self respect is first and foremost. If I never hear from my ex again but I get to keep my dignity so be it. You can do this. You have to believe in yourself and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you there is, once you make the choice to stick with NC and focus solely on yourself.

I know lemming makes good points. Yeah I’ll disappear for a month, but she won’t contact me. All I know is she’ll stalk my social media every now and then. I’m not trying to be desperate, I just want to work things out. I haven’t called her once, only email. To cut all contact is very very hard. I feel that if I cut all contact, she will only think I don’t care. I have been 3 weeks no contact, and I’m trying hard to resist the urge to contact. What is going to hurt is when she doesn’t message me on my birthday.

[CaliBabe]

I know you're not trying to be desperate but she is not seeing that part. She is interpreting it differently. I understand how badly you want to work things out, however she needs to meet you halfway. She has told you she it not willing to do that and if she were, she would contact you. For your own good, for your own healing, for your own well being. If you can cut all ties and accept that she won't be coming back and accept that you must move on to greener pastures you WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN. But in order to get there you need to leave this. Let it go my friend. You will find love again. There is no one soulmate only. There are many people you can and will connect with, we have many people well suited for us. Work to be the best version of yourself so when the next queen comes around, you will be a well rounded king.

[Young mind]

Mate, you're not alone in these situations, if you have time , this is approximately the time you could write her 1 million emails, go on this forum, read stories, you could literally search dumper and you will be amazed, what this site offers you is damage control and acceptance.

It is true, we can't just turn off our emotions like a switch, and there is no good breakup, but we must accept that the love you both had is no longer working

You're in denial of lost love which is normal considering 2 things, She broke it off, your ego was hurt, if you did break it off, you won't be here to analyzing that relationship, thus not many dumpers on here, esp not your ex, Second, it was a relationship of 3 years, that's a long time and moving on might take longer than expected, my ex gf left after 2.5 years, 5 months in, I'm better, or moving on, this makes the subtle difference between our situations, even though the break up happened almost the same time, you must accept, grieve and catapult into the moving on process, absolving yourself of every guilt and pain.

She has moved on, or presumably so, and you must, she hasn't replied any of your emails thus a strong indicator of indifference.

Another point made here, we are all mature, at least our superego tell us so, but many times or frequently these situations break even the toughest of heart, you may not be stalking her physically but it all leads there one day because of the obsession of trying to win her back.

Try to move on mate, accept the breakup, mourn, and gradually you will be in a better place

[Jxmpy]

I know you're not trying to be desperate but she is not seeing that part. She is interpreting it differently. I understand how badly you want to work things out, however she needs to meet you halfway. She has told you she it not willing to do that and if she were, she would contact you. For your own good, for your own healing, for your own well being. If you can cut all ties and accept that she won't be coming back and accept that you must move on to greener pastures you WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN. But in order to get there you need to leave this. Let it go my friend. You will find love again. There is no one soulmate only. There are many people you can and will connect with, we have many people well suited for us. Work to be the best version of yourself so when the next queen comes around, you will be a well rounded king.

I don't get why she would interpret it differently. I was a good man to her. Yeah, she does need to meet me halfway, sadly she won't. I'm trying my best to cut all ties, but my heart just won't give up. I truly did love her, while I have gotten better since the beginning of the breakup, I just feel slightly depressed ever since. It really is hard to see a clear picture whether there is another girl that would be a good match. I've built so many memories with this one, how can I possibly build more with a new one.

[unit1]

I feel its normal, its only 5 months,

it took me 3+ years to get over my ex......

but don't learn from me, I was way too slow, even now I m a slow person.

 

if u find counseling either online or a real therapist, or just listen some sessions , or join a support group, it will be faster.

 

when u lose a long term partner, its like u lost a bone, its normal to feel hurt.

and when it heals, u will get a new bone, a better bone,

but the process is needed.

[Jxmpy]

Mate, you're not alone in these situations, if you have time , this is approximately the time you could write her 1 million emails, go on this forum, read stories, you could literally search dumper and you will be amazed, what this site offers you is damage control and acceptance.

It is true, we can't just turn off our emotions like a switch, and there is no good breakup, but we must accept that the love you both had is no longer working

You're in denial of lost love which is normal considering 2 things, She broke it off, your ego was hurt, if you did break it off, you won't be here to analyzing that relationship, thus not many dumpers on here, esp not your ex, Second, it was a relationship of 3 years, that's a long time and moving on might take longer than expected, my ex gf left after 2.5 years, 5 months in, I'm better, or moving on, this makes the subtle difference between our situations, even though the break up happened almost the same time, you must accept, grieve and catapult into the moving on process, absolving yourself of every guilt and pain.

She has moved on, or presumably so, and you must, she hasn't replied any of your emails thus a strong indicator of indifference.

Another point made here, we are all mature, at least our superego tell us so, but many times or frequently these situations break even the toughest of heart, you may not be stalking her physically but it all leads there one day because of the obsession of trying to win her back.

Try to move on mate, accept the breakup, mourn, and gradually you will be in a better place

I know I'm not alone. I've ready many stories on here of men with their heart broken. The pain truly sucks. They say men have a harder time coping with the pain in the long run. I'm sorry that you have experienced the same pain, and I'm glad you are doing better than me. I want to move on, but my heart won't let me.