Getting Rejected Sucks

[GuitarGuy7]

I don't care what anybody says, rejection sucks.

 

You really like a girl, you take some time to get to know her and then you finally ask her out and she says no and then she ends up falling for another guy. And I know you're not entitled to her attention, or you're not entitled to a girlfriend, but getting rejected still doesn't feel good. Who woudn't be upset?

 

The first time getting rejected isn't so bad. You can easily bounce back. But if you're getting rejected constantly, time and time again, then you start questioning yourself and you start to think something is seriously wrong with you.

 

That's why I refuse to use Tinder. I had a bad experience back in 2015, just getting constantly ghosted by women. And I will admit, I had no idea how to text women, and how to ask girls out so no wonder I was getting ghosted. But I still felt really bad. Every time I got ghosted by a girl, it would ruin my day. Sometimes even my week.

 

How do you even cope with rejection? I don't even know.

 

Sometimes I wonder if the pursuit of women is really even worth it. My dating woes have caused me years of pain, sadness, and feelings of being left out. The only reason why I haven't quit chasing girls is because i'm young and horny as ****. If I didn't want women as bad as I did, I would have quit chasing years ago. I would have been like screw this dating bull****, too much pain and frustration.

Edited October 28, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[WaitingForBardot]

I don't care what anybody says, rejection sucks.

I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone say otherwise.

 

You really like a girl, you take some time to get to know her and then you finally ask her out and she says no and then she ends up falling for another guy. And I know you're not entitled to her attention, or you're not entitled to a girlfriend, but getting rejected still doesn't feel good. Who woudn't be upset?

And herein lies your problem. All other things being equal, while you were taking your time to get to know her, but apparently not making your intentions clear, someone else did and now she's with him.

 

If I meet someone and I like them in a romantic way, I make it clear by my actions and secondarily with words, that I like them that way, from the beginning. There is no ambiguity. If they then choose someone else at least it wasn't because my intentions weren't clear from the get go.

 

Still sucks though...

[ZA Dater]

I don't care what anybody says, rejection sucks.

 

You really like a girl, you take some time to get to know her and then you finally ask her out and she says no and then she ends up falling for another guy. And I know you're not entitled to her attention, or you're not entitled to a girlfriend, but getting rejected still doesn't feel good. Who woudn't be upset?

 

The first time getting rejected isn't so bad. You can easily bounce back. But if you're getting rejected constantly, time and time again, then you start questioning yourself and you start to think something is seriously wrong with you.

 

That's why I refuse to use Tinder. I had a bad experience back in 2015, just getting constantly ghosted by women. And I will admit, I had no idea how to text women, and how to ask girls out so no wonder I was getting ghosted. But I still felt really bad. Every time I got ghosted by a girl, it would ruin my day. Sometimes even my week.

 

How do you even cope with rejection? I don't even know.

 

Sometimes I wonder if the pursuit of women is really even worth it. My dating woes have caused me years of pain, sadness, and feelings of being left out. The only reason why I haven't quit chasing girls is because i'm young and horny as ****. If I didn't want women as bad as I did, I would have quit chasing years ago. I would have been like screw this dating bull****, too much pain and frustration.

 

All absolutely true. You just need to tell yourself life goes, the sun will rise tomorrow and set again and around you will be presented with that thing called life and the many things we as people should be thankful for.

 

 

I have been where you are often, in fact I have never had a second date with anyone so I can relate.

 

 

Is it worth it, from where I am sitting not really but doesn't stop me looking at that pretty girl who walks past me in the mall what I have stopped doing is taking any OLD app seriously. See them for what they are which to me is frankly nonsense.

 

 

Its very easy to let dating woes infuse your entire life with negativity you CANNOT allow this to happy because everything will be negative and that's no way to live life, again I know this from experience.

[CptInsano]

You're putting too much focus on the individual girl. If you have to work up the courage to ask her out, and then you take it personally if she doesn't accept, then you are simply not asking out enough girls. For me the compatibility with any random woman in my age group is in the single percent range. Why would I expect any different from the woman herself? So your expectations are wrong in this regard.

 

Don't overthink things before talking to a girl. Just do it, and do it more often.

[Miss Spider]

I am not trying to marginalize your feelings. I know it hurts. I want only to speculate on what my feelings would be as a man, perhaps to give another perspective. I guess not, since it is mere speculation, but humor me.

 

I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach

 

 

That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.

 

I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO

Edited October 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Mysterio]

I personally think that we will all meet that special someone when we really stop making it a priority.

 

Do we all have to go on Tinder/Match.com etc. In real life. Perhaps we should just chill. I know its tough, but why should a lot of us stress in this area of our lives.

 

When I look a some of my male friends. They did not do anything major to have their women in their lives. The women just came to them. Only one met his wife on Match.com.

 

To be honest. I really feel that for me personally. A woman is going to have to get me and do the leg work with me. For some reason. It does not work well when I have to be the driving force in finding a love match.

 

A lot of all this dating stuff is no fun. I am not going on a first couple of dates and striving to have her as my GF right away or jumping into bed.

 

I don't know why everything has to be so complex. My parents met in Spring of 1968 and Married in Nov 1969 and had me in March of 71 and My brother in Jan of 1973.

 

My brother and I are Mysterio-46/K-44 are not married with kids. It drives our parents nuts.

 

Its starting to come across to me like maybe having a Love life is not for us, in terms of it just being straight forward cut and dry. Its not like the women are just easy to get with. I am talking beyond sex. For a lot of us its just a chore.

 

Once again. I really don't know anyone that has gone long with out having somone drop into their lives romantically. My Male friends that are attached. They were not out there looking to the extreem or on the dating sites and really working it.

 

I think that Prayer and being open is the best way to be.

[GuitarGuy7]

I am not trying to marginalize your feelings. I know it hurts. I want only to speculate on what my feelings would be as a man, perhaps to give another perspective. I guess not, since it is mere speculation, but humor me.

 

I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach

 

 

That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.

 

I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO

 

Thanks for sharing your point of view and I agree that women have to deal with their own problems as well. Now I understand why some women don't approach.

 

I do think that there is definitely a trade off between being a man and woman. Each gender has their own advantages and disadvantages dating wise.

Edited October 28, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[thefooloftheyear]

I am not trying to marginalize your feelings. I know it hurts. I want only to speculate on what my feelings would be as a man, perhaps to give another perspective. I guess not, since it is mere speculation, but humor me.

 

I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach

 

 

That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.

 

I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO

 

Has it ever occurred to you that some men don't approach or cold approach?? More common than you think...And also, do you really believe that a woman approaching a guy would immediately be thought of as a prostitute??? Really.??\

 

Perhaps true in your culture, but its really not that rare...In fact, esp as women get older, they probably do more of the pursuing than the men do...IME, anyway....

 

Well...at least we can agree on one thing...Life is kind of better as a man...But look at the bright side,...You live longer...

 

TFY

[spiderowl]

It probably won't help but I know if a guy is interested and is driven by sexual frustration, it can come across as intensity to a woman. When I have talked with guys who are sex driven, I have felt they do not listen to me, they seem distracted, they also seem serious and intense, rarely smiling.

 

The above may not apply to you and you may come across totally differently, but a woman can sense if a guy is driven by frustration. The intensity feels a bit unnerving, the seriousness can feel worrying too because one wonders why he is so serious and intense looking. It is only with time that I have learned that guys don't realise they are doing this. On top of that, the distraction and lack of interest in the woman as a person, tends to make a woman take a step back and avoid being alone with a guy.

 

I know a guy cannot avoid feeling frustrated. I only say the above because I think it might help for guys to know how it can feel from the other side. A woman will generally want to get to know a guy before having sex with him. She tends to expect that to be a two-way thing. He tends to be thinking of sex and does not prioritise anything else. There is a real mismatch in terms of expectations and vibes.

 

Basically, a guy being friendly and relaxed is nicer to be near. One can feel safe with such a guy, get to know him, relax and laugh. There is no shortcut to sex, unless you are fantastic looking or have an incredible, sparkling personality. I would say stop expecting a shortcut, accept it might not happen, just relax and enjoy the company of women. You might find that things change when that sexual intensity is taken out of the equation.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

But look at the bright side,...You live longer...

 

TFY

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[Miss Spider]

Has it ever occurred to you that some men don't approach or cold approach?? More common than you think...And also, do you really believe that a woman approaching a guy would immediately be thought of as a prostitute??? Really.??\

 

Perhaps true in your culture, but its really not that rare...In fact, esp as women get older, they probably do more of the pursuing than the men do...IME, anyway....

 

Well...at least we can agree on one thing...Life is kind of better as a man...But look at the bright side,...You live longer...

 

TFY

lol xD of course. I think it's a 'power' they do not exercise nearly as often as they should or they abuse it to the point that we need harrassment laws, but if I were a man, I would cold approach and face rejection constantly.

 

If by approaching you mean starting a conversation and then having the man take the lead, I would agree with you it's not usual. But a woman cold approaching where I'm from (usa) outside of a bar scenario where the woman is plastered or the woman is naturally very bold in general isn't common. It's also usually when the woman is VERY into the guy, whereas not uncommon a man asks out 5 "good enough" women a day.

 

Do you disagree if a Monica Bellucci approached the average neckbeard saying "hey there...I couldn't help but notice how handsome you are. Was wondering if we could go out sometime" red flags would NOT go up in his mind? Yet this is quite common in reverse and no one bats an eye save for flirtatiousness

Edited October 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[GuitarGuy7]

 

Do you disagree if a Monica Bellucci approached the average neckbeard saying "hey there...I couldn't help but notice how handsome you are. Was wondering if we could go out sometime" red flags would NOT go up in his mind? Yet this is quite common in reverse and no one bats an eye save for flirtatiousness

 

Didn't know she was into them neckbeards

 

I'm not gonna lie, if a hot girl approached me and started hitting on me, i'd probably think it was some sort of joke or some ulterior motive. Like she wants me to follow her to her house so I can get kidnapped?

 

Because for us dudes, getting approached by women happens so rarely.

[thefooloftheyear]

lol xD of course. I think it's a 'power' they do not exercise nearly as often as they should or they abuse it to the point that we need harrassment laws, but if I were a man, I would cold approach and face rejection constantly.

 

If by approaching you mean starting a conversation and then having the man take the lead, I would agree with you it's not usual. But a woman cold approaching where I'm from (usa) outside of a bar scenario where the woman is plastered or the woman is naturally very bold in general isn't common. It's also usually when the woman is VERY into the guy, whereas not uncommon a man asks out 5 "good enough" women a day.

 

Do you disagree if a Monica Bellucci approached the average neckbeard saying "hey there...I couldn't help but notice how handsome you are. Was wondering if we could go out sometime" red flags would NOT go up in his mind? Yet this is quite common in reverse and no one bats an eye save for flirtatiousness

 

Don't buy into that "5 cold approach a day" bullcrap...In fact, I watch guys out on the street doing this...Its no wonder they strike out all the time..Its not common....Only idiots do that...I mean,think about it.. only some desperate and undesirable fool would just start hitting on women like that...Anyone worth a shyt couldn't find 5 women that fit a certain criteria in an entire year, maybe more...So why bother hitting on all these women??

 

Look...I get it....You are a bit timid...NOT every woman is like that, nor should you start to adopt that methodology...And maybe this is something that happens only in certain locales..

 

But i've seen it on a number of occasions....Heck, even one time I was driving a truck and needed fuel. so I pulled off into this backwoods town somewhere and kinda got lost...I stopped in a local convenience and there was only a clerk(who didn't speak much English) and a woman who I hadn't even noticed at the time...I ask the guy for directions and he has no clue, I start walking out and the woman stops me and goes into this long winded explanation of how to get where I need to go,. then proceeds to ask a bunch of personal questions and ....well...is basically holding up a sign for me.. ...I just thanked her and left..

 

But the point is, women do it all the time...Your example is kinda silly as a woman like that of course isn't going to be that direct, nor would she settle for some idiot on the street, but who knows? Maybe in her circles she sees what she wants and goes after it....

 

TFY

[GuitarGuy7]

I am not trying to marginalize your feelings. I know it hurts. I want only to speculate on what my feelings would be as a man, perhaps to give another perspective. I guess not, since it is mere speculation, but humor me.

 

I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach

 

 

That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.

 

I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO

 

 

Trust me when I say, it's not easy as think it is being a guy when it comes to dating. In fact, I could argue that women actually have it easier in dating.

 

For one thing, compare the online rejection rates. A decently attractive woman on Tinder matches with almost every single guy she swipes yes to. I mean you could write on your Tinder bio, "I sit on my asss watching teletubbies all day" and probably still match with everybody and easily get dates. A guy on the other hand, only matches with anywhere from 1 in 30 to 1 in 50 girls but this is only if he puts some serious effort into his pictures and bio. And lets just say he gets 30 matches, he may only wind up going on a date with 1 or 2 of them. But in order to get just 1 date, he has to go through a poop load of ghosts and flakes.

 

Secondly, you rarely hear about decently attractive women who can't get laid. Women are less likely to be virgins at older ages, and you could argue that they on average have more sexual partners. It's not uncommon for women to jump from guy to guy within a short period of time. A girl breaks up with her boyfriend, finds a f-buddy or FWB within a couple months, finds a new boyfriend within a year. It's rare for women these days to not have a guy in their life.

 

Thirdly if you're a guy, you're the one who's expected to ask for her number, ask her out on a date, go for the kiss etc... You think that's always easy if you're a shy guy? If you're a woman, you can afford to be shy, men will still approach you and do all the dirty work. But if you're a guy, then it's on you to get her number and setup a date because if you don't do it, she's not going to do it for you so you'll just simply miss your opportunity and another guy will take your place.

 

And rejection isn't as fun as it seems.

Edited October 29, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[Miss Spider]

Don't buy into that "5 cold approach a day" bullcrap...In fact, I watch guys out on the street doing this...Its no wonder they strike out all the time..Its not common....Only idiots do that...I mean,think about it.. only some desperate and undesirable fool would just start hitting on women like that...Anyone worth a shyt couldn't find 5 women that fit a certain criteria in an entire year, maybe more...So why bother hitting on all these women??

That may be true it's a bad strategy if it's done improperly and the guy doesn't have the 'tools' to be successful at it. A guy that's not that great looking going up to several women passing by and saying "hey girl hey hey you look good comere, can I get your number, hey where you going" is a bit sad. But those are the ones you see. Most guys are more subtle. They go up and talk to the girl a bit, hit some right buttons, then ask. Then they go to another location and do the same...?

Look...I get it....You are a bit timid...NOT every woman is like that, nor should you start to adopt that methodology...And maybe this is something that happens only in certain locales..

Perhaps. I will admit I have seen some acquaitances I've been out with flirt heavily with a guy, all over him at a bar, then ask for his number etc. It wasn't cute IMO and I don't think the guy seemed that impressed either, but I could be wrong.

 

 

But i've seen it on a number of occasions....Heck, even one time I was driving a truck and needed fuel. so I pulled off into this backwoods town somewhere and kinda got lost...I stopped in a local convenience and there was only a clerk(who didn't speak much English) and a woman who I hadn't even noticed at the time...I ask the guy for directions and he has no clue, I start walking out and the woman stops me and goes into this long winded explanation of how to get where I need to go,. then proceeds to ask a bunch of personal questions and ....well...is basically holding up a sign for me.. ...I just thanked her and left..

 

Not interested???

 

But the point is, women do it all the time...Your example is kinda silly as a woman like that of course isn't going to be that direct, nor would she settle for some idiot on the street, but who knows? Maybe in her circles she sees what she wants and goes after it....

 

TFY

TFY, This is what I mean. Illustrates my point. Why can't a woman like Monica Bellucci settle for some guy she sees on the street? Maybe she's not interested in all the cocky, successful celeb men in her "league" and she wants an unconventionally attractive, shy commoner? Stranger things have happened. And why wouldn't she be so direct? Handosme, successful men are this direct to women beneath their "league" all the time...Yes, because there's a double standard with men/women asking out. When a woman cold approaches a man he pretty much knows he has it in the bag. When a man cold approaches a woman out she wouldn't be far off in assuming she's one of many.

 

 

 

The grass is always greener on the other side.

 

I'd genuinely rather be a man. I know I'd be incredibly successful at it.

 

 

Women occasionally hit on me and I don't immediately jump to the conclusion they are a prostitute. Now, if you were incredibly hot and me being the average looking guy that I am, I might be a bit shocked if you showed interest without first getting to know me, but my self esteem would have to be real crap to assume you're a hooker.

 

Fair enough.

 

Easier said than done. We all have our gifts, and not everyone is gifted with charm. If some creepy lookin dude started trying to work on his charm, where do you think that will get him? Just some odd stares and a bunch of creeped out ladies.

 

I do not know what you mean by 'creepy looking dude'???? What's that mean? I've genuinely never seen anyone who looked creepy. Acted creepy, yes, buut looked? I understand there are limitations to improvement and that can make dating a bit harder, but I think anyone who worked on their charm would see improvement in their dating life.

You are pretty and I am a good BSer.

 

Sure, you can practice your talking a bit, and maybe I can work on my appearance some, but our gifts remain the same. It's no easier for men than it is for women, trust me.

Some people are born with gifts, but don't you believe that with depending on who you are and how much effort you are willing to put into it you can see A LOT of improvement? I was not born a musical virtuoso but I took piano lessons and now I can play pretty well. Maybe not as great as someone naturally gifted, but a huge improvement from not being able to play at all. Taking new hobbies, learning new things, even working on conversation skills can all make a guy more attractive. I've seen guys go up a few points based on a new hairstyle/clothing style alone.

 

It's only a numbers game when you don't have feelings for someone.

I also agree with you there. but Oneitis is another subject altogether. This is just approaching and asking out random girls Edited October 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

Trust me when I say, it's not easy as think it is being a guy when it comes to dating. In fact, I could argue that women actually have it easier in dating.

 

For one thing, compare the online rejection rates. A decently attractive woman on Tinder matches with almost every single guy she swipes yes to. I mean you could write on your Tinder bio, "I sit on my asss watching teletubbies all day" and probably still match with everybody and easily get dates. A guy on the other hand, only matches with anywhere from 1 in 30 to 1 in 50 girls but this is only if he puts some serious effort into his pictures and bio. And lets just say he gets 30 matches, he may only wind up going on a date with 1 or 2 of them. But in order to get just 1 date, he has to go through a poop load of ghosts and flakes.

Online dating is like another planet. I don't think it's the same as the real world and it's somewhat 'rigged'. I agree women have it a lot easier getting matches but that is because guys on there set the bar very low and basically throw darts at a board with a blindfold hoping ANYTHING sticks because most women are inundated with messages. A lot of them are also just looking for sex. Were you to control for guys who are matching for what many women on there want (relationship leading to marriage and kids)you'd see the woman actually has just as few matches. There's also the paradox of choice with women since they do have the illusion of so much to pick from they become very selective and overwhelmed so it leads to inaction or poor decision making.

Secondly, you rarely hear about decently attractive women who can't get laid. Women are less likely to be virgins at older ages, and you could argue that they on average have more sexual partners. It's not uncommon for women to jump from guy to guy within a short period of time. A girl breaks up with her boyfriend, finds a f-buddy or FWB within a couple months, finds a new boyfriend within a year. It's rare for women these days to not have a guy in their life.

Maybe not the "decently attractive" ones. I can't speak for them, but it's not easy for all women to get laid. I can speak to that. It's not easy for similar reasons as men. They are awkward or shy, have higher standards etc. Not all girls have the ability to do this. I don't know about most, but not all.

Thirdly if you're a guy, you're the one who's expected to ask for her number, ask her out on a date, go for the kiss etc... You think that's always easy if you're a shy guy? If you're a woman, you can afford to be shy, men will still approach you and do all the dirty work. But if you're a guy, then it's on you to get her number and setup a date because if you don't do it, she's not going to do it for you so you'll just simply miss your opportunity and another guy will take your place.

 

And rejection isn't as fun as it seems.

That's something the guy can improve. A girl can only look so attractive and wait for a guy she's attracted to find her attractive and ask her out. The rest is on him. (Yes, yes, I know she can approach but let's go by this narrative). If the guy is shy he can always try to break out of his shell and be more assertive. Not saying that it is fun or easy, but I believe people can push themselves outside their comfort zones and develop a thicker skins

Edited October 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[thefooloftheyear]

Trust me when I say, it's not easy as think it is being a guy when it comes to dating. In fact, I could argue that women actually have it easier in dating.

 

For one thing, compare the online rejection rates. A decently attractive woman on Tinder matches with almost every single guy she swipes yes to. I mean you could write on your Tinder bio, "I sit on my asss watching teletubbies all day" and probably still match with everybody and easily get dates. A guy on the other hand, only matches with anywhere from 1 in 30 to 1 in 50 girls but this is only if he puts some serious effort into his pictures and bio. And lets just say he gets 30 matches, he may only wind up going on a date with 1 or 2 of them. But in order to get just 1 date, he has to go through a poop load of ghosts and flakes.

 

Secondly, you rarely hear about decently attractive women who can't get laid. Women are less likely to be virgins at older ages, and you could argue that they on average have more sexual partners. It's not uncommon for women to jump from guy to guy within a short period of time. A girl breaks up with her boyfriend, finds a f-buddy or FWB within a couple months, finds a new boyfriend within a year. It's rare for women these days to not have a guy in their life.

 

Thirdly if you're a guy, you're the one who's expected to ask for her number, ask her out on a date, go for the kiss etc... You think that's always easy if you're a shy guy? If you're a woman, you can afford to be shy, men will still approach you and do all the dirty work. But if you're a guy, then it's on you to get her number and setup a date because if you don't do it, she's not going to do it for you so you'll just simply miss your opportunity and another guy will take your place.

 

And rejection isn't as fun as it seems.

 

 

So sure....practically any woman can get sex....They also have to be concerned that of those guys that are supposedly interested in them for more than just a place to park their dick, how many are just lying and using them? And, not to be dramatic, but basically every woman actively dating is potentially turning their life and personal safety and well being over to some guy that she barely knows in the hope she isn't getting used up and/or discarded when he gets tired of her or didn't even really like or care about her in the first place?

 

I know sex is hard to come by for some guys, but when you start to think about what it is that women are up against, then the perceived "advantage" isn't as great as it appears..

 

TFY

[normal person]

I personally think that we will all meet that special someone when we really stop making it a priority.

 

Do we all have to go on Tinder/Match.com etc. In real life. Perhaps we should just chill. I know its tough, but why should a lot of us stress in this area of our lives.

 

I think that Prayer and being open is the best way to be.

 

Respectfully disagree 100%.

 

That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird.

 

It might be a little off if you're so direct so just do it with subtlety. Really all you have to do is give some noticeable signs to a guy you like and he'll get the idea and act on it. 99% of the women I've ever been involved with either approached me or simply gave the sign that they were interested and presented the opportunity to act on it.

 

I honestly think this is a much better route for men too. With all this talk about rejection, it makes me feel like men are fighting the wrong battles. The success rate in trying your luck with random girls and just hoping they like you back for some unknown reason is akin to scratching lottery tickets trying to win money. Instead of just scratching off a hundred tickets, why don't you develop qualities or skills that people will want to pay you for and get get a job? As in, why not have some agency, stop giving women so much power over you, and start assuming power yourself? Why not give people reasons to like you and then just pick from that pool that do? You'll have a 100% success rate.

 

Trust me when I say, it's not easy as think it is being a guy when it comes to dating.

 

To what extent do you think your problems are the result of your gender, and not a result of you as an individual, the things you do, and choices you make? Because I'm a guy, and when I read your thread(s), they're so far removed from my experiences as a man that they sound like fiction to me. I don't have any issues dating and I can attribute most of that to things I've learned, work I've done, effort I've put in, compromises I've made, etc.

 

So moving away from the supposed inherent difficulty in "just" being a guy, what exactly are you expecting women to like about you? I ask because it seems like you're just scratching the lottery tickets hoping to win rather than working to earn a paycheck.

 

Thirdly if you're a guy, you're the one who's expected to ask for her number, ask her out on a date, go for the kiss etc... You think that's always easy if you're a shy guy?

 

This stuff isn't difficult for most people. It's commonplace. Maybe you're having so much trouble because you're expecting the world to cater to your circumstances. Being shy doesn't grant you any benefit of the doubt from people. You're just shy, that's the hand you're dealt, so you have to deal with it. Complaining won't help the matter any, it's just going to make you look worse. What does it matter if it's easy for you or not? Do you think women are going to feel bad for you and fall in love with you out of sympathy? It's like you're saying "You think algebra is easy when you suck at math?" and expecting your teacher to say "Oh ok, I'll just give you an A then."

 

Dating is basically a competitive meritocracy. You can't just expect things to happen for you just because you want them. You have to actually work for them even if it means being uncomfortable and disregarding how you feel. Just like your previous thread, it sounds like you're eager to complain about how hard things are, but not yet willing to do much about it.

[ZA Dater]

You are making two mistakes with your approach to dating. Fix these and you will have more success.

 

Yeah, getting rejected sucks, especially when you invested so much into one girl. That is one of your problems, investing too much into one girl. You should approach dating more like a fisherman. Get some good bait, cast it out, and wait to reel her in. Forget Sally down the road unless she already seems interested. I don't care how hot she is. Put yourself out there and learn to notice signals that ladies are interested. Investing your time and energy all into one girl who may or may not be interested just leaves you feeling like crap if she is not.

 

Another thing that makes rejection suck is the fact that you really aren't all that used to it. How many times have you been rejected in your life? Seriously? Unless you are an especially busy guy, I have likely been rejected more in just one evening. Back in the day when my friends and I would hit the town, I was the guy they used to draw the ladies in. Not because I was the best looking, but because I had the nerve to talk to women. On your average night out, I would approach any pretty girl that either my friends or I would find interesting. Nine times out of ten, I would get rejected, often harshly. Yeah, it hurt. Sometimes a lot. You know what, after a week or so of doing this, I no longer cared. By the end of that summer, if a girl rejected me, I always had a witty retort. Sometimes that would earn me a laugh was even occasionally enough to get her to rethink her rejection. Either way, I no longer care if some girl isn't interested in me.

 

Start by talking to random women everywhere. On the subway, in the deli, your cashier, all of them. I don't even care what they look like. Sometimes, you will notice they are into you. Learn to see that, and those are the women you ask out.

 

Personally I couldn't think of anything worse than asking someone out I don't find attractive at all, worse still finding out the only people who are into me are ones I don't find attractive.

 

 

Granted I am reading a lot into the statement and I agree one can chat to all and sundry, whether this actually helps get one a date is mute, it might however make a person more comfortable around people.

[ZA Dater]

Respectfully disagree 100%.

 

 

 

It might be a little off if you're so direct so just do it with subtlety. Really all you have to do is give some noticeable signs to a guy you like and he'll get the idea and act on it. 99% of the women I've ever been involved with either approached me or simply gave the sign that they were interested and presented the opportunity to act on it.

 

I honestly think this is a much better route for men too. With all this talk about rejection, it makes me feel like men are fighting the wrong battles. The success rate in trying your luck with random girls and just hoping they like you back for some unknown reason is akin to scratching lottery tickets trying to win money. Instead of just scratching off a hundred tickets, why don't you develop qualities or skills that people will want to pay you for and get get a job? As in, why not have some agency, stop giving women so much power over you, and start assuming power yourself? Why not give people reasons to like you and then just pick from that pool that do? You'll have a 100% success rate.

 

 

 

To what extent do you think your problems are the result of your gender, and not a result of you as an individual, the things you do, and choices you make? Because I'm a guy, and when I read your thread(s), they're so far removed from my experiences as a man that they sound like fiction to me. I don't have any issues dating and I can attribute most of that to things I've learned, work I've done, effort I've put in, compromises I've made, etc.

 

So moving away from the supposed inherent difficulty in "just" being a guy, what exactly are you expecting women to like about you? I ask because it seems like you're just scratching the lottery tickets hoping to win rather than working to earn a paycheck.

 

 

 

This stuff isn't difficult for most people. It's commonplace. Maybe you're having so much trouble because you're expecting the world to cater to your circumstances. Being shy doesn't grant you any benefit of the doubt from people. You're just shy, that's the hand you're dealt, so you have to deal with it. Complaining won't help the matter any, it's just going to make you look worse. What does it matter if it's easy for you or not? Do you think women are going to feel bad for you and fall in love with you out of sympathy? It's like you're saying "You think algebra is easy when you suck at math?" and expecting your teacher to say "Oh ok, I'll just give you an A then."

 

Dating is basically a competitive meritocracy. You can't just expect things to happen for you just because you want them. You have to actually work for them even if it means being uncomfortable and disregarding how you feel. Just like your previous thread, it sounds like you're eager to complain about how hard things are, but not yet willing to do much about it.

 

I cant actually believe I am typing this but I agree with most of the above especially the bold part. Not sure everyone can develop things which make people like you though, sure you can use superficial things but lets be honest not everyone is able to do this and I actually haven't found superficial things to be hugely helpful at times, what they do is give some sort of talking point which is useful.

 

 

I am told the most attractive quality is confidence and when you don't have it people see it instantly and I am told this often manifests itself in desperation. You need to just let getting rejected wash off you back, yes its a horrible feeling but you need to actually stop caring so much, if nothing else life goes on and you can focus on the next person if you so wish of take time better yourself before trying again.

 

 

Don't underestimate the fact you can better yourself, going through the process is actually good because chances are you will feel better about yourself and you can project that in the form of some confidence.

 

 

What wont me much praise around here is the belief that rejection can actually be the motivator for change, the motivator for betterment. In the last two years I have changed my outlook because I got rejected by someone I really wanted, that rejection forced me to sit back and say ok what can be do better, how can be better, its INCREDIBLY hard to do that sort of introspection but I believe its beneficial.

 

 

I still see her from time to time and I know she can see the change, I can see the way she interacts with me, she spends time with me and crucially I learn. Yes, she probably wont ever date me but I feel better now than I did before I started making changes

 

 

Nothing is truly impossible you just need to clear your mind and move forward but DONT give up when you look back.

[CptInsano]

[...]

 

That's something the guy can improve. A girl can only look so attractive and wait for a guy she's attracted to find her attractive and ask her out. The rest is on him. (Yes, yes, I know she can approach but let's go by this narrative). If the guy is shy he can always try to break out of his shell and be more assertive. Not saying that it is fun or easy, but I believe people can push themselves outside their comfort zones and develop a thicker skins

 

Why are you discounting that option? I wanted to reply to this thread earlier, but I was on my little netbook in a busy hotel lobby of a large hotel. I had responded to email, and plugged the netbook into an outlet at one of those bench seats that allow you to work in the lobby.

 

Two women were looking to sit somewhere, and I smiled briefly at them, quasi-signaling that I wouldn't mind if they sat at my table. They sat down, talked to one another while I was wrapping up what I was doing, and to possibly respond to something on LS. I would have talked to them once I was done.

 

But I didn't get the chance, as one of them flat-out asked me where I was from, what I was doing in this city and such. It turned out the two were sisters, quite funny and pleasant to talk to. If they weren't from a completely different part of the country I probably would have follow-up.

 

Most men are not delicate flowers that run for the hills just because a woman talks to us. I often find myself smiling at somebody, making my way over to her, and before I can even say something she starts talking to me. That is perfectly okay.

 

I've been with women not because they were primarily physically attractive, but because they were funny, smart or outright sexy. (And the latter also going beyond just the looks.) If you are a woman and a good conversationalist, then by all means use it.

[carhill]

I don't care what anybody says, rejection sucks.

It can if one places an emotional value on it. Hurt is an emotion, like fear, joy, sorrow, etc.

 

You really like a girl, you take some time to get to know her and then you finally ask her out and she says no and then she ends up falling for another guy. And I know you're not entitled to her attention, or you're not entitled to a girlfriend, but getting rejected still doesn't feel good. Who woudn't be upset?

Yeah, BTDT, and it took awhile to learn to get the rejection or acceptance out of the way early and not waste time 'getting to know' someone for mating purposes unless it was clear the interest was mutual. Most people learn that in their early teens. Some of us are stubborn or slow. I was.

 

The first time getting rejected isn't so bad. You can easily bounce back. But if you're getting rejected constantly, time and time again, then you start questioning yourself and you start to think something is seriously wrong with you.

Depends on the person IMO. We each assign emotional components individually. My recollection was rejection got easier over time and the most burning emotional memories that linger in the dark recesses of my old mind stem from those early and harsh rejections before people developed what we'd call adult manners. The dozens of later ones are kind of a blur, can't really remember any of them. Part of that was I believe women as they matured in my demographic learned how to reject someone in a friendly way, not a mean or cruel way. IOW, they grew up.

 

That's why I refuse to use Tinder. I had a bad experience back in 2015, just getting constantly ghosted by women. And I will admit, I had no idea how to text women, and how to ask girls out so no wonder I was getting ghosted. But I still felt really bad. Every time I got ghosted by a girl, it would ruin my day. Sometimes even my week.

OLD or dating apps can be brutal. It was the same back in the early days of internet dating, or phone dating/personals before that. However, it was a good way to put such conduits into perspective and become accustomed to not being attractive to everyone one liked or even anyone one liked. Good life lessons in that. There were also the scammers and married people. Oh, my, the married people

 

How do you even cope with rejection? I don't even know.

Humans aren't that important to me anymore. Been through the relationship/reproduction/marriage/divorce wringer. Good on folks who enjoy their relationships. If something comes around I see it as equal. Equally valuable if accepted or rejected. Yes or no doesn't make or break my day. In fact, I kinda like my day and it being peaceful. Tomorrow I might feel differently. Can't predict the future. It's the same with relationships. The future is unknown so why sweat it?

 

Sometimes I wonder if the pursuit of women is really even worth it. My dating woes have caused me years of pain, sadness, and feelings of being left out. The only reason why I haven't quit chasing girls is because i'm young and horny as ****. If I didn't want women as bad as I did, I would have quit chasing years ago. I would have been like screw this dating bull****, too much pain and frustration.

Yes, the mating urge is strong. It can be very frustrating. I took a break in my early thirties for about five years and focused on my business and traveling around the world and meeting ladies from different cultures and countries besides learning more about the world and life. Dating improved markedly after my return. There were more single women to meet since the married ones were getting divorced then, and rejection didn't pound me down like before. Solid relationships, even if not permanent, followed, as did marriage. In retrospect it was I who changed and whatever that change was apparently got rejected less. Adapt and overcome.

 

If you want to pair bond and reproduce, don't give up. Learn and keep trying. Else, there's a big world of life out there without women in it as romantic and sexual partners. Who knows, you could change the world. Happens

[Miss Spider]

Why are you discounting that option? I wanted to reply to this thread earlier, but I was on my little netbook in a busy hotel lobby of a large hotel. I had responded to email, and plugged the netbook into an outlet at one of those bench seats that allow you to work in the lobby.

 

Two women were looking to sit somewhere, and I smiled briefly at them, quasi-signaling that I wouldn't mind if they sat at my table. They sat down, talked to one another while I was wrapping up what I was doing, and to possibly respond to something on LS. I would have talked to them once I was done.

 

But I didn't get the chance, as one of them flat-out asked me where I was from, what I was doing in this city and such. It turned out the two were sisters, quite funny and pleasant to talk to. If they weren't from a completely different part of the country I probably would have follow-up.

 

Most men are not delicate flowers that run for the hills just because a woman talks to us. I often find myself smiling at somebody, making my way over to her, and before I can even say something she starts talking to me. That is perfectly okay.

 

I've been with women not because they were primarily physically attractive, but because they were funny, smart or outright sexy. (And the latter also going beyond just the looks.) If you are a woman and a good conversationalist, then by all means use it.

 

 

Nice.

 

I'm not saying women can't approach, it's challenging the idea if you're a woman you can "afford to be shy". Most shy women can't get easy sex if they run from all the offers just like most shy men can't get easy sex if they never ask out any women. It's a similar dilemma.

 

 

Women can approach and absolutely do, but asking out or propositioning a man is unusual where im at

Edited October 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[carhill]

I'm not gonna lie, if a hot girl approached me and started hitting on me, i'd probably think it was some sort of joke or some ulterior motive. Like she wants me to follow her to her house so I can get kidnapped?

 

If out of the ordinary, I'd say trust your instincts. I can relate the status of the three most significant experiences I've had:

1st and worst - turned out to be married.

2nd tried to suck me into an investment scam.

3rd was also married and I guess looking for an exit package. That last one occurred after I got divorced.

 

I'd say #1 and #3 were room stoppers. #1 was having mutiple affairs, she said later, when she met me. #3 could still an entire shop of men just walking out there in a sun dress. Saw her do it many times when she'd zero in on me. I was skeptical so played it out and, yup, married.

 

Because for us dudes, getting approached by women happens so rarely.

 

IMO, we only know our own experiences and they vary widely. Myself, no, I've never had a single/unattached woman approach me flirtatiously or ask me on a date. Conversation, sure. I've been all over the world and have met plenty of lovely and friendly women. Another guy could have a completely different experience and I can't read his mind. I never saw it as a detriment, rather customary in my demographic. Men pursue women for mating. Women choose and accept their mates. Demographics, and generations, vary.

[Miss Spider]

I guess part of the reason why this notion that all women can get sex easily is so offensive to me is because it goes directly against my own experience, yet it is so widely believed by men and often women. A statement about social behavior that includes the word "all" is almost guaranteed not to be true.

 

It would be akin a woman saying "all men can get a date if they want" and I never meant to imply that. Sadly, it's not the case, especially when you factor in extreme social awkwardness.

 

I'm sorry if I offended thread start er. I do understand

Edited October 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough