Wife and I disagreements increasing...

[WCSU1987]

Hi, so when my wife and I do come into disagreements it's usually one sided for the most part. Frustrates my wife, but that won't change. I feel if there is an issue let me know, but don't expect a response back. Let me simmer on it and avoid saying something I regret. My wife is not a huge fan when we disagree I step out.

 

Recent two arguments has been one wife feels I focus on myself more than her. I can tend to agree on this. I wanted to support my wife so went with her up to an admission interview for a nursing program applying to. Was under the weather and stressed with a pending career event later in the week so I was complaining a lot. I definetly became self-centered that day and I admit I was wrong.

 

However, our biggest issue is in regards to intimacy and pregnancy. My wife wants me to stop using condoms. Says she's on the half birth control, but still I don't want to chance a pregnancy. Add in she gets frustrated me wanting to wear condoms can ruin spontaneous romance.

 

Also with pregnancy wife wants to have children now. I want to wait. Originally hope I be in a nursing program, but didn't go as planned. So now making career changes. Wife and I agreed that when I finished nursing school in 2019 we focus on having children. I still want to have children by 2019 even earlier than the summer start in the beginning of the year. I hope by then we be set on our career paths, but if not it's not.

 

 

I want to get finances in order. Work on paying bills and saving money up for a house. Then focus on kids at that point.

 

Wife at times mentions divorces or says well if you make me wait I don't want kids anymore.

 

Any advice can give? Love my wife and been trying to make compromises.

[BaileyB]

Welcome, to you. A couple of thoughts...

 

You and your wife would really benefit from marriage counselling, if you would consider that as an option. I suggest this for two reasons.

 

First, you both need to learn how to communicate with each other. You saying "she can tell me what she wants, but don't expect a response..." I understand what you are saying, you want to think about it and not say something in the moment that you will later regret. But, to your wife... "Don't expect a response..." must sound really dismissive to her attempts to communicate.

 

Second, your wife needs to learn how to "fight fair." Throwing around ultimatums like "divorce" and "I've changed my mind about having kids" is immature and disrespectful to you.

 

Do not have kids until you are able to do both these things. The demands and the stress of children will only your problems more challenging...

 

I don't disagree with your plan though. Depending on your ages, it's generally wise to wait to have children until you are financially ready and settled in your careers. If you go to marriage counselling, this is something that you can discuss with a mediator who can help you to consider all thoughts and make a decision you both feel good about.

 

Best wishes.

[MidwestUSA]

OP, have you read any replies to any of your prior threads? I believe it would be helpful, as opposed to coming back repeatedly with the same complaints.

 

How about that therapy?

[Just a Guy]

Hi OP I went back and read some parts of your earliest threads. There have been red flags waving in the wind right from day one. Even the title of one of your threads was a pointer to the direction in which your relationship was going. It stated " Should we get Married"? I think there are a lot of irreconcilable differences between you two and they are not going to go away any time soon. To me reading your post on this thread and some of the earlier ones it seems that the two of you are pulling in two completely different directions. Also your wife seems manipulative and emotionally immature. I do not know why or how you were attracted to her but there may have been redeeming features to her which you have not mentioned.

 

Having said that I have to say that you have been given a truck load of good advice all through your threads but seem to have ignored or at least, not taken them on board. I frankly, would not be able to survive in a relationship like this and it is up to you how you plan on making it work. Nothing that people on this forum can tell you will work unless both of you are prepared to put in the hard work to settle your differences amicably and work as a team instead of being in a wrestling match with one another. By the way is English your native language or is it some other language? I ask because it may also be a cultural thing to have such differences of opinion between husband and wife. Warm wishes.

[ayoung73]

Compromise is great, but it needs to be reciprocal and you all need to be in agreement when going forward with your marriage. This is something you both need to work together on, something you both need to agree on and work toward. If this is something you’ve been working on for some time, maybe you need couples counseling. Have you thought to engage in such activity? Believe it or not it’s an excellent endeavor and I would recommend it. There are issues you need to discover and work on getting over, getting better, and improving your marriage.