usa1ah Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 Did I read right that your wife has gone away with her mom? Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 I wish you well on your path. It appears, and this is not castigating you, but it appears that you are looking for "permission" of a sort to stay the course. Maybe you invoke God as sort of a "straw man" to compel staying. I am not calling God a straw man, I am saying that your last post appeared that way. Your wife is a "fallen woman of faith", your "sins", etc. It really seems that no matter what, the path you want to take is to be with her AND THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FINE. Many in your position have to grasp hold of things to get them through the night. That is fine. You have, since your first post, set the course that you wish to take and the type of input that you wish to hear. Perhaps posting here and getting so many dissenting voices allows you to vent your pain and refine your mantras so that you can repeat them when you are alone with your thoughts. THAT IS FINE. While it is all fine as it is YOUR life and marriage, I suggest that you also start working on what you will need when the aforementioned is not enough. I don't know what that will entail, but it will be a lot. A storm is coming and you need to be prepared. I can't judge a man harshly who can't or won't leave his wife no matter how much she has betrayed him because I have not lived his life. While every stumble that you make may be predictable, every subsequent hurt avoidable, and the truth obvious to others, they are his stumbles, hurts and revelations to experience. Link to post Share on other sites
MadJackBird Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 This is not and was not an affair of sex..see the link it was much more. That is a basis of some affairs but there connection and business partnership and everyday relationship in each others lives created the split life affair. Her addiction was an alternate life not moments in the love shack. Does your wife struggle with any other addictions? Alcohol? Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 You can find a quote from the Bible or anywhere to justify actions on opposite ends of a spectrum for just about every human condition. It doesn't make a stronger argument, just murkier. It's bad enough OP clouds his own basic issues as a betrayed spouse, man and human being with arbitrary application of the golden rule. It's just an excuse not to seriously consider the D or don't D question. I get it and had my own excuses. The most compelling arguments that get attention imho are about the chances for recovery both personally and as a couple based on some kind of evidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 Josea has left the wheat field. Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Forgiveness is just a gift Jesus went around bestowing on sinners. And forgiveness is not required to be given to someone just because they sinned against you. Forgiveness is given when earned. Before that it is just an empty self serving excuse to take an easy way out. Before a sinner can be forgiven they must repent AND ask to be forgiven. It will take years for your wife to prove she has repented. Therefore........... Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Forgiveness is just a gift Jesus went around bestowing on sinners. And forgiveness is not required to be given to someone just because they sinned against you. Forgiveness is given when earned. Before that it is just an empty self serving excuse to take an easy way out. Before a sinner can be forgiven they must repent AND ask to be forgiven. It will take years for your wife to prove she has repented. Therefore........... .......................the BH has to work towards forgiveness and to not throw the affair into his WW's face. Together they both lead the way to rebuild the broken trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 Hi Folks, I think the OP got what he wanted from everything people have written here and is now in the process of assimilating it and justifying to himself why he is right. The fact is everyone's reality is their own. If he can be happy living with a person who he knows can and will stab him in the back repeatedly, then who are we to tell him otherwise. His pain will be his own, his cross his own to bear and in the end, whatever the result as far as his union with his wife is concerned, he will be left to deal with it the best he can. He may be happy he stuck it out or he may forever regret his folly in trying to salvage a severely leaking boat, but whatever it is it will be his to face head on. So I guess peace be to him and his family. Warm wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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