Cant accept it ***Updated***

[Jxmpy]

I feel its normal, its only 5 months,

it took me 3+ years to get over my ex......

but don't learn from me, I was way too slow, even now I m a slow person.

 

if u find counseling either online or a real therapist, or just listen some sessions , or join a support group, it will be faster.

 

when u lose a long term partner, its like u lost a bone, its normal to feel hurt.

and when it heals, u will get a new bone, a better bone,

but the process is needed.

Yeah, it feels like a part of you has died. Especially as a man, it's

hard, because we have to try all over again. Getting the girl's interest, taking them out on dates, proving our worth, yet to get dumped all over again. Our ego has been shattered enough, yet woman seem to not care. It's crazy how someone can literally drop you from their life.

[unit1]

Yeah, it feels like a part of you has died. Especially as a man, it's

hard, because we have to try all over again. Getting the girl's interest, taking them out on dates, proving our worth, yet to get dumped all over again. Our ego has been shattered enough, yet woman seem to not care. It's crazy how someone can literally drop you from their life.

Its same when a man dumped a woman....cry cry:(

when he decided to dump me, he just told me to go far far away, don't bother his new life with his new gf.

I spent a lot energy and love together with him to build a new business ,then he found a new girl in a travel.

 

but , have u ever considered, if u ever really loved each other, ever really have had wonderful time, then u will feel no regrets?

 

after all, all will pass, but the good memories good lessons we learnt is the real treasure.

[Msday91]

It’s her who decided to throw three years away and you have done the best you can to get her back. Therefore it’s her loss.

[Jxmpy]

Its same when a man dumped a woman....cry cry:(

when he decided to dump me, he just told me to go far far away, don't bother his new life with his new gf.

I spent a lot energy and love together with him to build a new business ,then he found a new girl in a travel.

 

but , have u ever considered, if u ever really loved each other, ever really have had wonderful time, then u will feel no regrets?

 

after all, all will pass, but the good memories good lessons we learnt is the real treasure.

I'm sure it is:( I'm sorry about what happened to you. Men can be really cold hearted. I mean yeah I treasure all the good memories and love we had, but for somebody to blindside you and tell you I don't want to be with you anymore and of nowhere hurts. Hopefully it doesn't take too long for the pain to pass. I've broken my collarbone twice and that pain is nothing compared to mental pain.

[Jxmpy]

It’s her who decided to throw three years away and you have done the best you can to get her back. Therefore it’s her loss.

True, it is her loss. While it is, I still try to win her back. Why? because my heart wants too. I don't know how to give up.

[Msday91]

Well I begged and begged for my ex boyfriend back and I guess I looked like a real fool.

I know it’s like you just can’t help but message them I know the feeling all too well.

I mean I’m probably not the best person to get advice from but maybe you could send her one more message if you really really have that burning desire to something g like

I’m not sure what went wrong and if it’s anytning I could do to make amends I would love to try again. I feel I don’t hear from you within a week that will be my cue to move on for good. Take care.

 

But yeah I mean from a female perspective she might live to regret it one day but don’t sit around waiting for that day

[Jxmpy]

Well I begged and begged for my ex boyfriend back and I guess I looked like a real fool.

I know it’s like you just can’t help but message them I know the feeling all too well.

I mean I’m probably not the best person to get advice from but maybe you could send her one more message if you really really have that burning desire to something g like

I’m not sure what went wrong and if it’s anytning I could do to make amends I would love to try again. I feel I don’t hear from you within a week that will be my cue to move on for good. Take care.

 

But yeah I mean from a female perspective she might live to regret it one day but don’t sit around waiting for that day

 

Trust me, I’ve tried so many times messenging her to work things out. She never replied. She probably will regret it. I was a really good man to her.

[OutKast100]

I see that you are making the same posts every now and then since you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You really need to start taking the advice that is given to you here if you want to feel better.

 

Your relationship is over, accept it. She does not want to be with you and you shouldn't keep emailing her to change her mind. It will never work so STOP. You need to realize that people change and feelings change. You can't force someone to be with you just because you still want to be with them. She changed and isn't the same person from a year ago. You don't want to be with this new person who doesn't even respond to you, you actually want a relationship which no longer exists. You need to remember that the relationship that you had with her is now dead and you need to move forward in your life.

 

I know that it can be hard to keep no contact. Remember the advice from this forum when you want to break no contact. Did breaking no contact accomplish anything other than making you feel terrible again after seeing she ignored you? You need to be realistic and stop making excuses for contacting her. Contacting her over and over again just makes you look more unattractive and just makes things worse. Stopping contact with her will not make her think that you stopped caring. She obviously wants you to stop and maybe she will realize that you finally respect her decision.

Either way, some dumpers actually gain interest when they think that their ex stopped caring about them and thats when they may contact them again.

 

If you do still want a chance with her then not contacting her first ever again is your only option. If you really do not respect yourself enough that you want to be with this person after all of her indifference towards you then keep no contact. If you want to feel better and move on then keep no contact. Either way, no matter what you really want, no contact is the way to go. You will never get her back if you keep bothering her with your desperate emails.

 

Read your posts whenever you feel the urge to contact her. Go to the gym and workout to distract yourself. Or just go for a walk or watch a movie. Remember how horrible she has made you feel these last few months. If you can last 3 weeks with no contact, then you surely can last 3 weeks and one day, then 3 weeks plus 2 days, then 4 weeks, then 2 months, then a year, etc. You can keep discipline until you will reach a point of indifference towards her and you will be over her.

 

Otherwise, then ya.... keep no contact for 3 weeks, break it and contact her while making no effort and just feel horrible again and start the same depressing cycle all over again.

 

Stay disciplined, stay strong and it will get better. In your mind your still waiting for the day that you will get back with her and finally have your happy ending. This is what you keep waiting for. You need to change your state of mind. Your happy ending is when you will finally be over her and this nightmare will end. This is what you need to focus on, moving on to something better in life.

 

There are plenty of women out there. It's highly unlikely that she is the perfect match for you. There are other women out there who will appreciate you and love you and respect you, unlike your ex who no longer does.

 

Getting over a heartbreak takes time but you can make some progress everyday if you just stay disciplined and strong. You can do this.

[SevenCity]

Happy Lemming is right and only trying to open your eyes as to what it may look like on the outside. By completely disappearing your ex would have no idea where you are in the healing process... Are you happy? Sad? Pinning for her? By completely disappearing it allows her to wonder. Also it salvages any self respect that you may have left. Women like alpha males.

 

Had you completely disappeared I bet she would have contacted you by now out of curiosity or just because she missed you. She knows where you are in your recovery and she knows you are still pining for her because you keep emailing her. Yes you are hurting and yes it was a 3 year relationship but that has nothing to do with your self control. You can't control her but you can control you!

 

There is a guy who messages me very frequently, even when I don't respond he still messages me, it is very unattractive and shows me how desperate he is. It is so annoying and every time I see his name pop up I think "gosh, will he just leave me alone? I haven't responded. Good grief!"

 

You say you just want to be happy again. Cut all contact and one day you will wake up and be happy again, your grieving process and healing will truly begin in a healthy way. Please, I know you are hurting as I am on the same boat as you but one thing I know is my self respect is first and foremost. If I never hear from my ex again but I get to keep my dignity so be it. You can do this. You have to believe in yourself and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you there is, once you make the choice to stick with NC and focus solely on yourself.

 

The sad reality is if you contact her it will push her further away from you. The sadder part is if she ever does start missing you and want you back, you likely won't want her anymore.

 

No Contact isn't to get them back, it's about healing. As the months go by you'll have forced yourself into a new existence without her.

 

Just today (1.5 years after my 7 year Rl ended) I went to the supermarket we would always go together. I was briefly reminded of the initial pain which made me avoid it for months, but it wasn't nearly as bad and my new routine is without her.

 

You need to build a life without her in it. And, most importantly, you need to maintain that life when you meet the next one. People who have the hardest time getting over someone is because they let them consume their life.

 

Think of it as a pie and she represented 90% of it. Now you have a big hole that only she can fill. You have to diversify so no single piece will be missed once it's gone (and everything ends eventually). Fill your pie with other things (dating, volunteering, work, friends, school, working out, hobbies, etc). Check out Mouth of Ape on YouTube. He's got a lot of great advice that helped during the worst of times. Every time you reach out you are giving her power. Take your power back.

 

The sooner you accept that she's not coming back, the sooner you will be over her.

[preraph]

you're holding onto the person you WISH she'd been. the person she is doesn't love you or want to hear from you and therefore cannot be the right person for you. Yes, it's that simple. Get a grip on yourself. Every time you reach out, you make yourself more desperate and pathetic looking. Someone once told me, When you get tired of being miserable, you'll stop. So figure out what you're getting out of prolonging this misery and ask yourself why -- and then stop.

[Jxmpy]

I see that you are making the same posts every now and then since you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You really need to start taking the advice that is given to you here if you want to feel better.

 

Your relationship is over, accept it. She does not want to be with you and you shouldn't keep emailing her to change her mind. It will never work so STOP. You need to realize that people change and feelings change. You can't force someone to be with you just because you still want to be with them. She changed and isn't the same person from a year ago. You don't want to be with this new person who doesn't even respond to you, you actually want a relationship which no longer exists. You need to remember that the relationship that you had with her is now dead and you need to move forward in your life.

 

I know that it can be hard to keep no contact. Remember the advice from this forum when you want to break no contact. Did breaking no contact accomplish anything other than making you feel terrible again after seeing she ignored you? You need to be realistic and stop making excuses for contacting her. Contacting her over and over again just makes you look more unattractive and just makes things worse. Stopping contact with her will not make her think that you stopped caring. She obviously wants you to stop and maybe she will realize that you finally respect her decision.

Either way, some dumpers actually gain interest when they think that their ex stopped caring about them and thats when they may contact them again.

 

If you do still want a chance with her then not contacting her first ever again is your only option. If you really do not respect yourself enough that you want to be with this person after all of her indifference towards you then keep no contact. If you want to feel better and move on then keep no contact. Either way, no matter what you really want, no contact is the way to go. You will never get her back if you keep bothering her with your desperate emails.

 

Read your posts whenever you feel the urge to contact her. Go to the gym and workout to distract yourself. Or just go for a walk or watch a movie. Remember how horrible she has made you feel these last few months. If you can last 3 weeks with no contact, then you surely can last 3 weeks and one day, then 3 weeks plus 2 days, then 4 weeks, then 2 months, then a year, etc. You can keep discipline until you will reach a point of indifference towards her and you will be over her.

 

Otherwise, then ya.... keep no contact for 3 weeks, break it and contact her while making no effort and just feel horrible again and start the same depressing cycle all over again.

 

Stay disciplined, stay strong and it will get better. In your mind your still waiting for the day that you will get back with her and finally have your happy ending. This is what you keep waiting for. You need to change your state of mind. Your happy ending is when you will finally be over her and this nightmare will end. This is what you need to focus on, moving on to something better in life.

 

There are plenty of women out there. It's highly unlikely that she is the perfect match for you. There are other women out there who will appreciate you and love you and respect you, unlike your ex who no longer does.

 

Getting over a heartbreak takes time but you can make some progress everyday if you just stay disciplined and strong. You can do this.

I know. I really do need to stop. So far I have been doing well not to contact. I know the relationship I had with her is dead, but it’s hard to let go. I’m stubborn, and that’s why I keep trying and holding onto hope. I know she clearly doesn’t care about me, yet I still look for positives. Why? I don’t know.

[Jxmpy]

The sad reality is if you contact her it will push her further away from you. The sadder part is if she ever does start missing you and want you back, you likely won't want her anymore.

 

No Contact isn't to get them back, it's about healing. As the months go by you'll have forced yourself into a new existence without her.

 

Just today (1.5 years after my 7 year Rl ended) I went to the supermarket we would always go together. I was briefly reminded of the initial pain which made me avoid it for months, but it wasn't nearly as bad and my new routine is without her.

 

You need to build a life without her in it. And, most importantly, you need to maintain that life when you meet the next one. People who have the hardest time getting over someone is because they let them consume their life.

 

Think of it as a pie and she represented 90% of it. Now you have a big hole that only she can fill. You have to diversify so no single piece will be missed once it's gone (and everything ends eventually). Fill your pie with other things (dating, volunteering, work, friends, school, working out, hobbies, etc). Check out Mouth of Ape on YouTube. He's got a lot of great advice that helped during the worst of times. Every time you reach out you are giving her power. Take your power back.

 

The sooner you accept that she's not coming back, the sooner you will be over her.

I know what I do is not the best choice. I have been living without her, graduating from college and what not, but it’s just not the same. There’s a void that just lingers with dull pain. I’m really trying to accept that she’s gone.

[Jxmpy]

you're holding onto the person you WISH she'd been. the person she is doesn't love you or want to hear from you and therefore cannot be the right person for you. Yes, it's that simple. Get a grip on yourself. Every time you reach out, you make yourself more desperate and pathetic looking. Someone once told me, When you get tired of being miserable, you'll stop. So figure out what you're getting out of prolonging this misery and ask yourself why -- and then stop.

 

True. When I was with her, she was very loving towards me, telling me she would never give me up. Then boom blindside. I’m not trying to be desperate. So far I’ve had a grip on myself and have been ignoring her. I am tired of being miserable.

[d0nnivain]

Happiness is an elusive concept. Nobody is happy all the time. Most people are content & fulfilled. To achieve that you need a sense of purpose & belonging. You had been getting the sense of belonging from your relationship but now that is gone so you need to figure out where else you belong. Use this time to reconnect with family, old friends, new friends etc. Join a group. Volunteer somewhere. Take a class. What you do doesn't matter as much as you doing something to fill your time in a positive way. It's not a substitute for a romantic relationship but it takes some of the pain out of not having one, because you are no longer isolated.

[Jxmpy]

Happiness is an elusive concept. Nobody is happy all the time. Most people are content & fulfilled. To achieve that you need a sense of purpose & belonging. You had been getting the sense of belonging from your relationship but now that is gone so you need to figure out where else you belong. Use this time to reconnect with family, old friends, new friends etc. Join a group. Volunteer somewhere. Take a class. What you do doesn't matter as much as you doing something to fill your time in a positive way. It's not a substitute for a romantic relationship but it takes some of the pain out of not having one, because you are no longer isolated.

 

Well yeah, that’s what I mean. I want to be just content again. I have reconnected with old friends and have been helping out family and what not. I just finished getting my AA degree in college and will go back to university in the fall. Even while doing all of that, it doesn’t stop the pain. It may temporarily help, but during the late nights and early mornings is when it is the worse.

[CaliBabe]

You need a therapist. You need professional help. Going this long with suffering and not being able to let go is not good for you. Have you considered getting professional help? I think it will help you immensely.

[Jxmpy]

You need a therapist. You need professional help. Going this long with suffering and not being able to let go is not good for you. Have you considered getting professional help? I think it will help you immensely.

 

I have not considered professional help. I find it odd, because I am majoring in psychology and where I got my AA degree in.

[Nadine123]

There are many psychologists who seek help. They are humans too and we all need help sometimes. Your profession or area of study has nothing to do with it.

 

You also need to understand that the more you chase people, the more they dont want anything to do with you.

[Jxmpy]

There are many psychologists who seek help. They are humans too and we all need help sometimes. Your profession or area of study has nothing to do with it.

 

You also need to understand that the more you chase people, the more they dont want anything to do with you.

 

True, I just see it as ironic. Yeah I do need to understand that. I guess I’m leaning that the hard way. It seems wield how trying to fix things is actually negative to the other person.

[Nadine123]

I understand it's hard. There is a reason why there are thousands of posts here, but you need to focus your energy on improving your life/getting over this instead of trying to get her back.

[VisionL09]

Your story sounds so similar to mine. My ex broke up with me in early september and our relationship was also an LDR. To me, the break up came out of nowhere and then later on(6-7 weeks after break up) i learned from her that she was "seeing" this other guy behind my back the last 2 weeks before she broke up with me. She said she never physically cheated but her saying that doesn't mean anything to me because to a lot of people emotional cheating is just as bad or even worse than actually cheating. She acted as if what she was doing behind my back wasn't a big deal so i myself had to put pieces together and accept the fact that that right there was why it was so easy for her to leave and happily live her life without me while i was over here going through the worst time of my life. She gave me so many different reasons as to why she wanted to leave and not one of them included that other guy but today it is so obvious to me why she did what she did.

 

Accepting all these negative things my ex ended up doing to me was really hard and i had her in such a high pedestal that i even gave her the benefit of the doubt a whole lot of times when i shouldn't have. That is exactly what you're doing and you need to knock her off that pedestal and accept the messed up crap she's done to you because you deserve better.

 

I was with my ex for 3 and a half years and i was in such a dark place in september because she was my first love and i thought we were going to be together forever so trust me, i didn't have it any easier so i understand everything but you have to put yourself first and stop contacting her because that will only continue to bring you pain and not let you move on.

 

Give yourself closure from what you 2 had by loving yourself and truly moving on with your life with her not being a part of it. I'm 10 weeks into no contact and this is the happiest i've been since before the breakup. trust me, the longer you go into no contact the easier things will get and the better you will feel.

Edited January 22, 2018 by VisionL09

[Highndry]

If you go back and read every single one of your posts, you will see there is one commonality to them - it's all about YOU and not her. What you're failing to realize is that you are being terribly disrespectful of HER and her wishes. You don't care what she wants, you care about yourself and your own feelings.

 

She told you she doesn't want you anymore, and she's shown you by breaking up and ceasing all contact, yet you continue to pine away for her and contact her on a recurring basis. You have been told countless times by both men and women here that you are driving her away even more, yet you do not stop, saying you don't want to lose her. Not only have you already lost her, you're starting to come across as a potential stalker, because the repeated contact in the face of being ignored signals a complete lack of ability to read the situation and recognize social cues.

 

As one woman highlighted, she gets unwanted emails from an ex and is grossed out. THAT'S how you're coming across to this ex, and you've been told this many, many times but you don't stop. You are obsessed, and you are not controlling your emotions or actions. I do think talking to somebody would be in order at this point, because after all of this you're still pining away and hoping she contacts you on your birthday, which is delusional given the situation.

[Jxmpy]

I understand it's hard. There is a reason why there are thousands of posts here, but you need to focus your energy on improving your life/getting over this instead of trying to get her back.

 

True, and that is what I want to do. I'm really trying.

[Jxmpy]

Your story sounds so similar to mine. My ex broke up with me in early september and our relationship was also an LDR. To me, the break up came out of nowhere and then later on(6-7 weeks after break up) i learned from her that she was "seeing" this other guy behind my back the last 2 weeks before she broke up with me. She said she never physically cheated but her saying that doesn't mean anything to me because to a lot of people emotional cheating is just as bad or even worse than actually cheating. She acted as if what she was doing behind my back wasn't a big deal so i myself had to put pieces together and accept the fact that that right there was why it was so easy for her to leave and happily live her life without me while i was over here going through the worst time of my life. She gave me so many different reasons as to why she wanted to leave and not one of them included that other guy but today it is so obvious to me why she did what she did.

 

Accepting all these negative things my ex ended up doing to me was really hard and i had her in such a high pedestal that i even gave her the benefit of the doubt a whole lot of times when i shouldn't have. That is exactly what you're doing and you need to knock her off that pedestal and accept the messed up crap she's done to you because you deserve better.

 

I was with my ex for 3 and a half years and i was in such a dark place in september because she was my first love and i thought we were going to be together forever so trust me, i didn't have it any easier so i understand everything but you have to put yourself first and stop contacting her because that will only continue to bring you pain and not let you move on.

 

Give yourself closure from what you 2 had by loving yourself and truly moving on with your life with her not being a part of it. I'm 10 weeks into no contact and this is the happiest i've been since before the breakup. trust me, the longer you go into no contact the easier things will get and the better you will feel.

Damn, the feels of your story. I'm sorry for what has happened to you as well. Yeah, I put my ex on a pedestal because I love her. I know I shouldn't do that. I'm trying my best to not contact her again. It's really hard not too.

[Jxmpy]

If you go back and read every single one of your posts, you will see there is one commonality to them - it's all about YOU and not her. What you're failing to realize is that you are being terribly disrespectful of HER and her wishes. You don't care what she wants, you care about yourself and your own feelings.

 

She told you she doesn't want you anymore, and she's shown you by breaking up and ceasing all contact, yet you continue to pine away for her and contact her on a recurring basis. You have been told countless times by both men and women here that you are driving her away even more, yet you do not stop, saying you don't want to lose her. Not only have you already lost her, you're starting to come across as a potential stalker, because the repeated contact in the face of being ignored signals a complete lack of ability to read the situation and recognize social cues.

 

As one woman highlighted, she gets unwanted emails from an ex and is grossed out. THAT'S how you're coming across to this ex, and you've been told this many, many times but you don't stop. You are obsessed, and you are not controlling your emotions or actions. I do think talking to somebody would be in order at this point, because after all of this you're still pining away and hoping she contacts you on your birthday, which is delusional given the situation.

 

I see what you're saying in the aspect of what I want. Of course I'm going to want what makes me happy, but the way she left, by blindsiding puts me in a confused place. How can she tell me five days before she broke up saying she would never leave me for just any reason and that she would never give up on me? The lies and hypocrisy of her totally killed my mental thoughts of trust towards her. I don't constantly email her every day. The emails I only sent were on the holidays last year, and maybe once or two general ones. Yeah, I may be delusional when it comes to my birthday, but what do you expect? To spend every holiday the first time around without someone is going to be the worst. I haven't contacted her in 3 weeks, and I plan not too. Like I said, the only reason I sent emails was to wish happy holidays.