How Often To Buy Gifts For Signficant Other

[Soccer1986]

How often should a man buy small gifts or cards or write love letters to his girlfriend?

 

I would think it has to be timed just right. Do it too often and it comes off as smothering her and trying too hard and like he's trying to overcompensate for some flaw. Wait too long and he comes off as taking her for granted.

 

I'm thinking a small gift or funny card or love letter once every 2-3 months is a good idea. Waiting longer than 6 months is just taking her for granted. When I enter into a relationship I never want to assume she's going to be around in 6 months. No matter how good the relationship is today and even if it is a clean bill of health and no red flags it can all go downhill very rapidly. We don't know how long our significant others will be in our lives no matter how good it appears today.

[CptInsano]

This depends completely on the individual. Some appreciate gifts, others don't. You will have to ask or otherwise find out.

 

In my experience relationship maintenance is not about gifts but being there for the other person. Fixing her car's brakes may be much more appreciated than a love letter or a card.

 

But it all depends on the individual, IMHO.

[Els]

I think you should just do it whenever you want to (e.g. whenever you see something in a store that you think she might like). Don't set some sort of artificial schedule where you have a reminder in your phone every 3 months to get her something... make it spontaneous!

 

This depends completely on the individual. Some appreciate gifts, others don't. You will have to ask or otherwise find out.

 

In my experience relationship maintenance is not about gifts but being there for the other person. Fixing her car's brakes may be much more appreciated than a love letter or a card.

 

It's possible to do both, though. No need to restrict oneself to just one form of expressing love when there are so many....

[Shanex]

About every months I offer something worth $50 to my girlfriend.

 

A perfume, a necklace, if you include paying for restaurants too of course.

 

But to each his own. I'm not rich but generous with those I love.

[Gaeta]

None of us (bf and I) are about gifts. I much prefer he helps me fix things in my home than getting a perfume on an odd day. I do appreciate a gift at my b'day or Xmas but I don't pay attention to gifts other than that.

 

Some women put a lot of importance in getting gifts, some don't. The first thing you need to know is where your gf stands in terms of gifts. She may appreciate more you vacuum her car, I know I would :-)

[Soccer1986]

None of us (bf and I) are about gifts. I much prefer he helps me fix things in my home than getting a perfume on an odd day. I do appreciate a gift at my b'day or Xmas but I don't pay attention to gifts other than that.

 

Some women put a lot of importance in getting gifts, some don't. The first thing you need to know is where your gf stands in terms of gifts. She may appreciate more you vacuum her car, I know I would :-)

 

 

Well vacuuming her car is not really an expression of love. Helping out with chores is already a reasonable expectation in a relationship. I think both people need to carry their weight with doing chores around the house. I don't expect to get rewarded or even thanked for doing what's already expected of me. Giving a gift when my partner doesn't expect it makes more of an impact I would think.

[Gaeta]

Well vacuuming her car is not really an expression of love. Helping out with chores is already a reasonable expectation in a relationship. I think both people need to carry their weight with doing chores around the house. I don't expect to get rewarded or even thanked for doing what's already expected of me. Giving a gift when my partner doesn't expect it makes more of an impact I would think.

 

My car is mine to clean. It's dusty and full of dog hair. Each time I sit in it I make this big sigh of discouragement cause I cannot find the time to clean it and I simply HATE cleaning my car.

 

This summer while my bf was spending the weekend, without saying a word, he went outside and vacuum my car and cleaned it! OMG, I felt like the luckiest woman in the world!! It meant he listens to me (expression of love), he really pays attention to what I say and he wants to make my life easier (expression of love) with actions! A man like that is priceless!

 

I said vacuuming but it could be something else your gf wants. Show you listen to her!

[Els]

I really don't understand why getting someone a gift occasionally would be mutually exclusive with helping them out in everyday life. We do both, and I don't think we're alone in that.

[No_Go]

My preference for gift giving and receiving is ‘never’. Same for any ‘romantic’ gestures. Not that I hate it and/or won’t do it, I’m just indifferent to it.

[CptInsano]

It's possible to do both, though. No need to restrict oneself to just one form of expressing love when there are so many....

 

Yes, of course. What I was trying to say was that the preferences vary so much that one has to find out what somebody likes in particular. I know two women that strongly dislike red roses, and one who doesn't like cards. Another one doesn't like surprises, no matter what.

 

The likes are about as personal, like one woman who grew up poor, and a gift wasn't a gift if it wasn't somehow food-related. Another was wealthy with particular tastes, and she rather valued somebody's time over a gift. (I personally fall into the same category. I don't like gifts.)

[d0nnivain]

It all depends. I think you could do cards or letters as often as once per month.

 

 

Small gift may depend on how small. Giving somebody a $1 candy bar is not the same thing as giving a $50 gift.

 

 

I'd keep it about no more then once per month but do vary the pace to keep expectations off balance. You can't really keep it up at a hot & heavy pace over a life time.

[thefooloftheyear]

It all depends. I think you could do cards or letters as often as once per month.

 

 

Small gift may depend on how small. Giving somebody a $1 candy bar is not the same thing as giving a $50 gift.

 

.

 

 

Don't underestimate the impact of a nice, fresh out of the fridge KitKat...

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

Hey, I'd rather have the candy then the more expensive stuff that makes it seem like the guy is trying to "buy" my affection.

 

 

Love notes are free. Lots of them are fine if they are well received. If they make the other person uncomfortable, they become smothering. Also you don't want too many of they become commonplace & lose the impact

[knabe]

If you care for someone and they care for you, then when you see a great card, or some candy she really likes and the urge hits....you get it. If you are dating someone and one night the stars remind you of how beautiful she is....you write a note or tell her.

 

I get why we like to make some elaborate rulebook "quest" with rules and hidden meanings and blah blah. But honestly, it's just stupid overthinking. It really is.

 

If you are dating a woman, and you see that the "hot now" sign is on at Krispy Kreme Donuts when you are on your way to meet her....and you know she looooooves those, get her a couple. If she says, "Thank you sweetie, but gifts make my kind of uncomfortable," then thank her for her honesty and just let it go. If she gets an attitude because you had the audacity to be thoughtful in a way she unsuspectingly isn't comfortable with (and she gets snippy with you), then that is a reflection on HER, not you.

 

Just do you and be real. Don't buy into Corey Wayne crap or overthink.

[RecentChange]

I think you need to read up on Love Languages. "Love Languages": 1 gift giving, 2 quality time, 3 words of affirmation, 4 acts of service (devotion), and 5 physical touch.

 

For ME, my main two "love languages" are Physical Touch, and Acts of Service.

 

I don't enjoy receiving gifts... at all. When I get gifted, I think "oh, that money could have been spent on a nice dinner for the two of us" or something along those lines. Cards are "nice" (written notes are WAY better in my book than purchased cards) but I rather physical touch or an act of service.

 

I find easily purchased things to be of not much value or sentiment.

 

I disagree with all of this:

 

Well vacuuming her car is not really an expression of love. Helping out with chores is already a reasonable expectation in a relationship. I think both people need to carry their weight with doing chores around the house. I don't expect to get rewarded or even thanked for doing what's already expected of me. Giving a gift when my partner doesn't expect it makes more of an impact I would think.

 

Taking time out of his day, to do something to make my life more pleasant means a lot to me. Way more than some store bought trinket.

 

And when you are in a long term relationship, it is EXTREMELY important to show gratitude.

 

If I come home and I notice that the house has been vacuumed, I make a point to thank him "hey hun, the house looks great, thank you so much for vacuuming"

 

When I cook dinner, like I do every night, he compliments the meal and thanks me for cooking it. When he does the dishes after, I thank him for picking up and taking care of that.

 

You can never show too much gratitude in my opinion, while taking things for granted is the fast track towards building resentment.

[basil67]

While a gift is nice, I much prefer quality time. And bringing me a cup of tea when I'm in bed. Money can't buy the stuff which is really important to me.