Update - Has this ever happened before?

[12Larry32]

So my original post was about thanking all the members here for the great advice and how I was moving on.

 

Well No Contact was broken by me because apparently I still had a lot of pent-upped rage for the betrayal and I had to take it out on her because I still haven't learned how to cope. So here's kind a timeline of what happened:

 

Week 1: Strange, good-looking man friend requests my wife on Facebook. She accepts with the intention of setting him up with one of her single friends.

 

Week 2: My wife ends up falling for this guy, and within a few days asks for a divorce so that she can pursue this relationship (16 year marriage, 2 kids together). She didn't tell me the true reason, just said its over. She ended it very calmly, almost emotionless.

 

Week 3-5: The new relationship develops into real love, I lose the pick-me dance, divorce gets filed, she's starts looking for an apartment. I start NC in week 5.

 

Week 6: NC broken. I check this guys profile again to see if anything has changed. I see another girl tagging his photos (this is how I found about my wife and him; she also tagged his photos). So I contact this girl and begin asking questions. Turns out this man is seducing her too! Its a CATFISH! My wife ended our marriage because she got CATFISHED!

 

I showed my wife this conversation with the other girl. She had a total and complete breakdown. It was a really tough night; something I never want to witness again. I had warned my wife in the very beginning that something was not right with this guy, but she was in the fog and was refusing to see all the red flags. She even had a conversation with the other girl to confirm all this. Then the begging and pleading began to forgive her and for a reconciliation.

 

So after a lot of reflection and discussion, I have come to the realization that my wife ended it because she fell out of love with me somewhere along the way. And I think I'm OK with this, because I also realize we're not good for each other and even though its tough, it will be better in the long run if we separate. She's a narcissist, I'm a "nice-guy". But the betrayal will always haunt me, probably for the rest of my life.

 

So I guess I'm here to vent a bit because its really hard to believe that the mother of my children got catfished and our lives and children's lives have been turned upside down because of it.

There were some other women that he was conversing with too and I tried to warn them, but they were Vietnamese and I don't know if they could understand me. I just can't believe that there are people in the world like this guy. I cannot believe that a person can so callously play with another's emotions and ultimately devastate lives.

 

My wife confessed that she was falling in love with him and he was planning to visit in January. The other girl (single mother of 3) I spoke to said that they were in love too and were making plans to spend the rest of their lives together. She is also devastated.

 

I'm sitting here just stunned that there are predators out there preying on innocent, vulnerable women. Just stunned . . .

 

Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it this far.

[somanymistakes]

Wow, that guy sounds like a real piece of work. I guess he's got love-bombing down to a science or something.

[Frostedflake]

What a ride. :/

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you. It's very good that you recognize that there were issues prior and that the marriage just wasn't working. It's terrible you had to find out by way of her playing the field and then when you've reached your moment of acceptance, she's got nothing. This shows you're a very sympathetic man and worth a lot more than that treatment!

 

My only experience with catfish was when I was a teenager. I had broken up with a longterm girlfriend and got a friend request from a girl. I had a type and this girl matched it so we started talking. I didn't note that she only had a handful of friends on her list, ambiguous comments that suggested people had never met her in person, and a lot of other red flags. Things I would be wise to now.

Long story short, this was the catfish profile of my ex's friend. She confessed half way through saying I was a nice guy and she felt terrible about what she was doing. Not everyone has that same level of conscience.

[Cobra_X]

I'm sitting here just stunned that there are predators out there preying on innocent, vulnerable women. Just stunned . . .

Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it this far.

 

I wouldn't exactly call your wife "innocent". However, if she never met this guy in person I don't understand how she could want to end the marriage just based on this.

 

Didn't she at least skype with him?

 

Also... what do you plan to do? Do you plan to stay the "nice guy"? Or do you plan to work on yourself and change?

 

Additionally... I'm maybe a level 5 at Vietnamese. So if you PM me I can probably tell you the words to use.

[12Larry32]

Their only communications was through Facebook messaging. It was the classic catfish profile: contract-engineer working in Syria, can't use cellphones there, wife died, single dad, always there to console her, moved the relationship into a romantic one very quickly, very suspicious looking pictures, no selfies, very handsome, very fit, exciting job / lifestyle, etc.

 

I now think the Vietnamese women understood me. One messaged back that she did not know him, the other said thanks for the warning.

[MJJean]

Wrap your mind around this...your wife was willing to throw away a long term marriage with children involved for a man she had never even met. That kind of ridiculousness would be enough for me to leave. I'd never be able to trust her judgement, much less her fidelity.

[12Larry32]

Wrap your mind around this...your wife was willing to throw away a long term marriage with children involved for a man she had never even met. That kind of ridiculousness would be enough for me to leave. I'd never be able to trust her judgement, much less her fidelity.

 

That's pretty much where I'm at right now. Divorce is still going to happen and will finalize in January. I'm pretty sure she checked out of the marriage before this all happened, it was just the tool that she needed to officially end it. If it wasn't the catfisher, it would have eventually been someone else, but probably someone real.