Feminist's list of "don'ts", but what are the "do's"?

[Sweetfish]

edit for moderation request lol

[Sweetfish]

Oh its all about how to get sex []. I see, that was not clear from your first post. Here you go, the antidote to your list:

 

- Be honest about what it is you want and ask if that it is what they want too.

 

Its called consent. Even women who aren't feminists pretty much insist on it.

 

HTH!

 

 

I agree the OP should have been clear with what he is asking for.

[elaine567]

I agree the OP should have been clear with what he is asking for.

darkmoon is a woman.

[darkmoon]

Oh its all about how to get sex []. I see, that was not clear from your first post. Here you go, the antidote to your list:

 

- Be honest about what it is you want and ask if that it is what they want too.

 

Its called consent. Even women who aren't feminists pretty much insist on it.

 

HTH!

 

there is more to seduction than asking consent. There is -

 

showing initial interest

 

chatting

 

getting her number

 

paying (or not) for the date

 

choosing the date

 

inviting her back home

 

The initial interest item is the one that is the most tricky. If the woman likes the guy, then she will not mind his come-on. But if she does not like the guy, he is a bother, he is harassing her.

 

So how does a guy establish if a girl likes him if he is not allowed to give her a come-on?

 

What can he do to show her he wants to date her?

[TheWoman]

Well flirting is the same for everyone, smiling, eye contact, eagerness, responsiveness. It is mutual, reciprocal and for me unmistakable.

 

If you do not and cannot pick up on these signals, there might be something else going on that is specific to you. This is really not a feminist issue though, this applies to both sexes.

[somanymistakes]

Quit stalling, the list of "don'ts" under discussion (linked just below) have no context, so just list what you find acceptable, or create some contexts yourself if you want them.

 

 

Okay, sure. Since you won't give me a context, I'm going to assume you're asking for "How can I approach women who are complete strangers to me and try to get them to at least consider sleeping with me, without doing something horribly 'wrong'?"

 

I'll do a short list and then the explanations after, okay?

 

1. DO seek out people who are likely to be looking for what you have to offer.

2. DO start conversations with strangers, as long as you are polite and context-appropriate

3. DO pay attention to the reactions of whoever you're talking to, and give them an out if they want it

4. DO compliment people, when you're having a flirtatious conversation

5. DO offer to do nice things for people

6. DO tell people honestly what you're looking for, after you've established the right context

7. DO make physical contact if the context is correct, but carefully, and wait to see how your moves are received before you forge ahead

8. DO ask her if she likes what you're doing. Even if you're sure she does.

9. DO take no for an answer, obviously.

 

1. To improve your chances of success, you want to try and figure out where you would find women who are most likely to be interested in the same kind of thing you are interested in. If you're looking for a one-night-stand, for example, you probably want to be checking some kind of hookup app, or visiting the kind of bar or nightclub where singles looking for a hot time are gathering. If you're looking for a possible wife and someone who shares your religious values, you probably want to look for singles who are attending picnics held by your church.

 

Basically, wherever you are, if you see an attractive woman, consider why she's most likely there. Is she seeking attention? Then by all means give it to her! Is she there bceause she works there? Then she's not looking for a random hookup right now. Ignore her for now, only chat her up if you meet her somewhere more appropriate.

 

2. Yes, it is okay to talk to a strange woman! However, your initial greeting should be nothing more than a test to see if she's interested in talking at all. What's polite and appropriate is going to depend on context. Strangers who meet at a bus stop often start with inane nonsense about the weather, but in a club the right way might just be to walk up to a girl and say "Hey."

 

3. Always, always pay attention to the reactions of the girl you are trying to talk to. Does she smile and say "Hey" back? Congrats, she's up for conversation! Does she shrug and turn away? Doesn't want to talk, move on. It doesn't mean she hates you, it doesn't mean she won't flirt with you some other day, but right now, it's not working. If the conversation goes on and she starts to look uncomfortable, give her an out. "Oh, sorry, do you need to go?" or something. That will let her save face if she does want to leave, and helps avoid awkward misunderstandings.

 

4. Yes, you are allowed to compliment people! It is generally better to compliment people for things they're doing (what they wear, how good they are at something) and not for the bodies they were born with and have less choice over, but sometimes in a sexy club context it's okay to talk about someone's hot bod.

 

5. OFFER. Offer to buy her a drink, offer to take her somewhere, offer whatever - the key is that you offer, and she says yes or no, and then you do it. Buying her a drink without asking will impress some girls but creep other girls out. Very few people are going to be offended by "Can I get you anything?" even if they do say no.

 

6. HONESTY. Once you've been chatting with someone for a while, be clear about what you want. Are you hoping for a date? Are you hoping for a hookup? It's okay to tell someone that you are just looking for no-strings sex! As long as the context is appropriate, and you're paying attention to her reactions, and you're willing to back off if she's not interested.

 

7. Touching. Yes, you are allowed to touch people that you are flirting with, as long as you're paying attention to the situation and the reactions and you don't rush way ahead. I have actually read a detailed guide for men about escalating physical contact, I'd have to dig it up to repaste it for you. It's all about what areas are considered more private than others, and how the progression of contact is supposed to work. Stuff like, if she shakes your hand that doesn't mean you can kiss her next, and so on. It was surprisingly detailed and also explained how to get ground back if you screwed up.

 

8. AFFIRMATION. This isn't even just a consent thing. "Do you like it when I do this?" can be a very sexy thing to hear. It will also help direct you to the things she likes most. You want both of you to have a good time, right?

 

9. I shouldn't need to explain that.

 

 

Anyway this is just a little starter based on a short bit of thinking, I'm sure it's not perfect.

[darkmoon]

Well flirting is the same for everyone, smiling, eye contact, eagerness, responsiveness. It is mutual, reciprocal and for me unmistakable.

 

If you do not and cannot pick up on these signals, there might be something else going on that is specific to you. This is really not a feminist issue though, this applies to both sexes.

 

Please do not ignore this part of what I say, but answer the question I posted...

 

If the woman likes the guy, then she will not mind his come-on. But if she does not like the guy, he is a bother, he is harassing her.

 

So how does a guy establish if a girl likes him (or not) if he is not allowed to give her a come-on in the first place?

Edited October 26, 2017 by darkmoon

[Almond_Joy]

there is more to seduction than asking consent. There is -

 

showing initial interest

 

chatting

 

getting her number

 

paying (or not) for the date

 

choosing the date

 

inviting her back home

 

The initial interest item is the one that is the most tricky. If the woman likes the guy, then she will not mind his come-on. But if she does not like the guy, he is a bother, he is harassing her.

 

So how does a guy establish if a girl likes him if he is not allowed to give her a come-on?

 

What can he do to show her he wants to date her?

 

This seems like the first post you’ve made on this thread where you’re willing to consider/accept feedback vs trying to prove women are nearly impossible to please.

 

Maybe that’s not what you were trying to do, but a few folks posted what you asked and you either ignored the points or discredited them with semantics.

 

In response to this question (seduction specifically, not dating). This doesn’t seem tricky. tell her you think she’s attractive, you’d like to explore physical chemistry. You don’t have to touch her, you don’t have to suggest any activities. You’re stating what you want. At that point she’ll either consent to make that move or she won’t.

 

Same goes for the date. You tell her you like her you want to go on a date. She says yes or no.

 

That doesn’t sound super hot or charming but you seem more worried about offending the woman more than anything. You can be upfront about what you want with your words and give her the chance to agree to that or to not. There’s no magic bullet to guarantee a higher success rate at getting the outcome you want.

 

You probably will still, doing this, get women that claim you’re being offensive, or try not to give you a straight answer. can’t please everybody and evasiveness is a waste of your time. Move along to find a girl that will respond to your offer without painting you to be a bad guy. There are plenty of reasonable women out there.

 

Good luck.

[somanymistakes]

Please do not ignore this part of what I say, but answer the question I posted...

 

If the woman likes the guy, then she will not mind his come-on. But if she does not like the guy, he is a bother, he is harassing her.

 

So how does a guy establish if a girl likes him (or not) if he is not allowed to give her a come-on in the first place?

 

There are women who consider all attention to be harassment, and there's really nothing to do in those cases other than apologise and run.

 

Most people, though, will only consider it to be harassment if it's either persistent/repeated after she's already said no, or if it's in a clearly inappropriate context.

 

So the single come-on is not harassment, as long as the context is appropriate and you back off if she's not into it.

[darkmoon]

This seems like the first post you’ve made on this thread where you’re willing to consider/accept feedback vs trying to prove women are nearly impossible to please.

 

Maybe that’s not what you were trying to do, but a few folks posted what you asked and you either ignored the points or discredited them with semantics.

 

In response to this question (seduction specifically, not dating). This doesn’t seem tricky. tell her you think she’s attractive, you’d like to explore physical chemistry. You don’t have to touch her, you don’t have to suggest any activities. You’re stating what you want. At that point she’ll either consent to make that move or she won’t.

 

Same goes for the date. You tell her you like her you want to go on a date. She says yes or no.

 

That doesn’t sound super hot or charming but you seem more worried about offending the woman more than anything. You can be upfront about what you want with your words and give her the chance to agree to that or to not. There’s no magic bullet to guarantee a higher success rate at getting the outcome you want.

 

You probably will still, doing this, get women that claim you’re being offensive, or try not to give you a straight answer. can’t please everybody and evasiveness is a waste of your time. Move along to find a girl that will respond to your offer without painting you to be a bad guy. There are plenty of reasonable women out there.

 

Good luck.

 

I am not sure when a guy could say "you're attractive, I’d like to explore physical chemistry" or words to that effect without risking harassment accusations, which is the possible fate of the unwanted man (there are accounts and complaints about this) or just sounding lecherous on a first date.

Edited October 26, 2017 by darkmoon

[elaine567]

Not sure where you got the "feminist" angle from as the article quoted never mentions feminists at all.

 

Disclaimer: This checklist isn’t an exhaustive / comprehensive outline of what constitutes sexual harassment. It’s meant to be an exercise to get people thinking about the kinds of behavior that are sometimes normalized but do in fact constitute harassment.

This list is about ways to avoid charges of sexual harassment and not about normal dating, romancing, wooing, courting etc.

 

I think "You're attractive, I’d like to explore physical chemistry" is pretty much saying "Hello darling, do you want some sex?"

Not exactly subtle is it?

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote ~T

[Sweetfish]

I am not sure when a guy could say "you're attractive, I’d like to explore physical chemistry" or words to that effect without risking harassment accusations, which is the possible fate of the unwanted man (there are accounts and complaints about this) or just sounding lecherous on a first date.

 

 

Are you making a passive attempt trying to drag feminist on this thread or do you truly feel you fear going jail or served with papers.

[knabe]

so nobody can say what men are allowed to do?

 

come on, tell us what you would approve of

 

 

Women ARE not a universal hive mind. Like I said, you need to learn basic emotional intelligence.

[Shining One]

I have a question for the ladies posting lists of "do's": Are you posting thoughts from your head or are you posting things men have actually done that have succeeded with you?

[basil67]

So how does a guy establish if a girl likes him (or not) if he is not allowed to give her a come-on in the first place?

 

Very simple answer: He holds off on the 'come-on' until there's an obvious rapport. With the right person, a rapport can happen very quickly.

[basil67]

I have a question for the ladies posting lists of "do's": Are you posting thoughts from your head or are you posting things men have actually done that have succeeded with you?

 

I have never like being approached while minding my own business. So my responses are based around meeting someone at a social event.

[somanymistakes]

I have a question for the ladies posting lists of "do's": Are you posting thoughts from your head or are you posting things men have actually done that have succeeded with you?

 

My advice was kind of out of my head and trying to generalise, because I don't generally go out with men I've only just met. But it does line up reasonably well with the one time I did go out with someone I'd met at a party. The date didn't work out in the long run, but it did get him a date. He was polite and friendly and generous, and he asked honestly for what he wanted.

[road]

so nobody can say what men are allowed to do?

 

come on, tell us what you would approve of

 

[]

 

What can a man do?

 

Well this has already been answered by this statement:

 

Is a two part answer. It depends if the woman wants the

man or she does not want the man.

 

If she does not want the man, he can do nothing.

 

If she wants the man he can do anything he wants.

 

End of story.

 

 

[]

 

 

 

A compliment is a way to open a conversation with a new woman.

An ice breaker. There are compliments that are proper and safe

to use.

[]

Edited October 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[somanymistakes]

[]

 

What can a man do?

 

Well this has already been answered by this statement:

 

Is a two part answer. It depends if the woman wants the

man or she does not want the man.

 

If she does not want the man, he can do nothing.

 

If she wants the man he can do anything he wants.

 

End of story.

 

 

[]

 

 

 

A compliment is a way to open a conversation with a new woman.

An ice breaker. There are compliments that are proper and safe

to use.

[]

 

Hi: have you read the article that was linked at the beginning?

 

It had nothing to do with feminism. It was about sexual harassment. Which will get you in trouble if you do it at work, regardless of whether you are avoiding 'feminists' or not.

 

You're inventing a straw woman to be angry at.

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[road]

Hi: have you read the article that was linked at the beginning?

 

It had nothing to do with feminism. It was about sexual harassment. Which will get you in trouble if you do it at work, regardless of whether you are avoiding 'feminists' or not.

 

You're inventing a straw woman to be angry at.

 

Sexual Harassment is wrong behavior.

 

However the PC Police and some feminists are taking it to extremes.

Yes I did read that article. Hence my response.

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[No_Go]

You don't need a list. Anything that you find acceptable for a woman to do to you is acceptable in reverse.

 

I.e. if you dislike a random woman staring at you d*ck, don't stare at her t*ts. If you're okay a woman telling you you look good, it is probably okay in other way round. If this will make you feel weird, she'll feel weird in reverse situation etc.

 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mireyagonzalez/are-you-a-part-of-the-problem?bffbmain&ref=bffbmain&utm_term=.cdjbNd1NO#.qoX0ZJbZ6

 

 

Based to the long list of "don'ts" in the article, can somebody start a list of what men can do?

 

I want a list of what is ok [] when trying to seduce a woman.

[No_Go]

That is horrible advice In all my years, I have never heard a guy react negatively to a woman staring at his package. Generally speaking, men are much more accepting of sexual advances than women.

 

:lmao: Are you sure it is not just because women do it more subtle and less aggressive? I won't mind something staring at some body part of mine if it is not in my face. I check packages very subtly (using peripheral vision only), respectively

[basil67]

That is horrible advice In all my years, I have never heard a guy react negatively to a woman staring at his package. Generally speaking, men are much more accepting of sexual advances than women.

 

A better descriptor would be "don't do anything to a woman that you wouldn't want your cellmate doing to you"

[TheWoman]

[]

 

If she does not want the man, he can do nothing.

 

If she wants the man he can do anything he wants.

 

[]

 

This is so true!

 

Well he cant do 'anything' tbh. But escalate reciprocally and youll be good.

 

And for a super funny take on this subject check out Aziz Ansari, Live at Madison Square Garden on Netflix. The creepy dude sketch, it is brilliance

[TheWoman]

This is it!