MM Away and I Am So Sad...Advice Appreciated

[justcallmesnug]

Thanks so much for the advice. I think I have to come to terms with the fact it's time to let go of this situation. I won't be alright for a long time, but I'm not alright now either.

 

He called every year, practically every night, while away. This is a different place though, and i know there is no phone service. He attempted two times, but I was alseep. I just don't think it was that important to him this year.

 

He also told me 5 days before he was leaving. He left on his birthday, and I had arranged to have balloons delivered and ordered a cake. I had to call and cancel both of those. He is having financial trouble, so I thought he was not going this year, as he usually goes in early summer, not in August. So when he told me, I was shocked. He said there was no sense in telling me months in advance. Maybe I make him feel bad about taking one lousy week off out of the whole year.

 

He is back tomorrow, and I think it's going to be too awkward to talk to him, but I have to because of my job.

 

Thanks for the words!

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by newbby

dont let him see ya cry hun.

it only makes you feel worse.

let him see you can live without him too. when he comes back say, i initially missed you, but then i got to thinking of all the things i could do while you were away, and i did them.

how long have you got till he comes back? do something, quick. go out try an have some fun.

 

He has hear me crying for months, but it does make you fell like a fool, huh? He must have had the best time. The weather was pristine every day for the beach, etc. He is back tomorrow, Saturday. Not sure what to say to him. I know he knows not hearing from him makes me very sad.

 

At some point, I will be okay, but it will be a long time from now, and it will be hard to ever believe a guy again. I always say to him "if not you, who will I ever love like this?" I actually mean it, too. He really missed out on a great person to stay with an awful one.

 

All of your words, all the posters here, have really helped me a lot this week. Thanks so much

[whichwayisup]

I said if it gets to the point where I am crying every day then we have to say goodbye. Well, I've been crying every day for a year.

 

I won't be alright for a long time, but I'm not alright now either.

 

IS he worth all this pain??? All the enery and all your love? For what, a few hours here and there so you feel good, then the rest of the time you're suffering?

 

Hon, you CAN find somebody who you can love - Even healthier, better and freely! That person will love you back...JUST you.

 

Really think about this situation you're in. The way I see it the bad outweighs the good here and you're only hurting yourself by allowing him in your life.

 

I'll say this too, you are worth more than this! I know it's hard for you and he is your life but sadly you're not 'just' his. He has a wife, children - a family...So you're not number one on his priority list. (Don't mean that to hurt you, but that is why he hasn't contacted you on his holidays, as it's family time.)

 

Hang in there and just take it one day at a time. Don't be afraid to seek some one on one therapy to help you cope, you may need it and it could help you so much.

[lynnered]

Originally posted by justcallmesnug

Thanks so much for the advice. I think I have to come to terms with the fact it's time to let go of this situation. I won't be alright for a long time, but I'm not alright now either.

 

He called every year, practically every night, while away. This is a different place though, and i know there is no phone service. He attempted two times, but I was alseep. I just don't think it was that important to him this year.

 

He also told me 5 days before he was leaving. He left on his birthday, and I had arranged to have balloons delivered and ordered a cake. I had to call and cancel both of those. He is having financial trouble, so I thought he was not going this year, as he usually goes in early summer, not in August. So when he told me, I was shocked. He said there was no sense in telling me months in advance. Maybe I make him feel bad about taking one lousy week off out of the whole year.

 

He is back tomorrow, and I think it's going to be too awkward to talk to him, but I have to because of my job.

 

Thanks for the words!

how long have u been wh him ?

i thought just a year

your probly at the point i am ,

were not talking right now ,

and im glad im not dealing with him ,

i changed my home tn today ,

cell stays the same only cause i have a great number!!and on IM i weirds me out but he used 2b logged in "im moble"only during work &out hours ,

but 8/11-yesturday hes been logged in(i check in but im invisable).

this happend before &i think hes waiting to see me logg in but thats not gonna happen

i forget who said it where on here but it was something about hateing them to move on & thats the point im at i hate him(,but love him im sure u know the feeling

 

cause i needed his help he offered ,i didnt ask ,then we got into it i was like thats fine but u said u would help me out,(this was on IM we NC this time)and basically he didnt help me !!s

o im finacially screwed cause of him!i was off work for a month& had i known he wouldnt help me,i would have gotton a job during this time

so goes to show u,

ive been having really bad times lately ,things just keep getting worst,

but the good thing i guess is things with him seem so insignificant ,

when u have so much else to worry about

sorry to vent but again i wish u luck

[lynnered]

"At some point, I will be okay, but it will be a long time from now, and it will be hard to ever believe a guy again. I always say to him "if not you, who will I ever love like this?" I actually mean it, too. He really missed out on a great person to stay with an awful one."

 

im not trying to bash all W's so nobody take it this way please,

BUT

same with my MM she is a controlling ,demanding person,5 years older,over-weight i could go on &he even said

"the way she treats me makes me hate her, even if she was pam anderson, the way im treated would make me still hate her

,she hates that i work out,we went out n as always i cant talk 2 any1

and of me he says

the way u r is alot 2 do w/ it even if u were ugly n fat, its ur personalty.i wish i would ve met u sooner baby,thats y i love u so much, u do anything 4 me, like no1 else ever had done

But how does he show me??

but giving me crumbs my MM & ur MM can get together &cry like B***** how they lost not only awsosme ladys ,but awsome ladys who if they didnt fiddlef*** around & be selfish would be with them

u will love someone else like this and i will too!!

itll take time

take care of u

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by lynnered

"At some point, I will be okay, but it will be a long time from now, and it will be hard to ever believe a guy again. I always say to him "if not you, who will I ever love like this?" I actually mean it, too. He really missed out on a great person to stay with an awful one."

 

im not trying to bash all W's so nobody take it this way please,

BUT

same with my MM she is a controlling ,demanding person,5 years older,over-weight i could go on &he even said

"the way she treats me makes me hate her, even if she was pam anderson, the way im treated would make me still hate her

,she hates that i work out,we went out n as always i cant talk 2 any1

and of me he says

the way u r is alot 2 do w/ it even if u were ugly n fat, its ur personalty.i wish i would ve met u sooner baby,thats y i love u so much, u do anything 4 me, like no1 else ever had done

But how does he show me??

but giving me crumbs my MM & ur MM can get together &cry like B***** how they lost not only awsosme ladys ,but awsome ladys who if they didnt fiddlef*** around & be selfish would be with them

u will love someone else like this and i will too!!

itll take time

take care of u

 

They all say the same thing, huh? Well, my MM's wife is the same age as I am, but very, very unattractive and a pig. They are not very well off financially, but some lady comes and cleans up the parts of the house that MM is too busy to take care of. I guess I am learning it is not what the MMs say but what they do. I've heard before with the MMs that is not what you look like or anything, but it's how you make them feel. Well, I guess when I call crying and hurt and angry, I don't make him feel too good. It's been hard to come to the realization that no matter what he said to me in the past, I am not a very big part of his life anymore. Because I'm not sleeping with him, I guess he ended up hating my guts, but she doesn't sleep with him, and she gets everything.

 

Nice life, huh?

[lynnered]

Originally posted by justcallmesnug

They all say the same thing, huh? Well, my MM's wife is the same age as I am, but very, very unattractive and a pig. They are not very well off financially, but some lady comes and cleans up the parts of the house that MM is too busy to take care of. I guess I am learning it is not what the MMs say but what they do. I've heard before with the MMs that is not what you look like or anything, but it's how you make them feel. Well, I guess when I call crying and hurt and angry, I don't make him feel too good. It's been hard to come to the realization that no matter what he said to me in the past, I am not a very big part of his life anymore. Because I'm not sleeping with him, I guess he ended up hating my guts, but she doesn't sleep with him, and she gets everything.

 

Nice life, huh?

his W he said she was like a girlfriend but she bought him stuff he stuck around wanted to get out but had fears of being alone was gonna leave she gets preg,i met him when she was preg, we met &would sit &talk in his truck ,silly stuff his situation ,A didn't start til 2 years later ,

LOL on pig he says that all the time

she makes more then him ,but i make good $$ & i used to feel that was the issue ,the house they live in is her parents they live in another state & come & go as they please(its there house lol)that pisses him off

she has a child from another guy ,who's father was in jail for assualing her sister,and doesn't pay support .

when i had my apartment MM used to always say he felt like he was on vacation when he was with me ,or when we NC how much he misses me ,he just needs to see me ,I'm his councler ,

i was mad & typing back & forth wh him 1x & i wrote u may forget the words i said but ull never forget the way i made u feel ,

same with the sleeping together i wore sexy outfits ,heels thigh highs etc ALLOUT 4 him ,she does nothing never really did ,& he bought her a automatic starter for XMAS me nothing no even a card !!i told him i wanted a card

ive gone back &forth on the sleeping together thing ,he try to guilt me by insinuating like he might as well sleep wh her I'm not giving him any!!

he confuses me so much&pisses me off !!

he is stupid & lets himself be treated like crap cause she holds kid over his head.

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

IS he worth all this pain??? All the enery and all your love? For what, a few hours here and there so you feel good, then the rest of the time you're suffering?

 

Hon, you CAN find somebody who you can love - Even healthier, better and freely! That person will love you back...JUST you.

 

Really think about this situation you're in. The way I see it the bad outweighs the good here and you're only hurting yourself by allowing him in your life.

 

I'll say this too, you are worth more than this! I know it's hard for you and he is your life but sadly you're not 'just' his. He has a wife, children - a family...So you're not number one on his priority list. (Don't mean that to hurt you, but that is why he hasn't contacted you on his holidays, as it's family time.)

 

Hang in there and just take it one day at a time. Don't be afraid to seek some one on one therapy to help you cope, you may need it and it could help you so much.

 

You are right. I am worth a lot, and I know it. I was like an angel sent from God to him. Everything he wished for just showed up in his lap. It is hard for others to understand, but we were perfect for each other. I think he loved "just me", but after a while I became a problem to him, crying, asking questions, etc. He keeps saying "I'm waiting for you rto go back to the way you were before." Well, when I met him I was happy. I am this way because of the situation we are in. I guess him not calling or making en effor for most of the week said a lot to me.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by justcallmesnug

 

You are right. I am worth a lot, and I know it. I was like an angel sent from God to him. Everything he wished for just showed up in his lap. It is hard for others to understand, but we were perfect for each other. I think he loved "just me", but after a while I became a problem to him, crying, asking questions, etc. He keeps saying "I'm waiting for you rto go back to the way you were before." Well, when I met him I was happy. I am this way because of the situation we are in. I guess him not calling or making en effor for most of the week said a lot to me.

 

Okay with that in mind...You're aware you changed as time went on and he wasn't as happy...BUT..IT is NOT your fault. Feelings got in the way...It got more serious...More demands, more wanting, more needing...To him, that made him wanna back off...It got too serious and he stopped getting what he needed from you.

 

Look at it this way now, you brought some good into his life, for a little while he made YOU happy...But now it isn't like that ... It changed. Time just does that and sooner or later one has to know when to say goodbye, as much as it will hurt, that time has to happen.

 

Better off it being you making that choice than him ending it completely with you.

 

The less energy and focus you put into him, the less you will care and the better you will feel.

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Okay with that in mind...You're aware you changed as time went on and he wasn't as happy...BUT..IT is NOT your fault. Feelings got in the way...It got more serious...More demands, more wanting, more needing...To him, that made him wanna back off...It got too serious and he stopped getting what he needed from you.

 

Look at it this way now, you brought some good into his life, for a little while he made YOU happy...But now it isn't like that ... It changed. Time just does that and sooner or later one has to know when to say goodbye, as much as it will hurt, that time has to happen.

 

Better off it being you making that choice than him ending it completely with you.

 

The less energy and focus you put into him, the less you will care and the better you will feel.

 

I think it stayed serious between us, but he didn't want someone telling him things he didn't want to hear about his marriage. He is in a bad situation which he has decided to ride out for the next 10 or 11 years. I don't know how he does it, but he says for the kids.

 

In other respects, I am very jealous of all he does for her. He says it is not much, but I think it's a lot. She hates doing laundry, so he does it. Who has kids and then refuses to wash their clothes because they hate where the washing machine is located in the house? She is a sloppy pig around the house, so he cleans up or has a person come in and clean. ANd, there are money problems and money is being wasted because she won;t clean. If she wants to go out on a Friday night, he changes his whole night around at his office to stay homeand babysit. He never really says no to anything because he hates the confrontation. He puts up with an awful lot.

 

Anyway, he comes back later today, and this whole vacation thing was an awful experience!

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by justcallmesnug

 

 

I think it stayed serious between us, but he didn't want someone telling him things he didn't want to hear about his marriage. He is in a bad situation which he has decided to ride out for the next 10 or 11 years. I don't know how he does it, but he says for the kids.

 

In other respects, I am very jealous of all he does for her. He says it is not much, but I think it's a lot. She hates doing laundry, so he does it. Who has kids and then refuses to wash their clothes because they hate where the washing machine is located in the house? She is a sloppy pig around the house, so he cleans up or has a person come in and clean. ANd, there are money problems and money is being wasted because she won;t clean. If she wants to go out on a Friday night, he changes his whole night around at his office to stay homeand babysit. He never really says no to anything because he hates the confrontation. He puts up with an awful lot.

 

Anyway, he comes back later today, and this whole vacation thing was an awful experience!

 

To stay in the marriage just for the kids sake means two things...Kinda could have a reverse affect though. One, it shows that his priorities are just with his kids - To keep the family unit as one. That is the ideal upbringing isn't it? Well, he has to know that staying with his wife for the sake of children isn't always the right choice. Kids learn how to act and how to treat people in friendships/relationships by what they learn at home. I don't know what the dynamtic is between your MM and his wife but eitherway, their kids are learning from them.

 

Secondly, if he is that unhappy then he should leave. Be on his own for a while and figure out what he wants. To leave his wife and family and then jump into a relationship right away isn't a good idea. Good or bad - He still will need time to grieve the loss of leaving.

 

Don't be jealous of her. That is out of your control and isn't going to change. She is in his life - Like it or not. So if you want to still be with your MM and keep things afloat you have to stop focussing on her and their life together. I'm sure to him the jealousy issues bug him. I mean reverse the situation ...Would you want to be with somebody who complains, is down and always jealous? (Sorry, that isn't supposed to read like it came out... ) Know what I mean? Negative energy is just not good and isn't healthy.

 

When he comes home just play it cool. He's expecting you to be pissed at him, to be hurt and I'm sure his back will be up as he'll feel he'll have to "explain" himself to you ... Men hate that! lol. Anyways, keep busy and DO something fun. Go see a movie with some friends!

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

To stay in the marriage just for the kids sake means two things...Kinda could have a reverse affect though. One, it shows that his priorities are just with his kids - To keep the family unit as one. That is the ideal upbringing isn't it? Well, he has to know that staying with his wife for the sake of children isn't always the right choice. Kids learn how to act and how to treat people in friendships/relationships by what they learn at home. I don't know what the dynamtic is between your MM and his wife but eitherway, their kids are learning from them.

 

Secondly, if he is that unhappy then he should leave. Be on his own for a while and figure out what he wants. To leave his wife and family and then jump into a relationship right away isn't a good idea. Good or bad - He still will need time to grieve the loss of leaving.

 

Don't be jealous of her. That is out of your control and isn't going to change. She is in his life - Like it or not. So if you want to still be with your MM and keep things afloat you have to stop focussing on her and their life together. I'm sure to him the jealousy issues bug him. I mean reverse the situation ...Would you want to be with somebody who complains, is down and always jealous? (Sorry, that isn't supposed to read like it came out... ) Know what I mean? Negative energy is just not good and isn't healthy.

 

When he comes home just play it cool. He's expecting you to be pissed at him, to be hurt and I'm sure his back will be up as he'll feel he'll have to "explain" himself to you ... Men hate that! lol. Anyways, keep busy and DO something fun. Go see a movie with some friends!

 

The thing is he doesn't want to break up "the family". He told me from day one, but who knew we would feel this way about each other? I agree that living like that is ridiculous, even for the kids. He is never around when she is there so they don't see much of the negative interaction. The whole marriage is a sham!

 

I should not be jealous of her, the guy cheats and lies, right? The best thing I can do is let it take its course and just end. He made it clear he's not going to say anything to her, and he didn't want to give me anything as a promise that he will be with me when his last kid is 18. Also, he has become downright nasty to me, at times.

 

He may do all of the stuff to compensate for her weakness out of necessity, but he definitely resents her to the point he will show her no affection or even touch her. The guy is horny as heck, and he lies on the other side of a large bed next to woman and won't even make a move. So, they must be pretty mad at each other, huh?

 

Yes, he hates explaining himself. I get that. I might add that he called at 1:00AM today. We got one sentence out and the cell service went dead. He attempted to call me back all the way up until 1:45AM, and the signal could not be picked up. I don't know why he didn't call during the day when he was in a good cell area. He did manage to say "anything you are thinking went on down here did not." Meaning I thought he didn't call because he was with her 24/7. I can not help my vivid imagination.

[newbby]

but he definitely resents her to the point he will show her no affection or even touch her

i am sorry jcms but are you sure about that?

[whichwayisup]

Hate to agree with newbby, but he is lying to his wife. Why would he tell you the truth? I mean, don't believe for a second that they never have sex anymore.

 

Don't live with blinders on. He isn't fully trustworthy and honestly if you do think he never has sex with his wife, or any intimate moments with her - that expression, there's swamp land for sale comes into mind...

 

He knows you're thinking and worrying about him being with her...So notice how he has TOLD you what you wanted to hear??? That what you're thinking hasn't happened?

 

Another thing is, you only have his story of what their marriage is like. You're not privy to seeing their daily dynamtic and how they are together as a family. Tough for you to hear, but if you want to completely get over this MM - You gotta see the whole picture.

[newbby]

my xmm told me he never had sex with his wife too. it wasnt true of course.

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Another thing is, you only have his story of what their marriage is like. You're not privy to seeing their daily dynamtic and how they are together as a family. Tough for you to hear, but if you want to completely get over this MM - You gotta see the whole picture.

 

No, I have heard of the state of the marriage from other people who, of course, no nothing of our involvement. I don't think he has sex with her because he does not like her. This was the hardest thing for me to believe, but he already told me that if I wasn't going to sleep with him any longer then what was he suppossed to do for sex. I said you have someone to have sex with, or maybe you should ask her what you are suppossed to do for sex, if she doesn't want to sleep with her own husband. He was furious. He said I've told you a million times, I do not want to have sex with her, and she is not interested in me that way. It took me forever to believe that at the beginning, but it ended up being the one thing I did believe. He is blunt, and he would probably say something like yeah, I had sex with her, what did you expect me to do. After the second child was born she slept with him like three times. She waited a full year after the birth and then slept with him three times. When we met, he said it had ben about 4 months since he had sex. We did not have sex right away, as I'm not like that. We got together about 15 times and sat outside on the porch and kissed, mostly. He is not attracted to her, physically.

I hate to think of it, but it is a matter of time before he will seek out someone else, except this time he probably won't get so involved with them.

 

He smokes, so he has that to attract someone who might want that for free. I don't do that. His W does to, and I think this is why they stayed together. She does it a lot, and he cut down to one per day. Someone else told me that they asked MM why he married her, and he said I think we were just high a lot of the time. Believe me, he is sorry he got in this mess, but he's not going to just run out on his kids.

[Guest]

I wouldn't doubt that a lot of MM don't have sex with their Ws anymore - or at least very rarely. A lot of my married female friends tell me all the time that they don't feel like having sex with their Hs anymore - plus they let themselves go, put on the weight, cut off their hair, mop around in unstylish clothes, etc. My brother tells me that a lot of his co-workers (all male) complain about this very thing - W gets fat, doesn't have sex anymore, and if they do, it's routine, they don't get aroused anymore, etc. No wonder a lot of MM start to look for more attractive women who will give them sex and attention and don't use them as a human wallet.

[SoftDrink]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

 

 

The pattern? ALL MM say that their relationships suck at home, no sex, they fight and he wants out...It's all Bullcrap! If he was that unhappy he'd leave her and be with you...But, he hasn't and he won't as he doesn't want to change his life...Having his cake and eating it too.

 

Don't mean to be mean, if I am it is not meant to be...More like a reality check.

 

 

can i get an amen?

[justcallmesnug]

Well, I received the dreaded call from the MM, fresh of the ferry and heading home. Of course, I asked him how everything was, etc. Was it hard not to be able to call, etc. Of course, he said yes. I asked him if he had a fun time with her, and he said the usual...I wasn't really with her, with kids and family.

 

I may have caught him in a lie. He left on his b'day. I have had to communicate with someone who knows him and family, but doesn't know about "us". She told me there was an expensive item in his house that they wanted to be down at the vacation rental. The stepdaughter ened up going in the middle of the week, so she took it down there. So I told him this story and asked him what the expensive item was. So he told me. I said who gave you that, and he said the family. Since I have known him, he told me that she doesn't give him anything and he doesn't give her anything on their birthdays, that they give things from the little ones to each other, and I know a lot of couples do this. So he said, well, I actually went and picked it out and purchased it myslef. So I said the little things I had to pick up at the last minute aren't going to match up to that,right? He said you look at it that way, not me. I had already had something planned for him to have a cake and balloons delivered. He didn't tell me he was leaving until five days before, so I had to cancel everything and get a few things at the last minute. I always get him nice stuff for his birthday because I thought no one cared about him, and I did.

 

Whoever said some of the things are lies is probably right. I just again confronted him about the sex thing on the phone, and he laughs. He said if you could be a fly on the wall you wouldn't even worry about these things. He said we barely speak to each other and he can't be constantly reassuring me about this.

 

Thanks for all your patience and listening and posting. I am crying so hard now I can barely type. If I don't get out of this soon I'm afraid I'm going to have some kind of breakdown. It's hard to understand, but I thought the two of us would eventually end up together. It has been hell on me to have this on my mind all of the time, wondering what they are up to. 4.5 years of my life on this guy. I just told him, again, what a waste for him to spend all of his vacation time with her and how she is using him to clean, etc. I saod what does she do to for you? Of course, he said he had to hang up. He's right, who the hell wants to listen to this crap? I've become such a problem to him.

[newbby]

i really feel for you, but dont beat yourelf up. you are only feeding him back the same crap he fed to you, this will be partly why he doesnt want to listen to it, because he knows it was him who said it all in the first place.

if he wants to paint a picture of himself as a complete hard done by doormat in order to manipulate someone to hang around for him, he takes the risk that they might believe him. why is that your fault?

it isnt, it is him, he is a lying s*** and it makes me angry on your behalf.

you really need to do nc, go to the coping section in this forum and read no foolins guide for the long walk, it is very inspiring, read it the whle way through, it will give you something to do so you dont keep going round in your head with this stuff.

dont ask him anymore questions. not because it makes you look bad but because it makes you feel bad. book yourself in for some counselling if you can. if you can give nc a try for just a month and really do all you can for your own mental healths sake during that time. honestly it will give you some perspective and ultimately it will give you freedom.

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by newbby

i really feel for you, but dont beat yourelf up. you are only feeding him back the same crap he fed to you, this will be partly why he doesnt want to listen to it, because he knows it was him who said it all in the first place.

if he wants to paint a picture of himself as a complete hard done by doormat in order to manipulate someone to hang around for him, he takes the risk that they might believe him. why is that your fault?

it isnt, it is him, he is a lying s*** and it makes me angry on your behalf.

you really need to do nc, go to the coping section in this forum and read no foolins guide for the long walk, it is very inspiring, read it the whle way through, it will give you something to do so you dont keep going round in your head with this stuff.

dont ask him anymore questions. not because it makes you look bad but because it makes you feel bad. book yourself in for some counselling if you can. if you can give nc a try for just a month and really do all you can for your own mental healths sake during that time. honestly it will give you some perspective and ultimately it will give you freedom.

 

Thanks, Newbby-

 

I have been crying non stop for a week, pretty much. Here I was picking out all of these nice things for him ever holiday because I thought no one was giving him anything nice, and I loved him so much. I can not do NC because I have to work with him, luckily only by phone. I can not leave until I find other work, which I am trying to do anyway. I don't know if anyone here had a night where you just couldn't stop crying, but if you have,, you understand.

 

If she is giving him a present like that, then what has he been giving her on her birthday? Of course, this is probably the one thing she does for him all year.

 

I'm alone in the world, so you'd have to understand why this guy means so much to me. I was looking forward to being with him in the future. I don't know what your MM looked like or anything, but it wasn't his looks or anything, doesn't look so good as a matter of fact, but it was the way he made me feel. So I guess i better start looking at how he is making me feel now.

 

Thanks for your words

[lynnered]

justcallmesnug

ive never heard a situation so0000 simular to mine ,

close before but not like urs,

the pigs thing ,the having no one else getting him gifts (fathers days i was the only one to get him something this year),the attitude sometimes,only one i really have had in my life ,

trust me he needs u more then u need him i know mine does he freaks out ,30 days of NC ,hes gotton really more appreciateve of me since jan ,

since i started being a little more firm ,ive tried the no lovemaking ,too much in common !!

but as i was saying as the need i see his insecurity like id never had before ,sexually ,being intimate emotially (hes told me he tells no one as much as he tells me )

ive been with him 4 years 2 months (too long )

i know ur "sick & tired of being sick & tired"

trust me if u want to stop feeling this way NC or he needs to leave ,

as long as hes married u wont feel totally right in ur situation

take care of u

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by lynnered

justcallmesnug

ive never heard a situation so0000 simular to mine ,

close before but not like urs,

the pigs thing ,the having no one else getting him gifts (fathers days i was the only one to get him something this year),the attitude sometimes,only one i really have had in my life ,

trust me he needs u more then u need him i know mine does he freaks out ,30 days of NC ,hes gotton really more appreciateve of me since jan ,

since i started being a little more firm ,ive tried the no lovemaking ,too much in common !!

but as i was saying as the need i see his insecurity like id never had before ,sexually ,being intimate emotially (hes told me he tells no one as much as he tells me )

ive been with him 4 years 2 months (too long )

i know ur "sick & tired of being sick & tired"

trust me if u want to stop feeling this way NC or he needs to leave ,

as long as hes married u wont feel totally right in ur situation

take care of u

 

I can not do NC, because of work. I did shut my phone off, after he called on his way home tonight. That conversation was way too upsetting. I'm not too sure about him needing me more than I need him. I don't think I need him, I wanted him though. I am more hurt that he doesn't treat me the same way anymore. In the past years when he was away hecalled me at least once per day, maybe twice. I know the phon service was practically non-existent, but the need wasn't there like it had been in the past, the need to talk to me.

 

Today is one year without sex with him. It just started to feel too weird. There comes a time, which happens naturally, when things should move to another level, and they just were not. I miss him in that way, but it just started making me feel whore-ish. Morally, I'm absolutely against being with a MM, and I would not have ever considered it in the past. So I have more than paid the price for my sins.....Forgive me, Lord.

[sadlittlegirl]

I know exactly what this feels like... no one deserves to go through this. It always feels like we are being punished for falling in love.

 

I hope you'll take care and play it cool. I've learned the hard way that no matter how much they adore you, they have a limit with the crying and nagging even though of course you're perfectly justified. At first they always pretend to understand, but after a while it becomes a drag, the selfishness kicks in, and then the unhappiness becomes YOUR fault.

 

Just wondering though, if he claims he's not having sex with his wife, yet you are not sleeping with him, where is he getting it from? My MM was quite honest that sex was important to him, especially since he wasn't getting any at home. Of course now that he's back with his wife, it's driving me crazy wondering if they've started sleeping together again even though he claimed that the reason he wanted out of his marriage was because she was no longer attractive to him in that way.

[newbby]

So I guess i better start looking at how he is making me feel now.

yes!! definetly! wise words.

So I have more than paid the price for my sins.....Forgive me, Lord.

i happen to see you as a victim of this, the guy has brainwashed you and clearly completely lied to you, you need to get away from him fast.

the having no one else getting him gifts

BULLs***

it's driving me crazy wondering if they've started sleeping together again

probably always were