MM Away and I Am So Sad...Advice Appreciated

[justcallmesnug]

My MM is away in his yearly "family vacation", so we all know that means his W (he supposedly can't stand) and kids are with him. This is the fifth day, and I think I am going to go crazy. This year, he is in a place where there is no cell phone service, or there is if you drive about 15 minutes from where he is staying, and the phone in the rental is local calls only.

 

He called one time, the day after he left, and I havent heard from him since. This is the fifth year I've gone through this, and this is the first year that he hasn't called me every day. I know he needed a break from work, and I think he needed a break from everything, including me.

 

Our relationship, which was beautiful, has fallen apart over the past year. After it having gone on for so long, I was asking him to tell his W about us. My goal is not for him to leave his kids, etc., but for him to tell her about so, in the hopes we could have a normal relationship, with hims staying over a few nights a week or being able to go away with me, etc. They have no relationship outside of what involves going to family functions, etc. They have not had sex in about 4.5 years. Yes, I believe it. He said she is not interested in him that way, and he is not interested in her that way. As we've all heard, he is staying there and keeping it as is so the kids won't be in a bad position.

 

I have not slept with him...it will be one year on 8/20. After so much time went by and there was so much love, I couldnt understand why he wouldnt say anything to her. I asked for a ring as a promise that I wasn't wasting all of this time for nothing. He got mad and asked me why his word wasn't good enough, as he had told me when his youngest is grown he is leaving and he would love to be with me. I'm sure you've all had this talk with your MM or MW.

 

Anyway...it is eating away at me to know he is in such a beautiful place with another female, even though he says he does't think of it that way. This place is on the water, cliffs, scenery, quaint ocean town, you get the picture. The other years he would go sit at the beach at night and call me and talk to me for hours on end. So this hurts a lot.

 

If yo've been through any of this, please respond. No harsh words please, I have already been crying for hours on end.

[Justagirl2008]

That you're going through this. I am involved in an A myself but unfortunate for me it is love on his part and not on mine so it is very uncomfortable. However I have a friend that has gone through this and ultimately she left him. She left him because the saying goes that if a man truly and really loves you it won't matter what state of affairs his family life is in. People get divorced everyday and using the children as an excuse is well just that, an excuse. There's such things called visitation rights and joint custody. Both of which he can file and do. I think for the most part most affairs are just like temporary solutions to marriage breakdowns. When the marriage resumes into a safe and happy place again you can safely bet that the OW will find herself on the back burner and not the center of their MM's attention anymore. My A is fairly new, so that hasn't happened yet, but I'm also not in love, he is, and I hate to be the one to tell him but nothing will come of this affair. My MM is a rare thing. Anyhow I hope that you'll get through this and don't waste anymore of your time being miserable. Go out, have lunch, exercise, clean the house, do your hair, find something to do. Don't sit there and wallow. I know thats easy for me to say but honestly get yourself up and do something. Most MM's always come back for more. A fact!

[ww]

well stop waiting for him.

[sami]

keep moving on ww.

[whichwayisup]

You need some other things in your life to keep you busy. Go out with friends, do some fun hobbies, start new projects around the house. Don't rely on MM to be the one and only thing in your life. Actually NO man should be the only thing in your life to make you happy. Be happy for YOU.

 

He has a life with his wife, and sadly for you because of that this will continue to happen. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve, summer holidays etc...

 

The pattern? ALL MM say that their relationships suck at home, no sex, they fight and he wants out...It's all Bullcrap! If he was that unhappy he'd leave her and be with you...But, he hasn't and he won't as he doesn't want to change his life...Having his cake and eating it too.

 

Don't mean to be mean, if I am it is not meant to be...More like a reality check.

 

You won't have a normal relationship with him as he is married. If he tells his wife, she more than likely isn't going to give her blessing for him to continue with you.

 

If things are not as they once were with him, why are you staying with him? Other than love and how he makes you feel - Why put yourself through this? Don't you think you deserve a man who will only love and be with you?

 

Sadly, asking him for a promise ring while he's married to his wife was putting yourself out there to be hurt. Don't waste energy on him that way. Do you know what I mean?

 

I hope things improve for you, but I'm not too sure it will. Keep your heart shielded and try to detach yourself from this MM. DO it for you, not for him.

[justcallmesnug]

I don't think staying in a bad marriage for children is an excuse all of the time. I think each situation is unique. In MM's case, he was married before, and his first child did not turn out so well (he is grown now). I understand all of his concerns; however, I didn't expect the situation to turn out like this. When you get upset and actually become a human being with problems or whatever, maybe these MMs don't want anything to do with you.

 

To me, to stay with someone who never cooks you a meal, doesn't clean up the house and never shows you any affection, especially when you do so much, is absurd. Well, he says if he doesn't clean up the house and do the kid's laundry then it just won't get done at all. It makes me feel badly that I wouldn't treat him like that ever, and I love him so much, but I am not being the chosen one, especially after so long. I didn't have any children and it has been hard watching him have children with someone else, this issue of not havng kids never bothered me before. He does a great job with his kids, and I am all for him staying around them.

 

I guess if you've gone through a divorce before, you never want to do it again, and this is what I've heard from other people. The money, the house, the kids, yada yada. As far as my own issues, to keep hanging out with him and getting more attached isn't the best thing for me. He probably wasn't looking for someone to love him like this, he was looking for physical and emotional companionship, but nothing more. n For all this time, it has been like we were the closest couple. I have helped him with his business, his music, anything he needed.

 

Maybe this is my own fault. When we met he told me he was miserable but "didn't want to break up his family." He said the only way he was leaving before his kids are grown would be if she died. But after we fell so much in love, I thought there was hope. You can't put a cap on things like love. Who knew what it would turn out to be.

 

Where I am at is it doesn't matter so much to me what he thinks of her anymore, but what he thinks of me does matter. I go into the PMS rage once a month, and I always start swearing and yelling that I hate this woman and how I wish she would leave, but why would she because you do everything for her, etc. I've heard from about 5 people that she is so awful and bitchy to him. He said I am focusing more on hating her than liking him. Is that possible?

[Justagirl2008]

This is another way of him turning your focus off of the real issues at hand and keeping you at bay, by saying you're focusing too much on hating her and not liking him. This is a classic MM manipulation. I know that you think maybe I'm being to harsh but that is not the case. This is just what they do. He says that he is in an awful place and that his first child didn't turn out so good but you know what divorce is divorce no matter how many times you do it. If he really does not like his wife he would leave. The fact that he hasn't should say a lot. That is why I think it is never best to get so emotionally involved with a MM. Yeah I know imagine someone like me saying that, ie I'm having an affair. Honestly though he is keeping you at bay and smoothing things over so you don't get too far ahead and or he loses you. The problem with these types are they are fence sitters and they'll sit on the fence for as long as you let them. You have to be the strong one and tell him to either get on with it or hit the road. Yeah it'll hurt but time heals all.

[justcallmesnug]

You are not being harsh. I have said numerous times if it was so bad you would leave. The thing is he's never home. This vacation thing is the only time he really spends time with her, other than occassional holidays. She brings a girlfriend with her on the vacation! As soon as she gets home from work, he's out the door to his office. He goes home at 1 or 2 in the AM. Wakes up at 7:00AM, and she leaves for work by 7:30AM. He says it is only possible because he doesn't interact with her too much. He said it was a big mistake to have the second child with her, but she kept on him about it day and night because whe was almost 39 at the time and told him that his daughter would be lonely as a single child. It all makes sense on paper, right?

 

He was so wonderful to me for so long, but like I said, once you start crying and asking for answers, etc., you become just another "nag" or "pain in the ass". I.m a pretty awesome lady, and he was lucky to find me.

 

Anyway, he know this not calling must be making me so sad. Yet, he still does not call. I can't even believe he's not calling. Maybe a lot of it doesn't have to do with me, but that is what I focus on-one of my issues. The guy was ready to flip out before he left. He does an awful lot and I feel selfish putting him down for taking a lousy seven days off the whole year.

 

Thanks for your insight

[justcallmesnug]

Well, it's almost 5:30PM, so another whole day gone by with no phone call from MM. I am so so sad that he's gone, but I am sad (or jealous?) that he is in a nice place with his W. Do people understand the difference? If you've been through this vacation crap, how did you feel?

 

We usually talk 5 or 6 times per day, so this is torture. It's only 2 more days now, so the brunt of it is over. I did leave a message on his phone, just in case he gets service to check his messages. I wish I didn't leave the message, but I did. I just said I didn't expect him to go the whole time without speaking to me.

 

Perhaps his behavior is his way of ending things, in his own way. I just spoke to someone who knows him and his W, and they said it's too bad he had to go on vacation with someone he doesn't like very much. I mean anybody who knows them both had said the same thing. I wonder why he stuck in a miserable situation. I'm one to talk, huh? I'm stuck to this situation.

 

Just venting

[newbby]

i dont know if you have ever read on here that having an ow actually makes the marriage more bearable, i have heard this many times and i completely agree. i also experienced it with my mm.

then, once you begin to nag, get stressed, feel unconfident etc, they look at their bearable marriage and think why leave it for a nag.

it is completely unfair, but it is the way it is.

i did this with my mm, i would be fine, until he had to go, and then i would feel angry, not knowing when i would see him again, not being sure i even would, but mainly knowing that everything was in his hands, i didnt even have the means to contact him in those days, which was both good and bad.

mostly i just lost my confidence, and couldnt just relax in his company.

the situation inevitably brings out the worst in you, and the novelty begins to wear off for the mm.

i believe the best thing to do at this point is to leave them alone. just state your needs and leave them alone.

i made the mistake of never stating my needs due to pride, and then not really leaving him alone, but not continuing the relationship either, just trying to be friends and convincing him that this was all i wanted.

it becomes a viscious cycle once you begin begging for their affection and time, the more you beg, the less they give, the less they give, the worse you feel....

just do nc, he knows what you want from him, and i think nc is the only way to go at this point.

i also think that you need the time apart so that you can see more objectively, just how great this guy really is.

[Owl]

Newbby-

 

I hope you have seen my posts well enough to know that I don't mean to bash, but I really feel that his has to be said.

 

There is NO WAY that an affair of any kind is GOOD for a marriage. It does not make the marriage more bearable. It doesn't save the marriage. Bluntly my friend, that's just wishful thinking to help salve the OP's feelings about what is going on.

 

All an affair does is create (or worsen) an environment where at least one spouse is contributing less and less emotionally into the marriage. Every moment spent with the OM/OW, every communication, every shared ANYTHING is given at the betrayed spouse's expense. That is something that SHOULD have been shared/spent with them...but was not. And those missing elements become more and more noticeable over time...that's what leads to the 'gut feeling' that BS's have that something wrong. It creates a 'distance' between the two spouses...or at least widens an already existing one.

 

In reality, the MM/MW is sitting in a situation where he/she has TWO people working to make them feel better...perhaps that makes it more 'bearable' for them...I don't know.

 

One thing to remember...the MM/MW not only lies to their spouse, but they lie to everyone else too. Even themselves. I've seen it repeatedly where someone gets involved with an affair, and convinces themselves that the marriage was horrible...when in reality it wasn't nearly as bad as they've let themselves think...it's a mechanism that they can use to justify what they've done, even to themselves.

 

Now, there ARE exceptions. But that's what they are...EXCEPTIONS. They're not the rule, they're not common, and while we'd all like to believe that we'll beat the odds, reality is that most of us don't.

 

In most cases, its far more likely that the MM/MW is lying, or at least perceiving things in the worst possible way.

 

Sorry if this post offends anyone...it's not meant to. I just felt that it made sense to bring these points out.

 

As far as to the original poster...I'm sorry that you're feeling such pain. I don't know of any remedies or suggestions for you to ease that pain while he's gone or during the affair...sadly, everyone gets hurt in these situations. I wish you good luck however. And pray that your situation works out the best way it can for everyone involved.

[newbby]

Newbby-

 

 

 

There is NO WAY that an affair of any kind is GOOD for a marriage. It does not make the marriage more bearable. It doesn't save the marriage. Bluntly my friend, that's just wishful thinking to help salve the OP's feelings about what is going on.

 

wishful thinking?

i hardly think so!

why would anyone wish to feel that the continuation of their relationship has only made the person they fell in love with happier with their most important relationship, and that had they refused the affair, the mm may have left the marriage altogether and given a proper chance to the relationship??????????

 

I've seen it repeatedly where someone gets involved with an affair, and convinces themselves that the marriage was horrible...when in reality it wasn't nearly as bad as they've let themselves think...it's a mechanism that they can use to justify what they've done, even to themselves.

 

i agree, that this is often true. however, why the a in the first place? perhaps it is only lust, but most of these affairs continue for quite some time, i think there is most likely some dissatisfaction with the marriage before the a begins.

 

also you say that the a is not helpful to the marriage as it is only communication and hard work that saves the marriage. i dont believe that is the only way to save a marriage. i think any shift in dynamics would more than likely be beneficial. if two people are stuck in a certain way of relating then it only takes one to alter their attitude to the other person to change everything. perhaps in the beginning of the affair this alters for the worse, but as the cs gets the ego boost and appreciation they were seeking from the marital partner from elsewhere, and feels alive and youthful again, it makes sense that it would take the pressure off the marriage. then the cs feels guilty and feels the love again for the bs and begins to resent the op.

[justcallmesnug]

Newby-

 

Thanks. I know what you mean about asking for the time. We were equally crazy about each other for about 3 years. In general, his life is so hectic. I see now how much of his time he actually did give to me. Sometimes I think it all got to be too much. He works a verly long day while doing the kid pick up and drop off at school and activities deal. Then, he goes home form about 4 to 6 PM and has to clean up the dishes and do the kid's laundry because she doesnt like to go to the basement to do laundry. Then he leaves the house at 6PM and is preparing for his company's next day until around midnight. Never eats at home for dinner, and always orders food out. He is on the phone with me much of the night while he is doing his work, and I think it got to the point where he didnt have a moment to himself. The company phone rings constantly and then I expect phone calls and then at night when the company phone is off I expect him to talk with me. At first, he told me it was not me that he was just stressed out. Because he always found time for me in the past, I didn't believe this. Of course, if it was juse the two of us these things wouldn't bother me as much because I know I'd see him that night or whatever.

 

He called me last night, but I was asleep. The message said he had to go find an open area on a beach about 15 minutes from where he is staying and he had just found a rock that he coould sit on and get reception. I appreciate that very much. I wish I was awake when he called. One call since Saturday, it's unheard of.

 

I wish things would work out for us, and he always said they will when the little one grows up, but people, that is about 10 years from now. This is why I wanted a promise of something, because that's a long time. People say why would you wait for him when you can meet anybody. The thing is I want to be with him, not just with any person I can meet. I hope someone understands this.

[newbby]

understand your feelings yes, but worry about your future also. it depends on what else you want, i mean aside from him, what else do you want in life? do you have children? want children?

there are many who have posted on this forum who have said they waited 10/20 years for the kids to grow old enough or just waited because he led them to believe that "one day" or were just so hooked on the mm they couldnt leave the relationship. these women utterly regret their wasted years, there are some who wanted children and never had them, there are some who just are left with nothing for all their patience, and all of them feel that this time was stolen from them by the empty promises of a mm.

i am not saying this is definetly the case with your mm, but you need to do a risk assessment, is it actually worth the risk to you?

the thing you have to ask yourself is not, is it worth waiting for the eventual outcome, what you need to ask yourself is, if it was like it is now, forever, would i be content?, are you content now for instance?

because if you are not, then you really should not be there.

[justcallmesnug]

Newbby-

 

This has been tough, and thanks to all who are posting a response. It really helps to have a place to vent about this.

 

No, I do not have children, and at this point I probably won't be having any.

 

I am not content with the way things are now. It seemed the way things were going that he was going to tell his W. He doesn't lover her anymore, he doesn't touch her anymore and the whole thing is ridiculous. A few years ago, he told her we got together about work and he ended up kissing me. He said nothing had been going on for so long with her (W) that he and I ended up kissing. We had been together two years at that point, and he loved me very much, so he should have been more honest, but at least he said something. So when I asked him what she said, he said she said she could get something going too. This seemed hopeful, right? Okay, nothing was ever mentioned of it again.

 

I will not wait the time of 10 or so years, and the only reason they will last that long is she will lose her house cleaner, laundry person and someone to do all the errands for and with the kids.

 

I have talked to several people who know them, and not one of them had a kind word to say about her ever. I don't think he is lying about not touching her, because he asked me the other day what he is supposed to do about sex and intimacy if I won't sleep with him (it's been 1 year). I was shocked he said this to me, and I told him he was asking the wrong person. I said ask your W about that. I said you have someone to have sex with, and he hates when I say that, because he doesn't like her in that way.

 

Thanks so much for input, etc. I wish I never got involved in this, and I'm sure a lot of people out her feel the same way.

[justcallmesnug]

Well, I did not receive a call on Thursday either. So, left Saturday AM, talked to him then, called Sunday PM, talked to him then, Wednesday evening called when I was sleeping. Wow, I can't even believe it. I guess he was not thinking of me too much. Never once called during the day, so even though in the past vacations he didn't hang around with W much, maybe this year he did.

 

I am relieved that he will be back tomorrow. This has been hell for me, not that he's gone but that he was with her night and day. I know to him it is just routine bulls**it to be around her, even though they don't get along, but to me it's a big deal. When he is here, I know what he is doing.

 

I am truly hurt and upset, so I don't even know how to act when he gets back. I'm not sure if all of you understand how I feel, but this was absolute torture. You should see how beautiful the place is where they are vacationing. You can't help but thinking he is acting with her the way he acts with you.

 

I will tell him how much it hurt not to hear from him in seven days, and he's going to say it was because of the lack of cell service, but I know he did not stay on that property every day without driving 10-minutes away to reception-that would be a lie for sure.

 

The hardest thing is the fact that this is probably over, and all the things I thought would happen will not. I'm sure he loved me very much and wanted us to stay close, but I am the one who stopped the physical contact. The main thing I will tell him when an if there is a final conversation is that I just wanted his life to be better. I care for him so much that I wanted to offer him a real relationship as a partner, not just someone who talked him into having children when he didn't want anymore children, not someone to clean up the house after me and take care of everything because I am a lazy bitch. I wanted to help him with his business, his music, make a nice meal for him every day and give him love and kisses every night. He works so hard and does so much and he doesn't have any physical affection at all. When we used to hug each other he would let out this sigh.

 

I really wish I never got involved in this. To me, I thought of him as my boyfriend, not an affair. I've never loved anyone more, and I wanted this to work out with all my heart.

[newbby]

not meaning to be harsh, but have you ever considered that he is manipulating everyone else as well as you, including himself. it is something that owl said, and something i have also considered, that the mm will sometimes convince himself that his marriage is h£ll to assuage his own guilty feelings.

it may be that the honeymoon period with you has now worn off and he is left with the real marriage, the one he convinced himself was terrible whilst he was in love with you. this is the time that in a normal relationship people have to work together and love the other person warts and all.

whilst this period would take longer for you, as you are still waiting for the relationship to fully begin in many ways, for him he has had this period with you, he has been in control of the relationship all along and has had your full commitment all along.

now he is left with two relationships, neither of them full of excitement, one of them with years of history and children, that is also his identity in life, who everyone knows him as etc.

the other is with someone that nobody knows, that does not have years of history that it does not turn his entire life upside down to leave.

i am really sorry but i really believe that this is what is happening with him.

i really think you need to stop calling him, or ask him flat out for the truth so that you can deal and move on.

[jadeblossom]

it is something that owl said, and something i have also considered, that the mm will sometimes convince himself that his marriage is h£ll to assuage his own guilty feelings.

 

Hmm, now that's something that never occurred to me that could be very true.

[justcallmesnug]

I have listened carefully to all you have said, and you could very well be right. I know it is hard because you don't know MM, and you do not know me, so we are all responding to words on paper from people we don't know; that's the hard part.

 

In MM's case, his marriage is very bad. When I did not know him very well, someone who did know him was telling me about his "situation" even before I met him. After I met him, other people I spoke with on the phone would ask me if I knew his wife too. When I said no, they said things like you are lucky, oh what a piece of work she is and one guy called her an F'n Bi**h, as did another female who knows them both. It really is how he told me it is. They do nothing together as a couple, no dates, dinners, movies, sex, music. She does not help him or have any interest in his company or what he does, and he pretty much does not know what she does at her job.

 

Having said all of this, I am at the point now where that is his life that he chose. I don't think he lied about anything to me. In fact, he is so blunt that he's told me things I'd rather not have known, like he sleeps naked. Of course, I had to have that picture of him in a bed with her naked at night. Even though it is not an issue to him, it is to me.

 

I am in a place now of wondering about his feelings and hopes of things with me. The whole time he's been gone all I did was cry and wonder why he is not away with me. Even on his vacations they have at least one big fight. I feel bad that he can't enjoy his vacation with an adult companion, even though he spends all of the time with his kids, and this makes him happy.

 

The comments about as soon as I had some issues and was crying and asking him to tell her and he got mad at me have had the most impact on me. I do an awful ot for this guy, but I am human too. He should have been flattered that I want to spend my life with him, but I think it all became another problem in his already too busy, hectic and miserable life.

 

Thanks for your words.....

[newbby]

i did not know this jcms,

it does sound bad, but you are right, he still chooses to be there.

perhaps he loves being a doormat.

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by newbby

i did not know this jcms,

it does sound bad, but you are right, he still chooses to be there.

perhaps he loves being a doormat.

 

Not sure what jcms is....Well, I get that feeling sometimes about the doormat thing. Perhaps when they met he was not in a good place. He is a very devoted person. Once he decides something, he sticks with it.

 

 

He is the one that does 80% of the childcare, but she would do a number on him with the kids if he ever left, and I believe that. Also, who would clean up after them, etc? I never said I wanted him to leave his kids or his house. I wanted him to say something to her so we could have something together. If he told her we were kissing one night, and she didn't care, why not stick with it. He won't discuss this with me, I've asked several times. I wonder what she is doing for sex herself...not that I care, but I do wonder. For that matter, what am I doing for sex...LOL. It's been a year tomorrow. I'm okay with that. I mean I miss him in that way because the closeness and comfort I felt with him sexually was something I had not experienced before. He said the same thing. See why I am so frustrated!

 

What is your situation? Are you with a MM or did you leave one? I am thankful this is almost over, the vacation thing. No, and I have not received a call today either, Friday and it's after 4:00PM.

 

To anyone who is reading the posts, please learn something from them. These men swear they love you up and down, but they aren't going anywhere, especially if they have kids.

[newbby]

i dont really get the no sex thing, i mean i get it, but i dont know that part of the story. who's idea was it? are you still having a relationship? are you withholding the physical until he tells her?

i guess she pretty much knows she's got him under her thumb, thats why when he told her about the kissing, she acted so blase about it. he knows it too, which is why he loves the contrast perhaps.

however, telling her that he is actually sleeping with someone else, is a whole different kettle of fish. that makes him the total bad guy.

sometimes i think these mm need both the relationships, she is totally in control of theirs, maybe with you he felt it was more equal or felt that he had more control and this makes him better able to handle life with her. it gives him a little bit of power back in his relationship with her if he knows something she doesnt know, and that is that he has another girlfriend too.

i have worried before, when i was seeing my mm, that it was a similar scenario. that he was working out, through me some of the issues he had with her.

i do believe that that is what they do.

no i am not seeing my mm anymore, we were being friends but now i am doing nc, because he was unneccessarily rude to me. i didnt feel that great in the friendship to be quite honest and i am delighted that i had such a fantastic excuse to end it. one thing nc gives you is objectivity, if you ride through the times that you miss them and convince yourself that they miss you too, that is.

i used to find it exceptionally difficult and painful when i either came to certain realisations or read other peoples. i used to get that awful sinking stomach and pain. now i dont, i think thank god i'm not still speaking to the a**h***.

[justcallmesnug]

The no sex thing was my idea. I started to feel that so much time had gone by and nothing was going to be said about me. So I equated that with not being in love enough with me to say something about me. Did you ever feel like a piece of crap on the side? Well, at first I didn't because he was so loving and attentive. Then, I started feeling really bad about myself. Perhaps he came to the realization that he wasn't going to ever say anything so he started to cool things off.

 

He told her about the kissing because, at the time, he was considering perhaps they could both see other people because there is no sexual contact or interest. I thought that was a good sign. As I said, a year after he told her I asked him if it was ever brought up again and he said no.

 

I am so upset. I can't believe I wasn't called all week, or probably even thought of, who knows....I can't just not talk to him because I do work for the company in a telecommute capacity, so I do have to talk with him at least once a day. I am looking for a different job so it will be easier to leave.

 

When he gets back tomorrow, he is not going to want to hear any of this crying or anything, but I have all kinds of things I want to say. Then, when I cry he'll say and you wonder why I don't call anymore. He can be a bit nasty.

 

Many have said let her have him. He's a cheater. Which I guess is what is going to happen anyway. He can't stand her or me, I guess.

 

This will be one of the things that has had a very bad effect on me in my life, probably one of the worst things ever. I look to way back when I said we shouldn't do this. What if we end up really liking each other. He said worry about that later. I said if it gets to the point where I am crying every day then we have to say goodbye. Well, I've been crying every day for a year.

[newbby]

dont let him see ya cry hun.

it only makes you feel worse.

let him see you can live without him too. when he comes back say, i initially missed you, but then i got to thinking of all the things i could do while you were away, and i did them.

how long have you got till he comes back? do something, quick. go out try an have some fun.

[lynnered]

jcms,

cheer up & get out do something!!

involved MM 4 years vactions are one of the worst pasat of the situation,

MM is/was (dont wanna get into that )in sept,

but in july he went away with her ,last minute he told me,

i asked y did u wait until a week before obv u knew?&if ur going to leave y not put off vaction?

he stated he thought id be upset&they split costs his brother goes &some buddies for work ,his kid going etc ,ok i said fine ,

if u cant call text me ,

well no call whole time a very brief text everyday up until last 3 days,when he went to gym,

he said he didnt get good service there&when he got back he apoligized ,but still usually i dont hear anything at all when he went away,

it gets worst jcms,

im not trying to advise u but,

from my experience it gets worst then better then worst ,a miserable roller coaster ,

in my 1st year i said nothing about nothing ,after that i started trying to leave ,

my advice if ur not happy leave ,or do NC til he leaves if u want him wh u

i made the mistake of NC then giving in then NC again ,

dont start that cycle !!

i scared him really good one time he probly would have left he was so scared of loseing me ,then i gave in started up again "til sept",

but the anger &frustration for all those times like vaction when ive sat home & cried ,

keep coming back ,& they will for u even if they go away for a minute ,because as long as hes married its going to be like this

i dont know how much longer hes gone but take this time to think what u want out of this ,then take the steps to make that happen

goodluck

hope u feel better