Can someone tell me I'm doing something wrong

[abcdalpha1235]

Hey y'all.

 

Co-worker and I flirt A LOT at work. Our conversations eventually led to revealing that we wanted to sleep with each other but we do not want to physically cheat. After a while, we decided to stop talking because we didn't want to hurt our spouses but even after that we still end up continuing our conversations. I have some feelings for her but honestly I think it's just purely sexual, knowing that she's attainable because of our shared interest but at the same time she's unattainable due to her being married but I'm sure eventually we'll both get tired of whatever is going on between us and it will just fade away.

 

I know I'm messed up and I feel guilty about what I've been doing (it's wrong in different levels) but I don't want to hurt my spouse either. Should I just carry this secret for as long as I can, knowing that this will all fade away sooner or later? Is this considered as an emotional affair?

[road]

Yes it is an EA so you are cheating.

 

You have gone past the friendly banter with a co-worker

to just be social able.

 

You need to stop before it becomes physical.

[1966Seahorse]

Yes it is an EA so you are cheating.

 

You have gone past the friendly banter with a co-worker

to just be social able.

 

You need to stop before it becomes physical.

 

^^^ Yep this ^^^

[smackie9]

Just stop doing it. You are already cheating. Obviously there are issues that have led you to this emotional cheating. Make improving your marriage your number one priority....you will be much happier for it.

[KBob]

Just stop doing it. You are already cheating. Obviously there are issues that have led you to this emotional cheating. Make improving your marriage your number one priority....you will be much happier for it.

 

Exactly. Since you didn't do anything physical and you seem genuinely remorseful I don't think you need to tell her, but you definitely need to make it up to her by not talking to this woman anymore (not just letting it fade away), never flirting like this with any other woman again, and working hard to get your woman back on track as number one in your mind. You definitely owe that to her.

[Space Ritual]

Hey y'all.

 

Co-worker and I flirt A LOT at work. Our conversations eventually led to revealing that we wanted to sleep with each other but we do not want to physically cheat. After a while, we decided to stop talking because we didn't want to hurt our spouses but even after that we still end up continuing our conversations. I have some feelings for her but honestly I think it's just purely sexual, knowing that she's attainable because of our shared interest but at the same time she's unattainable due to her being married but I'm sure eventually we'll both get tired of whatever is going on between us and it will just fade away.

 

I know I'm messed up and I feel guilty about what I've been doing (it's wrong in different levels) but I don't want to hurt my spouse either. Should I just carry this secret for as long as I can, knowing that this will all fade away sooner or later? Is this considered as an emotional affair?

 

So you want somebody to tell you that you are doing something wrong?

 

Really?

 

It's staring you right in front of your face. Either you are 16 or you are in the throes of an emotional affair.

 

You already know the answers to your questions.

You took vows, What do they mean to you?

 

Grow Up, please.

 

Are you for real?

[Space Ritual]

Exactly. Since you didn't do anything physical and you seem genuinely remorseful I don't think you need to tell her, but you definitely need to make it up to her by not talking to this woman anymore (not just letting it fade away), never flirting like this with any other woman again, and working hard to get your woman back on track as number one in your mind. You definitely owe that to her.

 

It's his coworker. Going no contact is about as likely As Foghat winning a Grammy.

[darkmoon]

her husband might find out unless you stop

 

her home life must suck, she needs to sort out her marriage, tell her to, she must leave you alone

 

you could get into a lot of trouble over a crush

[snowbird7]

OP, I can really relate because I'm going through the same thing right now myself. In my case, my bf already knows about it. And based on my experience, I honestly would recommend just keeping this in the closet. If you know it's going to stop, then I wouldn't open up a can of worms. After my recent experience, I've come to appreciate the old saying 'what they don't know won't hurt them'.

 

I know people will say that's not being completely honest, and it isn't, but sometimes what is more important in a relationship is protecting your partner's feelings. For example, if your gf asks you how she looks, and she looks awful, do you tell her that? Of course not. You say something nice. And I think the same thing applies in this situation. Telling her about this would almost be cruel. It would cause her to worry to no end, and it could even destroy your relationship. I know in my own case, I feel I could have spared both of us a lot of heartache and stress if I had just kept the flirting behind his back.

 

Anyways, just my 2 cents. Good luck!

[BaileyB]

based on my experience, I honestly would recommend just keeping this in the closet. After my recent experience, I've come to appreciate the old saying 'what they don't know won't hurt them'.

 

I know people will say that's not being completely honest, and it isn't, but sometimes what is more important in a relationship is protecting your partner's feelings. Telling her about this would almost be cruel. It would cause her to worry to no end, and it could even destroy your relationship.

 

Are you for real? The lack of accountability is unbelievable.

 

What about honesty, trust, and integrity as a person and in your relationship?

 

If you are in a relationship, have some respect for your partner and don't flirt with other people. If you don't have the self control not to flirt with other people, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

[Space Ritual]

, but sometimes what is more important in a relationship is protecting your partner's feelings.

 

 

Many of us who arrived here, came here in the first place as a direct result of a partner wanting to "protect our feelings".

 

That "protection" included cheating on us, lying to our faces and making it all our fault when it was discovered.

 

 

There is NOTHING more important than living with integrity and honesty.

If you actually have lived with the opposite for any real amount of time in your life, you will automatically know how wonderful it can be to live without such burden.

 

The only thing protecting your partner's feelings will do is make it that much easier for you to continue to protect your partner's feelings when the next person you want to bang behind your partner's back comes along.

 

You simply are talking out of your ass

[viatori patuit]

Are you for real? The lack of accountability is unbelievable.

 

What about honesty, trust, and integrity as a person and in your relationship?

 

If you are in a relationship, have some respect for your partner and don't flirt with other people. If you don't have the self control not to flirt with other people, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

Right. Because no one ever makes mistakes.

 

Have you ever cheated? I have. Once.

 

I can tell you it was intoxicating on one level. Never once did it occur to me it was happening either. One minute I was meeting this attractive girl and then a couple of days later BOOM. I ruined a couple of lives.

 

I give the OP credit for even acknowledging this was going on. The real question here is about the marriage. Is it dead? Mine was. The cheating was a horrible thing to do, but I did learn I need to exit the relationship. That was actually positive. I also realized that it was a mistake I do not need to repeat.

 

What good comes from telling a SO about being tempted? If one wants to keep the relationship, then nothing.

[Space Ritual]

I also realized that it was a mistake I do not need to repeat

 

Ah the "mistake".

 

Mistakes are going to the store and getting 2 percent when you wanted skim milk....

 

A wrong lane change....

 

Forgetting you had to be at work an hour before you showed up.

 

Those are mistakes

 

What you describe was a conscious decision made on your part. In fact, reading between the lines of your post, it is abundantly clear that at the end of the day, you feel what you did was really not that bad. Sure, you destroyed lives, but hey, it was a MISTAKE! So please don't judge too harshly...

 

After all, you were protecting your partner's feelings by the happy accident that happened when you stuck your dick in somebody else.

 

I needed a good laugh today. And you fit the bill.

 

Thanks, Obama!

[BaileyB]

Right. Because no one ever makes mistakes.

 

Have you ever cheated? I have. Once.

 

I can tell you it was intoxicating on one level. Never once did it occur to me it was happening either. One minute I was meeting this attractive girl and then a couple of days later BOOM. I ruined a couple of lives.

 

No. Thankfully, I have never made that "mistake."

 

As has been said, a mistake is forgetting to tell your partner that you have to work late tonight.

 

Flirting, kissing, using sex toys, or having sex with someone who is not your partner is not a "mistake" - that's called a decision.

[KBob]

It's his coworker. Going no contact is about as likely As Foghat winning a Grammy.

 

Slow Ride is a great song.

[smackie9]

It's his coworker. Going no contact is about as likely As Foghat winning a Grammy.

omg that's too funny!

[Space Ritual]

Slow Ride is a great song.

 

Foghat actually has a discography that is quite formidable. I consider the Foghat Live 1977 album as one of the 3 best live recordings ever captured.

 

The live version of Slow Ride on that album is about as Funky and Heavy as Foghat could get on stage.

 

The last time I saw them, Lonesome Dave was still alive and he comes out and says "Thank you Chicago!! We are happy just to be playing anywhere!" lol

[road]

Fog Hat?

 

What Fog Hat?

 

I don't need no stinkin' Fog Hat.

 

 

I never heard of Fog Hat. I only know about fog and fog horns.

[viatori patuit]

Ah the "mistake".

 

Mistakes are going to the store and getting 2 percent when you wanted skim milk....

 

A wrong lane change....

 

Forgetting you had to be at work an hour before you showed up.

 

Those are mistakes

 

What you describe was a conscious decision made on your part. In fact, reading between the lines of your post, it is abundantly clear that at the end of the day, you feel what you did was really not that bad. Sure, you destroyed lives, but hey, it was a MISTAKE! So please don't judge too harshly...

 

After all, you were protecting your partner's feelings by the happy accident that happened when you stuck your dick in somebody else.

 

I needed a good laugh today. And you fit the bill.

 

Thanks, Obama!

 

 

I was referring to the op situation. In the situation where nothing actually happened I don’t always advocate telling the other party. It has the potential to ruin the relationship. If the person has become aware of their behavior and corrected it then why tell the so? I am curious what good would come of it? Where do we draw the line?

T

 

My case wasn’t a mistake. It was much worse. I admit that freely and corrected it by ending the relationship. That is the kind of thing that happens if the op doesn’t get their act together.

 

I did like the obama part though. That made me chuckle.