mortensorchid Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 I am 42 (about to be 43 in a few months). When people ask me if I have ever been married, I say no I have not. But they are starting to ask me now why I never had kids. What, I didn't want them? The answer is no, I assumed that one day I would get married and have kids. Yes, I did want them. The answer is that I did not (and probably will not) get to have them. I am not depressed about this. You realize as you get older that it's not the most important thing, that it's really for the best if you never had them when you have had such terrible luck like I have with guys who won't commit, throw me over for some trashy girl who took them to the cleaners, not with the right man, etc. What do I tell others now when they ask "why didn't you want kids?" I do not ask others why they didn't have them, it's just not my business whatever their reasons are. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 I would never in a million years ask somebody this very rude question. I hope you get some suggestions for polite but firm comebacks here. "Do you always ask such personal questions?" comes to my mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 That's just rude. You have no reason to have to explain yourself and your life choices to these people. I can't wait until someone asked me this and I can respond with how my time in jail for assault and suspected cannibalism really set my social life back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 That's just rude. You have no reason to have to explain yourself and your life choices to these people. I can't wait until someone asked me this and I can respond with how my time in jail for assault and suspected cannibalism really set my social life back. Haha!!!! I was thinking mortenschild should get a crazed look in her eyes and say, softly and slowly, "ohhhh, I would not make a good mother......" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Oops, I mean mortensorchid. I always read it as "child." Which is actually quite funny consider this topic! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 It must be so frustrating. I make a point of never asking questions about when/if someone has/will be engaged/married/babies etc. I figure that if they wanted me to know their personal information, they'd offer it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 People who ask these types of questions have no boundaries. Any reply you give should be indignant. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 My friends MO/MO are married. We all used to work at the same company when we were in our early 20's. They have been married for 21 yrs. I was in the wedding party and helped them move. I have never asked them why they never had kids. We are all in our mid 40's. We don't have to know everything about a person. I am single and no kids. It has to be right for me to get married and have kids. There has not been a workable situation with me. Where I have met a woman I can gel with and we both can see and support each other for the long haul. I have friends/aquaintances/high school classmates that are divorcing./divorced. I don't know whats going on. I think that maybe because we are living longer. We are more restless and we are supposed to be with lots of people in our lifetimes. All marriage/Kids do is slow it down. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 (edited) Its hard to be impartial on certain things - religion, race, culture, politics...having kids. What I mean is its hard for people to see others view points, beliefs, or perhaps circumstances. People either expect everyone has kids (just something they do)... or as in my case it was critical to my life goals and was so hard to make it happen.I have one bio and one step child. I have been asked "just the one (bio)?" and its hurtful because I wanted more for sure, and I am depressed I did not. I know many parents who of course love their kids (most parents do on some level) but I don't think many of them really enjoy or more specifically are generally fulfilled by having them. I think they just had them - because that's what you do - you get married and have kids. Also for a subset of parents who really are focused on being a parent as a fulfillment - their kids have been actually not very concerned about them. Sometimes you have kids which by random genetics or what ever - are selfish cruel damaged little pricks. Kids are like a box of chocolates - ya never know what your going to get I do sometimes fall into asking people -"do you have kids?" as just a common conversation point. I would never ask "why", but when people say "no I dont have kids" - I will admit their is sometimes and awkward pause. I am not sure if its okay to talk about mine - or shift to something else I enjoy or that brings meaning to my life. However, sometimes having kids are all the meaning some people have in their lives. Edited October 30, 2017 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Oops, I mean mortensorchid. I always read it as "child." Me too! Viggo "Mortensen's child" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I'd so have his baby.... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 What do I tell others now when they ask "why didn't you want kids?" Just tear up and run off crying. They will never ask again, guaranteed. In fact they'll probably apologise for being so nosy/rude. Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I do not think that is a question you should ask anyone unless you have a close relationship with them. In which case, you probably know the reason anyway. The answer to that question can be extremely personal, especially for women, and in some cases even traumatic. For instance still births, multiple miscarriages etc. Anyone who just asks that question of an acquaintance or virtual stranger is insensitive. Look them in the eye and say ‘that’s very personal and I would rather not talk about it’. Then consider if they are someone you want to have anything to do with again. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 people ask me personal **** all the time. like how i feel about something someone in my family(that i'm estranged from) wrote about on facetweet/ instabook) and i always answer the same way: it's to painful for me to talk about, please don't mention that subject again. end of. period. well, that's what i say now, i used to say, "how dare you or none of your business". and well before that, before i did marry and have children, both biological and non official adopted orphans, i'd make up horrid fascinating untrue stories. like the love of my life is in the mafia and how his honor forbid him to put me in danger, how my uterus is twisted and upside down, how i carry the gene for ...(insert whatever you like). or, you can just start to cry. tear up, sob and excuse yourself. believe me, they'll start avoiding the topic and you as well, if you're lucky. up to you. you can't stop them asking...the first time anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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