Found hairs that aren't mine.

[amaysngrace]

That hope for him to become the best version of himself is completely natural but then reality sets in and you go back to seeing him for who he really is.

 

All these feelings you're experiencing as well as the back and forth thoughts you're having are normal. They are what are going to seal the deal for you and allow you to know you made the right decision in the end.

 

Deep breaths

[S2B]

If he's on prescription medicine you won't have any reason for hope unless he quits taking the pain medicine.

 

Change brings hope. That medicine may have hijacked the real him. Hopefully he can stop some day.

[Pequeen1]

If he's on prescription medicine you won't have any reason for hope unless he quits taking the pain medicine.

 

Change brings hope. That medicine may have hijacked the real him. Hopefully he can stop some day.

 

He’s prescribed valtrex for genital herpes. Which when I found out in January and confronted him about it he told me he takes it daily...which I’ve found to be a lie.

[S2B]

He’s prescribed valtrex for genital herpes. Which when I found out in January and confronted him about it he told me he takes it daily...which I’ve found to be a lie.

 

Maybe I'm confused... did you say at one point that he takes xanax?

[Pequeen1]

Maybe I'm confused... did you say at one point that he takes xanax?

 

No hes supposed to take valtrex. And high blood pressure meds which he’s terrible about taking too

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

He’s prescribed valtrex for genital herpes. Which when I found out in January and confronted him about it he told me he takes it daily...which I’ve found to be a lie.

 

Honestly, out of all of the problems, I don't think the fact he's not taking this medication daily is a hill you want to die on. He's probably just forgetting since he's not having symptoms. These pills aren't going to cure him.

[Pequeen1]

Honestly, out of all of the problems, I don't think the fact he's not taking this medication daily is a hill you want to die on. He's probably just forgetting since he's not having symptoms. These pills aren't going to cure him.

 

No it won’t cure him but it acts as a suppressant to the virus and make the chance of transmission significantly lower. He won’t ever get rid of the virus. I totally understand the idea of him just forgetting...however, he has told me multiple times that he takes it daily and when I told him it would go a long way in my learning to trust him again if I saw him take them and he told me if that’s what he needed to do. He still hides the bottle and isn’t taking them. It’s not actually about the meds it’s about the lies surrounding them.

[S2B]

Have you seen anything on the camera yet - that concerns you?

[Pequeen1]

Have you seen anything on the camera yet - that concerns you?

 

Not yet but he hasn’t been home alone recently either. I’m taking kids out of town this weekend so we will see.

[Popsicle]

Do you work full time?

 

If not, you need to. It's the only way you'll be able to leave.

 

OP, you never addressed this.

Let's say you get your "proof", then what?

 

You will confront him, but you won't be able to leave because of finances (very common btw) and then he REALLY won't take you seriously after that. From his perspective, he'll have been caught red-handed and you'll still be there. Which translates to, "I can get away with it". Just like he got away with giving you herpes. Has he become husband of the year since herpes? This is why I think you're using this as an excuse to stay and marinade in post-affair behavior, not to leave. Like so many other betrayed spouses who stay do.

 

To me, focusing on how you're going to exit successfully is more important than getting proof.

[Pequeen1]

OP, you never addressed this.

Let's say you get your "proof", then what?

 

You will confront him, but you won't be able to leave because of finances (very common btw) and then he REALLY won't take you seriously after that. From his perspective, he'll have been caught red-handed and you'll still be there. Which translates to, "I can get away with it". Just like he got away with giving you herpes. Has he become husband of the year since herpes? This is why I think you're using this as an excuse to stay and marinade in post-affair behavior, not to leave. Like so many other betrayed spouses who stay do.

 

To me, focusing on how you're going to exit successfully is more important than getting proof.

 

Sorry, I think it was mentioned farther back in the thread...yes i work full time. I have done the math and money would be tight but not enough to keep me there.

 

He didnt give me herpes, i tested negative for it. Twice. No he has not become husband of the year, he thinks that him not telling me he has herpes is no big deal. We havent had sex in the 10 months since i found out...actually not in the 5 months prior to that either....and no plan to go there any time soon.

[pheonixrisen]

Sorry, I think it was mentioned farther back in the thread...yes i work full time. I have done the math and money would be tight but not enough to keep me there.

 

He didnt give me herpes, i tested negative for it. Twice. No he has not become husband of the year, he thinks that him not telling me he has herpes is no big deal. We havent had sex in the 10 months since i found out...actually not in the 5 months prior to that either....and no plan to go there any time soon.

 

Prequeen how you are going about this is the right way

 

Divorce with young children involved is no easy feat.a group of people can give advice to just up and go ...that would be an immature decision jumping from a frying pan straight into the fire ...

 

Planning your exit quietly is the right way for what ever reason you may be doing it .You would need to keep your self and your children afloat financially .And the same group of people would not be coming to your rescue if you ended up on the street because you did not plan your finances and your exit properly .

 

And wanting proof of his infedility based on your gut instinct is no crime .you can use it or you dont have to use it .may be thats a final blow for you to finally make concrete action towards your future .

 

Your process of getting you and your children to a safe ground should not be anyone issue ..nobody should berate or pressurize you to take that step without getting your finances in place .just plan and excute to get to that place when you feel you can get your family through it safely and securely .

[Pequeen1]

Prequeen how you are going about this is the right way

 

Divorce with young children involved is no easy feat.a group of people can give advice to just up and go ...that would be an immature decision jumping from a frying pan straight into the fire ...

 

Planning your exit quietly is the right way for what ever reason you may be doing it .You would need to keep your self and your children afloat financially .And the same group of people would not be coming to your rescue if you ended up on the street because you did not plan your finances and your exit properly .

 

And wanting proof of his infedility based on your gut instinct is no crime .you can use it or you dont have to use it .may be thats a final blow for you to finally make concrete action towards your future .

 

Your process of getting you and your children to a safe ground should not be anyone issue ..nobody should berate or pressurize you to take that step without getting your finances in place .just plan and excute to get to that place when you feel you can get your family through it safely and securely .

 

Thank you.

 

It is not an easy process and i know myself pretty well....i tend to look for the best in people even after ive been burned. Im working on it though.

[jenkins95]

Hi (((Pequeen1)))

 

Sorry to go off topic, but I was shocked when I read about the 27 year age gap. I have tried to read the rest of the thread but my mind keeps going back to that.

 

I know you didn’t ask for advice on that aspect, but I can't help thinking that that is a serious gap - a whole generation. Assuming you are around 30, that would make him nearly 60. Presumably, you are often mistaken as father and daughter? Do you “feel” the gap? Are you happy with it?

 

Now, if things were otherwise great, then sure - this is unconventional, but relationships with such a gap can sometimes work. But given all the other cr*p you are going through and the fact that you are obviously unsatisfied and unhappy in aspects of your marriage at the moment, don't you think that you should also bring the age factor into your thinking?

 

I mean, even if he eventually dies of old age, you could still have decades on your own after that.....and do you really want to spend many of your prime years playing nurse-maid to an elderly H? I know that sounds unkind, but it is probably realistic.

 

Given all the other unpleasant stuff that is going on, has it crossed your mind to end the marriage, get over it, and then perhaps look for someone your own age?

 

I'm sorry if this t/j is unwelcome, but that age gap leapt out at me and it is surely a factor to consider here.

 

Good luck and please keep posting

 

EDIT: Sorry, just seen this: "I'm 34 he is 61".

 

OP, you are so young! Even if he was husband of the year, this is a tough deal for you. But as he is clearly very far from husband of the year, I don't know what's holding you back? You could have half a century or more ahead of you. Make it as wonderful for you and your kids as you possibly can. Don't hang on, only to realise at 50 that you should have left at 34. Put you and those kids first.

Edited November 8, 2017 by jenkins95

[Pequeen1]

Hi (((Pequeen1)))

 

Sorry to go off topic, but I was shocked when I read about the 27 year age gap. I have tried to read the rest of the thread but my mind keeps going back to that.

 

I know you didn’t ask for advice on that aspect, but I can't help thinking that that is a serious gap - a whole generation. Assuming you are around 30, that would make him nearly 60. Presumably, you are often mistaken as father and daughter? Do you “feel” the gap? Are you happy with it?

 

Now, if things were otherwise great, then sure - this is unconventional, but relationships with such a gap can sometimes work. But given all the other cr*p you are going through and the fact that you are obviously unsatisfied and unhappy in aspects of your marriage at the moment, don't you think that you should also bring the age factor into your thinking?

 

I mean, even if he eventually dies of old age, you could still have decades on your own after that.....and do you really want to spend many of your prime years playing nurse-maid to an elderly H? I know that sounds unkind, but it is probably realistic.

 

Given all the other unpleasant stuff that is going on, has it crossed your mind to end the marriage, get over it, and then perhaps look for someone your own age?

 

I'm sorry if this t/j is unwelcome, but that age gap leapt out at me and it is surely a factor to consider here.

 

Good luck and please keep posting

 

EDIT: Sorry, just seen this: "I'm 34 he is 61".

 

OP, you are so young! Even if he was husband of the year, this is a tough deal for you. But as he is clearly very far from husband of the year, I don't know what's holding you back? You could have half a century or more ahead of you. Make it as wonderful for you and your kids as you possibly can. Don't hang on, only to realise at 50 that you should have left at 34. Put you and those kids first.

 

Hi,

 

To be honest the age gap wasnt an issue until the last few years. When we first started dating he didnt act his age, went to the gym sometimes twice a day and we were always going places and doing things. After i had our oldest things started to change. He still talks about going places but there never is any follow through.

 

Around our area hes pretty well known, hes a teacher and has taught half of our town, so the father/daughter thing isnt an issue here....however when we visit my family out of town it happens pretty often.

 

I have absolutely thought about the age gap and the fact that someone closer to my age would be more active and what not. I think there is a part of me that feels really ugly saying "youre too old, i want a divorce". I working on that. The age difference comes into play in other areas of the relationship too if you understand my meaning.

 

I have a hard time thinking about telling my boys that the reason i wasnt happy with their dad is because hes old. Although the 6 year old is very aware that hes much older than his friends dads.

 

I have a stepson who is 33 and my husband compares my 6year old to him all the time....ive thought about leaving based on this alone. I dont want my son to grow up thinking that hes in the shadow of his brother...who really is nothing to brag about. Both he and my husband live in the past and the "Glory Days"

[jenkins95]

Hi,

 

To be honest the age gap wasnt an issue until the last few years. When we first started dating he didnt act his age, went to the gym sometimes twice a day and we were always going places and doing things. After i had our oldest things started to change. He still talks about going places but there never is any follow through.

 

Around our area hes pretty well known, hes a teacher and has taught half of our town, so the father/daughter thing isnt an issue here....however when we visit my family out of town it happens pretty often.

 

I have absolutely thought about the age gap and the fact that someone closer to my age would be more active and what not. I think there is a part of me that feels really ugly saying "youre too old, i want a divorce". I working on that. The age difference comes into play in other areas of the relationship too if you understand my meaning.

 

I have a hard time thinking about telling my boys that the reason i wasnt happy with their dad is because hes old. Although the 6 year old is very aware that hes much older than his friends dads.

 

I have a stepson who is 33 and my husband compares my 6year old to him all the time....ive thought about leaving based on this alone. I dont want my son to grow up thinking that hes in the shadow of his brother...who really is nothing to brag about. Both he and my husband live in the past and the "Glory Days"

 

Thank you for addressing my post so openly and honestly. From what you've said, the age gap thing has now become a factor.

 

You are right when you say that it feels horrible to say that you are leaving someone because they are too old, but if you were to leave him, this wouldn't be the primary reason. After all, if everything else was rosy in the relationship, I doubt you would have signed up to LS on the basis of his age alone. The fact is there are several reasons that you have posted about why you may want to leave, the age thing is just another factor: "I left him because of X, Y and Z.... and I suppose the age gap isn't ideal either."

 

Full disclosure, I had a full blown affair a few years ago, which is why I am here now. The age gap was a little over half that of you and your H... and even with that gap, and even in an affair context, where everyone is showing their best side and giving 100% energy... even then I felt the age gap. I felt it in her energy, in the way she interacted with friends, her social life, her attitude to work, etc. I also felt it in the physical side. I was working at 150% to keep up with her, and whereas she would just get up the next day and get on with her life, I would be exhausted all day and sleep like a log! Of course, she didn't see that side of me - I saved that for my poor wife! If we'd ever ended up in a real relationship, I think she'd have been very disappointed when normal life set in. There's no way I could have kept that energy level up in a real relationship.... the sexual side of the relationship and just the energy of life in general. I could only match her "get up and go" in short bursts in an affair context. The age gap didn't matter in an affair... It was kind of cool, but I'm sure it would have caught up with us in a real relationship.

 

At 34, you are a young woman and pretty much at your sexual peak. At 61, he's decades past his. As I said, if there was nothing else wrong in the relationship, no problem. People work around and adapt to these things in the interests of keeping a great relationship together. But in your case, this is not currently a great relationship.

 

I realise I am continuing a threadjack here and the age gap is not something you originally asked advice on. But it just leapt out at me and I couldn't help commenting. I hope you don't mind. Just imagine what life could be like with a 36 year-old, who is crazy about you, has energy levels to match yours, puts you first and does not put you through what your H is putting you through. If that sounds appealing, it is just another factor to add to your thinking.

 

Good luck whatever you decide and keep posting.

Edited November 8, 2017 by jenkins95

[MJJean]

You don't have to tell the kids or your H that you're ending the marriage because your H is too old. There is a difference between honesty and TMI. All you have to say is that you weren't a compatible match, chose to end the marriage due to irreconcilable differences, and that's it. Anything more isn't anyone's business.

[MJJean]

At 34, you are a young woman and pretty much at your sexual peak. At 61, he's decades past his. As I said, if there was nothing else wrong in the relationship, no problem. People work around and adapt to these things in the interests of keeping a great relationship together. But in your case, this is not currently a great relationship.

 

So much this.

 

My Aunt was a school friend of mine who happened to meet and fall in love with my father's older brother. There is a 1 year age difference between us. I am the elder by 11 months, 2 weeks.

 

My friend and my uncle have a 20 year age difference. They've been married for over 20 years now and raised 4 children together. They're happy. The age difference isn't an issue because my Aunt is an old soul. She is quite content to live like a much older woman. She doesn't have a sex drive and she doesn't want a socially or physically active lifestyle. No lies, no drama, no std's, just a nice sedentary life with each other as close companions. It works for them.

 

Me? I have a high sex drive. I hit my peak in my early to mid 30's and still haven't come down at 42. I'd lose my mind if I was married to a much older man who couldn't meet my sexual needs. I like being active physically and mentally, I'd be unhappy, frustrated, and feel distant from my husband if he couldn't/wouldn't fully participate in life with me. One of the joys of marriage is learning, growing, and experiencing both new and old things together. I'd feel like I was missing out and wasting my life married to a much older man, I'd be deeply unhappy, and I know it. A marriage with a 20 year age gap wouldn't work for me and sounds like a circle of Hell.

 

I don't want to offend or hurt anyone living with a permanent STD, but STD's are a dealbreaker for me. We're all entitled to our boundaries and dealbreakers, that is one of mine.

 

I suspect you're much closer to my personality type than my Aunt's, Pequeen1. I honestly don't think you'd be happy in this marriage even without the STD, refusal to address said STD by taking his meds as directed, the lies, and the "glory days" comparisons. With those things? Yeah...no.

[Pequeen1]

Thank you for addressing my post so openly and honestly. From what you've said, the age gap thing has now become a factor.

 

You are right when you say that it feels horrible to say that you are leaving someone because they are too old, but if you were to leave him, this wouldn't be the primary reason. After all, if everything else was rosy in the relationship, I doubt you would have signed up to LS on the basis of his age alone. The fact is there are several reasons that you have posted about why you may want to leave, the age thing is just another factor: "I left him because of X, Y and Z.... and I suppose the age gap isn't ideal either."

 

Full disclosure, I had a full blown affair a few years ago, which is why I am here now. The age gap was a little over half that of you and your H... and even with that gap, and even in an affair context, where everyone is showing their best side and giving 100% energy... even then I felt the age gap. I felt it in her energy, in the way she interacted with friends, her social life, her attitude to work, etc. I also felt it in the physical side. I was working at 150% to keep up with her, and whereas she would just get up the next day and get on with her life, I would be exhausted all day and sleep like a log! Of course, she didn't see that side of me - I saved that for my poor wife! If we'd ever ended up in a real relationship, I think she'd have been very disappointed when normal life set in. There's no way I could have kept that energy level up in a real relationship.... the sexual side of the relationship and just the energy of life in general. I could only match her "get up and go" in short bursts in an affair context. The age gap didn't matter in an affair... It was kind of cool, but I'm sure it would have caught up with us in a real relationship.

 

At 34, you are a young woman and pretty much at your sexual peak. At 61, he's decades past his. As I said, if there was nothing else wrong in the relationship, no problem. People work around and adapt to these things in the interests of keeping a great relationship together. But in your case, this is not currently a great relationship.

 

I realise I am continuing a threadjack here and the age gap is not something you originally asked advice on. But it just leapt out at me and I couldn't help commenting. I hope you don't mind. Just imagine what life could be like with a 36 year-old, who is crazy about you, has energy levels to match yours, puts you first and does not put you through what your H is putting you through. If that sounds appealing, it is just another factor to add to your thinking.

 

Good luck whatever you decide and keep posting.

 

You're right...and I do think about it. About what it would be like to have someone who wants to see and do the same things I do. In that regard I feel a bit duped by him.

 

Thank you for sharing your situation.

[Pequeen1]

So much this.

 

My Aunt was a school friend of mine who happened to meet and fall in love with my father's older brother. There is a 1 year age difference between us. I am the elder by 11 months, 2 weeks.

 

My friend and my uncle have a 20 year age difference. They've been married for over 20 years now and raised 4 children together. They're happy. The age difference isn't an issue because my Aunt is an old soul. She is quite content to live like a much older woman. She doesn't have a sex drive and she doesn't want a socially or physically active lifestyle. No lies, no drama, no std's, just a nice sedentary life with each other as close companions. It works for them.

 

Me? I have a high sex drive. I hit my peak in my early to mid 30's and still haven't come down at 42. I'd lose my mind if I was married to a much older man who couldn't meet my sexual needs. I like being active physically and mentally, I'd be unhappy, frustrated, and feel distant from my husband if he couldn't/wouldn't fully participate in life with me. One of the joys of marriage is learning, growing, and experiencing both new and old things together. I'd feel like I was missing out and wasting my life married to a much older man, I'd be deeply unhappy, and I know it. A marriage with a 20 year age gap wouldn't work for me and sounds like a circle of Hell.

 

I don't want to offend or hurt anyone living with a permanent STD, but STD's are a dealbreaker for me. We're all entitled to our boundaries and dealbreakers, that is one of mine.

 

I suspect you're much closer to my personality type than my Aunt's, Pequeen1. I honestly don't think you'd be happy in this marriage even without the STD, refusal to address said STD by taking his meds as directed, the lies, and the "glory days" comparisons. With those things? Yeah...no.

 

I have known relationships with big age gaps to work as well. I thought I was getting something much different from what I got.

 

It sounds like we are very much alike. I am constantly on the go and taking my children to see and do new things. I enjoy nature and cultural things...concerts. I am physically active and fit...and intend to stay that way! Thats not to say I dont enjoy hanging out at home and relaxing but I tend to get antsy. Any sexually....yeah that aspect is a struggle right now.

 

I didn't think I had to consider an STI as a boundary before but its a hard line for me. I've told him that. He told me we both knew what was important (our kids) and he wasnt going anywhere, I wasnt going anywhere, no one was.

[MJJean]

You're right...and I do think about it. About what it would be like to have someone who wants to see and do the same things I do. In that regard I feel a bit duped by him.

 

Thank you for sharing your situation.

 

If it helps any, I don't think you were duped by him so much as duped by nature and the human capacity for denial. Being in my 40's and having had friends much older than me, I have noticed that a lot of people start to really slow down between 50 and 60 due to age. Most of them seen a bit surprised. I don't know why. The slow down is a natural part of aging. I think some people are just in denial. They think they'll be different. It won't happen to them. It usually does. We all hear about that 76 year old guy who skydives, sings in a bar band, loves pop culture and technology, has a large social group of all ages, and can keep a rock hard erection for an hour. That guy is a unicorn and the vast majority will be much less youthful.

 

You mentioned your H was divorced, living an active lifestyle, and working out when you met and agreed to marry. The standard advice for older men who recently divorced is to basically get a gym membership, update their hair and clothing, and get out there in search of a new mate. A lot of people specifically advise seeking out a younger mate without ever mentioning the inevitable slow down on the not distant horizon and the effects it will have on the younger partner and the fledgling marriage.

 

About the herpes? Yeah, he definitely duped you there. Not disclosing before you had sex, much less married, was a irresponsible douchebag move.

[road]

I will admit that there are successful marriages with twenty

year or larger age gap.

 

Other's must admit that the odds for a successful marriage

diminish as the age difference grows. This is why the age gap

should not exceed ten years.

 

Due to the era I grew up in ideal range is where the man is the

same age up to four years older then the woman is still the

guide to follow.

[MJJean]

I have known relationships with big age gaps to work as well. I thought I was getting something much different from what I got.

 

It sounds like we are very much alike. I am constantly on the go and taking my children to see and do new things. I enjoy nature and cultural things...concerts. I am physically active and fit...and intend to stay that way! Thats not to say I dont enjoy hanging out at home and relaxing but I tend to get antsy. Any sexually....yeah that aspect is a struggle right now.

 

I didn't think I had to consider an STI as a boundary before but its a hard line for me. I've told him that. He told me we both knew what was important (our kids) and he wasnt going anywhere, I wasnt going anywhere, no one was.

 

Yes, the kids are important. However, you are also important. The reality is that you and he can raise happy, well-adjusted, children from separate households just like millions of divorced co-parents do every day.

 

He may not think you're going anywhere, but that's not up to him. You're an adult woman in a free country who has the right to determine the course of her life. You don't need his approval or permission to file for a divorce, if that's what you want.

 

I know this may sound cheesy, but it's sincere.

 

My mom died unexpectedly at age 44. Her life was so short and she wasted a lot of it in an unhappy relationship "for the kids" because she literally couldn't afford to leave and provide for us. Thinking about it breaks my heart some 21 years after her death.

 

In the last 3 years, friends and family members have lost 3 children to cancer. My first friend gave birth to a daughter that had a brain tumor in utero. The baby only lived a few hours. My 2nd friend also gave birth to a baby who had a tumor. This one was on the brain stem and was surgically removed. Weeks later, it returned. It was an aggressive cancer and the baby died at 3 months. My last friend, who is sort of related as she is my sister's husbands niece, took her 2 year old son in for what she thought was an ear infection and it turned out to also be an aggressive cancer. She lost him less than 6 months later.

 

Why am I telling you these things? Because life is freakin short and can end at any time. Thinking about those babies really puts things into perspective for me. I have had, by the Grace of God, over 40 years here on Earth. Those babies got none of that. I feel like I owe it to their memory to live. Not just be alive, not just exist, but live.

 

None of us know how long we have. We owe it to ourselves and those that came before and are gone now to make the most of our time.

[Pequeen1]

Maybe i need to give more background here too. H has been married 4 times now. He had been divorced for several years and the working out has been a life long thing. When i told him i felt like he did everything he needed to in order to "get" me and then stopped he said i was right.

 

 

We got into it last night because our sons went to the neighbor kids house to play....I walked them over. The neighbors best friend happens to be my husbands oldest sons ex girlfriend. I always got along with her. I ended up staying for an hours chatting with the two women. We talked about everything and anything...kids, baby daddy issues (ex gf and guy she dated after my step son), siblings...lots of things, but step sons name came up in passing. When i got home my husband got nasty saying she better not have been talking about his son. I sorta flew off the handle and said that not everything is about him. He got upset and i tried to say we talked about all kinds of things but he didnt want to hear so i went in kitchen. I could hear him muttering under his breath to my brother. So when he came in kitchen i tried to tell him and explain my reaction....he ignored me and walked away. Now he wants to act like nothing happened. It is things like this that make me think trying to fix things or trying counseling would be pointless.

[Pequeen1]

Yes, the kids are important. However, you are also important. The reality is that you and he can raise happy, well-adjusted, children from separate households just like millions of divorced co-parents do every day.

 

He may not think you're going anywhere, but that's not up to him. You're an adult woman in a free country who has the right to determine the course of her life. You don't need his approval or permission to file for a divorce, if that's what you want.

 

I know this may sound cheesy, but it's sincere.

 

My mom died unexpectedly at age 44. Her life was so short and she wasted a lot of it in an unhappy relationship "for the kids" because she literally couldn't afford to leave and provide for us. Thinking about it breaks my heart some 21 years after her death.

 

In the last 3 years, friends and family members have lost 3 children to cancer. My first friend gave birth to a daughter that had a brain tumor in utero. The baby only lived a few hours. My 2nd friend also gave birth to a baby who had a tumor. This one was on the brain stem and was surgically removed. Weeks later, it returned. It was an aggressive cancer and the baby died at 3 months. My last friend, who is sort of related as she is my sister's husbands niece, took her 2 year old son in for what she thought was an ear infection and it turned out to also be an aggressive cancer. She lost him less than 6 months later.

 

Why am I telling you these things? Because life is freakin short and can end at any time. Thinking about those babies really puts things into perspective for me. I have had, by the Grace of God, over 40 years here on Earth. Those babies got none of that. I feel like I owe it to their memory to live. Not just be alive, not just exist, but live.

 

None of us know how long we have. We owe it to ourselves and those that came before and are gone now to make the most of our time.

 

 

 

Im so sorry for the losses you and your friends have had to deal with. Thats heartbreaking.

 

I think i stopped hiding how unhappy i was 3 years ago when my grandmother passed away then my brother in law and my uncle, all within 6 months. My grandmother was 84 and had lived a full and active life but it put into perspective for me that life is going to go by whether we want it to or not and its up to us to make sure to do the things that are on our bucket lists. So Ive started doing them. The hard pill to swallow is that rather than be supportive, even in just saying hey have fun or mentally supporting if not physically, i get guilt tripped or mocked.