I've been in an affair with a married woman but this isn't quite a usual affair.

[Glowballddes2]

OK, so I ain't proud of this, but here goes... I've been in an affair with this married woman, who's 39 (I'm 35) for around 3 months now.

 

She's told me that her husband is gay, and a New Zealander who married her only so she could get US citizenship, claiming "I need to get a job in the US, and I need US citizenship, then I can renounce my New Zealand citizenship", and that her husband *has* a younger OM who's 24 (her husband's 36).

 

As it is, I also have a wife and a 5-year-old daughter.

 

This OW is like my wife, sort of, but wealthier and comes from Chicago (I moved from Manhattan to find work here!).

 

I screwed up, but find the affair so tempting it's hard to give up.

 

How can I stop myself screwing up[?? I've had to lie to wife about business trips and she's fell for it for months now.

[BettyDraper]

Stop yourself from screwing up the lies in order to continue the affair or stop yourself from cheating?

[1966Seahorse]

OK, so I ain't proud of this, but here goes... I've been in an affair with this married woman, who's 39 (I'm 35) for around 3 months now.

 

She's told me that her husband is gay, and a New Zealander who married her only so she could get US citizenship, claiming "I need to get a job in the US, and I need US citizenship, then I can renounce my New Zealand citizenship", and that her husband *has* a younger OM who's 24 (her husband's 36).

 

As it is, I also have a wife and a 5-year-old daughter.

 

This OW is like my wife, sort of, but wealthier and comes from Chicago (I moved from Manhattan to find work here!).

 

I screwed up, but find the affair so tempting it's hard to give up.

 

How can I stop myself screwing up[?? I've had to lie to wife about business trips and she's fell for it for months now.

 

 

Hi Glowballddes2,

 

The affair you are having with your O/W is addictive as you only get the "good bits" from her .... you don't know what she is really like - until you have lived with someone you don't know them fully. Everything is constantly rosy in "affair land".

 

Yes, you have screwed up, but you knew what you were getting yourself in to right from the start - rather than talking with your wife about whatever it is you are lacking with her in your relationship you chose to go down the path of cheating.

 

Why do your wife and daughter deserve to have a cheating husband/daddy? What have they done to you to deserve this?

 

Think of your own daughter fully grown up and married - if you found out her husband was cheating behind her back what would your reaction be? I guess you would want to kill him - no?

 

Your wife is "falling" for your lies at the moment - but how long do you think you can keep this up without her realising something is not quite right with you? These things do have a habit of surfacing at some point in time - and the aftermath will be very ugly and extremely hurtful.

 

The sensible way forward in all this - as you know, you don't need us telling you - is to end your affair immediately and work on your marriage. How would you react if you found out your wife was having an affair behind your back?

 

You need to work on you and your marriage .... if, in the future your marriage for whatever reason doesn't satisfy you, then you need to divorce before moving on to your next relationship.

 

Having an affair never solves anything.

 

I wish you well.

[burnt]

You are right in saying this is not the quite "usual" affair.

But that's only true for her. Her marriage is really not even a marriage. Given her unusual situation, assuming her "husband" knows of this affair, I don't consider her "affair" to be completely immoral. The only criticism I would have of her actions is that if she wants to have a relationship, she should have it with a single man, so that her actions are not hurting someone's innocent wife.

 

Your actions and affairs on the other hand are as usual as they get, as affairs typically go. What are your reasons for having an affair? You are bored, tempted, and wanting some temporary fun secretly on the side?

 

How can you stop? Consider the outcome and think very carefully:

 

There are only two possibilities:

 

1) The affair will be discovered at some point in the future by your wife. Then she will either dump you and get your kid separated from you or she will stay with you after going through hell. Either way, you will be seeing her destroyed for the rest of life and see the effect of all that reflected on your child. Not to mention you will burn out inside with the regret and guilt of hurting your family for a very long time, if not the rest of your life.

 

2) The affair will never be discovered. In that case, you will secretly live with your own guilt and dirty secret and know that you could not ever tell your own wife of your betrayal all the while she spends her whole life next to you. And that she never even knew that the father of her child did such a horrid betrayal of her trust. You will also cause unimaginable pain in your OW by choosing to stay with your wife and making her feel like a used sex toy stripped away of any dignity.

 

So, who will benefit in this affair?

NO ONE.

 

Every one will be hurt--you, your wife, your other woman, your children, your extended family--no matter which way you play this betrayal game.

 

So, play it if you want to.

I hope you don't.

[Glowballddes2]

My wife isn't the sort to have an affair, she preaches about how "loyalty is important in a relationship"... preaching like one of the clergy, very diddactically.

 

One of my brothers has been having an affair for 2 years [] so I've probably copied him. He's 3 years younger than me.

 

Can't say about daughter's husband having an affair, ffs, she's only 5, man!

 

BTW, MW's husband knows she's dating, but doesn't know I exist. MW told me that he married her only for US citizenship and has shown me emails/texts from him regarding this. MW's H looks like a younger version of James Comey, tbh. But with a six-pack, and in boxer shorts, I've seen the photos.

 

OW has been wanting to make our r/ship official, and actually said: "Your wife's obese, and probably looks like [] Brandi Glanville who's obese as trump, so dump her, you don't need a wife and kid, besides your wife's probably some pedo foisting her on other adults, so divorce your freaking psycho wife."

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[1966Seahorse]

If you read my post properly I said "think of your own daughter fully grown up (i.e. just use your imagination).

 

And, yeah, loyalty is important in a relationship - do you think it isn't?

 

If your O/W really said those words about your wife and daughter - WOW - do you really want to be associated with someone like that - she sounds charming - NOT!

 

[]

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote and topical content

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OW has been wanting to make our r/ship official, and actually said: "Your wife's obese, and probably looks like that skank we call Brandi Glanville who's obese as trump, so dump her, you don't need a wife and kid, besides your wife's probably some pedo foisting her on other adults, so divorce your freaking psycho wife."

 

She sounds amazing!!!!

 

You and your brother both need to shape up.

[Steen719]

 

OW has been wanting to make our r/ship official, and actually said: "Your wife's obese, and probably looks like that skank we call Brandi Glanville who's obese as trump, so dump her, you don't need a wife and kid, besides your wife's probably some pedo foisting her on other adults, so divorce your freaking psycho wife."

 

Wow, what a nasty piece of work she is. Yeah, blow up your life for her...she is a peach. Sheesh...really?

[wmacbride]

My wife isn't the sort to have an affair, she preaches about how "loyalty is important in a relationship"... preaching like one of the clergy, very diddactically.

 

One of my brothers has been having an affair for 2 years [] so I've probably copied him. He's 3 years younger than me.

 

Can't say about daughter's husband having an affair, ffs, she's only 5, man!

 

BTW, MW's husband knows she's dating, but doesn't know I exist. MW told me that he married her only for US citizenship and has shown me emails/texts from him regarding this. MW's H looks like a younger version of James Comey, tbh. But with a six-pack, and in boxer shorts, I've seen the photos.

 

OW has been wanting to make our r/ship official, and actually said: "Your wife's obese, and probably looks like that skank we call Brandi Glanville who's obese as trump, so dump her, you don't need a wife and kid, besides your wife's probably some pedo foisting her on other adults, so divorce your freaking psycho wife."

 

You sir, do not deserve your wife. If anyone, ANYONE ever aid something like that about my spouse, they would be getting s swift ass kicking from me.

 

How dare you allow her to bad mouth your wife?How dare you show her picture toy our ow.

 

btw, you ow sounds like a real winner. Stay with her, and just think of the fun you can have when she sleeps around behind your back.:sick:

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote

[wmacbride]

She also sound slike one of the ow who may just lose it when the affair ends.

 

It will alsl be your fault, your tempted/seduced her and she just couldn't say "no".

 

If she said something horrible like that about your wife when she is on her best behavior, what will she be like when she thinks she has you and she can let down her guard. Shes' going to make a great stepmother to your child ( not)

 

btw, her moral compass is obviously broken, regardless of whether or she is having an affair with you. Marrying a man who she knew is gay just so he can get his citizenship is really deceptive,and she agreed to do it What other lies is she capable of? In your shoes, I'd be calling her "husband" to verify her story.

[BaileyB]

[]I think you should leave your wife for this other woman... she does sound like a real peach. And, I would say both of your moral compasses are completely broken.

 

The winner in this situation would be your wife who stands to free herself from a dishonest, disloyal, and unfaithful husband.

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[pheonixrisen]

<snip>

OW has been wanting to make our r/ship official, and actually said: "Your wife's obese, and probably looks like [] Brandi Glanville who's obese as trump, so dump her, you don't need a wife and kid, besides your wife's probably some pedo foisting her on other adults, so divorce your freaking psycho wife."

 

What ?am I reading the last part right ?

 

Isn't your ow such a lady ! Good job .

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote

[wmacbride]

Indeed, IF this post is for real, I think you should leave your wife for this other woman... she does sound like a real peach. And, I would say both of your moral compasses are completely broken.

 

The winner in this situation would be your wife who stands to free herself from a dishonest, disloyal, and unfaithful husband.

 

True enough. He and the ow deserve each other.

 

Op, I know it might sound like we are ganging up on you, but there si something you need to understand.

 

A lot of the people who respond to you stood where your wife and child now stand. We were all asked to pay the price for our spouse's affair. We have all seen what it can do and felt how bad it can feel.

 

Right now, you are asking your wife and child to be your sacrificial lambs for a three month long affair? It sounds like you are just fine with your ow insulting your wife, ad I have to wonder if this has become a bonding thing for you and her. You both run down your wife and laugh at her behind her back. Did you even stand up for your wife, or were you too afraid to because it might spoil your fun?

 

She also thinks you don't nerd to be tied down by a wife and child, and your wife will likley give your daughter to a pedophile?

 

To quote you

"OW has been wanting to make our r/ship official, and actually said: "Your wife's obese, and probably looks like []Brandi Glanville who's obese as trump, so dump her, you don't need a wife and kid, besides your wife's probably some pedo foisting her on other adults, so divorce your freaking psycho wife."

Seriously, if I ever heard someone insult anyone like that, I would really question their personality and not want to have any dealings with them. I don't like nasty people. She sounds like a really trashy person. Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote